Trashed and Scattered

I was released from the hospital exactly eight weeks following the incident where I was scathed both emotionally and physically, risking not only my life, but my child. Just under four weeks that I’d been in the hospital, I received news from Brian that two of the six perpetrators had been caught sneaking around Zack’s place in broad daylight. Matt was mercilessly beating them, resulting in his immediate arrest, along with the arrests of Jimmy, Brian, and the other two, for accessory charges. I was placed under police surveillance for two weeks following my discharge, questioned profusely, made to feel as though I was the reason my fiancé and his friends were in jail.
I warned Matt not to go through with his vengeful actions. I warned him over and over, as did Brian. Matt brought his fate down on the other four, and although it was true that they could be accessories to the crime, Matt was able to hold up in court with the fact that his actions were based on defense. Zack managed to vouch for him, and the charges were dropped. We were able to press charges on all accounts for everything that happened. Eventually the two that had been captured by the LAPD gave up the names of their counterparts, and they were transferred to separate facilities. No motive was ever given, but they were proven to be fans of the band, who at the time, were snorting coke on a daily basis. Sober people wouldn’t have acted that irrationally.
With a sense of closure, I was finally able to spend my first night in bed with my fiancé after almost three months. My belly had begun to swell as I reached the end of my first trimester. With all the trauma I endured I went to weekly check-ups at my obstetrician. Thus far, there were no complications. We truly got off scot free. After Brian and I took some time to readjust in our lives, we asked Matt to come down and spend some time talking about what happened. He hadn’t de-stressed like the rest of us did. Spent most of his time in jail pressing weights. Itching to get out.
Something had changed within him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but he treated me much differently than I was used to. Sort of like I was untouchable. Not that I blamed him. “Glad to see you’re recovered well, Liss.” He whispered into my ear as we hugged. He was careful not to squeeze my ribs. I hated feeling so damaged.
“Thanks, Matt. Want a drink or anything?” I asked, before realizing that Brian had already visited the fridge and was coming back into the living room with a couple beers. Matt popped the lid off his and took a long swish back. “Listen, as much as I don’t want to dive straight in…I’m glad to say you guys came out on top of all that bullshit.”
“Defense is defense, might not have been on good standing since it was Zack’s place, but in all fairness all three of our places were scenes of the crime. Court didn’t have much else to fight with us for. Fucking week-long court ordeal, could have been longer, but man did they drag it out. Jesus. I’m not a needlessly violent guy, you both know that. Took a fucking week to convince those jury cunts that it wasn’t offensive.”
Brian slapped his hand onto Matt’s shoulder and clinked beer bottles with him. “You did what I couldn’t do. Aw hell, you know I’d have done the same for you. But thanks to you and Zack…we don’t have to worry about those little rat bastards anymore. Melissa was put through enough. And if fucking Phil calls us out on coming back from tour in the manner we did…and for the fucking jail controversy…I’m gonna bust his sack.”
“I’m with you there, buddy.” Matt spoke, lowering his head to his chest as though he wanted to stare at the floor for a few moments to gather his thoughts. I couldn’t imagine what was running through his head. “We did score some bad press, but in light of keeping our families safe, I’d rather lose reputation than watch everyone else suffer. Those fuckers were headed straight for Zack’s family. His fucking kids for god’s sake! What bunch of sick kids even do that?” I believed it was enough to make a docile man like Matt snap and go ballistic on those little screwballs.
Swishing a long sip of beer, Brian set the bottle back down on the coffee table. He propped his feet up beside it and laid his head back on the couch cushion. Closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his face with the heels of his hands. Tousling his mop of black hair. “I tell you what, I’m not going anywhere for a good, long while. My girl needs me here. Whatever tours we gotta do in the future can fuckin’ wait.”
Matt chortled and threw back half of his beer in one long sip. I had long forgotten that they released their self-title album only a few short months ago. “Phil called here at least once or twice a week and left a message about how the album was doing. He also called the house once or twice while you were socked away, Brian. Kept going on about how pissed he was that you guys left. Perhaps it’s a good idea that you start looking for a new agent.”
“Cocksucker has no soul, that’s for goddamn sure.” Matt bluntly remarked. I watched him thirstily finish his beer. He left to go grab another. From the kitchen he kept on rambling. “You remember his reaction, Brian? When you first got the call from Alyshia?”
“Fucking right I do. Kept asking us what the hell we were in such a rush for. Oh, gee Phil. My fiancée is only half-dead lying in some hospital and I’m three fucking states away. How pissed off did he get when we got Lucas to park the bus. Cab showed up, we hopped in. You guys really didn’t have to come back with me.” I grew more emotional as Brian went on. I allowed myself to remain silent. Didn’t quite know the full story about how it all went down, anyway.
Matt flopped right back down on his seat and popped the cap off his new drink. “Well, I had to. Couldn’t leave my brother hanging. The others, yeah maybe. I know Jimmy would have come too, cuz of history or whatever. But no, we’ve got a fraternal obligation to you, Brian. And a love for Melissa that’s just as strong. Why do you think we all had the same reaction, man?”
“I guess, yeah. Thank you, really. Can’t believe how fast it all happened. How scared we were. Couldn’t really imagine what was going through your head. How did Alyshia find out?”
I shrugged. “I sent her a text at the same time I sent you one, told her what was going on. Just before they broke in, anyways. She came in the ambulance with me. I can’t remember a lot of it very well but I remember her calling Zack once we reached the hospital. You got back into town, what, two or three hours after the fact?”
“Something like that, yeah. By the time we got to the ICU it must have been four, five in the morning. I stayed all night, all day. Barely ate, barely slept. All I could think about was how I failed to keep you safe. And it’ll be a thought that haunts me for a long, long time.”
“Brian, I thought I told you to stop saying that. We can’t keep throwing a pity party. So what, I happened to be another statistic. Bottom line is, I’m still here, baby’s fine, you’re here with me,” I paused to catch my breath and to watch Matt finish the rest of his second beer already. “And Matt’s well on his way to drunken fucking stupor.” To that he chortled and grabbed another.
Brian took the few remaining sips of his own. His free hand didn’t leave my arm since we all sat down. I wondered if he was going to keep an endearing proximity for the rest of our mutual existence. I knew he felt like a bag of shit. I knew he felt like he’d let me down, like he tossed me in the path of danger. No matter how often I reassured him, he never lost the edge, the idea. “I’m glad you’re home safe now.” He sighed. “Hell will freeze over before we leave for tour again. I just want time to prepare for my family. My wedding.”
I was almost able to pinpoint the turn of expression in Matt’s face from nonchalant to sour. God, there was something so off about him since I was hospitalized. Between now and when we had our private chat, I could pick out clues that he gravely envied Brian. And I wasn’t going to lie, it worried me.
I just hoped Matt had it in him to let Brian have his happiness with me. I wasn’t about to be the girl that they fought over.

Notes