So far away

Later that night Jasper and Hannah came over for dinner. It was refreshing to have him back over. I sat at the table staring off in space thinking my plan over. As much as I wanted to take Brian down, I didn't know if it was worth going through Matt. A little voice in the back of my mind told me I was doing the right thing but I still had my doubts. Maddie's shrieking laugh brought me out of my thoughts just as fast as I fell into them. She hadn't figured out her laugh yet.

"Is something wrong, Ivy?" Jasper asked making everyone turn their attention to me. I didn't like all eyes on me so I looked down at my food and nodded. Everything was just peachy. Just plotting my boyfriends best friends murder. "You sure? You seem a little off tonight." He looked like he pitied me.

"Yeah just lost in my thoughts I guess." I smiled. That answer seemed to satisfy him enough. He went back to talking about whatever it is they were talking about before. The truth was, I felt sick to my stomach. Everything was on the line at this point. Was the risk worth it? I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. It was too late. My heart was set on it.

After Jasper and Hannah said their goodbyes I helped Matt clean up before bed. As I was washing dishes I became trapped in my head again and dropped a plate. Maddie started screaming from the loud sound as Matt ran to comfort her.

"Okay, Im curious. What is with you today? You've been zoning out all day ever since I got home." Matt asked rocking the baby. I didn't know what to say first. I didn't want to tell him but I don't think a half assed answer would suffice again. How would he react? Ive never struck a cord with Matt before but I bet he had a temper.

"I just have been thinking a lot lately. Why don't you ever talk about Jimmy?" I kept my eyes trained on him. His expression dropped and I could see the emotions swirling in his eyes as he looked at the floor. He looked like he wanted to tell me but something was holding him back. He shook his head and looked up to meet my gaze.

"We don't talk about it Ivy. You know that." He mumbled and sat Maddie back in her playpen. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say anything to take the hurt in his eyes away. But I couldn't. I needed answers. I had to push.

"Yeah but Matt, I think its time you let me in. I let you in. Its your turn." He sat down at the table and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders slumped forward and he sniffled. I realized he was crying. Matt crying? Yeah right! But he was. It was like I pushed a button and made him fall apart.

I walked over to him and pulled his hands from his face. He immediately looked away like he was ashamed that I had seen cry. "It was a deal gone bad. We weren't even supposed to be there, it wasn't our place. But Brian insisted that we would hit big with this one. We took the chance even though we were outnumbered. I went one way expecting him to follow me like he always did. I heard a gun go off and turned to see he wasn't behind me. I found him on the ground struggling for air. There was nothing I could do. We put him in the car and went to the hospital but it was too late. " At that he looked at me. I could see the tears welling back up in his eyes. "They couldn't save him. They said it wasn't even worth trying at that point. A couple days later, I buried my brother."

I wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay. I wanted to be there with him in that moment when Jimmy got shot. I wanted to take it away from him. "Im sorry Matt. I shouldn't of pushed." I realized telling him about my finding could wait. He laid it all out on the table for me I wasn't going to push anymore than that.

He looked at Maddie now asleep in her playpen with a small smile. Her blonde hair was shiny with baby sweat now as she sucked on her thumb. Matt picked her up and walked up the stairs with me following behind. He put Maddie in her bed and then came to our room and looked down at me. "You know, sometimes I wonder if it wasn't a coincidence." He trailed off taking his shirt off and getting into bed.

This got my attention. What if Matt left me to piece it together myself? I turned to face him "If what was?" My voice came out a little higher pitched than I meant for it to.

"No. I don't wanna think about it." He said shaking his head. My heart sank. Damn, I almost had him! I climbed into bed and cuddled up next to him. With a final kiss he turned out the light and pulled me closer.

How was I supposed to sleep now? Did he know?

Notes

So I saw that its been a while and decided that you guys waited long enough! I almost deleted to story and started it a different way but I decided that I was too far in for that. Leave a comment telling me what you think!