Life According To Amber Lynn Haner

*Amber's POV*

California is still like a sauna, and it's growing unbearable. To say how hot it was, I actually started to wear high-waisted shorts, and with the way that my thighs are full of cuts and scars, that's not an easy thing to do. I'm able to cover them up for now, but it's only a matter of time before Dad sees them, and I don't even want to think about what'll happen there.

As for taking advantage of the good weather, I'm now pretty brown in colour, and I've lost track of how many barbecues we've gone to. But being the awkward shit that I am, I could only eat fries because of my vegetarian-ness. Go me!

I was sitting down on the beach in my high-waisted shorts and a cropped top, sunbathing and listening to music, generally having a really good time, until somebody blocked my sun, and that somebody was pretty tall and wearing black (how he can fucking do that I'll never know). Dad.

"Having fun?" He stood there with his arms folded, awaiting for my answer. I got the sense that I was in trouble, but for what reason?

"Uh..yeah..why?" I answered, taking off my sunglasses and sitting up.

"Sunblock. You didn't put sunblock on this morning, so you'll get burnt and I sure as fuck ain't putting up with your whining about being in pain." He tossed the bottle of sunblock at me while I tried to figure out how I was caught.

"Dad, I'm fourteen years old, you don't need to come after me about sunblock. I'm fine."

"You won't be when you're the colour of a raspberry."

"But I won't tan if I'm wearing sunblock!"

"You'll be fine. I'm not leaving till you put it on, because knowing you, you'll toss it aside and say nothing."

"Then get yourself comfortable because I'm not putting it on." I put back on my sunglasses and my headphones, and noticed that he did in fact sit down next to me. I'm just awfully stubborn, and I won't give in.

-----

After listening to all of Collide With The Sky, I was about to change over to lie on my stomach, when some sort of cold thing hit it. Oh no he didn't.

"Oh my gosh! What the hell?" I screamed, jumping up out of my position and noticing a big blob of sunblock on my stomach. Oh my god.

"I was waiting for the right time to do that." Dad said, taking off his own sunglasses and hooking them onto his tshirt.

"I'm not going to tan evenly now!" He wasn't paying attention, and I followed his gaze, and I knew then that he saw my thighs and the state that they were in. "I..I can explain.."

"I know, I know. It's ok, I'm not mad. But please just stop, it hurts me to see you like that." He hasn't even seen the state of my wrists yet because I always wear bracelets.

"I can't promise nothin', but I'll try."

"Please do. I don't like seeing you like that."

"I don't like doing it, but sometimes the pain becomes too much, and I feel like it's my only other option."

"It's not your only other option, you can always tell me, and I'll do my best to help."

"Thanks.."

"It's what I'm here for."

"Along with cash, when I need it."

"That too." We remained on the beach for a little while longer, before calling it a day and heading home.

-----

That night, after I was showered and in my pyjamas, I'd decided once and for all to come clean about my past, and why I do what I do to myself. Dad was downstairs in the living room watching yet another episode of Arrow, so I sat next to him, and picked at the skin on my thumb. I took off all of my bracelets, so my scars, both old and new, were exposed, and I don't know how I felt about it.

"So..I said I'd tell you about why I did what I did to myself..l I said quietly, and he paused the tv.

"It's up to you, kiddo. I'm here to listen, so if you're ready to tell me, go on ahead." He said gently, and I took a deep breath.

"Last year, I mixed in with the wrong crowd at school. This led to me taking up smoking, and occasionally drinking, and constantly being in detention. Gramps caught me smoking one day, and begged me to stop, that it was killing me. I quit smoking and stopped drinking, but because I was a back-chatter, I ended up in detention quite a lot. Kids at school picked on and bullied me because my mom was sick, and they often kicked and punched me, they pulled my hair and my lip ring too. The school never did anything about it, and I was left to fight my own battles. Aunt Larissa didn't care, and she, her husband and her kids called me fat and worthless, and that's why I cut. I cut to ease the pain, and it works. I still have nightmares about her, but they won't go away. But I cleaned up my act, and I got better for a while, but then mom died, and I was sent over the edge, which is why I tried to commit, because I felt like nothing. I don't even eat that much anymore because of the kids at school and aunt larissas's family. They destroyed me." I know I made Zacky swear not to tell Dad this the other week, but I felt a bit more ready now, so I guessed I'd have to tell him.

"Woah...Do you ever.."

"Relapse? All the time. As you can see my wrists always take the pain, but I'm used to it by now." He took my hands in his, and gently liked at both of my wrists, and gently traced over a few of the scars with his fingers.

"Well if you relapse again, just know that I'm always here for you, ok? I don't want you hurting yourself."

"Thanks..that means a lot." After that, we watched the end of Arrow, and sat hugging each other for what seemed like year ax but I'm not complaining, though, it was really nice.

Notes

Two updates in one day! \('~')/

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