I'm Just Used to It
That's it!
~Zacky~
After talking to Val and Michelle for a while, I kind of fell out of the convo and chuckled when I saw that Jimmy had done the same with Brian and Matt.
We started mouthing a bunch of obscenities to each other and snickering quietly, until we both noticed Emi sitting quietly, staring off into space with a hurt look on her face.
“What’s wrong with her,” Jimmy mouthed.
I shrugged at him, and we stared at her for a few seconds before Jimmy quietly interrupted her thoughts as to not draw any attention to her.
“Hey, are you okay,” he asked.
Emi shook her head and turned to him with a questioning look on her face. “Oh, y-, yeah. I’m good,” she said. “Just thinking. Sorry.”
Jimmy gave me a sideways glance and I pursed my lips. She was a pretty bad liar.
“It’s okay,” he told her, spinning his plate on the table. “It just looks like something is bothering you, is all.”
“Oh, no, I’m fine,” Emi laughed, almost nervously. She looked down at her hands, which were folded on the table, and started twisting the ring on her finger. “I think about things too much. It’s a bad habit.”
“I know that one,” I muttered, butting in to the conversation. “Don’t worry. Whatever it is will pass.”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I know.”
That’s when it clicked. I don’t know what it was, but it had to do with the way she acted. Like she really was hiding something. I swear I almost jumped out of my skin. Aside from Johnny, I’m usually the last one to pick up on stuff, but for some reason I got this like it was nothing. Most of the time, Jimmy is the one who is really good at reading people, so this was kind of odd.
Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Val stood up and took a deep breath, sending Matt a visible wink.
“Alright,” she said in an unnecessarily loud tone, but this is usually how it always happens when our parents didn’t know we were staying the night with the twins. “The girls and I are going to leave. We’ll see you guys tomorrow. We have stuff to do.”
“Bye guys,” Michelle chimed in, getting up and grabbing Emi’s hand.
“Byyyyyyye,” we all said, laughing a bit.
We listened as the girls said their goodbyes to Matt’s parents, then Matt, Brian and Johnny resumed their conversation about whatever bullshit they were talking about at first as Jimmy came over to sit next to me.
“That was fucking weird,” Jimmy said to me as he got settled in a chair.
“I know, man,” I nodded. “I wonder what was on her mind.”
“I don’t know, but I fucking get what you were saying earlier,” he mumbled.
“I fucking told you, bitch,” I laughed.
Jimmy didn’t join in on the laughter though, but this was pretty typical. Although Jimmy can be a cruel motherfucker when he wants to be, in reality, he’s a really nice guy. It doesn’t matter how long he’s known you, if he feels that you’ll be a good friend, he treats you like royalty the way he does us and we do him. It’s something I admire about him.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Jimmy said. “But I guess we’ll find out in due time.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But whatever, I guess. We should probably just leave it alone. It seems like one of those things where we just have to let it happen on its own.”
“True that,” Jimmy nodded, putting his head down on the table.
“Hey,” Matt said, making Jimmy and I look up to him. “I’ve got an idea for a song. We should go out and work on it to kill some time before we bail.”
“Cool,” I said standing up and stretching. “I’m down. It was getting a tad bit boring anyway.”
“Awesome,” Matt said getting to his feet and walking out to the garage before us.
“What’d you have in mind,” Jimmy asked.
“Okay, so don’t bust my balls or anything,” Matt started, putting his hands up. “But I really wanted to do something for Val. I’ve got lyrics and a basic melody for them, but I can’t seem to put it with anything, so I was thinking of a ballad type thing.”
I looked between Jimmy, Brian and Johnny and shrugged.
“That’s cool,” I said nonchalantly.
“Yeah dude,” Brian croaked before clearing his throat. “Why not? That was pretty long overdue.”
“Haha! I was just going to say that,” Johnny laughed.
Matt turned to Jimmy with a questioning look.
“I’m cool with it, bro,” Jimmy said with a smile. “She does a lot for us.”
“Awesome,” Matt grinned. “Alright well I kind of wanted it to start with a piano piece and have that kind of guide the whole song and slowly add stuff as it went. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, dude I get you,” Johnny said excitedly. “Like a queue almost.”
“Fuck yeah,” Matt chuckled, getting hyped up.
“Can you sing the song,” Jimmy asked.
“Sure thing,” Matt nodded. “Just give me a count.”
Jimmy gave a count on his cymbal and from there Matt took over. I don’t think I’ve ever had a geekier moment in my life…
“Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.”
“Awww,” Johnny cooed.
“Dude, for real,” I breathed. “That was nice!”
“I have the perfect thing to go with that,” Jimmy said. “This is it guys. This can be our last song on this fucking demo and we’re good.”
Jimmy looked around at us as we all seemed to hold our breath.
“What do you say we record whatever you have and then we take off,” Brian asked with a big grin. “I think we deserve to cut practice a little short.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
~Emi~
It had to be around 8 or 9 and I was already tired, the girls were doing all they could to keep me up and it had to be the cutest thing ever.
“Aw come on, Emi,” Val begged playfully. “You can’t be sleepy now! The boys are almost here!”
“I’m not going to make it, guys,” I chuckled, rubbing my eyes. “Go on without me!”
“Oh my gosh,” Michelle giggled. “You two are so freaking dramatic! Emi, why don’t you go and take a shower, and I’ll fix something up that will keep you awake for the time being?”
“Okie dokies,” I said, willing myself up from the blanket I was bundled in on the floor in front of the coffee table.
“You can borrow some of my sleep clothes,” Val told me, getting up and leading me to the bathroom. “Here, I’m going to go grab some and you just start your shower. I’ll leave your bag so you can put your clothes in it and the sleepwear and a towel on the rack for you.”
“Thank you, Val,” I sang sleepily, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I turned the shower on, stripped down and folded my clothes neatly before hopping in and relaxing under the hot spray of water.
I started washing my hair and about halfway through my rinse, the door opened and then closed, and I looked out to see light pink, satin-ish, clothing sitting on top of a lavender colored towel. I popped my head back into the shower and finished rinsing my hair out before going on to scrubbing myself. I never really took very long taking a shower, but I decided to take my time right now. As I rinsed the soap off of myself, I took a moment to observe my skin. Some of it was very smooth and soft while the rest of it, the parts no one can really see, is scarred and ropy. Ever since the realization that Samuel was really gone hit me, I gained a new, much more terribly uncomfortable feeling when I saw the scars.
Before I let all the ugly thoughts get to me, I took a deep breath, turned off the water, and reached for the towel. As I dried myself, I couldn’t help but feel jealous of the twins. They were so beautiful, and their skin was so flawless. I used to get a lot of compliments on the way I looked when I was way younger, but ever since I started scarring most of the time the compliments are on how nicely I’ve dressed or something. If not, it’s an insult about the scar on my face. I don’t pay any mind to it usually, because no one knows how I got them, and I really didn’t mind keeping it that way.
I stepped out of the shower after I finished drying myself off, and wrapped the towel around me wiping off the foggy mirror with my hand and stared at my face (well, at my scar) for a good minute before I heard the guys voices in the other room. I got dressed and looked at myself in the large mirror again.
“Oh my God, why is this so skimpy,” I muttered to myself, eyes wide.
I pulled at the bottom of the small shorts, trying to cover the thick ropy scars on my thighs when I noticed that the neck of the spaghetti strapped shirt also revealed the scars on my chest and a little under my arms.
“Fuck,” I whispered harshly, bouncing up and down a bit in a panicky manner.
There was a gentle knock that made my head snap to the direction of the door. I swear that it was in that moment that my heart stopped beating.
“Emi,” Johnny asked. “Is everything okay?”
“Uhh,” what the fuck do I say?! Oh my gosh! “Y- yeah. Everything’s fine. Sorry, let me just get my things.”
“Oh, no rush,” Johnny laughed through the door. “The girls just sent me to check on you real quick.”
I shoved my clothes in my bag and stuck it between the sink and the wall and grabbed the damp towel and opened the door with a shaky hand. Johnny’s eyes widened a bit.
Please don’t say anything. Please don’t say anything…
After talking to Val and Michelle for a while, I kind of fell out of the convo and chuckled when I saw that Jimmy had done the same with Brian and Matt.
We started mouthing a bunch of obscenities to each other and snickering quietly, until we both noticed Emi sitting quietly, staring off into space with a hurt look on her face.
“What’s wrong with her,” Jimmy mouthed.
I shrugged at him, and we stared at her for a few seconds before Jimmy quietly interrupted her thoughts as to not draw any attention to her.
“Hey, are you okay,” he asked.
Emi shook her head and turned to him with a questioning look on her face. “Oh, y-, yeah. I’m good,” she said. “Just thinking. Sorry.”
Jimmy gave me a sideways glance and I pursed my lips. She was a pretty bad liar.
“It’s okay,” he told her, spinning his plate on the table. “It just looks like something is bothering you, is all.”
“Oh, no, I’m fine,” Emi laughed, almost nervously. She looked down at her hands, which were folded on the table, and started twisting the ring on her finger. “I think about things too much. It’s a bad habit.”
“I know that one,” I muttered, butting in to the conversation. “Don’t worry. Whatever it is will pass.”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I know.”
That’s when it clicked. I don’t know what it was, but it had to do with the way she acted. Like she really was hiding something. I swear I almost jumped out of my skin. Aside from Johnny, I’m usually the last one to pick up on stuff, but for some reason I got this like it was nothing. Most of the time, Jimmy is the one who is really good at reading people, so this was kind of odd.
Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Val stood up and took a deep breath, sending Matt a visible wink.
“Alright,” she said in an unnecessarily loud tone, but this is usually how it always happens when our parents didn’t know we were staying the night with the twins. “The girls and I are going to leave. We’ll see you guys tomorrow. We have stuff to do.”
“Bye guys,” Michelle chimed in, getting up and grabbing Emi’s hand.
“Byyyyyyye,” we all said, laughing a bit.
We listened as the girls said their goodbyes to Matt’s parents, then Matt, Brian and Johnny resumed their conversation about whatever bullshit they were talking about at first as Jimmy came over to sit next to me.
“That was fucking weird,” Jimmy said to me as he got settled in a chair.
“I know, man,” I nodded. “I wonder what was on her mind.”
“I don’t know, but I fucking get what you were saying earlier,” he mumbled.
“I fucking told you, bitch,” I laughed.
Jimmy didn’t join in on the laughter though, but this was pretty typical. Although Jimmy can be a cruel motherfucker when he wants to be, in reality, he’s a really nice guy. It doesn’t matter how long he’s known you, if he feels that you’ll be a good friend, he treats you like royalty the way he does us and we do him. It’s something I admire about him.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Jimmy said. “But I guess we’ll find out in due time.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But whatever, I guess. We should probably just leave it alone. It seems like one of those things where we just have to let it happen on its own.”
“True that,” Jimmy nodded, putting his head down on the table.
“Hey,” Matt said, making Jimmy and I look up to him. “I’ve got an idea for a song. We should go out and work on it to kill some time before we bail.”
“Cool,” I said standing up and stretching. “I’m down. It was getting a tad bit boring anyway.”
“Awesome,” Matt said getting to his feet and walking out to the garage before us.
“What’d you have in mind,” Jimmy asked.
“Okay, so don’t bust my balls or anything,” Matt started, putting his hands up. “But I really wanted to do something for Val. I’ve got lyrics and a basic melody for them, but I can’t seem to put it with anything, so I was thinking of a ballad type thing.”
I looked between Jimmy, Brian and Johnny and shrugged.
“That’s cool,” I said nonchalantly.
“Yeah dude,” Brian croaked before clearing his throat. “Why not? That was pretty long overdue.”
“Haha! I was just going to say that,” Johnny laughed.
Matt turned to Jimmy with a questioning look.
“I’m cool with it, bro,” Jimmy said with a smile. “She does a lot for us.”
“Awesome,” Matt grinned. “Alright well I kind of wanted it to start with a piano piece and have that kind of guide the whole song and slowly add stuff as it went. You know what I mean?”
“Yeah, dude I get you,” Johnny said excitedly. “Like a queue almost.”
“Fuck yeah,” Matt chuckled, getting hyped up.
“Can you sing the song,” Jimmy asked.
“Sure thing,” Matt nodded. “Just give me a count.”
Jimmy gave a count on his cymbal and from there Matt took over. I don’t think I’ve ever had a geekier moment in my life…
“Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your love's always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.”
“Awww,” Johnny cooed.
“Dude, for real,” I breathed. “That was nice!”
“I have the perfect thing to go with that,” Jimmy said. “This is it guys. This can be our last song on this fucking demo and we’re good.”
Jimmy looked around at us as we all seemed to hold our breath.
“What do you say we record whatever you have and then we take off,” Brian asked with a big grin. “I think we deserve to cut practice a little short.”
_____________________________________________________________________________
~Emi~
It had to be around 8 or 9 and I was already tired, the girls were doing all they could to keep me up and it had to be the cutest thing ever.
“Aw come on, Emi,” Val begged playfully. “You can’t be sleepy now! The boys are almost here!”
“I’m not going to make it, guys,” I chuckled, rubbing my eyes. “Go on without me!”
“Oh my gosh,” Michelle giggled. “You two are so freaking dramatic! Emi, why don’t you go and take a shower, and I’ll fix something up that will keep you awake for the time being?”
“Okie dokies,” I said, willing myself up from the blanket I was bundled in on the floor in front of the coffee table.
“You can borrow some of my sleep clothes,” Val told me, getting up and leading me to the bathroom. “Here, I’m going to go grab some and you just start your shower. I’ll leave your bag so you can put your clothes in it and the sleepwear and a towel on the rack for you.”
“Thank you, Val,” I sang sleepily, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I turned the shower on, stripped down and folded my clothes neatly before hopping in and relaxing under the hot spray of water.
I started washing my hair and about halfway through my rinse, the door opened and then closed, and I looked out to see light pink, satin-ish, clothing sitting on top of a lavender colored towel. I popped my head back into the shower and finished rinsing my hair out before going on to scrubbing myself. I never really took very long taking a shower, but I decided to take my time right now. As I rinsed the soap off of myself, I took a moment to observe my skin. Some of it was very smooth and soft while the rest of it, the parts no one can really see, is scarred and ropy. Ever since the realization that Samuel was really gone hit me, I gained a new, much more terribly uncomfortable feeling when I saw the scars.
Before I let all the ugly thoughts get to me, I took a deep breath, turned off the water, and reached for the towel. As I dried myself, I couldn’t help but feel jealous of the twins. They were so beautiful, and their skin was so flawless. I used to get a lot of compliments on the way I looked when I was way younger, but ever since I started scarring most of the time the compliments are on how nicely I’ve dressed or something. If not, it’s an insult about the scar on my face. I don’t pay any mind to it usually, because no one knows how I got them, and I really didn’t mind keeping it that way.
I stepped out of the shower after I finished drying myself off, and wrapped the towel around me wiping off the foggy mirror with my hand and stared at my face (well, at my scar) for a good minute before I heard the guys voices in the other room. I got dressed and looked at myself in the large mirror again.
“Oh my God, why is this so skimpy,” I muttered to myself, eyes wide.
I pulled at the bottom of the small shorts, trying to cover the thick ropy scars on my thighs when I noticed that the neck of the spaghetti strapped shirt also revealed the scars on my chest and a little under my arms.
“Fuck,” I whispered harshly, bouncing up and down a bit in a panicky manner.
There was a gentle knock that made my head snap to the direction of the door. I swear that it was in that moment that my heart stopped beating.
“Emi,” Johnny asked. “Is everything okay?”
“Uhh,” what the fuck do I say?! Oh my gosh! “Y- yeah. Everything’s fine. Sorry, let me just get my things.”
“Oh, no rush,” Johnny laughed through the door. “The girls just sent me to check on you real quick.”
I shoved my clothes in my bag and stuck it between the sink and the wall and grabbed the damp towel and opened the door with a shaky hand. Johnny’s eyes widened a bit.
Please don’t say anything. Please don’t say anything…
Notes
Please bear with it guys. I know it's a little boring.
Also, I know that Johnny didn't start in the band at the beginning and I know he didn't go to the same school as the guys, but this is how I wanted it. So BAH!
Love this!! Update please!
2/4/15