Life According To Amber Lynn Haner

*Amber's POV*

I woke up on Saturday lying on my bedroom floor, my face stained in mascara. After a moment or so, everything came flooding back, and that started me off crying all over again. A good fifteen minutes later, I'd decided to drag my ass to the shower, hoping it might wash away the memories.

I was wrong. The hot water stung the cuts on my thighs, and I knew I'd screwed everything up once again. Once I'd washed my hair and washed all of my makeup off, I brushed my teeth and headed back into my room.

Feeling no purpose to dress fancy, I just threw on some faded gray skinny jeans that had the knees ripped, and my blink-182 tank and a knitted black cardigan. I dried my hair and re-did my makeup, before checking the time on my phone. It was 3pm, and I'd only slept for about 7 hours. Fuck.

-----

I walked downstairs and as I passed by the living room, I noticed Dad and all of the guys playing what looked like Call Of Duty, and after procrastinating for a moment or so, I decided to leave them be, and not bother them. They looked like they were having fun.

I went into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and half my daily dose of depression meds, and went back upstairs to my room, climbing up onto my roof after I'd taken my meds.

The streets were quiet, apart from the odd police car siren here and there, signalling that people were up to no good. My time up on the roof gives me a moment to think and breathe, and I sometimes forget my troubles. I took a big breath of air, and let it back out, hoping it would make me feel better.

I was wrong about this too. It didn't work, and all I really wanted was a cigarette. It's times like this I really wish I kept up smoking. I only stopped because Gramps caught me one day, and begged me to stop, because he said it would kill me. Little does he know, that was the whole idea. I wanted it to kill me. I thought about going and taking one of Dad's cigarettes because I knew he wouldn't notice, but I decided to leave it. Another time, I will.

This made me think about my past, and how it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I'd mixed in with the wrong crowd for a while, and that's what led me onto smoking and getting detention all of the time. Had Mom not been sick, however, I'm pretty sure things wouldn't have gone pear-shaped. I could've gotten all A's, but I ended up with mostly C's and D's, because I was a back-chatter, and 99% of the teachers didn't like me. Of course, aunt Larissa didn't care, she only tended to her kids, and I was just the outcast. I was the extra weight on her shoulders that she wanted to shift.

-----

I stayed up on my roof all day, wishing that things could've been better. Ash never called not did he text, and I felt kinda sad at that, but shook it off. I'm pretty sure the guys called my name a few times, but I couldn't say a definite answer. Soon enough it was growing dark, and the guys all left, shouting 'goodbye' up to me, as they found me on the roof when they were leaving. I waved and forced a fake smile, blinking back the tears that had begun to form again.

A while later, Dad came and joined me up on our spot on the roof, throwing a blanket around my shoulders, as he said, and I quote; "you're fucking frozen, you'll catch pneumonia or hypothermia if you freeze any more!". The sky clouded over, and I knew that there'd be a thunderstorm on the way.

"So, do you wanna tell me why you've been so distant from everybody today?" He asked, putting an arm around me while I lay my head on his shoulder.

"I think I'm suffering from heartbreak.." I crooked, wiping away yet another batch of tears. For fuck sake, Amber, pull yourself together!

"I'd guessed as much, considering what happened between you and Ash yesterday evening, and the fact that you're so out of character. Time will take its course, and it'll all work out. Believe me, I should know."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah, of course. Time heals a lot, I promise."

"W-what happened between you and my mom?" I was sniffling at this point, and he squeezed me tighter.

"The truth is, I honestly don't know. One night, we were at a party, talking and laughing, having a really good time. She'd just turned seventeen a month beforehand, and I was nearly eighteen. We were young and stupid, and you'll guess how things went from there. We rented a house downtown because we wanted our own space together, and because we were both at the same college, and it was close by. The night after the party, I came home and she was gone. She literally took all of her stuff with her, and basically left me with a note saying that she was pregnant and that she didn't want to ruin my career, as at this point, the band was beginning to take off. You don't know how gutted I was that a, I could've been a father and b, that she just left like that. Not a day went by that I didn't think of her, or the child she had. She probably told you that I was the one who left, but in fact, she fled home to Denver, and the love of my life left me." He seemed really sad, and it occurred to me then that I'd been living a lie, and that I'd been hating a guy who didn't do anything wrong.

"She always told me that you left her.."

"She probably didn't want you to hate her, that's why. I spent years looking for her, praying that she might turn up at a gig, but my prayers were never answered. I always hoped I'd meet you one day too, and here you are. I don't want to lose you like I lost her."

"And you won't lose me, I promise."

"Good, because you're a cute little thing, and despite only knowing you for two months, I already love you with everything I have, and I want you to know that."

"Oh believe me, I know it. And I love you too, and you should feel awfully special because I practically hate everyone."

"Man, where would I be without your smart little quips to everything?"

"Probably some place that's serious." This continued on for the remainder of the evening, and I felt a little better, but my heart was still hurting a lot.

Notes

I've decided to start leaving little pieces about Amber's past in the fic every now and again, so you guys can learn a little more about her in every few chapters :3

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