Moving On

Johnny slashed the razor's blade through his tattered skin. A small yelp escaped his lips. He stared up at the wall as he felt the cool warmth run and drip down his arm. His tears stopped. He felt cold. He looked down at his arm again and cut once more. This time he sighed with relief. He watched the blood pool on the floor.

Matt shoved the door to his hotel room open. All of the lights were off. He called for Johnny but heard nothing in return. He saw the bathroom light on through the crack in the door. He slowly pushed the door open and saw Johnny, sitting on the floor, back to the bathtub, knees to his chest, staring at his outstretched arm. He looked at his arm and saw the blood dripping from two long, thin, horizontal cuts on his arm. He fell to his knees and slowly crept across the bathroom floor to come face to face with Johnny. Johnny didn't move. Matt took some toilet paper and wadded it up and slowly put it to Johnny's open cuts.

Johnny let out a small cry as Matt slowly and gently tried to clean his wounds. Neither man said a word until the bleeding had stopped and the pool of blood had been cleaned up. Matt took the razor from Johnny's shaking hand and put it in the sink. He pulled Johnny close to him in a tight, warm hug.

"I am so sorry."
"Why would you do that to me?" Johnny began to sob again. Huge tremors racking through his small body.
"I didn't intend for her to kiss me. I am so sorry, Johnny," Matt repeated, tears falling from his eyes as he looked down at Johnny's slashed arm. Old and new wounds made him sick. How could he not have seen how sad Johnny was? How could he not have concluded when all Johnny would wear was long-sleeved shirts that he never took off in front of the guys.
Johnny curled up closely into Matt's lap and cried more, "She kissed you? Did you kiss her back?"
"No. I pushed her away just seconds before you slammed the door. God Johnny, I am so sorry. I can't believe she did that. She SAW me kiss you before too," Matt sounded angry but gentle as he spoke to Johnny.
"It's okay. As long as you didn't kiss her back," Johnny sniffled, "I'm not sure if I will act the same way around you. I think you've lost some of my trust."
"Please, Johnny. Take all the time you need. I will do whatever it takes to win your trust back. Anything." Matt kissed Johnny's head again and they sat there in silence.

Johnny looked at his scabbing wounds and traced over them with his finger, flinching slightly. Matt looked down at the younger man and took his wrist in his hand, lead it up to his face, and kissed his scars. New and old he kissed each and every cut. He then took Johnny's other wrist, rolled up the sleeve, and kissed all of the scars on that arm as well.

"I kissed the scars on her skin. I still think you're beautiful, and I don't ever want to lose my best friend," Matt whisper sang. He looked into Johnny's sorrow filled eyes and smiled.
Johnny laughed, "You're such a dumb ass, you know that, right?"
"Anything to make you smile, Johnny. And I mean, anything." Matt winked and then laughed.

They sat on the floor of the bathroom for what felt like hours. Johnny had fallen asleep in Matt's arms, so Matt picked him up and carried him out to the bed they were sharing. He slowly removed his shirt, being careful not to disturb his arm, and gently laid him down one the bed. Matt took his own shirt off, kicked off his shoes, and climbed into bed before removing Johnny's shoes and tossing them over the side. He laid down next to Johnny and pulled him over so he could hold him properly.

"Good night, Johnny. My, Johnny."

Notes