After All That We've Been Through
It's Not Me, It's You!
Kady’s POV
What the hell was that noise and what was fucking touching me? I moaned lightly and pinched my eyes shut, not wanting to open them and meet reality yet. I carefully wriggled my shoulders away from the mass on top of me only to hear another loud sound erupt in my ear. What the fuck… A whimper escaped my lips as I slowly opened my heavy eyelids, the dim light of the room filling my blue irises. I winced in pain while I blinked a few times to regain my sight. My head throbbed miserably. Where were the pain meds when wanted them?
I tiredly glanced down to my right and grimaced as I saw Sonic the Hedgehog sawing wood next to me in the small bed. “Fuck, Haner,” I groaned, elbowing him in the ribs. That only caused him to roll onto me and let out another thunderous snore in my ear. What I would give to hit the emergency button right now to get his asshole off my arm that felt like it was being stabbed by a million pins and needles.
I carefully shimmied my shoulder away from his obnoxious sleeping form and managed to free my tingling hand. “Damn it to hell,” I hissed while slowly sitting up and putting my throbbing head in my hands. The stabbing feeling in the back of my head was making me feel extremely nauseous and I willed myself not to vomit all over the disgusting smelling Synyster Gates. Jesus, did he not fucking believe in showering after a show? He’s had what, six hours at least to wash up a bit or even spray some Axe? I gagged as I slowly pulled myself out of the small hospital bed, grabbing my IV strand for support. I appreciated Brian’s support and dedication for being by my side, hell,I knew I fucking loved the guy, but just couldn’t stand his stink. What I would give for a garden hose right now…Jesus.
I grabbed the IV stand and blindly stumbled through the dimly lit room with heavy eyelids, making my way over to the ugly blue reclining chair in the corner. I carefully plopped myself down and reclined backwards, the reclining position making my head feel like it would explode slightly less. Damn, why didn’t I just follow Sanders back to the bus instead of being so damn stubborn? If I hadn’t met up with Cal during my smoke, then I wouldn’t be fucking sitting here in the hospital right now. My head hurt like hell and I was starting to think it would hurt less if I cut it off. Okay, so maybe I was being a little bit of a baby about the pain but I was still pissed at Cal. How could he blame everything that went wrong in his life one me? Shit, I didn’t even remember giving the demo to my father; I only remembered being there when Cal woke up in the hospital. Had I blocked that crucial moment of our relationship out of my memory?
“Fuck…” I hissed, feeling a mixture of pain, frustration, and confusion. I pinched my eyes shut and ran my hands carefully over my face. Slowly opening my throbbing lids, my eyes fell on a small leather book sitting on the table next to me. I had seen this laying around on the Avenged tour bus multiple times and I knew that it belonged to Brain. I had never been brave enough to open it up and look before, figuring it was full of his solos and penis drawings. I mean what guy didn’t randomly doodle their own junk? I saw my band mates do it every fucking day. Though I had to admit, my curiosity was starting to get the better of me, and I wasn’t talking about the penis drawings.
I bit my lip and looked around the room to see Gates now sprawled full over my bed. “Bastard,” I hissed with a light chuckle. Well, he was dead to the world and all the other blockheads had cleared out so here goes nothing! I snatched the little book off the table and quickly opened its tattered pages. In all honestly, the book looked like it had seen better days as it looked and smelled like it had been dropped in coffee, rolled in cigarettes, and doused with booze.
“No fucking way,” I chuckled to myself, looking down at the first page and pulling out a small picture of the guys from high school. They all looked like pre-pubescent dweebs that were trying to make in the big time. How the hell did they turn into the super star metal band they are now when they started out like this? My eyes lingered down on Brian with his short haircut and thick eyeliner and I tried to stifle my laughter. He was still attractive, but nothing compared to what he looked like today. “Idiots…”
I scoffed and turned the page to find what I expected, guitar drabble, penis drawings, scrap lyrics, and notion for guitar solos. “How fucking boring can you get, Haner?” I mused softly, flipping through page after page of useless drabble. Suddenly, I froze on a page with my name at the top. “What the….”
Kady Parker
I went to bed I was thinking about You
I’m not the same since I'm living without You
All the memories are getting colder
All the things that I wanna do over
I went to bed I was thinking about You
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to
When I see You in my dreams at night
It's so real but it's in my mind
And now I guess this is as good as it gets
Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up
“The fucker does care…” I whisper to myself after picking my jaw up off the floor. A small smile pulls at my pursed lip as I pick up the pen sitting on the table. I tapped the pen to my nose as I chewed on my lower lip, thinking of something smart and witty to write on the page.After a few moments of deliberation, I ended up drawing a very elaborate pair of tits and a tongue.
Does you dream look something like this? You’re a pervert, Haner. Really, wake up from this fucking nightmare you’re bitch writing about and bone me with that morning wood cooking in your tight little jeans. Don’t think I don’t see it. <3 K
I chuckled lightly to myself, turning the page to find the next one blank. “So I was the last piece of art Gatesypoo worked on? Why the hell am I talking to myself?” I shrugged my shoulders, knowing I sounded like a crazy person.I guess Cal had slammed my head a little too hard against that wall.
In that instant, my mind flashed with anger at Caleb.I hated the idea of being the reason for all his damned problems and why he struggled with every fucking thing. Was I really that bad of a sister? God fucking knows I did everything in my power to help him every step of the way. Fuck, I even dropped out of high school to get a job to help him pay the rent and that said a lot because school was one of the only things I thought I was good at. How could he think that his misfortune was all my fault and blame me for the success he had now? It didn’t make any fucking sense to me. But that was just it, was all him and nothing to do with me.
My head throbbed with my rising furry as I grabbed the pen and started to frantically write words to the angry melody in my head. “You tried to make me think,” I wrote. “That the blame was all on me….with the pain you put me through and now I know that It’s not me it’s you. It’s not me, it’s you! Always has been you…”
I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes as I continued to scribble down words. I was pressing so hard on the paper that it felt like pen was about to snap in my hand. “All the lies and stupid thing you say and do. All the lies and pain you put me through. I know it’s not me, it’s you. You. YOU!”
After writing the last word, I chucked the pen as hard as I could across the room, hearing it chirp on against the wall. A sobbed racked my body as I buried my battered and throbbing head in my hands. Fuck Caleb and everything that he has put me through. I have fucking dealt with his shit as long as I could remember and I was done. It was time for me to start living my life and stop giving a fuck about gaining his approval since I was the apparent cause for all his problem. I angry wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. How could my brother turn on me? He was the only family member I had left and now I felt so alone and so betrayed. I fucking hated him for what he did to me. Hated him for what he said to me and hated him for blaming me.
“Kad?” I didn’t look up at the voice or really acknowledge that I heard it. My face was buried in my hands as I cried, my world crumbling around me.
Suddenly, I was encircled by a pair of strong but very stinky arms but I didn’t care. I turned and burred my face in Brain’s chest as he pulled me close, whispering in my ear. “Shh, Kad its okay. You’re safe and I’m never going to let anything happen to you. I’ve got you.”
“He fucking blames me for everything!” I sobbed a calloused hand rubbed my back. “I ruined his life and caused all the fucking bullshit between him and your band!”
Brian’s arms tightened around me and I chanced a glance up to see his jaw clenched. Now he fucking hates me to, great. I pulled out his arms and looked back into the darks orbs, searching for an answer and begging him to talk to me. “You cant blame me too…” I choked out, painfully shaking my head at him. “You cant fucking seriously be taking his side on this! I don’t even remember taking the demo and giving it to my father for drug money….but-but I’m sure he was trying to-to…” I sobbed before Brain pressed his lips to mine to shut me up.
After a moment, his lips pulled away and he held me at arm’s length. He looked like he was trying to process my words before he spoke. “Kay, I would never take Caleb’s side on anything. I don’t blame you. I’m fucking pissed at your brother for putting you through all of this. He needs to grow as fucking pair and take responsibility for his own action.” Brian gently pulled my red locks behind my ear on the good side of my head and wiped away my tears with this thumb. God, why did he always know what to do to make me feel better?“And please don’t tell me your father was trying to…hurt you in ways that no father every should,” he asked, his jaw clenching in the process.
A deep frown pulled at my lips and I averted my eyes. I didn’t want to answer him and I didn’t want to drag him into my ugly drug and abuse ridden past. Brian didn’t need to deal with that; it was my business not his. “Kady.”Brian’s voice was stern and when I refused to look at him, he gently guided my chin up. I looked into his chocolate brown eyes for a moment before the tears started to flow again. “What the fuck did he do to you?” he hissed.
I took in a ragged breath. “Brian, I-I…” I started as he stood up and started to pace, his hands pulling at his hair.
“I cant believe your own father would-would….fuck!” Brian raged, not looking at me as I cried again. I felt like a lowlife piece of shit that someone stepped in and had scrapped onto the curb. I was unworthy of anything and I wished Brian wasn’t so damn intuitive.
“He-He didn’t rape me…” I gasped out finally, causing him to stop and stare at me with wide rage-filled eyes. “B-but he did beat me, drug me, abuse me, and neglect me…” I sobbed, shaking my head. “He was a drug dealer and an addict and he didn’t know what he was doing 95% of the time…” Brian continued to pace and I sank lower and lower into the chair. “So there you have it!” I hissed, my body flaring with anger again because he wasn’t saying anything.
“There is my fucked up past in a nut shell and I’m sure its not the puppies and fucking rainbows that you thought it was! I know I’m not worth it, so I don’t blame you for turning around and leaving now!” I sobbed angrily as I stood gripping the IV cart.
The next thing I knew, Brian’s lips were pressed to mine in a passionate kiss. His hands cupped my face andour mouths and tongues moved together like nothing I had ever experienced before. Seconds later, Brian pulled away and gently pressed his forward to mine, his hands still cupping my cheeks. “Kady,” he breathed, his chocolate orbs staring into my soul. “I’m not leaving you.” He gently kissed my lips. “I wasn’t lying when I told you that I loved you last night. And I’m sorry to say, you’re stuck with me babe. I’m not about to walk away because your family is fucked up. I love you for you and I couldn’t give two shits about what happened back then, just as long as you’re happy. I love you.”
I gapped at Brian as my heart started to race with excitement. No one had ever told me that they loved me before and actually meant it and I could tell by the look in Brian’s eyes that he meant it. It was a foreign feeling to feel loved but I liked it. I craved it and I knew now that I couldn’t live without it.
“I love you too.”
What the hell was that noise and what was fucking touching me? I moaned lightly and pinched my eyes shut, not wanting to open them and meet reality yet. I carefully wriggled my shoulders away from the mass on top of me only to hear another loud sound erupt in my ear. What the fuck… A whimper escaped my lips as I slowly opened my heavy eyelids, the dim light of the room filling my blue irises. I winced in pain while I blinked a few times to regain my sight. My head throbbed miserably. Where were the pain meds when wanted them?
I tiredly glanced down to my right and grimaced as I saw Sonic the Hedgehog sawing wood next to me in the small bed. “Fuck, Haner,” I groaned, elbowing him in the ribs. That only caused him to roll onto me and let out another thunderous snore in my ear. What I would give to hit the emergency button right now to get his asshole off my arm that felt like it was being stabbed by a million pins and needles.
I carefully shimmied my shoulder away from his obnoxious sleeping form and managed to free my tingling hand. “Damn it to hell,” I hissed while slowly sitting up and putting my throbbing head in my hands. The stabbing feeling in the back of my head was making me feel extremely nauseous and I willed myself not to vomit all over the disgusting smelling Synyster Gates. Jesus, did he not fucking believe in showering after a show? He’s had what, six hours at least to wash up a bit or even spray some Axe? I gagged as I slowly pulled myself out of the small hospital bed, grabbing my IV strand for support. I appreciated Brian’s support and dedication for being by my side, hell,I knew I fucking loved the guy, but just couldn’t stand his stink. What I would give for a garden hose right now…Jesus.
I grabbed the IV stand and blindly stumbled through the dimly lit room with heavy eyelids, making my way over to the ugly blue reclining chair in the corner. I carefully plopped myself down and reclined backwards, the reclining position making my head feel like it would explode slightly less. Damn, why didn’t I just follow Sanders back to the bus instead of being so damn stubborn? If I hadn’t met up with Cal during my smoke, then I wouldn’t be fucking sitting here in the hospital right now. My head hurt like hell and I was starting to think it would hurt less if I cut it off. Okay, so maybe I was being a little bit of a baby about the pain but I was still pissed at Cal. How could he blame everything that went wrong in his life one me? Shit, I didn’t even remember giving the demo to my father; I only remembered being there when Cal woke up in the hospital. Had I blocked that crucial moment of our relationship out of my memory?
“Fuck…” I hissed, feeling a mixture of pain, frustration, and confusion. I pinched my eyes shut and ran my hands carefully over my face. Slowly opening my throbbing lids, my eyes fell on a small leather book sitting on the table next to me. I had seen this laying around on the Avenged tour bus multiple times and I knew that it belonged to Brain. I had never been brave enough to open it up and look before, figuring it was full of his solos and penis drawings. I mean what guy didn’t randomly doodle their own junk? I saw my band mates do it every fucking day. Though I had to admit, my curiosity was starting to get the better of me, and I wasn’t talking about the penis drawings.
I bit my lip and looked around the room to see Gates now sprawled full over my bed. “Bastard,” I hissed with a light chuckle. Well, he was dead to the world and all the other blockheads had cleared out so here goes nothing! I snatched the little book off the table and quickly opened its tattered pages. In all honestly, the book looked like it had seen better days as it looked and smelled like it had been dropped in coffee, rolled in cigarettes, and doused with booze.
“No fucking way,” I chuckled to myself, looking down at the first page and pulling out a small picture of the guys from high school. They all looked like pre-pubescent dweebs that were trying to make in the big time. How the hell did they turn into the super star metal band they are now when they started out like this? My eyes lingered down on Brian with his short haircut and thick eyeliner and I tried to stifle my laughter. He was still attractive, but nothing compared to what he looked like today. “Idiots…”
I scoffed and turned the page to find what I expected, guitar drabble, penis drawings, scrap lyrics, and notion for guitar solos. “How fucking boring can you get, Haner?” I mused softly, flipping through page after page of useless drabble. Suddenly, I froze on a page with my name at the top. “What the….”
Kady Parker
I went to bed I was thinking about You
I’m not the same since I'm living without You
All the memories are getting colder
All the things that I wanna do over
I went to bed I was thinking about You
I wanna talk and laugh like we used to
When I see You in my dreams at night
It's so real but it's in my mind
And now I guess this is as good as it gets
Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream
Don't wake me 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough
When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up
“The fucker does care…” I whisper to myself after picking my jaw up off the floor. A small smile pulls at my pursed lip as I pick up the pen sitting on the table. I tapped the pen to my nose as I chewed on my lower lip, thinking of something smart and witty to write on the page.After a few moments of deliberation, I ended up drawing a very elaborate pair of tits and a tongue.
Does you dream look something like this? You’re a pervert, Haner. Really, wake up from this fucking nightmare you’re bitch writing about and bone me with that morning wood cooking in your tight little jeans. Don’t think I don’t see it. <3 K
I chuckled lightly to myself, turning the page to find the next one blank. “So I was the last piece of art Gatesypoo worked on? Why the hell am I talking to myself?” I shrugged my shoulders, knowing I sounded like a crazy person.I guess Cal had slammed my head a little too hard against that wall.
In that instant, my mind flashed with anger at Caleb.I hated the idea of being the reason for all his damned problems and why he struggled with every fucking thing. Was I really that bad of a sister? God fucking knows I did everything in my power to help him every step of the way. Fuck, I even dropped out of high school to get a job to help him pay the rent and that said a lot because school was one of the only things I thought I was good at. How could he think that his misfortune was all my fault and blame me for the success he had now? It didn’t make any fucking sense to me. But that was just it, was all him and nothing to do with me.
My head throbbed with my rising furry as I grabbed the pen and started to frantically write words to the angry melody in my head. “You tried to make me think,” I wrote. “That the blame was all on me….with the pain you put me through and now I know that It’s not me it’s you. It’s not me, it’s you! Always has been you…”
I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes as I continued to scribble down words. I was pressing so hard on the paper that it felt like pen was about to snap in my hand. “All the lies and stupid thing you say and do. All the lies and pain you put me through. I know it’s not me, it’s you. You. YOU!”
After writing the last word, I chucked the pen as hard as I could across the room, hearing it chirp on against the wall. A sobbed racked my body as I buried my battered and throbbing head in my hands. Fuck Caleb and everything that he has put me through. I have fucking dealt with his shit as long as I could remember and I was done. It was time for me to start living my life and stop giving a fuck about gaining his approval since I was the apparent cause for all his problem. I angry wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. How could my brother turn on me? He was the only family member I had left and now I felt so alone and so betrayed. I fucking hated him for what he did to me. Hated him for what he said to me and hated him for blaming me.
“Kad?” I didn’t look up at the voice or really acknowledge that I heard it. My face was buried in my hands as I cried, my world crumbling around me.
Suddenly, I was encircled by a pair of strong but very stinky arms but I didn’t care. I turned and burred my face in Brain’s chest as he pulled me close, whispering in my ear. “Shh, Kad its okay. You’re safe and I’m never going to let anything happen to you. I’ve got you.”
“He fucking blames me for everything!” I sobbed a calloused hand rubbed my back. “I ruined his life and caused all the fucking bullshit between him and your band!”
Brian’s arms tightened around me and I chanced a glance up to see his jaw clenched. Now he fucking hates me to, great. I pulled out his arms and looked back into the darks orbs, searching for an answer and begging him to talk to me. “You cant blame me too…” I choked out, painfully shaking my head at him. “You cant fucking seriously be taking his side on this! I don’t even remember taking the demo and giving it to my father for drug money….but-but I’m sure he was trying to-to…” I sobbed before Brain pressed his lips to mine to shut me up.
After a moment, his lips pulled away and he held me at arm’s length. He looked like he was trying to process my words before he spoke. “Kay, I would never take Caleb’s side on anything. I don’t blame you. I’m fucking pissed at your brother for putting you through all of this. He needs to grow as fucking pair and take responsibility for his own action.” Brian gently pulled my red locks behind my ear on the good side of my head and wiped away my tears with this thumb. God, why did he always know what to do to make me feel better?“And please don’t tell me your father was trying to…hurt you in ways that no father every should,” he asked, his jaw clenching in the process.
A deep frown pulled at my lips and I averted my eyes. I didn’t want to answer him and I didn’t want to drag him into my ugly drug and abuse ridden past. Brian didn’t need to deal with that; it was my business not his. “Kady.”Brian’s voice was stern and when I refused to look at him, he gently guided my chin up. I looked into his chocolate brown eyes for a moment before the tears started to flow again. “What the fuck did he do to you?” he hissed.
I took in a ragged breath. “Brian, I-I…” I started as he stood up and started to pace, his hands pulling at his hair.
“I cant believe your own father would-would….fuck!” Brian raged, not looking at me as I cried again. I felt like a lowlife piece of shit that someone stepped in and had scrapped onto the curb. I was unworthy of anything and I wished Brian wasn’t so damn intuitive.
“He-He didn’t rape me…” I gasped out finally, causing him to stop and stare at me with wide rage-filled eyes. “B-but he did beat me, drug me, abuse me, and neglect me…” I sobbed, shaking my head. “He was a drug dealer and an addict and he didn’t know what he was doing 95% of the time…” Brian continued to pace and I sank lower and lower into the chair. “So there you have it!” I hissed, my body flaring with anger again because he wasn’t saying anything.
“There is my fucked up past in a nut shell and I’m sure its not the puppies and fucking rainbows that you thought it was! I know I’m not worth it, so I don’t blame you for turning around and leaving now!” I sobbed angrily as I stood gripping the IV cart.
The next thing I knew, Brian’s lips were pressed to mine in a passionate kiss. His hands cupped my face andour mouths and tongues moved together like nothing I had ever experienced before. Seconds later, Brian pulled away and gently pressed his forward to mine, his hands still cupping my cheeks. “Kady,” he breathed, his chocolate orbs staring into my soul. “I’m not leaving you.” He gently kissed my lips. “I wasn’t lying when I told you that I loved you last night. And I’m sorry to say, you’re stuck with me babe. I’m not about to walk away because your family is fucked up. I love you for you and I couldn’t give two shits about what happened back then, just as long as you’re happy. I love you.”
I gapped at Brian as my heart started to race with excitement. No one had ever told me that they loved me before and actually meant it and I could tell by the look in Brian’s eyes that he meant it. It was a foreign feeling to feel loved but I liked it. I craved it and I knew now that I couldn’t live without it.
“I love you too.”
Notes
All lyrics in this chapter are by Skillet!
So Kady and Brian finally admitted that they are in love! Will it last and will Fatal Facade continue on the tour? Can Kady and Caleb fix their relationship?
I can't wait to find out what the other two presents are! Maybe something else with a diamond in it ;)
4/6/15