When we woke the next morning it was to the aggravating screech of his cell phone vibrating against the glass countertop in the kitchen. Brian waddled out with his bare ass glistening in the pale light from our windows and shut the alarm off, answering the phone with a haggard “Hullo”. He stepped outside on the deck so I could sleep just a while longer, and came back in to join me about ten minutes later. “Matt’s coming over this afternoon. Say, there’s no chance it’s actually his, right?”
My brain was way too tired to answer him. I sighed while shaking my head and rolled back over into my pillow. Brian laughed and snuggled into me. I could feel his body tremble from the cool outside air, although it must have felt refreshing for him. We slept for another few hours, undisturbed. That was, until Matt barged through the door.
Brian shot out of bed and threw a pair of boxers on, hurdling himself out of the bedroom and into the porch. I could hear Matt congratulate him and make a mildly inappropriate joke about sex, nothing I wasn’t used to. I figured it was appropriate to get out of bed and join them, but I pulled on my robe rather than any real clothes. I met the boys in the kitchen, realizing shamefully that I’d forgotten to put dinner away from last night. All that spaghetti gone to waste, it was a shame. I wasn’t about to eat it or let Matt eat it for the sake of us not getting sick again.
Matt grabbed and locked me in a massive bear hug and offered his sincere congratulations on the news. “The others will be over later, they said. When we all got the message last night we were going to come by then, but we figured you guys were having a private night.”
“We’d have booted your asses to the curb.” Brian sneered with a mild laugh, as he made coffee. “I was kinda scared, won’t lie. Thought the announcement was going to be a brutal blow to the ego.”
“Like what?” I scoffed. “That I was seeing someone else? Yeah, right Brian.” I let out a sarcastic laugh. Matt shook his head. “I tried to make it as least weird as possible. Couldn’t just come out and say, hey I’m carrying your fetus.”
“You pretty much did in the end.”
I pinched his shoulder. “Quick and relatively painless. Come on, like it was a bad thing.”
“When the fuck did you two get married?” Matt interrupted us, yelling. “Come on guys, you’re having a fuckin’ kid, I’m here to celebrate with you. And on top of all this fantastic news, we’re not touring right away! Let’s all be happy and drink. Well, except you I guess.” He patted my back and dug around the pantry for some liquor. Brian joined him and poured himself a glass. I sat moping on one of the bar stools after pouring myself a glass of tonic water. The nausea was full-blown right now but I didn’t want to go back to bed. “You feeling okay, Liss?” Matt called to me.
I could sense that Brian got jealous every time Matt made a comment about my health; almost as though he felt dejected and replaced in ways of keeping me healthy and happy. “Oh, yeah. I’m just getting some early symptoms of being pregnant. Not really used to them yet.”
“When did you start having them?” he asked.
“A couple weeks now. You know, I was supposed to go get a test to confirm it today. Never did.” I decided to text Alyshia and ask her if she could stop and grab me one on the way over. She didn’t respond but read my message, which was enough of an acknowledgement for me.
Zack and Alyshia showed up with the twins around dinner time, just before Johnny and Jimmy. I was tackled by Jimmy and Zack resulting in Brian and Matt having to yell to remind them that because I was carrying a baby that I could no longer have rough play. I swore sometimes it was like having an enormous group of man-children in the vicinity. Brian finally got over his jealousy of Matt’s attention-giving towards me but kept by my side most of the night. Alyshia snuck me the test when the boys weren’t looking. I’d go to the bathroom whenever I felt like it. And perhaps call Brian as soon as I got results.
I drank half a gallon of tonic water in a matter of an hour and made my way to the big bathroom in our bedroom to allow some privacy for when I’d call Brian. I sat on the toilet, shaking, praying for positive results, yet some forlorn part of me wanted the test to be negative. As if neither of us would be any good at being parents. Still, I was reminded that we had a close-knit family of five guys all sharing the same tastes, interests, personalities. Marrying Brian was like marrying all of them. At the time I wasn’t sure whether I ought to have been excited or just a little scared.
I peed on the annoying little stick and waited with my head dipped down towards the floor, eyes closed. Thoughts reeling. Adrenaline surging. I had my phone in my free hand, Brian’s number on speed dial. I was concerned whether my shaking hand would allow my phone to fall onto the ceramic tile bathroom floor and shatter. I was waiting forever. This test was so generic, so simple. Just a plastic stick with a little digital screen. Alyshia must have paid a little more for it. I’d make sure to pay her back.
But god, the wait was so, so long.
I wiped and pulled my jeans back up, leaving the test on the edge of the sink while I wandered about our bedroom. Admiring my glow in the mirror. Feeling my belly as though there was a tiny being growing in there. Oh, the possibilities were endless. Eventually I went back in to check, although my heart accelerated again. I could hear footsteps coming down the hall towards the bedroom. Likely Brian, but possibly Alyshia. “Baby, is everything okay?” I heard my fiancé call. His steps got closer and closer and I could feel his presence outside the locked bathroom door. “Hon, you’ve been gone a while. Are you alright?”
“I’ll be out in a moment.” I assured him, my voice wavering with the stress. I still couldn’t look. “I need you here right now, Bri.” I called, unlocking the door. I met him with the most sincere concerned look on his face; it was utterly shocking. “Alyshia got me a test. Just waiting on the results.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have gone with you.”
“You’re celebrating, my love. I just hope to god there’s something to celebrate about.”
The colour rushed from his face and he pulled me back into the bathroom to reach for the test. I beat him to it. “Well, what are we waiting for?”
“I don’t know. I’m actually kind of scared to look at the result.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asked me, taking my hand that the test was in. I had to let him see it eventually. I unclenched my eyes and turned the test over to see the little digital screen. The letters were blurry. My heart fluttered. His pounded. “Pregnant.” He whispered. “You’re pregnant. Fuck yes!” I felt myself being lifted off the ground and held in the air. But for the moment I felt weightless and hollow. Scared out of my wits and a little bit anxious for a new adventure in store.
Brian and I came out of the bathroom with locked hands. I wiped away tears from my eyes and he beamed a toothy grin, his face full of life and colour. Alyshia knew instantly and barreled over to me with an intensely loud squeal. Zack and Jimmy shook Brian’s hand and gave him a solid brotherly hug. I could tell Jimmy was jealous, but boy was he happy for his best friend. Matt and Zack were busy gathered around me, offering hugs and cheek kisses. I was still in mild shock, distant from the party. Disgusted by the smell of liquor on everyone’s breath, including my husband to be. The twins began crying. And I was starting to feel queasy again.
Brian sat me down at the bar with some more tonic water and rubbed my back, sipping on his own glass of Jack on the rocks. I missed the bitter taste of raw whiskey, hoping the boys wouldn’t rub my sobriety in my face. Surely it wouldn’t have been a problem.
We never made a big dinner for everyone, as getting together was more a congratulations gathering than a full evening with a bunch of drunken rock stars. I’d seen them get that way enough, and didn’t want to sit around listening to them jabber on about the new album. Brian talked about it enough. Perhaps I was just bitter about the possibility of a new tour being nearby. A little scam his producers liked to pull once every blue moon. And surely enough they couldn’t say no. Just too much to ask to let the fans down.
I was thankful when everyone started initiating their leaving. I couldn’t handle the noise anymore; the pregnancy symptoms were only going to get worse, something Alyshia understood, but I watched her and Zack alienate each other throughout the course of their pregnancy. I loved Brian too much to push him away but Alyshia didn’t realize that Zack needed his space and time with his friends. Brian and I always had good balance with friends, work, and each other.
We sent everyone off gradually and locked the door behind them. Vehicles tore out of our drive and away, vanishing into the night, once again leaving us in our lonesome atop the valley hill. Brian left to go out back for a last minute smoke before joining me on the couch for our evening ritual movie. He took his glass of Jack with him, as well as the bottle. “I haven’t seen you drink like that in a long time,” was my remark when he plopped down on the love seat. He remained quiet for a few moments and finished off the last of what was in his glass. “Are you alright?”
“Just thinking of how things are going to be once we have this kid. Once we get married.”
Nodding understandingly, I cocked my head to the side, leaning it against his massive chest. “Things will become easier to adjust when it all happens.”
“If I’m on tour when you go into labour…I won’t be here to witness the birth of my first child. I’d be fucking devastated. And it’s not like our manager is all that lenient about tour dates and stuff. Shit.” I could actually feel the bitterness swelling inside him. “Not saying I’m not excited about it all. But a guy like me can only take so much. Just pumped out three months’ worth of twelve hour days to get that fucking album done. Didn’t really even have to do it. Something to keep the screamers happy.” I chortled. His reference to the fans as screamers was something all too familiar.
I shut up for the time being and watched the show while his mind travelled off. After a while my mind sort of trailed off too, my attention wandering around the room. All these things we accumulated over time came from him. His money, his doing. The tours paid for themselves tenfold. We could have used the money for repairs around the house. I began noticing some cracks in the bricks on one of our far walls where the fireplace was. They’d eventually have to be replaced, and Brian certainly didn’t know jack about home maintenance.
Our pictures were casting fade on the grey painted walls. His vinyl tapes were hung in frames over the mantle so they could be seen from the window. Which reminded me that we needed to close the window before bed. Chances were both of us would fall asleep watching the television so I decided to shut them.
And that was when I saw the faces in the window.

Notes

Okay, so it's starting to pick up. Any comments and suggestions would be highly appreciated!