Wow. That was...wow.

I grinned to myself as I continued on my search to find Taylor. I honestly didn't think Zacky would do that for me, but I am sooooo glad he did.

"Hey! Where you off to?" Brian asked from beside me. He must not have Taylor then.

"I'm trying to find Taylor. Do you know where she might be?" I asked him and hoped he didn't notice how red I am.

"Not sure sweetie. I think Johnny might have her." He told me and I nodded. "You're coming from the stage...please tell me you weren't working." He said and I giggled.

"I wasn't doing anything. I wanted to, but Zacky had it under control so I left him alone." I explained and he seemed to believe me.

"You're in trouble if Zee doesn't back your story up." He chuckled.

“He’ll back me up. I promise.” I giggled. “Hey, I might go take a nap. Help me up the steps?” I asked him as we got close to the buses.

“Sure can my dear. Want me to help you into your bunk too?” he asked as I unlocked the bus and pulled the door open.

“Nah. Just gonna go on the couch I think.” I told him and he grabbed my hands to steady me as we went up the stairs.

“Ok. As long as you’re sure.” he told me and let go once we’d made it to the top.

“I am definitely sure. See you later?” I asked and turned to face him. He nodded and kissed my forehead. I headed towards the back lounge and got myself comfortable before I fell asleep to wonderful dreams of sexy men, paying me all the attention in the world.

“Roxanne!” Someone cried sometime later and it jolted me awake. B is standing in front of me with a smirk on his face and I frowned and smacked him with a pillow.

“What?” I grunted. He just grinned and flopped on the couch next to me.

“Nothing. Just thought I should wake you before your daughter heard the noises you were making.” he smirked and I felt myself go red.

“Was I that bad?” I groaned and turned to face him.

“Not really. You were moaning about Jimmy and Zacky though.” he told me and his grin turned into a shit eating smirk. “Is there something you wanna tell me?”

“Promise you won’t judge?” I began and he crossed over his heart with a finger. I sighed. “I’ve kinda been fooling around with both of them.” I admitted

“What do you mean kind of?” he asked and he’s still grinning like a fucker.

“Kind of as I was with Zacky before you did sound check.” I told him and he chuckled. “What?”

“Nothing. I just never thought you’d have two of us fighting over you.” he smiled. “After fuck face left you and Taylor, I was worried you wouldn’t find anyone. But now you're messing around with two of my best friends and it makes me fucking happy for some reason. Just, try not to break their hearts?” he said to me and I awwed.

“I’ll try B. I like them both. I like them both a heap and it’s actually kinda confusing. I told Zacky I wanna try with Jimmy, but he is so fucking convenient when Jimmy’s not around and I’m as horny as a 16 year old.” I told him and he giggled.

“Such a hussy…”

“Ugh. Tell me about it. I know I need to make a decision and not lead either of them on, but its just so hard right now.” I sighed and Brian nodded beside me.

“Well. You know in your heart how you feel about them both…maybe you should pick a day to have a decision made? Because do you really want two babies to two different men and be dating a third that fathered neither child?” he said to me and I groaned. “Sorry to be a buzz kill, but it’s true. I love all three of you, but it might be time to make a choice.” he finished and stood up.

“I hate you.”

“Love you too sweet cheeks.” he chuckled and blew me a kiss. “We’re heading up soon, so you can follow us when you’re ready.” He told me and I sighed.

I don’t wanna make a decision between Jimmy and Zacky. Can’t I just have both?

I groaned again and hauled myself to my feet, I teetered back out to the front of the bus and was met with an excited squeal. My eyes bugged and the squeal turned into a giggle.

“Hi mommy!” Taylor cried from the floor. She and Johnny are doing a puzzle and he’s trying not to just do it all in one go.

“Hi baby. You’re happy huh?” I chuckled.

“Uh huh. I been playing with Uncle Johnny all day.” she told me happily and turned to Johnny quickly to grin at him.

“I heard sweetie. Now, mommy can’t work tonight, so we’re gonna watch the concert from side stage together ok?” I told her and she squealed again.

“Yay! Ok!” she said happily and turned back to the puzzle. Apparently that’s the end of that.

I headed past them both and was luckily met by Matt at the bottom of the stairs when I got to the top.

“You coming down honey?” he asked me and I nodded.

He then came up a few steps and held my hand while I came down.

“Thanks sweetie.” I cooed at him.

“No problems momma.” he chuckled and I heard him go back up the rest of the stairs.

I took a deep breath and headed over to an incredibly convenient bench in the shade just down from where the buses are parked. I crossed my arms on top of my belly and just stared off into space as my thoughts took over. Who do I pick? On the one hand, Jimmy has been a complete sweet heart and so understanding since I told him, but he’s also been a complete idiot about the most basic things, and I’ve yelled at him more times than I care to admit. Then there’s Zacky. Zacky has been ridiculously understanding the whole time, and has been a freaking trooper when I’ve been ‘with’ Jimmy. I’ve known him longer and I know it’s killing him having to share me, even though he says he doesn’t mind.

I groaned again and scrubbed my hands over my face. This is hard. I hate Brian.

“Jesus. You look like you could kill someone.” Someone chuckled and I looked up to see Zacky.

“Brian. I hate him.” I frowned and Zacky sat next to me.

“Why?”

“He’s making me think and be rational and shit.” I muttered and Zacky looked at me blankly. “He knows about me and you, and me and Jimmy and he thinks I should chose one of you.” I told him and waited for his reaction. He probably won’t yell, but he’ll get crabby, and I’m sure no one will want that.

“Maybe you should…” he mumbled and looked at his hands. Shiiiiit.

“What do you mean?” I asked him quietly. He sighed and again and then looked me dead in the eyes.

“I’m not gonna lie, having time with you has been awesome, but I dunno how much longer I can share.” he began. “I know Jimmy is the father of your baby and I know your feelings and hormones are all over the place…but I love you Roxy. I’ve been in love with you for a long, long time, and I don’t wanna make you upset… but watching you be with him, it’s really starting to hurt.” he told me and I bit my lip. “I will understand if you choose Jimmy, but it’ll kill me inside if you do.” he told me and I can see how sad he looks. “Just think about it.” he said and kissed my cheek, stood up and left.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…What do I do?!

It seemed the universe decided for me, because as Zacky left, he passed Jimmy, who was coming over to me himself.

“Hey. Zee looks sad. He ok?” he asked and took the exact same position next to me as Zacky had. “Yeah. He’ll be fine…” I sighed and kinda didn’t talk for a little bit. “I need to tell you something.” I said after a second and Jimmy turned to face me with a serious look on his face. Oh jeez…not him too! “We haven’t been open about it, but me and Zacky have been messing around for the last few weeks.” I started and I’m almost certain theres going to be yelling this time.

“Messing around? I thought we were together?” he frowned and I sighed.

“We aren’t sweetie. Not in the proper sense anyway. Yes, you’re my baby daddy, and we’ll always have that connection, but… you’re really not the best boyfriend material. You take care of me when the time is right, but you’re a bigger kid than Taylor and Johnny combined sometimes.” I told him and he’s starting to get fidgety. “Zacky treats me like a princess…you only seem to when my hormones are driving me crazy.” I continued and I can feel my eyes welling up with tears. Ugh…that’d be right.

“What has he done for you that I haven’t?” Jimmy grumbled and I know him well enough to know that’s he’s trying not to let his temper get the better of him.

“That day he took me out for the whole day and did things that focused on me for one!” I cried. “You said we’d have to continue it, but you’ve done fuck all since that day!” I told him and he frowned deeper. “We’ve had more than enough time off since then…so why haven’t you done anything?” I snapped, I’m starting to get angry. “Fuck, you didn’t even spend any time with me today until now!” I cried. “I’ve been by myself the whole fucking day, and I’ve seen everyone else except for you!” I cried and my tears spilled over. I took a deep breath and waited for him to say something in return. He didn’t. “Sweetie, I love you, but I can’t keep doing this. The yelling and fighting isn’t good for either of us.” I sighed.

He didn’t say anything, and after about a minute of silence, he stood up quickly and stomped off. I chewed on my lip and watched him until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I burst into tears and was full on sobbing until someone rushed over and bundled me into a hug.

“Sweetie! What happened?” The person cried and it sounds like Brian.

“I mad him mad!” I wailed and took hitching breaths to maybe try and calm down.

“How did you make him mad honey? What did you say?” he cooed and he’s rubbing circles on my back.

“I … um. I told him about me and Zacky, and he didn’t like that. He seemed to think that he and I were together, and I explained that we really aren’t…and then I got mad at him for being shitty boyfriend material, and I yelled at him for not paying me enough attention except when I’m horny and then….he stomped off.” I whined and wiped sloppily at my face. “I-I didn’t wa-want to have to t-tell him like that.” I hiccupped and looked at the ground near my feet.

“Maybe. But at least this way the baby wasn’t in the mix too.” Brian said and I sighed. “What’d Z say?” he asked and I took a breath.

“He took it better than Jimmy…he’s still not happy with me though.” I mumbled. “He actually agreed with you that I should choose one of them.”

“Well maybe you kinda have…” Brian trailed off and I nodded.

“Maybe…”

“Choice is yours honey, but coming from what you’ve told me, and what I've seen with my own two eyes, I’d pick Z. I don’t know that you’d want Gigantor’s temper with the baby around.” he told me and squeezed me to his side. “Take a minute and calm down a little bit more, but I’m sure Z would love to see you side stage tonight.” He told me and I nodded. “You did the right thing chicken.” He muttered in my ear, pressed a kiss to my temple, then stood up to leave.

I took a few more shaky breaths to calm down and then pushed myself up off the bench and slowly waddled towards the venue and eventually to side stage. I headed for my rig and grabbed my ear muffs. It seems they got the support bands tech to help them out for tonight at least, so I don’t feel so guilty anymore. I can see the guys over the other side of the stage getting ready to go on, and I chewed on my lip while I watched them. Matt, Johnny and B look ready to go…Zacky still looks kinda sad but he looks ok-ish I guess. Jimmy though looks like a thundercloud. Hopefully he snaps out of it for the show, because the others will cuss him out if it’s shit.

I headed over to the group of VIP’s and watched from there for about half the show. At some point, one of the Berry’s brought Taylor over and plonked her on an amp next to me. I couldn’t tell you which Berry though, my visions all blurry coz I’m crying.

“Momma, why you crying?!” Taylor yelled over the noise and I can half see that she’s frowning at me.

“They’re happy tears baby.” I assured her and wiped my eyes. I probably look horrid, but I really, really don’t care at the minute.

The show went on without any major hitches and by the time they came off before their encore, I was in slightly happier spirits. But only slightly. B came over and hugged the both of us, but everyone else kinda avoided us.
"I kinda told him. I hope you don't mind." He said while he'd wrapped me in a hug.
I shook my head. "I'm sure we'll find each other later. Go finish the show." I told him and basically pushed him back out there.

They played their encore and all to soon it was all packed up and over and we were on the buses and heading to the next city. I managed to get Taylor to sleep quickly and then went on a timid search for Z. Don't ask me how, but we'd ended up on a bus with B and Zacky the whole tour. I found him in the back lounge scribbling in his sketch pad and I knocked on the door frame to get his attention.

He looked up and gave me a small smile, so I guess that's kinda a good start. "Can I come sit?" I asked quietly and he patted the space next to him. Neither of us said anything for a good few minutes after I sat down, but I eventually looked over to see what he's working on. On one page, there a bunch of random scribbles that are probably lyrics, but on the other there's a full page sketch of me and Taylor. We're both smiling and playing a game and I can't help but smile at it myself. "Z, that's really good." I gushed and hoped I got some sort of reaction out of him. Luckily I did.

"What can I say. You two are kinda my perfect subjects." He said and turned to me with a small smile. He then flicked through some more pages that are more sketches of me and Taylor. "Brian told me...well... as much as he could tell me while we were onstage." He said and I nodded.

"What did he tell you?"

"He told me that you'd kinda picked me. Is that true?" He asked and looked up at me hopefully. Again I nodded and that seemed to perk him up a bit more. "Why?" He questioned and I sighed loudly.

"Because even though he's my baby daddy, you've treated me better in a few weeks than he has in the last four and a half months." I admitted. "I really don't think he's ready to be a father yet." I continued.

"And I am?"

"More so than he is Zee. I don't know what happened...at the start he was fantastic and then its like someone got in his ear and told him to be a complete asshole." I giggled sadly. "Truth be told, I don't think I can be with either of you...at least till the baby's been born anyway." I added when I saw the look of horror cross his face.

"But doesn't that mean he could still be in with a chance?" He asked me quietly.

"Maybe...but you're in first place and, he's gonna have to do a fuck load of making it up to me if he wants to pass you." I told him and he seemed ok with it. "Like a fucking shit tonne." I giggled and got a bigger smile out of him. "Are we ok?" I asked after a minute of comfortable silence.

"Yeah...we're ok." He mumbled with a tiny smile.

"Good. I'm glad. " I grinned. "I'm sorry I have to make you wait again, but thank you for understanding." I told him and he chuckled.

"I waited 6 years, what difference is a few more months going to make?" He said and I stared down at my belly.

"My little peanut will be here for one." I muttered.

Notes