A Scent From Heaven
1.
‘And dust replace their souls, hearts turned into stones…’ – Last Generation (The Rasmus)
“…And don’t you forget we have rehearsal on Monday, party boy. I don’t want anyone hanging around in the studio complaining about his super hangover.”
“Jeez, Matt, my man, you gotta chill out! It’s holidays, go live a little, go travel or something. Life is too short, you know?”
“Yeah, Jimmy, and our vacation is also too short, if you don’t know. We need to have those songs ready before our new tour, have you already figured out Buried Alive bridge?”
“Hmm, yeah, I guess I have all the stuff in my mind already. I just gotta put it out to the world now. We’re gonna rock the universe with this album, Matt, I’m telling you. Metallica will be opening for us sooner than we thought, you’ll see, man, you’ll see!”
Matt chuckled on one of the phone lines. Jimmy followed suit cause he knew he was talking shit already.
“Okay, keep dreaming in there, mr. cocky pants, I gotta go now. You take care of yourself, huh?”
“Yes, ma’am! Are you sure you don’t wanna come to the party tonight? You really should come, have a blast and remember the times you used to drink everything they set in front of you until you couldn’t raise your can anymore. Come on!”
“Oh, man, I really gotta finish a few lyrics here, I feel like changing God Hates Us a little bit, improving it. You let me know when there’ll be another kick-ass Rev party and I’ll certainly be there.”
“Well, okay then. If you change your mind… I’ll be here drinking everything in front of me. See ya, fucking workaholic head.”
“Yeah, Jim, see ya.”
“Hey man, are you alright?” Brian’s sudden voice and touch on the arm scared Matt’s recollection of his last talk with Jimmy away. And he felt an extreme will to curse his best friend only because he had brought him to that hurtful reality again.
Matt motioned his head from Brian’s front porch landscape to face him and gulped a sip of his scotch. He noticed his friend looked like hell and that should probably be his mirror for now.
Matt didn’t feel like answering but he made an effort cause it was friend, Brian.
“You know what, Brian? I’m not. I’m really not allright. I can’t breathe here with all those people dressed in black, mourning a loss they… they didn’t even feel cause they didn’t know him like we did. I’m suffocating!” Matt loosened his tie a little and drank again.
Brian noticed he had taken a few more whisky glasses than he should and looked at him with concern. He’d never seen his friend act like that, nervous and with teary eyes at the same time. In fact, he couldn’t remember a single time he saw Matt crying.
“Why don’t you just come sit with us, relax a bit. Johnny is telling a few crazy stories in there about him, everybody is laughing, that’s how… Jimmy would want it to be, right?”
Matt placed his hand on his eyes, massaging his aching temples. The last thing he wanted to do is laughing now. Actually, what he really wanted to do was to get away from everybody for a while.
“I can’t, Brian, I just can’t… do this right now. I gotta take a walk, okay? I need to be alone.” It was almost midnight but he didn’t care, he just needed to get out of there.
Matt handed the empty glass to Brian and walked away, leaving his friend behind worried as hell.
He sat on the edge of the pier after walking several minutes on the shore, his feet burning from those tight fancy shoes he was wearing all day long.
The moon was shining bright, it could even illuminate him and the bottle of Jack he had close to him on that dark place. But it couldn’t actually illuminate his desolated heart.
“How could I? Tell me, how could I have ever traded you for those fucking lyrics?” Matt yelled at the sky, anger and sorrow consuming his soul.
He knew his passing wasn’t his fault, damn, he knew it well. But he had rejected his friend on their last conversation. He couldn’t seem to find a way to forgive himself for not being on that party and saving him for whatever the hell happened there.
Jimmy’s laugh could still echo through his head and ears, it didn’t seem real that he was gone without saying goodbye. It didn’t feel right. It fact, it felt like the worst sensation he ever thought he could have.
The waves began to hit hard the pier wood as his fury increased.
“Now who is supposed to record our tracks, huh? Who, Jimmy? Who can ever replace you?” he screamed from the top of his lungs. He didn’t care if someone would think he was insane. He was, indeed, feeling insane cause he wanted Jimmy hearing him from wherever he was.
“You said you had all in your mind and didn’t even get the chance to…” the intensity of his voice fell abruptly in a whisper level, when the tears he was holding the entire day simply came out like one of those big ocean waves cracking underneath him.
Matt finally cried hard for the first time in years, maybe since he was a little kid, he didn’t remember. He always thought showing his emotions would make him weak to the others’ sights. He was naturally strong, on the outside and on the inside although he felt like just a small piece of shit among the immensity of that ocean and sky combination in front of him now.
It hurt too much.
His sobs were so intense he thought he could never stop anymore but eventually he did. His heart was a little bit relieved and he could breathe properly again.
He stood up, quite dizzy and with blurred vision and went away with only one thought in his mind.
I gotta get away from here. From California.
“…And don’t you forget we have rehearsal on Monday, party boy. I don’t want anyone hanging around in the studio complaining about his super hangover.”
“Jeez, Matt, my man, you gotta chill out! It’s holidays, go live a little, go travel or something. Life is too short, you know?”
“Yeah, Jimmy, and our vacation is also too short, if you don’t know. We need to have those songs ready before our new tour, have you already figured out Buried Alive bridge?”
“Hmm, yeah, I guess I have all the stuff in my mind already. I just gotta put it out to the world now. We’re gonna rock the universe with this album, Matt, I’m telling you. Metallica will be opening for us sooner than we thought, you’ll see, man, you’ll see!”
Matt chuckled on one of the phone lines. Jimmy followed suit cause he knew he was talking shit already.
“Okay, keep dreaming in there, mr. cocky pants, I gotta go now. You take care of yourself, huh?”
“Yes, ma’am! Are you sure you don’t wanna come to the party tonight? You really should come, have a blast and remember the times you used to drink everything they set in front of you until you couldn’t raise your can anymore. Come on!”
“Oh, man, I really gotta finish a few lyrics here, I feel like changing God Hates Us a little bit, improving it. You let me know when there’ll be another kick-ass Rev party and I’ll certainly be there.”
“Well, okay then. If you change your mind… I’ll be here drinking everything in front of me. See ya, fucking workaholic head.”
“Yeah, Jim, see ya.”
“Hey man, are you alright?” Brian’s sudden voice and touch on the arm scared Matt’s recollection of his last talk with Jimmy away. And he felt an extreme will to curse his best friend only because he had brought him to that hurtful reality again.
Matt motioned his head from Brian’s front porch landscape to face him and gulped a sip of his scotch. He noticed his friend looked like hell and that should probably be his mirror for now.
Matt didn’t feel like answering but he made an effort cause it was friend, Brian.
“You know what, Brian? I’m not. I’m really not allright. I can’t breathe here with all those people dressed in black, mourning a loss they… they didn’t even feel cause they didn’t know him like we did. I’m suffocating!” Matt loosened his tie a little and drank again.
Brian noticed he had taken a few more whisky glasses than he should and looked at him with concern. He’d never seen his friend act like that, nervous and with teary eyes at the same time. In fact, he couldn’t remember a single time he saw Matt crying.
“Why don’t you just come sit with us, relax a bit. Johnny is telling a few crazy stories in there about him, everybody is laughing, that’s how… Jimmy would want it to be, right?”
Matt placed his hand on his eyes, massaging his aching temples. The last thing he wanted to do is laughing now. Actually, what he really wanted to do was to get away from everybody for a while.
“I can’t, Brian, I just can’t… do this right now. I gotta take a walk, okay? I need to be alone.” It was almost midnight but he didn’t care, he just needed to get out of there.
Matt handed the empty glass to Brian and walked away, leaving his friend behind worried as hell.
He sat on the edge of the pier after walking several minutes on the shore, his feet burning from those tight fancy shoes he was wearing all day long.
The moon was shining bright, it could even illuminate him and the bottle of Jack he had close to him on that dark place. But it couldn’t actually illuminate his desolated heart.
“How could I? Tell me, how could I have ever traded you for those fucking lyrics?” Matt yelled at the sky, anger and sorrow consuming his soul.
He knew his passing wasn’t his fault, damn, he knew it well. But he had rejected his friend on their last conversation. He couldn’t seem to find a way to forgive himself for not being on that party and saving him for whatever the hell happened there.
Jimmy’s laugh could still echo through his head and ears, it didn’t seem real that he was gone without saying goodbye. It didn’t feel right. It fact, it felt like the worst sensation he ever thought he could have.
The waves began to hit hard the pier wood as his fury increased.
“Now who is supposed to record our tracks, huh? Who, Jimmy? Who can ever replace you?” he screamed from the top of his lungs. He didn’t care if someone would think he was insane. He was, indeed, feeling insane cause he wanted Jimmy hearing him from wherever he was.
“You said you had all in your mind and didn’t even get the chance to…” the intensity of his voice fell abruptly in a whisper level, when the tears he was holding the entire day simply came out like one of those big ocean waves cracking underneath him.
Matt finally cried hard for the first time in years, maybe since he was a little kid, he didn’t remember. He always thought showing his emotions would make him weak to the others’ sights. He was naturally strong, on the outside and on the inside although he felt like just a small piece of shit among the immensity of that ocean and sky combination in front of him now.
It hurt too much.
His sobs were so intense he thought he could never stop anymore but eventually he did. His heart was a little bit relieved and he could breathe properly again.
He stood up, quite dizzy and with blurred vision and went away with only one thought in his mind.
I gotta get away from here. From California.
Notes
*Song Inspiration*The Funeral – Band of Horses
Last Generation – The Rasmus
hope u like the beginning, kinda sad for bday, i know... but it gets better I promise!
<3
@DaphneG
woow thank you so much for reaaadingg thiiss <3
Will try to update as soon as possible, when I finish Syn's Deep in my Blood ;)
2/4/16