Life According To Amber Lynn Haner

*Amber's POV*

We sat in IHOP in silence for what seemed like forever, but may have only been a few minutes. There was nothing to say. I could tell Dad was worried as to why I wasn't eating, and I couldn't blame him. As I've said before, he's got a head case for a daughter. Some days I'll be fine, then there are others when my whole world is literally falling apart at the seams. I'm like a time-bomb, and he never knows when I'll just explode and relapse again. It must be really hard for him, and he doesn't deserve it.

I stared out the window, half-heartedly drinking my Oreo milkshake, and trying to distract myself from the hurricane inside my mind. These days, I don't even know where my head is at, and I'm just a lost soul.

"It's not like you not to want to eat, so why aren't you eating?" Dad asked, and I set my milkshake down on the table and put my hands inside my sleeves.

"I told you, my mouth hurts and I can't eat." I replied, more harshly than intended.

"I know that's not the case, Amber, so why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying."

"Don't play this game again. Tell me what's wrong or else.."

"You won't get it.."

"What do you mean I won't get it? I know what you're like, and you know I can help you out with stuff like that. On the other hand, if its a female-problem, then you know I can't help you with that. I just need to know what's wrong."

"You won't understand.."

"But I'll try to. Just please tell me what's going on."

"You don't understand what it's like to constantly be at war with yourself. It's like a hurricane is inside your mind. Along with that comes depression, relapses and the feeling of being suicidal. I've been like this for years, and its come to a point where no amount of kind words, hugs and therapy can fix me. I'm practically drowning, and I can't come to the surface." I spoke lowly and quietly, so that nobody else could here.

"Amber, I get it, I do. I've seen how you've been acting lately, and maybe it's just parental instinct, but I can tell that you haven't been yourself fully for quite a while now. But as I keep saying, that's ok, and you just get better at your own pace. You'll make it through, you're stronger than you think you are."

"That's what they all say, Dad. You, my late mom, Austin, the guys, the therapists I've seen over the years.. You all mean well. But you're wrong, I'm not strong, and I won't get better. I'll be out in the car. I'll see you in a while."

-----

I got into the passenger seat of the jeep and literally sobed my heart out for about ten minutes. Once I started crying, it was as if I couldn't stop. Months upon months upon months of emotions and tears that I'd bottled up had finally decided to pour from my eyes, and I'd felt a bit better. It was so bad that I think I'd cried myself dry. I was in such a state that I didn't know that Dad had came and sat in the drivers seat, but hadn't started the engine yet.

"Feel any better?" He asked, taking my hand in his and giving it a small squeeze.

"A bit." I sniffled, and rested my other arm on the window, and ran a hand through my hair. I was a mess.

"Just take it easy on yourself for the next few days, because you won't get better straight away. It takes time to heal from stuff like this."

"I guess. But I'm going back to school, because that'll give me something to do, and something to distract myself with. Plus, I can't afford to miss any more days on this side of Christmas."

"That's my girl. I'm telling you, you're stronger than you think you are."

"Thanks, Dad. It's nice that you think that, and I'm great full for it.."

I just wish I could believe I'm stronger than I think I am.

Notes

A lot of dialogue, sorry guys :/

I'm also sorry for the lack of updates this week, I'm studying for and have been doing my Christmas exams, and its bloody awful! I've only got my English exam left to do tomorrow, so from then on I'll try to update more over my Christmas break :3 cx

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