Secret Affair

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BRIAN'S P.O.V. -

We finally leave the house and Matt gets River and Owen in the back seats of the car, buckling them both in. Michelle sits in the passengers seat next to me as I start the car up. Thinking about what Val had said about Jimmy, anger and rage still fill my body. Gripping the steering wheel tightly with my hands, I hold back my tears as I think more and more about Jimmy. My best friend. He and I would do everything together... Sure it's been four years, almost five years he's been gone, but ever since he left there's been an emptiness that I just can't fill no matter what I seem to do. Everything reminds me of him everyday. I look at a tree and remember that one time he fell of a tree and broke both of his arms and you would expect that he'd be in pain, but no. He was staring at both his arms, fascinated by how they were shaped and he began hitting me with his two broken arms, chasing me around as he just wobbled his arms around like they had no bones in them.

I smile as I think about how insane that kid was, and how I got to see it all first hand. He was so nice and kind... he loved life so much because he knew he had a time limit set on him. He knew he would die. We all knew... I remember the first Christmas he had with my family and I. He didn't want any presents. He never asked for anything. The fact that we let him live with us was enough for him. He loved having people around him. He could make me laugh until I began crying hysterically and he was the only person who's ever done that. I miss everything about him...

"You okay babe?" Michelle asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I look over at her and force a smile, "yeah, I'm fine." I lie.

"Can we go now? I'm afraid that Val could come out with a bazooka any second!" Matt exclaims.

I lightly chuckle at the thought of that and put the keys in, pulling the car out of the driveway and begin the drive home. Again, losing myself in the thoughts of Jimmy. Trying my hardest to not pull over and just start bawling like a little kid.

Why did Val say that about Jimmy? He was her friend too, so why would she not only bash on me but also on him? He doesn't deserve that. I did, not him. She knows how sensitive I am when it comes to Jimmy, hell, everyone does! Wait. Maybe that's why she said that about him. Because she knew it would get to me. She knew how much it would hurt me. She KNEW exactly what she was saying and she has no remorse for it! If she had really cared about Jimmy then she wouldn't have even brought him up! I stop the car and pull over to the side of the road angrily, breathing heavily at this new realization.
"
Why are we stopping?" Matt asks confused.

I grit my teeth, wrapping both my hands on the steering wheel tightly, "she never cared about Jimmy..." I say quietly, "she took his life for granted..." I growl lowly.

Michelle places her hand on my arm, "we can talk about this when we get home. Okay?" She says cautiously, afraid that I might snap at her the exact same way I did with Val.
I nod my head and begin driving home again, only getting more and more deeper into my thoughts, making my anger rise. I'm not an angry person by any means, but this is unacceptable!

We finally get back home and I help Matt carry all of the boys' stuff into their bedrooms that they would normally sleep in when Michelle or I would watch them. And Matt unpacks his stuff in the other bedroom, just across the hall from River and Owen. Once we finish that I go into the kitchen, quietly getting a glass of water, hoping it will help me chill out. Normally I would be drinking booze or something alcoholic, but ever since Jimmy passed, I haven't even been able to look at alcohol without crying. That was our thing. The only other times when I wouldn't drink when Jimmy was around was if I was upset about something. I usually would always drink when I was happy. Not sad.

"You okay?" Michelle asks, walking into the kitchen with me.

Leaning up against the kitchen counter, I set the glass of water down, shrugging my shoulders, "am I ever okay anymore?" I question back, staring out the window behind my wife.

"Jimmy day again?" She asks, sitting up on the counter next to me. A Jimmy day is just a day where I'll be just depressed all day. Pretty much mourning the loss of my friend again. It used to be terrible. I would just start crying out of nowhere when everyone would think I'm completely fine, then a few tears would go into a full on panic attack. That happened on almost a daily basis, but as time has passed the fits of depression have decreased. I have been slowly regaining myself back. But yes, I still do have days where thinking about Jimmy will upset me, I don't have panic attacks anymore though which is good. But about two times a week I'll visit Jimmy's grave. Just to tell him how everyone's doing and how much we all miss him. And of course to make sure no one's vandalizing his grave. It's happened a couple of times already.

"Another Jimmy day again?" she asks sympathetically.

I put my head on her shoulder, "yeah..."

Michelle lays her head over mine, running her hand through my hair, "I miss him too, baby... I miss him too..."

"Why him? He never hurt anyone..." I say against Michelle's shoulder.

"I wish I could answer that, but I can't." Michelle replies.

Notes