Emery’s POV

My whole body felt numb as I stared blindly ahead at the wall, completely oblivious to the movie Brian had put on over an hour ago. I could feel every dull throb of my heart, each beat reminding me of my sad existence while my sister lay on her deathbed in the next room. It was my fault—all of it. Jo’s injuries, my injuries, it was my punishment for being so rebellious.If I would have just listened and followed directions with the Vipers, none of this would have ever happened to her… she wouldn’t have to suffer.

I took in a shaky breath and momentarily closed my eyes, trying to fight the tears that wanted to come. The guilt and the pain had been weighing hard on me ever since Brian took me to see Jolie two days ago. I couldn’t bear to see her look so frail and lifeless. It was almost like I was staring at a corpse instead of my beautiful sister and I couldn’t handle that. The thought of losing her was killing me more than the terrifying memories the Viper’s had left behind.

Ever since I returned to the Avenged compound, I felt empty, terrified, and useless all at the same time and I had no idea what to do or even think. It was like the weight of the world was sitting on my chest, suffocating me with memories of all the terrible events that happened at the Viper compound. So much so all that remained was a numbness that left me feeling worthless. Maybe it was my body’s way of trying to recover from the Viper incident, or even a defense mechanism to help deal with the guilt and pain I felt over Jo, or possibly even extreme exhaustion. I hadn’t slept in over two days now, but it was better that way.

You see, every time I closed my eyes it was like the nightmare was happening all over again. I was trapped in the Viper compound and all I could see was that disgusting face coming at me, telling me I was Viper property and my sister was dead. I woke up screaming every time with my heart thundering in my chest, tears streaming down my cheeks, and sweat dripping down my face. The memory seemed to be on replay in my mind and no matter what I did, it wouldn’t go away.

The only thing that seemed to be able to bring me out of my own personal form of hell were those haunting brown eyes. Whenever I saw them, all my fears washed away and I knew that I was safe in his arms. Brian was my protector, and the only one that I could fully trust.

“Is she still in there?” I heard Jimmy’s voice ask from the next room as Brian let out a loud snore.

I looked down at Brian’s sleeping form next to me on the couch, gently letting my fingers run over the stubble on his face. He had been by my side ever since my rescue, not leaving me alone for a second. I needed to thank him for rescuing me, for protecting me, comforting me, and being so patient. He had been nothing but wonderful ever since the rescue and for that I owed him for everything, including my life. I was undoubtedly his whether he was ready for that or not.

“What do you think?” Zacky replied. I could hear the smirk in his tone but I didn’t care. “She’s Gates’ shadow. Wherever he goes, she goes.”

“Can you blame her?” Johnny chimed in. I could see the shadow of his Mohawk on the wall from the kitchen and I tucked myself more into Brian. I hoped they didn’t come into the living room because I didn’t have willpower or energy to deal with any of them. I knew they meant well but I just felt broken didn’t want to talk to anyone. “I can’t image she’d want to be alone after what she’s been through. We all heard her screams that first night...”

My breath hitched in my throat at his words, my heart racing with panic. My mind instantly flashed back to the vivid dream of Joey holding me against my will, the knife blade stabbing into my throat, slicing into my skin. I woke up screaming just before he took the last ounce of my dignity away from me. Brian was able talk me back down, but it took a while. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to sleep again since I was terrified to shut my eyes.

“Leave her alone, Rev,” Zack said, his shadow looming in the hallway just feet away. I could see him reach out and grab Jimmy’s shirt, preventing him from coming in.

“What? She hasn’t eaten anything, let alone said more than five words today,” Jimmy hissed. “We cant just let her sit in there and stare off into space like the shadow ninja’s captured her brain! We’ll never get her back!” I could feel his gaze on the side of my face and I looked blankly at the TV screen as my level of anxiety began to rise. I just wanted to be left alone.

The truth was I hadn’t really spoken to anyone since my rescue, not even Brian. I kept mostly to myself, trying to figure out a way to deal with everything that happened with both my sister and I. Thankfully Brian and the guys had been patient with me until now and hadn’t forced the topic of what happened at the Viper compound. I didn’t want to talk about… hell I didn’t even want to think about it. Too bad it wasn’t that easy to clear that nightmare from my mind.

“Rev’s right, she’s needs to eat and start getting back into a normal routine,” Johnny chimed in. “From what I’ve read, people that suffer trauma heel quicker if they engage in physical activity, talk to others, and find ways of assurance and safety after what happened. Plus, if she gets any thinner we’ll have to hook her up to an IV and you and I both know that wont go over well with her or Gates.”

I took in a sharp breath as I thought about someone stabbing needle into my arm and my mind instantly flashed back to Joey and the knife. I bit my bottom lip, pinched my eyes shut, and touched the bandage covering the stitches on my arm, willing the image away. My chest quickly heaved up and down with anxiety as I tried to calm myself. Happy thoughts… think of the beach… think of Jo…

“You can’t just force her to talk though,” Zack said with his mouth full. Must be the three of them were eating dinner while Matt what sitting with my sister. “God knows what kind of hell those sick fucks put those girls through. Do know if she’s talked to Gates?”

Oh, no… please don’t start talking about this. It was the last thing I wanted to hear, especially since it made all those demons return. My eye quickly darted around the room, trying to find some kind of escape or distraction as fear coursed through my veins.

I heard a loud sigh as I gnawed on my lip, trying to think of an escape. Think about the beach… the sunset… those brown eyes… “Not that I know of. He only said she had been through a lot and wasn’t doing very well dealing with it,” Jimmy sighed, his voice much calmer and solemn. “When I saw her that first night, she didn’t look good.”

“She didn’t have any clothes on when he found her either…” Johnny said softly and suddenly I couldn’t breath. “I can only assume that they…” he trailed off. “And you’ve all seen the bruises and cuts as evidence…”

“You don’t think they did that Jolie too, do you? Not on top of the stab wounds?” Zack asked grimly and suddenly I felt like I was choking. No air would enter my lungs and I gasped for air, trying to control the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks.

No… no, no, no! Those monsters couldn’t have raped Jo and ripped her to shreds too! They just couldn’t have! If I couldn’t forgive myself for putting her in harms way before, I certainly couldn’t now. There was no way she would be able to bounce back from all of that… not if they did that to her too… God this was all my fault!

I pinched my eyes shut, trying to forget what I just heard. The only problem was that as soon as the darkness took over, I was reliving the nightmare I was trying to escape. Suddenly I was back in that small, dark, and musty room and there was a bright light shinning down from the ceiling.

There in middle of the room was Joey hovering over my sister with that long jagged knife. He had stripped her completely naked and was taunting her the same way he had me. Only this time there were two men holding me against my will, forcing me to watch the sick bastard violate my sister.

I could hear the cries ripping from her throat as I sobbed uncontrollably, my captors holding my face and forcing me to watch the gruesome scene in front of me. A pair of dirty hands grabbed my face and craned my head back toward her as we both begged for them to stop.

“Get away from me! Stop this! Please stop!” I screamed, squeezing my eyes shut as their hands ran over my face. I was kicking and punching as hard as I could, trying to free myself. I had to save Jo from those monsters! “LET GO OF MEEE!”

“Em? Em?” I heard a voice call next to me but I didn’t respond. I shook my head and pushed away the arms that were trying to secure me. I felt trapped and violated all over again and I couldn’t deal with it, especially with the guilt I felt over Jo.

“LET ME GO! FUCKING LET ME GO!”

“Em… love, please open your eyes. You’re safe… I’m here,” the deep voice continued to sooth as I heard loud sobs erupting around me. No… he had done it… he had hurt the one person who meant the most to me.

“NO! PLEASE…LET ME GO!!” I screamed, squeezing my eyes shut and pushing hard against the person trying to restrain me.

“Em, open your eyes. You’re safe; no one is going to hurt you. It’s not real… please babe, look at me,” the deep voice said again, holding my face gently. “Please… I promise you’re safe. Open those beautiful blues…” the voice was almost begging. I wanted more than anything to trust it but I didn’t know what to believe. “Please… trust me, Em. Look at me…”

I could feel the tears pouring out of my eyes as I slowly willed them to open, not sure of what was real and what was a terror anymore. I prayed that this wasn’t some trick to break me down even further because I honestly didn’t know if there was anything left to break.

As I opened my eyes, I saw Jimmy, Johnny, and Zack standing in the living room looking back at me with horrified expressions on their face. They looked like they had seen a ghost and I wasn’t sure what to think. I took a shaky breath I looked down to see myself engulfed in Brian’s arms, and within and instant I felt safe and secure.

“Hey,” I heard Brian’s deep voice rumble in my ear as he moved my long blonde hair out of my face. My chest was heaving up and down as his calloused fingers ran up and down my back in a comforting way. I felt his nose nuzzle the side of my face and I took a deep breath, a calm washing over me as I inhaled his mouthwatering cologne. “You’re safe, Princess. I promise I wont let anything happen to you.”

I forced another shaky breath into my lungs before I felt those calloused finger’s gently pulling my chin up, forcing me to look into his dark brown eyes. As soon as our eyes met, all of my fear washed away. The truth was, he was the only one I felt comfortable around right now. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was the one that ended up rescuing me from Joey and the Vipers or because I knew that my heart belonged to him. Either way, he was the only I could rely on.

“There’s my, girl,” he said with a small smile as our eyes met. I couldn’t help the light blush that crept over my cheeks, sending warmth throughout my body. “No one’s going to hurt you again. You’re safe with me and no matter what happens, I will always be here for you.”

I licked my lips and nodded slowly as Brian pulled me back into his arms, hugging me tightly. “I-I don’t—they didn’t—they couldn’t…” I rasped, shaking my head.

“Shhh… it’s okay, Em. You’re safe,” he continued and pulled away shaking my head frantically.

“Jo… they-they…” I stammered, trying to explain through the tears. “She—”

“She is safely sleeping in Matt’s room,” Brian explained, his fingers running through my hair as I pressed myself into his chest. “I promise she is safe. She will wake up soon.”

We sat quietly for a few minutes as Brian slowly rocked me back and forth. I didn’t know if the other guys were still in the room, either way I didn’t really care. I just cuddled into Brian and let the tears ease. My fingers gently twisted a lock of hair on the base of his neck as he hummed a tuned I had never heard before. It was soft, gentle, soothing, and honestly the most perfect thing I had ever heard.

“I know you’ve been through a lot and I wish I could take it all away, babe,” he whispered in my ear when he finished the song. “Just know that I will never let you go… not now, not ever again. I love you, Em.”

I froze in Brian’s arms and my breath caught in my throat. His words made my heart stop momentarily. Did I really hear him correctly? I opened and closed my mouth as I slowly pulled away from him to meet his eyes. My heart was now thundering in my chest as I sat there gapping at him, my ears and my brain working to register and translate his words. I blinked a few times, trying to find my voice because I was sure I had heard him correctly. “W-What?”

Brian cupped my face with his calloused hands before I could even register what he was doing. His browns intently looked down into my swimming eyes, a very serious and almost scared look coming over his face. “I love you, Emery,” he said softly, pressing his forehead to mine, his gaze growing in intensity. He looked like he was afraid that I was going to disappear before his eyes. “And I wont let anything happen to you ever again. You don’t have to be afraid.”

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish out of water as a whole new wave of emotions came over me. He really loved me? Even after everything that happened with the Vipers? It was the one thing I wanted and now that he was finally admitting it to me, I couldn’t help but feel like it was a cruel joke. No one could love the mess I had become, especially when I couldn’t separate fact from fiction right now. I was a damaged good that didn’t deserve love, not when I let my sister down so badly.

My heart ached painfully as I met Brian’s eyes. Brian’s chocolate orbs were filled with so much promise, so much truth, and so much love. Love that I didn’t deserve… Even though I craved his affection like a drug, I couldn’t accept it.

“Em?” Brian asked with a light frown. “What is it?”

My heart screamed for me to mutter those three little words back but I couldn’t find my voice. I knew I loved him but it was like my body was afraid of the repercussions of admitting my feelings. Not to mention that the guilt I felt over letting down the one person I loved the most. Would I do that to Brian too? I would never be able to live with myself if I got him hurt. I loved him too much for that…

“Talk to me, Princess.” Brian was practically begging, his expression a mix between confusion and pain. “I’m here for you. I mean it.” His eyes were bearing down into mine and all I could do was nod. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I also didn’t want to be the reason he got hurt. “Please say something—”

“She’s awake! She’s awake!” Zack’s voice yelled, causing both Brian and I to turn and look at him.

“J-Jo’s awake?” I asked quietly, no believing my ears. My heart was thundering in my chest all over again as I scrambled out of Brian’s arm.

“Yes, the doctor is looking her over now,” he said happily as I quickly darted down the hall.

I could hear footsteps sounding behind me as I bolted down the hall. I had to see my sister, had to prove to myself that I hadn’t lost her forever, that she was safe and alive. She was the one thing that mattered the most to me in this life and I couldn’t stand seeing her hurt.

“Em wait! She’s still with the doctor,” Brian said, grabbing my hand just before I reached the door. He spun me around so fast that collided into his chest. “We can’t barge in there just yet. You will see her I promise, just let the doctor come out first.”

“No.” I pushed myself away from Brian’s chest and shook my head. “I need to see her now… I need to talk to her… hear her voice.”

“I know, babe. It will be just a minute,” he said, gently pulling me back into his arms. I couldn’t help but melt into him, enjoying the comfort, warmth, and feeling of protection that he provided. “Just be patient and remember that she will probably be really tired.”

“I don’t care,” I vowed, looking up into those brown eyes. “I just need to see her,” I practically whispered, knowing the he didn’t understand all the emotions that were coursing through my veins.

By the time the doctor opened the door and I pushed my way past an arguing Matt, Jolie’s eyes were closed again. No, she couldn’t have fallen back asleep, not when I needed her the most right now! I chewed my bottom lip as I sat down the edge of her bed.

Jo looked so small and fragile on that large bed, plugged in with all those wires and tubes. It was almost like she was some kind of science experiment in one of those old black and white horror movies my father used to watch. Never in a million years did I ever think that I would be living one. But here I was, living my own personal form of hell.

“Jo… please…please wake up again,” I practically begged, the tears forming in my eyes. “I need you, Jo. You’re all that I have and I miss my sister… I-I need to talk to you…”

I took in a shaky breath and tried to swallow the tears that wanted to fall. I was so sick of crying. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before the Vipers… before everything blew up.

“Please Jo…” I sniffed before her hand gently squeezed mine.


Matt’s POV

“Stop fucking standing there and do something! I growled, pacing the room behind the Berry brothers and the so-called doctor they called in. They were whispering back and forth while Jolie lay there bleeding all over the table. Weren’t they going to do something?

“They are relaying information. Will you calm down?” Zack said, putting a hand on my shoulder. His face was swollen and bruised from our fight earlier but I didn’t give a damn. The only thing I cared about was the woman clinging to life on the other side of the room.

“Calm down? You want me to fucking calm down?!” I raged, taking a menacing step toward Zack. He instantly stepped back and looked down at the floor. He knew better than to push me any further right now. “How can I calm down when the woman I fucking love is bleeding to death on the fucking table and this asshole is just standing around talking?!”

I let a loud roar and ran my hands over my face. This whole thing was maddening and if she didn’t pull through, I didn’t know what I was going to do.

I still couldn’t believe I let this happen. How could Jo have gotten so badly injured under my watch? I was supposed to protect her but I couldn’t even do that. I was useless and terrified that I would never get her back. God, I didn’t know what I would do if she didn’t pull through this. That woman was my life and I couldn’t go back to the way life was without her. I physically needed her with me to stay sane, and right now I was losing my mind with her in this condition.

My eyes darted helplessly around the room, everything moving in slow motion. There was blood everywhere—covering Jolie, the Berry brothers, and myself. I could feel the dried flakes on my skin but I didn’t dare leave Jolie’s side, not when I didn’t know if she still be with us when I returned. No, I wasn’t going anywhere and I was going to make sure she pulled through this. She had to…

“Ms. Shadows? Can you hear me?” The doctor said, reaching down to start working on Jo. It was about fucking time. I quickly made my way back over toward the bed to make sure this guy didn’t do anything unnecessary. I didn’t know him and I didn’t trust him. “Ms Shadows? If you can hear me give me a sign.”

“Careful! Don’t touch her so roughly,” I snapped, watching his hands move around her fragile frame.

“I didn’t touch her at all, Sir,” the man replied and I let out a growl. He wasn’t going to fucking mess with me, that was for damn sure!

“You better watch it,” I snarled, getting right in the doctors face. He just raised a brow at me turned back to Jo.

“What’s her first name?” he continued, setting me on edge. Why did he need to know that? It didn’t fucking mater! All he needed to do was fix her and bring her back to me!

“None of your business,” I growled before Zack’s voice sounded behind me.

“Jolie, her name is Jolie,” Zack said. “Calm the fuck down, Shads. He is here to help.”

I knew Zack what right but I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing Jo and having that as a possibility was driving me insane. I had failed her, that much was clear from the amount of blood around the room. But losing her… that was something that I wasn’t able to accept.

“Jolie, if you can hear me, please move your hand,” The doctor said, pulling me from my thoughts. My breath caught in my chest as I stared down at those blood-covered hand praying for the slightest movement.

“Come on babe… please move your hand,” I practically begged, my heart breaking with each passing second she was unresponsive. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest and beat from the useless organ was more agonizing than the next.

After a moment the doctor hung his head and then gave a small nod. “I need everyone to clear the room. I am going to have to operate to make sure there is no more internal bleeding.”

“Leave you alone with her, are you fucking crazy?” I snapped, not ready to give up on her. “No fucking way!”

“Shads,” Zack said softly, pulling on my arm. “Come on.”

“Fuck no! I don’t trust this bastard for a second!”

“If you want her to live, get out now,” The doctor said, meeting my eye for the first time since he arrived. Something about the look in his eyes told me that he was dead serious and she didn’t have very long to wait.

“Come on, Shads, let’s get you cleaned up. The Berrys will come get us when we can see Jo again,” Zack said, leading me down the hallway as a numbness washed over me. It was like my whole world was crashing down around me and I had no control.

“I don’t need your help,” I snapped, pushing past him and Berry brothers. I needed to be alone for a minute and I didn’t need my men to see me break down.

By the time I got to bathroom my heart was throbbing painfully in my chest and my palms were all sweaty. My whole body ached and I didn’t know what to do with all these feelings and emotions that had built up inside me. I felt like I was going to burst and I had no idea how to handle it. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes, my heart feeling like it was now in my throat. How could I have let all of this happen?

As looked at my battered and bloodied reflection in the mirror, the realization of everything hit hard. I could really lose Jo from this and it was all my fault. I could feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces. I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t move; I couldn’t do anything. I was completely crushed. The feeling could only be described as being shot directly in the heart, and I had caused all this. If I would have just listened to Jo and had fun on the beach that day… she would still be sleeping in my arms right now.

“No…fuck no!” I shuddered, the shock of everything catching up with me now that I was alone. I covered my mouth with my hand and let out a strangled cry, shaking my head at my disgusting reflection. “It-It can’t be true… I can’t fucking l-lose her…” I whimpered, my eyes burning with hot tears. I had never experienced this before, the hot burning acid in the corner of my eyes trying to escape.

I sucked in a ragged breath and closed my eyes, the hot tears running down my cheeks for the first time.

“Shads? Shads?”

I shook my head to see Gates standing next to me with a raised brow. “Huh?” I asked, my tone tired. I was exhausted but I couldn’t let myself fall asleep, not when Jo had finally woken up.

“What did the doctor say?” He asked, his eyes watching Jolie and Emery across the room. Both girls were lying in the bed talking quietly and I couldn’t help but smile. We were going to get through this… all of us.

“He said we just need to make sure she had minimal movement, keep her hydrated, and change her dressing every six hours. We need to keep the wound clean. Though he said as long as she doesn’t get an infection, she’s through the worst of it,” I explained, unable to stop the smile from coming over my face. Jolie was going to live and be with me for the rest of my life, I would make sure of it.

“That’s great fucking news,” Gates clapped my shoulder and returned my smile. “She gave us a scare there for a while, but at least all those Viper bastards paid for it.”

“I can’t believe we let those fuckers get to them in the first place,” I grumbled, still feeling guilty and angry about the whole situation. It never should of fucking happened and now I was never going to let Jolie out of my sight again, even if it meant giving up the Avenged empire. I didn’t need the gang life when I had her. “How is Emery holding up?”

Brian sighed and ran his hands over his face. “Not very good.” He looked exhausted and I knew exactly how he felt. “She keeps having night terrors and is refusing to sleep, or really even eat. I think part of it is she was worried about Jo, but I’m not sure. She hasn’t said much,” he admitted. “It wasn’t a good situation I found her in. Thankfully I put a bullet through that fuckers head so he can’t even think about her again,” he growled, clenching his fists and locking his jaw.

I shook my head as he continued. “I don’t know what to do to help her…” he admitted, his tone almost desperate. I raised my brow and looked over at him. Gates had never in his life showed concern for anyone besides himself, let alone a girl. Had the little blonde claimed his heart too?

“Give her time,” I shrugged. “It’s all we can do, especially when we don’t know what those bastards did to them besides beat them to a pulp.” I clenched my fists at the thought of that guy slicing Jolie like she was a piece of meat. I was glad he suffered.

“Oh, Jo…” Emery’s cry sounded, interrupting our conversation. Both Gates and I turned toward the girls on red alert, my heart jumping nervously in my chest. The two girls were holding onto each other, tears pouring from their eyes.

“I’m so sorry…” she whimpered. “It-It was all my fault… I-I didn’t follow directions and-and they-they made you pay…”

Notes

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