Come Back to Me

“Hey you,” he said. It was Zack....aka Zacky Vengeance; rhythm guitarist of Avenged Sevenfold. I just sat there, mouth slightly agape, my face inches away from his. All I could do was look him in the eye....I could feel his gaze pulling me deeper into him. That was a problem for me seeing how he had the most beautiful emerald eyes that you could easily get lost into. It's almost as if God purposely gave this man those gorgeous orbs, giving him the ability to hypnotize anyone who looks into them causing them to lose themselves into a sea of green, thus becoming the slave of Zacky Vengeance. I somehow got lost again in my own little world because the next thing I see is Zack waving his hand back and forth in front of my face. I blink simultaneously and shake my head before rubbing the palm of my hand against my forehead. He chuckles lightly then reaches over and ruffles the hair at the top of my head like I'm some sort of kid. I'm only 3 years younger than him yet he treats me more like a little sister sometimes and it aggravates me to no end. At least I don't get ragged on as much as Johnny. He and I are the same age but the other guys are always tormenting the poor guy incessantly. They do it out of love though.

“Zoning out again I see. Maybe you should get that checked out or something, wouldn't want that to affect your playing.” He just smiled at me like he always does. Damn it, it's so hard to stay mad at him whenever he flashes that sexy smile of his. His full luscious lips (that would make any thin lipped woman envious), his bottom one sporting two shiny snakebites which he would lightly suck on every so often when he was concentrating on something. My eyes then moved up to his nose where he also had his septum pierced. His messy, shaggy black hair barely covered those green orbs of his and was just short enough, but not too long, for his small stretched earlobes to peek through. Usually too many piercings on a person was a major turn off for me...I never fully understood the desire of people wanting to constantly mutilate their bodies but for Zack it seemed to work for him. Shit, I'm phasing out again....I better say something before Zack becomes frustrated with my silence and just gets up and leaves. I just playfully roll my eyes at him before looking down in my lap, pulling at a loose thread in my jeans.

“Zack, did you not witness what had happened earlier? I got my ass chewed off from staring into space obviously affecting my performance.” I wasn't mad at him....he knew that. I was just frustrated with my constant screw ups whenever I had to perform.

I knew if I kept this up, the quartet would surely kick me out of the group. They all loved me but in order for us to be successful and reach the top, everyone needs to be focused and professional. They don't have time for amateurs and people who play at a higher level make beginner mistakes and I knew they were slowly losing their patience with me. I hated the fact that I was such a perfectionist, but I guess if you choose to be an artist you have to be prepared to perfect your technique, your movement, your sound.... otherwise your talent goes unrecognized. Zack just listened to my ranting not even offended at how I raised my voice at him. He just leaned in a bit closer as he lazily draped his arm over the back of the couch behind me and smiled again....damn that smile of his.

“Oh I saw. Everyone saw. But Mina is right....you are too hard on yourself. I mean look at me.....I fuck up at times too, even when we're live on stage in front of thousands of people but I don't let it get to me. You just have to stop, take a breather to clear your mind, then pick up your instrument and play your heart out. You have to learn from your mistakes and then get past them or you'll go insane....that's the only way you're going to make it as a musician....and you have it in you....I know how dedicated you are. And don't let Katherine get to you....yes criticism is useful, but too much can take the fun out of performing. You don't want to be a robot do you?”

“Umm, well.... look at Jascha Heifetz....considered to be among the greatest violinists of the twentieth century. He barely ever moved any part of his body when he performed yet he still managed to sound like a God,” I say with a hint of annoyance in my voice.

I lean back into the back of the couch, moving into the same position I was when I first sat down and was abruptly disturbed from my nap before adding, “of course I always had this theory that he couldn't possibly even be human.” As I roughly bang the back of my head against the top frame of the couch I feel Zack's draped arm now slowly shift down, barely hanging over my right shoulder. I suddenly have the temptation to lean in more towards his body but quickly retract my decision to avoid him from possibly scooting away from me.

When I notice the hint of silence between us I sit up again meeting his gaze, my mood a bit more calm but still slightly on edge. “I'm sorry for being so bitchy Zack. I'm just stressed out as hell, what with my group having an upcoming performance in 2 weeks not to mention doing this gig with you guys on the side. Don't get me wrong I love working with you but the constant rehearsals and individual practicing can take a lot out of me. Every time we have a scheduled performance Katherine has this need to want to rehearse for 5+ hours every day until said performance....it's almost as if she get's off on our suffering. If I practice too much then I become physically tired resulting in me making multiple mistakes in my playing just like you saw earlier today.”

Zack just laughs and softly rubs my shoulder. “You're not being bitchy Kels, in fact I find it sort of cute when you get that pissy look on your face.” I shoot him a confused look in response to that statement. Did he just say I was cute? He nods his head at me as if to answer the question I was just asking myself before continuing, “I understand what you're going through and it's tough. Being a professional musician isn't easy because you have to perform better each time after every performance, challenging yourself and wanting to work harder....kind of like wanting to beat your own record.”

I had always admired his work and dedication that he puts into his music. I admire all five of them and now that I think about it I really have no right to complain.....they do so much more than we do. They practice and rehearse yes, but then add onto the fact they spend half their time writing music and lyrics then spend days in the recording studio, making the album, putting it all together and then on top of that go on tours which probably last a couple of weeks if not months. I know I would lose it if I had to live on a bus for a long period of time constantly on the road especially if it meant being cooped up with Katherine....yea screw that.

“But you do make it look easy Zack. I don't know how you guys do it. Do you all just run on adrenaline most of the time?”

He lets out a short snort and then runs a hand through his messy hair. “You never stay long enough to actually witness the chaos that goes on around here. Sometimes we never get to a stopping point and end up spending the night in the studio and we never actually sleep....we take short cat naps in-between breaks, wake up and then continue working. If we're lucky we'll find time to eat something real quick or use the bathroom but that's about it, our time is limited. By the time we are done making the entire album we're so exhausted that we waste no time in getting home, collapsing on the bed and pass out for the next few days. Being cooped up in here day and night can cause any person to lose their fucking mind. During one recording session none of us had slept for almost 3 days and the cabin fever must've hit us real bad because all I remember is watching Jimmy do laugh tracks over and over again and he wasn't even laughing at anything in particular.” He shook his head and chuckled to himself, most likely trying to remember that priceless memory. “But then again Jimmy has always been naturally insane.”

I giggled at Zack's loving description of his friend. To a complete stranger Jimmy may look and act like a patient who somehow successfully escaped an institution, but underneath it all he was genuinely a caring guy. He may be blunt meaning if you're full of shit he'll call you on it, but the guy wore his heart on his sleeve.

“You have to admit you guys do have it a bit easier than we do when it comes to performing. We have no frets on our fingerboards so it's like playing in a black hole praying to God that we hit the right notes in tune, plus we don't plug our instruments into amps giving us the ability to hide any wrong or missed notes. You have the advantage of modifying your tone by emphasizing or de-emphasizing certain frequencies and adding electronic effects. In short you can screw up and nobody will notice. Of course it wouldn't matter if you did, your fans will still go ape shit even if you just stood there looking pretty,” I joke at him making him grin.

He lets out a satisfied sigh, slowly leans back into the couch while he lifts his arms above his head then folding them behind his head while propping his legs up on the table as he responds back with a cocky attitude, “Yea....we are a couple of good lookin' motherfuckers aren't we.” I couldn't help but laugh out loud at his statement, obviously it was not meant to be a question.

“I won't argue with you there,” I say, still laughing softly before tapering off but I still smile at his comment until I catch him looking over at me, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I nervously clear my throat to fill the awkward silence but thankfully he starts to speak again.

“So glad I could make you smile. You should do it more often.... you always have a serious look on your face. You have a beautiful smile, use it to your advantage.” His eyes just stare deep into mine causing me to turn my head and look down.

I saw from my peripheral vision that he was still looking at me and since I some how could not speak at that moment all I did was nod my head as a response. I could feel a burning sensation fill my cheeks. God what is this, junior high? Why am I making this out to be some stupid 'school girl crush' type scenario? Zack is just a guy....a regular, normal, everyday guy. A guy who is funny, smart, talented....a guy who I just so badly want to pounce on top of right now and feel those luscious lips of his against mine-...wait no, what the hell are you thinking Kelsey? Zack doesn't think of you like that. Speaking of, I can see Zack playfully roll his eyes back at me and I can tell it's because he noticed I had slipped away into la la land again. I once again turn my attention to him trying to think of anything to say when I'm relieved that he moves his mouth wanting to speak.

“Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?” I furrow my eyebrows and just simply nod my head, curious as to what his question might be. “How come whenever you are in the recording booth you always play facing the wall? We can't be that hideous to look at.”

I laugh softly, thankfully taking my mind off my previous thoughts of Zack's sexiness. “No, nothing like that. I just...it's hard for me to perform in front of people, note the irony. I guess I tend to be more nervous when playing alone because all eyes are on me. I don't like being in the spotlight hence why I play in a group. When I'm playing alone I have to make myself think nobody is around me whether it be having my back to people or staring at a wall in front of me...otherwise I choke. I was only able to face everyone earlier because I didn't want to get into another spat with the engineers.”

I was such a liar....not just a liar, a horrible liar and I only hoped Zack didn't see right through me. It would be difficult to tell him that the real reason I always turn my back to everyone is because I know he's watching me and I can't help but get distracted by him whenever I am around him period. If he were to ever come to one of my quartet's performances there's no way I would be able to concentrate, feeling his eyes on me the entire time. Thank God our concert schedules always seem to conveniently interfere with each other.

I see Zack cock an eyebrow at me and I nervously start to bite down on my bottom lip knowing full well that he thinks I'm full of it, however his face softens a bit and he ends up shrugging his shoulders before smirking at me, “Yea, that makes sense....I was just curious.”

Not really the response I was expecting to hear but then I find my inner self breathe out a sigh of relief. His eyes lowered to observe the small space that separated the two couch cushions we were both sitting on before he spoke again, “you do know you're an awesome player don't you Kels?” I quickly turned my head to the side looking at him with a confused look on my face which made him smile. “You play beautifully....when you're actually confident. You need to stop worrying about what everyone around you thinks and just play for you.... only then will you learn to fully enjoy it. Do you think us guys really give a shit what anybody thinks every time we mess up on stage? No.... well....aside from Mr. 'everything has to be perfect' Brian, but you get my point.”

My only response to him was a simple nod and gentle smile towards him earning a smile back from him in return. We've known each other long enough that even small gestures such as smiling or a nod of the head will suffice as a response, no words are needed. I enjoyed what Zack and I had together....I enjoyed our little talks, our opinions on music and everyday life even if most of our conversations consisted of mindless rants and raves, but it never seemed to bother him.

It was always like this. Zack was almost like my personal therapist and vice versa. Whenever I had a problem or was upset, if Mina wasn't around, Zack was the person I ran to for advice. He was such a good listener and comforting....practically one of the sweetest guys I have ever had the pleasure to get to know. Damnit....now it does sound like I'm talking about an older brother.....ughh, I guess if our relationship were meant to stay as a friendship then it is what is is and in any case what are the chances of a guy like Zack having any interest in someone like me? I could never confess my true feelings to him because I don't want to risk losing his friendship. Of course I'll never know the outcome if I don't press forward but there's always the chance of it failing miserably and then the whole thing blowing up in my fucking face. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Notes

A/N: Is it sounding good so far? Again I'd love to hear your feedback!

Please comment and subscribe! :)