“So have you and Matt talked since last week?” Zach asked as I got into his car. I shook my head and looked down at my lap. Unfortunately, after my freak-out last week, Zach and Jimmy were the only ones that wanted to be around me. Even Emma went to Johnny’s house almost every night. I felt like a monster.
After I invited the guys over last week, I was so frustrated I just wanted to get drunk and feel more relaxed. I drank one too many, though, before they came. After so many drinks, I go from chill to complete psycho-bitch; a drunk I never wanted to be ever again after the first time it happened. Emma was there the first time I found out about my drinking limit, and unfortunately she was a victim. But soon she got over it and the killer hangover and horrid memories kept me from drinking too much. But I had completely forgotten about it last week, because I was so hurt and angry. When they all came, they immediately knew I was too drunk. Everyone tried to be normal with me, but they couldn’t because I was consuming more alcohol than I should ever. I felt so bad for Johnny, because I had legitimately missed his head by an inch. Usually, when someone’s drunk their precision is way off, but when I’m drunk my precision is damn-near perfect. So I had cussed Johnny out because he mentioned Matt and I had yet to tell them what he did to me, so it seemed as though I were a crazy bitch. Zach pointed this out, which made me go for his throat. Luckily Brian grabbed me before my hand connected with Zach’s throat and he held me close to him as I tried to squirm away from him. This pissed Zach off though, and he stormed off. That was the peak of my drunkenness and I ended up crying into Brian’s shirt for the rest of the night. Brian was more than sympathetic towards me, but I probably permanently scarred him. So pretty much they all stayed away from me except for Jimmy. Jimmy left after I started crying to find Matt, so he didn’t witness the horrible noises I make when I’m bawling. Zach called me the next day and I explained to him what had happened and he welcomed me back with open arms.
“I think I scared everyone away.” I whispered, sniffling a little. Zach put his hand on my leg and rubbed it reassuringly.
“You just haven’t explained it to them yet. Tomorrow or something we’ll meet them at Brian’s and you can explain what made you that way.” Zach said encouragingly. I looked up at him and smiled a little.
“So what are we doing today?” I questioned, my mood rising a little bit. I still felt like utter shit, but atleast I didn’t lose all of them.
“I thought we could just go back to my house and play some games…” Zach began. I groaned loudly and looked at him.
“No. No, no, no. We’re not playing that game again.” I yelled, shaking my head furiously. Zach pouted and gave me his sad-eyes.
“But Kiiiiiiiiiiiid!” Zach wailed, making his bottom lip quiver. I continued to shake my head.
“No. It’s been almost three weeks; you need to get over the fact that you cannot beat me in the staring game.” I stated, sighing loudly.
“Yes I can! I kept losing at Matt’s because you were sitting in front of his back door and things moving outside made me worry!” Zach complained. I gave him a look and rolled my eyes.
“Dude, everyone else was sitting behind you. Their movements kept freaking me out too but I never looked.” I pointed out as we drove into his driveway. I got out and walked into his house with him behind me. I plopped myself on his couch and stared at him. “Make me a sandwich.”
“Only if we can play again.” Zach offered, narrowing his eyes. I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes. Zach smiled widely and went to his kitchen to make me a sandwich. “Salami, provolone, pepperoni, and pickles, right?”
“Exactly.” I replied. I flipped on the TV and absent-mindedly watched SpongeBob as I listened to Zach prepare me a sandwich. A couple minutes later he walked out and handed me my sandwich. I sat up and began eating it as I watched TV. Zach laughed and I looked at him, mid-bite.
“You’re so childish. It’s absolutely adorable.” Zach cooed. I rolled my eyes and stole his soda from his hand and washed my sandwich down with it. He stared in shock and I smiled. “Bitch. You drank my Pepsi!”
“You’re making me kick your ass twice!” I replied, mocking him. He glared and I smiled, finishing up my sandwich. I turned my body towards him and sat criss-cross, ready to play the stupid game. He turned off the TV and mimicked my movements so we were sitting the same way. He narrowed his eyes.
“You ready to be defeated?” He mumbled. I nodded reluctantly and blinked. “And you can’t just make yourself lose. That’s cheating.”
“Damn it,” I swore under my breath. He smirked before leaning down a little. I sighed and closed my eyes. “One, two, three.”
We both opened our eyes and stared at each other. During this time, since I couldn’t do it earlier, I studied his eyes. They were the brightest damn green I had ever seen in my life. They looked as though it were water that someone had put green food-coloring in. It was captivating. I snapped myself out of that thought and remembered Matt’s hazel eyes. I had always been a fan of hazel eyes, but Matt’s just flew off the charts. They were so amazing. I was interrupted by my thoughts of Matt with the feeling of jolting forward and the following feeling of my lips meeting Zach’s. Immediately after our lips touched, we both threw ourselves to the edge of his couch, staring widely at each other. My stomach began knotting.
“Oh my God.” I whispered, bringing my fingers to my lips. Zach knew that I was about to flip shit, and he stared widely.
“Kid…” Zach began, reaching his hand toward me slowly.
“Oh shit…”
“Kid…”
“Oh my fucking God I cannot believe that just happened!” I screamed, my hands flying to my hair. I began hyperventilating and Zach grabbed me by my shoulders.
“Kid! Calm down!” Zach yelled, holding me still.
“I can’t believe we just fucking kissed!” I squealed, fear overcoming me. “Matt already hates me, but now he’ll never-“
“Kid will you listen to me for one fucking second!” Zach demanded, shaking my shoulders roughly. I stared in shock as he stood up and began pacing. “First off, that can’t be counted as a kiss because our lips barely touched.”
“They still touched, Zack.” I spat, shaking a little. He glared at me and I sunk down into his couch.
“Secondly, that didn’t mean a thing because we do not like each other.” Zach listed. I gulped.
“Then why did we-“
“Kid!” He snapped. My eyes watered and he breathed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Thirdly, it can’t be counted because it was in the heat of the moment and you do not know how many times I have stared at a girl and leaned in and kissed her.”
“But Zach,” I whispered quietly. He looked at me and I bit my lip. “I leaned in too.”
“What were you thinking about?” Zach asked, taken back by my comment. I let out a shaky breath.
“Matt.” I mumbled.
“See? You probably had an overwhelming urge to kiss him and you thought he was me.” Zach rationalized. I pursed my lips.
“You don’t kiss as well as him.” I whispered, trying not to smile. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
“I thought you guys haven’t kissed yet.” Zach questioned skeptically. I smiled a little.
“We have.” I smiled at the thought. But it fell as quickly as it showed up and I looked at my hands. “But we won’t anymore. Not after he finds out that we kissed.”
“Kid.” Zach whispered, walking over to the couch. He sat next to me and put his fingers under my chin to make me look at him. He looked so guilty. “They don’t have to know. Like I said, that was barely a kiss and it’s all my fault. It meant absolutely nothing and I didn’t want to kiss you. I know how much you want Matt.”
“Zach, I am horrible at keeping secrets.” I said quietly, looking at him. He raised his eyebrows and leaned away from me.
“How long ago did you guys kiss?”
“Uh… better part of three weeks?” I said, smiling. He narrowed his eyes and smiled, causing me to laugh.
“See. You can keep a secret. Especially since this isn’t going to affect. Just pretend it never happened.” Zach said reassuringly, rubbing my leg. I smiled, but inside I could feel myself slowly rotting. If only pretending it never happened was that easy.