Trashed and Scattered

When I got into Matt’s I shut the door and locked it, engaging the exterior alarm. It took me a while to realize that the alarm was triggered but because of the house occupancy, it was the silent alarm that engaged rather than the ear-bursting screech I was expecting. Convenient, really. I hoped that Matt’s place was a little better guarded than ours, especially with Matt’s Rottweiler hanging around. He might have been a gentle giant around people Matt cared about, but I had yet to see what would happen if something were to happen to me.
Perhaps I was being paranoid, maybe downright neurotic, about everything. But one thing was for certain, and that was the fact that one house, maybe not the nicest house on the block, wasn’t targeted twice by possibly the same group of delinquents twice in a month’s time. Even though Brian was a celebrity figure, we weren’t the only ones in the area. I wasn’t aware of other reasons why we’d be so easy of targets. Possibly due to his being away a lot of the time, or my apparent vulnerability. God, I couldn’t wait ‘til the boys got home to beat the living shit out of these goons, should they ever be caught in the act.
When I calmed down and settled in, I called Brian. He had me on speakerphone so Matt could hear and be fully aware I was taking refuge in his home. I hadn’t heard Brian so frantic before. He was wailing on the other end of the phone. Angry too, almost in tears. Zack and Jimmy were trying to calm him down. Matt did most of the talking. “Jesus Christ Melissa.” Matt sighed while exhaling. “If we had thought you wouldn’t be safe being left there we wouldn’t have left you. At least you’ve got Bishop though. I’m so sorry.”
“Matt, I’m okay. I needed to tell you guys what happened. Not scared like before. Everything is going to be okay. I might have to stay here the next little while, if that’s alright with you. Just have nowhere else to go. I don’t want to bring it on Alyshia or Jamie. Way too dangerous. If these punks think they’re playing a practical joke, I suppose you’ll all have to teach them a lesson, no?”
“You do know how to make sure no one is following you, right?” he asked with grave concern.
“Yes, Matt. I do.”
He paused a moment and gasped. “There isn’t a chance they put a tracer under the vehicle, is there? Do you think they’d have gone that far?”
“No, I doubt it. Punks probably just wanted to pawn stuff off. Authentic merch from a band like you guys would sell mad. The police didn’t suspect I was being stalked. But I know how to watch my tail. I wasn’t raised defenseless.”
“Not saying you were. I care about you just as much as Brian does. Jimmy, Zack, and John do too. You’re Brian’s rock, girl. You gotta be safe or he’s gonna drive us all fucking mad. If you’re freaked out at all, sleep in my room. There’s a lock on the door too. Keep Bishop with you. Just, for the love of god, if you feel like something is wrong, get out.”
“Appreciate the concern, Matt. Please, keep Brian calm. I’m okay. Nothing happened to me, and we can always get his stuff back.”
Matt sighed, somewhat relieved I suppose. “Yeah, thank god for that. Hope everything is okay, Melissa. I’ll hand you back to Brian. You take care.”
“Thanks, Matt. You too.” I waited for Brian to take the phone. His voice was still thick with raw emotion. Anger, pain. Total hurt. “Hey.” I acknowledged him. “Brian, please. You can’t be upset about it all night. Just…think of it as a near miss. I’m fine, okay? I’m staying at Matt’s with Bishop. Big ass dog could really hurt someone, I’m sure.”
“I’m never gonna live this down. Fucking leaving you there without anyone to look after you. Jesus, what kind of fucking boyfriend am I, anyway?”
“Don’t you dare talk like that!” I snapped. “Brian, knock it the fuck off. The less stress you’re under while you’re away, the better. I’m fine here. I’m guarded. If those freaks want to follow me across town, they’ll get what’s coming to them. And I’m so sorry about your stuff, okay? I gave a list to the cops of what was stolen. They’re gonna keep an eye on private sellers and pawn shops. Make sure none of it goes off grid.”
“Melissa, I don’t give a single fuck about that stuff. A group of guys broke into our home and searched the place for you. That’s what you said. Or they mentioned you. What could have happened if they found you?” I heard his voice hitch. He held back anger and tears. “I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you, Melissa. It would kill me.”
I closed my eyes, wishing that the adrenaline of the entire thing would shake. “I know, baby. I know. But I’m going to be okay.”
“If anything else happens, I’ll get on a fucking plane and be there as fast as humanly possible. Can’t stand being so far away from you for so long. Please, Melissa. Please, please, please be safe. I can’t lose you.”
“You’re not going to. I’m not going anywhere.”
He paused a minute, trying to hold himself together. “I can’t possibly express how much I love and miss you, Liss. I wish things were different.”
“I do too, honey.” If Brian was still here, surely if the house had been robbed, Brian and Matt would be beating skulls into the late night. A worthy punishment, I suppose. “Listen, I’ll call you later. I’m just going to check in with the officer I spoke to earlier at the house. See if anything has come to fruition.”
I heard him sigh again, this time with plain sadness. “Alright. Call later if you want. I love you.”
“I love you too, Brian. Bye.” When the line clicked I collapsed to the couch cushion and held the phone in both hands. Hated saying goodbye across devices. It was always so much harder than in person. A warm touch was always so much more comforting than a cold glass face against skin. Bishop licked my hands and nuzzled me with his huge, slobbery face. Almost as if to say, yeah I got your back, lovely lady person.
I decided to wait a bit to phone the officer, focussing on food for myself and Junior and the reputable Bishop. We both ate in silence at the large kitchen table, while I watched the window at the city outside. The lights were very faded with the oncoming fog. Man, it was creepy up on the hill. I would definitely be staying in Matt’s bedroom for the night. Just hope he wouldn’t mind me sharing his sheets.
When the night truly fell and my eyelids began to get droopy I sent a final goodnight message to my love and shut off most of the lights around the house, just enough that I could still find my way into the bedroom. Bishop followed me to the room and hopped up on the bed; I wasn’t sure if he was allowed up there but I allowed him to stay for the comfort of another body being so close. Plus, well, puppy cuddles.
I set my phone on the night stand after checking Brian’s last message. Bishop kicked around the sheets a little, nothing I wasn’t used to with Brian sleeping with me. It took me a while to fall asleep. Occasionally I would roll over into the pillow and weep at the absence of Brian’s smell, and the occurrence of Matt’s instead. It wasn’t unfamiliar, but something I wasn’t entirely comfortable with. Things were so hectic since Brian left, with trying to stay sane and happy and positive that Junior and I would survive Brian being gone this time around. Yet with the events that unfolded today, my feelings of positivity and optimism were slowly draining.
When I finally faded off to sleep, my nightmares began. Brian bearing his bat, Matt holding his baton with a death grip. Jimmy had a knife, a foot long, with a serrated edge. Johnny had a gun and Zack had an axe. They were banging on the door of my home. Taunting me with bitter whispers, cursing my very existence. Threatening me with rape, murder, and vice versa. When they busted down the door, all I felt was the sweet pain of nothingness.
I woke up drenched in sweat, screaming for my life. Bishop was howling on the floor beside me. Surely one of Matt’s neighbours would phone in with a noise complaint. Christ, I was never so upset in my life. I didn’t want to talk to any of them for a while, even though my phone had gone off about six times already. Phone calls, text messages. Just wondering if I was still okay. How could I have had such a horrific dream if I knew they were close enough to be family?
I sunk back into the pillow and pulled the blankets and sheets over my head. I wish I could have smelled Brian. I wouldn’t miss him as much. But all I could feel was Matt’s touch all around me, wrapping me up in warm covers. Protecting me. I always felt Matt was more of a brother figure up until our lapse a mere month and a half ago. He couldn’t give me what Brian could. He couldn’t love me the way Brian did. He could fuck me harder than Brian, however, and I didn’t seem to mind. In fact, all I could do was think about the proclivities that happened in this very bed.
Thankfully the change of thought helped me sleep better for the next few hours. And Bishop had finally calmed down, pinning my legs down with his front paws and head. After an hour or so of fading in and out of sleep I decided to get up and start my day. Perhaps spend the day reading on the deck or in the pool. It would be a very boring few days here. Oh, and I’d almost entirely forgotten to call that officer for an update. I phoned him quickly while searching for chow, hoping for a little bit of good news. With little luck, I was told that my house was still marked off and would continue to be a crime scene for the next week. Detectives in and out all day, looking for leads to try and catch the sons of bitches that took half of Brian’s stuff.
I updated Brian via text while waiting for water to boil. He didn’t respond right away, so I assumed he was involved with some band shit, or maybe performing. Either way, I wasn’t worried. He needed ability to unwind after flipping complete shit last night. I wasn’t about to sit by and wait for the phone to ring either so I grabbed a book I’d tossed in my bag last minute and stretched out on the pool deck. It was quite hot already for a fall morning. I felt conflicted from not bringing my bathing suit, but because no one was around I debated skinny dipping. Likely not a good idea, given the recent circumstances. I was hot, and sitting inside all day was nowhere near conducive to cooling down. Plus there was something about Matt’s place that made me feel adventurous.
It was about an hour or so of reading before I decided to give up on reading and go inside to find a towel. Matt’s linen closet was far from organized as he was still getting used to living the bachelor life again, even though he’d been single for almost a year. I grabbed one of his towels and darted back out to the deck where I stripped off my clothing piece by piece and waded into the water, basking in the cool. Oh I wished Brian was here.

Notes