~Emi~

“Samuel, don’t leave!”
I woke up at the sound of my own scream, breathless, and crying. I didn’t notice my grandmother standing in my doorway until she came and sat on my bed, pulling me in for a hug.

“Shhhhhh,” she said. “It will be okay, mija.”
I shook my head and sobbed into her nightgown. “No, no it won’t,” I cried. “Mi corazón está roto y no puedo arreglarlo. Nada puede.” (My heart is broken and I can't fix it. Nothing can.)
My grandmother rocked me back and forth, the same way she did when I was a child.
“I know, mija. I know,” she cooed. “It’s okay.”

I cried with her for a while, and when I stopped, she wiped my tears.
“What do you say you get out of bed,” she asked. “I need to go for a walk and the Sun is going to come up soon anyway.”
I nodded at her. “Okay,” she said, smiling softly at me. “I’ll go and get dressed. You do the same.”
I nodded again and got out of my bed once she was out the door.

I grabbed a pink baby doll shirt, and some light blue jeans, then pulled my hair up into a bun and walked out to the living room where my grandmother was already waiting for me.
She smiled at me then led me out of the front door.
I didn’t really pay attention to where we were going, I was just walking with her in silence.
Even as the Sun came up, I was not comforted. Not in the least bit. There was a coldness that not even the warmth of light could touch…

“Come this way,” my grandmother said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I looked up to see her walking to a playground. I hadn’t even realized that we had walked into a park.
I followed her and sat next to her in a swing.
“¿Qué estás pensando,” my grandmother asked. (What are you thinking?)
I shook my head. “I don’t know, abuelita,” I said. “I don’t know what to think.”
“Well then how are you feeling,” she asked me.
I sighed heavily, and sat silently for a bit, twisting my engagement ring on my finger. “Lost,” I started. “Tired, and lost. Sadness, grief, mourning, depression. It doesn’t cover it. I could be smiling and laughing, but… Mis entrañas están recurriendo a pudrirse... Siento que no puedo seguir viviendo. Me duele demasiado.” (My insides are turning to rot… I feel like I can’t keep living. It hurts me too much.)
“Look,” my grandmother said, pointing towards the sunrise. “Cada día el mundo experimenta dolor y la pérdida. Pero no importa cómo la profunda herida , comienza de nuevo y mantiene viva y en crecimiento. Así es la vida. Puedes llorar, pero nunca habrá ninguna razón para renunciar. That isn’t what he would want for you.” (Every day the world experiences heartache and loss. But no matter how deep the wound, it starts anew and keeps living and growing. That is life. You can grieve, but there will never be any reason to give up.)

I had nothing to say to her. I knew that she was right and I knew that I had to move on in one way or another, but that didn’t change the fact that I still felt betrayed and heartbroken. And I still had no way out. I suppose that would just be something that I would have to figure out on my own.
We sat together for hours, watching the world wake up, enjoying the sounds of nature, when suddenly my grandmother decided that she was hungry and wanted to get a pie from the store and whatever else she would want when we got to the store. She’s silly like that.

We made our way out of the park and to a small corner store nearby, and I followed her around the store, not really paying any attention to what she was saying to me. Or to anything for that matter.
That is until…

“Emi,” a voice asked. “Is that you?”
My head snapped up and I turned to the direction that the voice came from to be met by Matt.
“Matt,” I asked. “Hi there!”
“Hey,” he said with a smile. “Hey Val! Guys! Look at who I found!”
At this, my grandmother stopped to see who was talking to me, making that face that people make when they’re trying to figure something out about a person.

“Hi Emi,” Val squealed, coming around from the other isle and greeting me with a hug. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going,” I said sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Aw hun,” she frowned. “You look pretty tired. Did you get any rest?”
“Eh, kind of,” I sighed. “But it’s cool.”
“What the Hell are you doing here,” Jimmy butted it.
“Dude, her grandma is here, dumbass,” Matt hissed, trying to keep it down.
Only, my grandma heard, and she laughed.
“I’m here hunting elephants,” I chuckled. “What else do you do at a corner store?”
“Daaaaamn,” said one of the boys that was with them. “You’ve got a mouth on you, girl!”
“For real,” Jimmy said laughing.

My grandmother walked closer to me and smiled at everyone widely, earning some polite waves in return.
“Emi,” she said in a warning tone. “Voy a terminar aquí y luego podemos salir. Si quieren, tus amigos pueden venir también. Eso sí, no te metas en problemas.” (I'm going to finish up here and then we can leave. If they want, your friends can come too. Just don't get into any trouble.)
“Si abuelita,” I told her.
She walked away from me, leaving me with the group of kids that I hardly knew.
“What was that,” Jimmy asked, making a funny face.
“My grandma,” I asked, getting a nod. “Oh nothing. She was just saying that she was going to finish up and then we could go home.”
“Oh,” Val said. “That’s cool.”

We all stood there in an awkward silence for a few seconds before I decided to speak up again.
“Uhm, actually,” I started. “She said that if you guys wanted to come over and hang out, you could. My parents are working and it’s just us and my little brother.”

They all shared looks before agreeing.
“Sounds cool,” Matt said.
“Okay,” I smiled, as Val linked her arm through mine, winking at the guys.
“By the way,” one of the new guys said. “I’m Zacky. You can call me Zacky.”
“I’m Brian,” the other boy said. “The guys sometimes call me Syn, for Synyster Gates. And this is my girlfriend, Michelle. Val’s sister.”
“It’s nice to meet you guys,” I said with a wave. “I’m Emilce. Just call me Emi. It’s easier to pronounce.”

“Emi,” My grandmother called.
“Oh, so do you guys want to go now,” I asked, turning to walk away.
“Uh, sure,” Val said. “Why not?”
“Okay, well we walked over here,” I told them, twisting my engagement ring. “We don’t live far though.”
“That’s fine, Emi,” Michelle said, smiling at me. “We walked here too.”
“Okay,” I said, starting to walk towards my grandma with Val still on my arm. Once we were out the door, everyone seemed to get over the awkwardness.

“I can take the bags from you,” Brian said to my grandmother, grabbing hold of one of them.
“I can take the other form you too,” Matt told her.
“Oh thank you,” my grandmother said sweetly as she handed them off to the boys. “You’re so sweet.”
“No problem,” Matt said with a smile, earning a wink from Val.
The guys played around the entire way to my house, making weird noises, playing jokes on each other, making fun of each other, and even trying to charm my grandmother. *insert eye roll here.*

“You know,” my grandmother giggled. “Ass kissing doesn’t do much for people nowadays.”
We all “Ooooo’ed” and laughed loudly.
“Jeez,” Jimmy laughed. “Now we know where Emi gets her mouth from!”
“That’s nothing,” my grandmother said, making me roll my eyes. “You’ll come to find that she’s much sassier than it seems.”
“Can’t wait to see that,” Zacky chuckled from behind us.

“Hey, I live right there,” Jimmy exclaimed, pointing to a house on the corner of the street I live on.
“Really,” I asked. “We live right over there. On the other side, three houses down.”
“Holy shit,” Brian said. “That’s cool! I live on street over there!” He pointed to the street to the right of us.
“Small world, huh,” Michelle chuckled.
_____________________________________________________________________________




~Hours later~


I didn’t think that I would get along with this group of kids so easily. We liked the same kind of music, which is perfect, and we all had the same kind of hobbies and interests. The only thing is that I could be considered a goody-two-shoes type of kid compared to them, not that I never got into trouble or fought in school or anything, I just didn’t do it deliberately or as often as they did. Not that I cared.

We spent the majority of the day camped out on the living room floor, playing video games and watching movies, while my grandmother kept replacing whatever it was that we were eating every so often and Augustin played with Jimmy and Michelle, still in his Superman footie pajamas.
“Aw man,” Zacky groaned. “I’m so ready for a nap for some reason. What time is it?”
“Dude, it’s like, 3:30,” Matt said, eyes glued to the T.V., gamer face on.
“Shut up,” Brian said, sitting up straight. “Time when by fucking fast!”
“Aw, that means by the time the fun really starts, we’ll have to go home,” Michelle whined.
“Don’t say that,” Val sighed, exasperated. “You’ll jinx it!”
“It’s not like not saying it will help,” Jimmy pointed out making Augustin laugh when he made an ugly face.

“Shush you,” Val said. “Ugh, what now?”
“Oh, why don’t we all go back to your house,” Zacky asked. “Sleep over again? You said your parents aren’t going to be there, right?”
“Oooo! Good idea Zacky,” Michelle cheered.
Valary turned to me quickly. “Do you think you would be able to spend the night at my house,” she asked with puppy dog eyes.
“I’m pretty sure I can,” I told her. “I can ask my grandma. She says yes to everything.”
“Doubt,” Jimmy yelled.
“Kay,” I said, getting to my feet. “Watch!”
“I want to see this,” Matt laughed, hopping up and bringing Val with him.

I walked to the kitchen where Augustin pushed past me and to my grandmother who was washing dishes.
“Abuelita,” I asked sweetly.
“Yes,” she answered, not looking away from what she was doing.
“¿Puedo pasar la noche en la casa de Val y Michelle? Por Favor,” I asked desperately. (Can I stay the night at Val’s and Michelle’s house? Please?)

With no hesitation my grandmother just nodded and continued with what she was doing.
“Just make sure you don’t get into any trouble with her parents,” she said carelessly.
“She won’t,” Val squealed. “Come on, let’s get you some clothes for tomorrow. You can shower at my house. Come on, Chelle. Let’s help her!”
Michelle bounced up and pushed past the guys who were blocking the way and I led them to my room.
“Whoa, nice posters,” Michelle said, staring at the collection I had that I was very proud of.
“Thanks,” I told her, grabbing a bag from one of my open boxes and throwing some stuff in there. “I have a lot more that I need to put up still.”
“Dang,” Val muttered. “I like your taste in music. It’s funny though, cause you look super prissy and then your room is so freaking brutal.”
Michelle and I laughed at the tone of her voice, as I went to grab some clothes.

“I hate that I have so many things to wear, but I don’t know what to wear,” I whined, looking through my closet.
“Ooooo! Can I pick,” Michelle said, bouncing to my side with Val hot on her heels.
“Go for it,” I laughed. “If you want, you can borrow something out of there. I don’t mind.”
“Oh my gosh, look at this,” Michelle cooed, turning to Val with one of my lace tops in hand.
“That’s so pretty, but she can’t wear that,” Val said.
“Why not,” her sister asked in a grumpy tone.
“The boys have a show tomorrow and I want to take her,” Val said nonchalantly, going through my things. “If she wears lace, it’ll get ruined.”
“Ohhh, good point,” Michelle commented, returning to her search.

“A show,” I asked in a small voice. “What kind of show?”
“The guys are in a band,” Valary laughed. “I thought I told you.”
“Hmmm,” I mumbled, trying to remember if it had been mentioned. “I don’t really remember if you did.”
Michelle laughed. “Probably not, considering it always slips our minds. Ooooooo! Look at these leggings! That so interesting!”
“Oh! Oh! They would go with this so perfectly,” Val said excitedly. “By the way, how did you end up with a Metallica dress? I didn’t know that was in stores!”
“My grandma made that, actually,” I said, walking up to her and touching the dress. “I had a shirt that I grew out of and she chopped off the bottom and sewed it to a skirt. It’s my favorite out of all my band merch.”
“She should wear this,” Michelle said, bouncing on her feet. “With the leggings. Oh my goodness, yes!”
“With these shoes,” Val squealed, grabbing a pair of flats that had a little pump with to them.
“And I curl your hair,” Michelle cheered. “And Val can do your makeup!”
“We should use the money mom and dad left us and get our nails done,” Val gasped. “Dude, yes! That’s it. The boys can stay home and practice or something.”
“Wow, you guys are really excited,” I laughed.
Val turned to me with a smile. “You have no idea,” she said with a laugh of her own. “We’re with the guys all the time! It’s so hard get girl time!”

“Come on, put these in your bag,” Michelle told me. “I’m going to pick through some of your jewelry.”
I did as she said then sat down on my bed where Val did the same. We sat there and talked for a while, completely forgetting the guys waiting downstairs for us, and Michelle came back with some stud earrings and a long necklace that had a heart made from wire on it.
“Who’s that,” Val asked point to a picture of Samuel I had on my dresser.
My heart dropped. I didn’t know what to tell her, I couldn’t even breathe.
I turned to her and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I felt my face go red and hot when I felt the tears coming to my eyes.

“What’s wrong,” Michelle asked, putting her hand on my shoulder, turning to Val frantically. “What happened?”
I shook my head and wiped my face. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean to react like that.”
“No, no,” Val told me, grabbing my hands. “It’s okay. I was just curious, is all. You don’t need to answer.”
“It’s fine,” I said, forcing a smile, trying to come up with something quickly. “He, -He’s a very close friend of mine. Since we were very little. I, -It was pretty hard to leave him behind. I just really miss him.”
Michelle nodded and Val gave me a sympathetic look, which made me feel absolutely terrible for lying to them.
“I understand, hun” Michelle said, feeding into my guilt. “But it’ll be okay. You’re a senior right? After you graduate, maybe you could go back and see him. Just like that. Easy as pie!”
My heart began to sink, ‘I wish it really were that easy…’

A loud banging on my door reverberated through my room.
“The fuck are you doing in there,” Jimmy yelled.
“We’re naked, go away,” Michelle yelled back, making us laugh.
“Aw fuck that,” Brian said. “I should fucking be in there.”

Val got up and locked the door quickly, then jumped back onto the bed. We busted out laughing when the door knob started being jiggled.
“You should be in there? Fuck that,” Matt said.
“Aw, why’d you lock the door,” Jimmy whined, making us all laugh again.
“Move, I’ve got this,” Zacky said.

“Dude, Zacky can pick a lock,” Val said loudly, adding to the excitement. “Hurry up! Put your clothes on! Hurry!”
Michelle and I giggled as we made ourselves comfortable on my bed.
“Hurry up Zee,” Jimmy said. “I wanna see!”
“Ugh, you’re such a pervert Jimmy,” Michelle teased.
Finally the door popped open and the girls and I laughed at the expressions on the boys’ faces.
“You assholes,” Jimmy screeched, jumping onto the bed (or onto me, I should say, since I was in between the twins), and squishing us.
“Ahh!! Jimmy, no,” Michelle squeaked.
“Get off! You’re suffocating Emi,” Val said, tickling Jimmy.

“Ahh! No, stop,” Jimmy begged. I laughed against his chest, trying to push him off of me.
“Dude, he’s going to piss on her,” Zacky laughed.
“Oh my gosh, no,” I yelled, squirming against Jimmy’s weight.
“No he won’t,” Val laughed. “I’ll stop when you get off of her!”
“I’m going to fart! Hahaha,” Jimmy cried through his laughter. “Agh! Stop! I’m going to faaaarrrrrrtt!!”
“Ew! Okay, okay, I’m done,” Val chuckled, crawling off the bed.
“We should get going now,” Matt said. “The little shit is supposed to meet us at my house in a little while.”
“Okay,” Michelle said. “But us girls are going downtown so we can do our nails.”
“Ew, okay,” Brian said, scrunching up his nose. “You can go do that. We’ll be at Matt’s later.”
“Ew, fine,” Michelle mocked, tiptoeing to peck his lips.

And with that we made our way downstairs and started our little adventure.
The walk wasn’t long at all. A little ways away from the store we all met up at this morning. We stopped by Michelle and Val’s house so that I could leave my bag there and parted ways with the guys.

“Have you been downtown yet,” Val asked, starting the conversation up as we walked.
I shook my head. “Nope, we never really made the time to,” I told her. “We kind of kept ourselves busy at home.”
“Aw, I hate when our parents do that shit,” Michelle said, tying her hair back with a hair band she pulled out of her pocket.
“Oh man,” Val said, grabbing my hand. “You’re going to have so much fun today!”
I laughed and grabbed Michelle’s hand with my other one, and we started laughing for some reason.
“I’m looking forward to it then,” I said cheerily.

Why can’t this pit in my stomach just go away? I want to be happy…

Notes

I know I said I was going to put this chapter up last night, but I fell asleep! I'm sorry!!