Little Sullivan

*Brian’s POV*

It’s been days now since I last seen Gwen. The day seemed dark for me. My light had abandoned me deep in the dark shadows. My big empty home was nothing more but cold and silent.

Michelle is staying over at Matt’s and Val’s and for the meantime she’s looking for an apartment. Not even Michelle had dared to ever seen me since that day. Instead, Matt came a day later to get Michelle’s belongings. He also had brought me the Divorced papers that Michelle already signed.

I was more than glad to sign the papers because as soon as I did, I’d be a free man, just as long as I finished going through all the transitions.

As for Meghan, I haven’t really seen her either. She’s probably still living at her apartment, living her life and still probably working for Zacky.

Jimmy on the other hand, isn’t speaking to me at all and I wouldn’t blame him for what I’ve done to his younger sister. I don’t deserve her at all, just like I don’t deserve Jimmy’s trust either.

I wasn’t the same since they all walked out on me. I couldn’t stop thinking on Gwen and how much I’ve missed her.

Memories had flashed into me head right from the moment I first went to Jimmy’s place and introduced me to Gwen. The way her cheeks transformed into rose red when I smiled at her and was around her, and also the shy tone in her voice while I was speaking to her. She seemed so beautiful, and yet so young at the time, she was about seven or eight at that time.

I know it probably may seem wrong that I found her attractive since I first laid eyes on her when she was only a little girl, she was seven and Jimmy and I were only thirteen. I honestly had found her more attractive than any other girl I’ve ever seen in my lifetime.

I really did have feelings for her, but I just decided to keep that secret away from Jimmy and the guys. I knew it was wrong of me to feel the way I felt with someone who was only about five or six years away from striking puberty. Five years away for her to start growing breasts and go through all the teenage experiences and hormones that would have driven you mad.

I swear during my teen years was the time when Gwen has given me the biggest and the hardest hard-ons ever, and all this was without even trying. I remember during that time I just wanted to have my way with her just at that very instant, but I knew I couldn’t.

Sexual frustration has built up and my hormones were driving me crazy to just go for it. Wild hormones and sexual frustration did not take so well together. I was still a virgin at that time there were tons of girls in school that always seem to drool all over me. They all were around my age and had their breasts grown and some were still kept on growing. Out of all of those girls, I didn’t prefer any of them, I preferred the girl that still wasn’t going through puberty yet and still haven’t developed breasts either, Gwen.

I haven’t told Jimmy about it because I knew he’d think I was a sick and disgusting person for having these sorts of feelings towards his younger sister. If I told him, he’d pretty much would have never wanted to see my face again, our friendship would have ended there.

I also haven’t told Matt, Zacky, and Johnny because I knew they’d also criticize me and find it pretty creepy about having feelings with someone who was still in grade school. I believe Gwen was about in the third grade back then. To my guess they all would’ve probably thought I would
grow up to be a pedophile, but they are wrong because I didn’t have those feelings with any other minor but Gwen. There was just something about her that just clicked.

I still think back to those days and wondered though it would have been wrong and disgusting, I still wanted to be with her and have her as my girlfriend. I didn’t want her just for sex then, but also to just be my girl.

Though it would have been forbidden and wrong, I still wanted to think back and see how things would have ended up with. One thing for sure, I know Jimmy would still wanted to kick my ass and not be my friend anymore.

Instead as my hormones grew stronger and the sexual frustration built up inside me, I then decided to take advantage of women. I wanted Gwen out of my head, out of my thoughts, I even had wet dreams about her, and the worst part of it all, I liked it and wished that would’ve came true.

I used to always beat myself up and take icy cold showers because of it, I had no idea what was going on with me, and so I thought sleeping around with other women would help me get her out of my head.

It wasn’t until Matt introduced me to Michelle. She seemed pretty nice and wasn’t bad looking at all. She had a crush on me for a while then but I didn’t really recognized her until Matt mentioned something about it.

She was the first person I ever gotten into a serious relationship with. She had made me forget about Gwen and thought I was actually in love with her, which is why I ended up getting married to her.

It wasn’t until later in our marriage when I realized that it was all an illusion, I never loved her. I thought I did but it turned out I didn’t. I wanted to get a divorce with her so bad because I had realized that I wasn’t happy, not only was our sex lives at a minimum, but also the un-interests and boredom that came along our marriage. I never decided to ask for a divorce because I didn’t wanted to deal with all the drama with Val and Matt.

So instead, I started cheating on her. I had multiple women who I slept with and were easy to find, more since I’m rich, attractive, and a very well-known rock star.

Then I’ve met Meghan. I had met her at a party. She seemed to be a fan with the band and I ended up taking advantage of that. We began sleeping around then later on she was having problems finding a job and Zacky needed a model for his clothing line, so I began pulling a full strings, had a little talk with Zacky and she got the job.

I honestly didn’t know Zacky had feelings for her, but he knew I was sleeping with her, which pretty much upset him a lot. Though I had slept around with many women and even if I was married with Michelle, I still had felt like something was missing, just didn’t exactly know what it was.

Then just a few days ago when I had seen Gwen again, all the sexual desires had come back to me, at least that’s what I thought. I thought that the feelings I had for her were completely gone, and thought that maybe I my new feelings for her were completely sexual.

It wasn’t until the day Gwen left me that it had hit me. I had realized it wasn’t sexual desires I was seeking from her, but love. As soon as she was gone, I felt as lonely and empty as the day I started sleeping around just to get her out of my mind.

I had realized I had done the worst mistake of my life. Everything I did to get her out of my head is what I regret. I regret playing with all the girl’s emotions, cheating on Michelle, hurting Meghan, betraying Jimmy and the now beautiful young woman, Gwen.

I wish Gwen could see that I’m a changed man now and I really want her back. I even tried calling her over and over again but yet she refused to reply. I even stopped by at Jimmy’s until he made it pretty clear that she did not want anything to do with me.

Now here I am drinking a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in a big empty house. The only one keeping me company was Pinkly. Not even she wants to be around me and it hurts because she’s my baby. Now every time I step into the room that she’s in, she gets up and walks away. Even she thinks what I’ve done was wrong and I have to make things right.



*Gwen’s POV*

For the past couple of days, I still couldn’t keep Brian out of my mind. I hate him for what he did to me, for playing with me. I was so stupid to think that he really did love me back. I guess that’s the perks of being helplessly in love.

That’s what made me an easy target for him, loving him. I actually believed for one moment that my dream on us being together would come true. I thought that he’d actually was the man I thought he was which is kind, sweet, funny, charming, handsome within and without, and lastly, truthful.

I vowed myself to never fall in love again because once you’re in love that will make you weak. Guys would take advantage of that and use it as an excuse to sleep with you. Even if you become a teen parent, the baby daddy would either deny the child and not be a part of it, or stick with you but eventually leave you.

I’ve done some research and it seems that the baby daddy who usually stays with you to raise the baby would eventually leave you. That’s something that has happened to some of my old friends from high school. This so far proves that all men will ever be sperm donors. And by sperm donors I don’t mean going to a place to donate sperm and get paid for it, but to have women open up their legs to insert their sperm themselves and guess what, Brian’s one of them.

I’m glad I never give myself to him. I think I would’ve probably taken it even worse if I did. I was so close on deciding to lose my virginity to him, falling for his trap. Luckily, Meghan and Michelle showed up and helped me open my eyes.

I’m weak when it comes to love, just look how I ended up, I’m hiding my sadness away from Jimmy because I didn’t want him to worry about me. I wanted him to just do whatever he does when we’re both goofy like and cheery.

I pretended I was okay because I didn’t wanted to hold him back from seeing Leana. Today is their anniversary and he had something planned for her for months. I didn’t want my sadness to hold him back from going to his anniversary date.

Crawled onto my bed and released my freshly warm tears. Brian kept appearing onto my head and swore I was going mad. The more I thought of him, the more I just wanted to do anything as possible to get him out of my mind.

I began to hear an acoustic guitar playing from outside. I knew that tune anywhere, someone was playing seize the day, but the question is, who, for whom and why?

I quickly wiped my tears, getting up to peek out the window. There was Brian in the front lawn singing me the song, staring right up my window. I tried to be strong but no matter what, I couldn’t. I quickly shut the curtains, turning my back on him and began to quietly sob.

I refused to give Brian any sort of attention. I just wanted him to leave me alone. He already had done so much damage to me. It’s pretty hard for me to trust him right now. All he may want is to charm his way back to me. Well I have some news for him. I won’t let myself back to him that easily or ever again.

As the song he sang ended, he began to sing Dear God. I tried covering my ears so I won’t start getting even more emotions but that didn’t work. I opened up my curtains and my window, only to grab whatever closes to me and throw it to him so he could just shut up, but he kept on dodging it and unsurprisingly, he haven’t lost his tune.

I decided to try out another idea and began climbing out the window. I made my way on top to the roof and positioned myself on right at the edge of the roof. “Stop it Brian or I’ll jump.” I called out.

Brian stopped playing the song and quickly set down his guitar. “There, I stopped, just please don’t jump.”

“Do you think coming to my place to sing me Seize the Day and Dear God would win me back? Well it’s not. There’s nothing you can do, you lost me for good.”

“Gwen please, let me explain. Yes I know that I had been an ass for so long but it’s just… I really do love you Gwen. Not just to give yourself to me but to be my life partner, to share all my deepest thoughts with, to do stupid things together, to cherish, and to love.” Brian began to explain.

“Oh yeah? How do I know you really mean it, Brian!?”

“Because of this.” Brian pulls out an old, folded up paper and waved it right out to me.

I couldn’t tell what it due to the distance. “What the hell is that supposed to be!?”

Brian locked his eyes on mines without looking at the paper, he was still holding out to. “My sweet, my love, and you are my sunshine.” The wind snatched the paper from his hand and traveled up my way before landing in my hands.

My eyes widen in shock, knowing precisely what it was. It was a little poem I wrote when I was in third grade. I wrote it especially for him. I looked at the drawing I drew for the poem, it was set as the background. The drawing was of a huge pink heart and in the heart was me and Brian giving each other’s hearts out with a smile on our faces.

“I like yummy chocolate as much as your eyes. You got a pretty face and a pretty smile. You are funny and you’re my best friend You’re no chocolate but I love you, how about you?” Brian finished my poem.

Tears fell down my cheeks, looking back up to Brian. I held the paper real close to me before I began to slip. ”Brian!” I cried out to him as I held on to the edge to keep me from falling.

“Gwen you have to jump!” Brian called out.

I looked down, terrified of heights. I tried holding on to the edge as hard as I could but I felt my hands beginning to slip. “I can’t, I’m scared!”

“You have to trust me, I’ll catch you.” Brian replied. “You have to trust me, please?” He assured me. “I won’t let you touch the ground.”

“I looked back down before shutting my eyes again. “No! I can’t, can you come up and get me!?” I asked.

“Well... alright, just hold on okay?” Brian agreed.

“Brian!!” I lost my grip.

I began to fall, fearing I might hit the hard ground and afraid Brian has already gone to get on the roof but before I had the chance to reach the hard ground, I never did. Two large tattooed arms had caught me from my fall.

I opened my eyes to look up at Brian’s beautiful brown eyes. “You’re okay, I caught you.” He whispered.

My lips formed a weak smiled before noticing my poem landing on my stomach. Brian and I focused on the paper that landed on me and looked up to each other. He softly smiled and began to carry me inside. He carried me up to my room and gently laid me on my bed.

“You kept my poem…” I broke our awkward silence.

Brian kindly smirked and sat on the side of the bed. “I did, why shouldn’t I? You did gave it to me after all and believe me, that poem has meant so much to me, you had no idea.”

“So does that mean you felt the same way then.” I asked. As an answer, he softly smiled and nodded.

I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “So if I had asked you out as a seven year old girl, what would have been your answer?”

“My answer would’ve caused your brother to beat the shit out of me.” Brian chuckled at the thought.

“Then I’ll take that as a yes.” I couldn’t help but giggle.

“Yeah, I would have.” Brian smiled. “I would’ve begged you to keep it between us too you know, I wouldn’t want any troubles from Jimmy or your parent or even mines. But if we did went out though we were only six years apart, then I wouldn’t have to beat myself for loving someone way younger than me.”

All I did was smile and pull him in for a kiss. “Stay with me.” I whispered softly. "Jimmy won'r be back 'till tomorrow and I don't want to be alone, please stay."

"I will." Brian softly smiled, cuddling close to me as he began to smoothly hum to me, making me drift off to sleep.

Notes