I’d always been warned about him. By my brother. By my best friend. By his best friends.
Keep Your Distance, They’d say,
He’ll Play With Your Heart,
Like The Strings On His Guitar,
Keep Your Head, They’d warn,
He’ll Sneak Into It,
Without You Even Realising,
Keep Your Heart, They’d say,
He’ll Steal It,
Play With It,
Then Give It Back Broken And Bleeding.
But despite the repeated warnings, I still let him in. I gave him my heart, my head and my soul. He handed the lot back two months later, bleeding, broken and betrayed, because he was bored. I was nothing more than a toy to him. But even now, a year later, he was still there, in my heart, in my head and in my soul. He was like a fucking disease that I just couldn’t cure, no matter what I tried. His name was tattooed on my heart and soul forever more. His name?
Synyster Gates.

“Hey Anna, pass me that hair gel would you?” I grabbed the hair gel that sat on the side in front of me and held it over my shoulder. Brian took it, his fingers brushing against mine. My heartbeat skittered a little. A year later and he could still make me feel like I did when I first met him. How he did it, was a mystery to me. He didn’t seem to notice anything. “Cheers baby-doll.” But rather than disappearing as I thought that he would, he stayed, opting instead to do his hair in the part of the mirror that I wasn’t using. Attempting to keep my racing pulse under control, I focused on making sure that my eyeliner was perfect. I failed in keeping my heartbeat under control, but my eyeliner did look perfect. I was searching for my mascara when his hand moved to rest on my hip. His breath tickled my ear as he whispered my name.
“Anna,” I shook my head and tried to walk away, but he was blocking my exit. “Wait.” I waited. Which was more than I should have done. He was silent for a while. I was about to give up and walk away when he spoke. “God I miss you Anna.” I blinked back the tears that were prickling the back of my eyes.
“You left me. Remember that.” I murmured, pushing past him and walking off down the tour bus.


I’d never thought that I would make anything out of my singing career. I had been trying to make it for years and going nowhere fast. That was until the Avenged Sevenfold boys overheard me rehearsing for a gig when they came over for drinks with my brother – one of their roadies. They got Bruce – their manager – to get me an audition at their label. I got it. I was put on tour with Avenged as their opening act. I became best friends with Val Sanders. I just didn’t expect to fall in love with Synyster Gates. I was currently touring with them again, after some coaxing by Val and my brother, as I promoted my new album – Rage And Love. I also didn’t expect my tour bus to break down and to end up on the Sevenfold bus in the spare bunk until Bruce got a replacement.


I avoided Syn for the rest of the day, trying to get my head under control. I wasn’t aware that he’d been watching my sound check until I walked into him as I left the stage. I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off.
“Anna, just let me explain.” I glared at him.
“Explain why you broke my heart?” He looked away. “Face it Brian, that’s just what you did.”
“I never meant to.” He whispered, still not looking at me. Tears began to form in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
“I loved you Brian.” I whispered as I walked past him. His words stopped me.
“Do you still love me?”
“Why do you care?” I didn’t turn to face him, but didn’t walk away either. I needed to hear his answer, even if I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t think that he was going to answer, then I felt his hand on my shoulder.
“You really wanna know the truth?” His voice was soft, barely a whisper. Wordlessly I nodded.
“Because I never should have left you. You’re the only one, the only girl, that understands.” He sighed. “You understand this life, why I do it, why I love it.”
“Then why break my heart?”
“Because it was easier than caring. I’d never actually cared about a girl properly until you. I won’t lie Anna, it fucking scared me. Anna…” I was crying by now, not caring that the tears were sending eyeliner and mascara running down my cheeks. “Baby, don’t cry.” He murmured, turning me to face him. “You really want to know the truth?” Still crying, I nodded. He stared at me for a bit before smiled weakly. “I love you Annabella.” His lips pressed gently against mine. “Anna, I’ve regretted walking away from us since I did it, you have to know that.” I closed my eyes and let him pull me in closer. I missed everything about him, the way that I fit in his arms, the feel of his lips on mine, the smell of his cologne, the fact that he wouldn’t smoke around me because he knew that I hated it, the feel of his body against mine as I fell asleep in his arms. I loved and hated everything about him. “Come back to me Anna.” I was torn. I wanted to, god how I wanted to but how could I trust him? How could I know that he meant it? What if it all was just a lie spun by his lips of deceit to pull me back in and break me all over again? I was silent for a while, but he didn’t move, just stayed stood, his arms around my waist, holding me close. In the end I had my answer.
“I’m here aren’t I?”