I wish Matt had pushed me a just a little harder earlier. I know that’s a crazy thing to say, but because my emotions were all over the place, I needed some sort of stronghold to clutch onto. I know some would say that sex isn’t the answer, but having been in my position for so long, it’s something I’m familiar with. Much more familiar than say my family. Meeting them was not what I expected. Neither did it end up the way I wanted it to.

I thought it would be easy, that they would accept me. But, it obviously wasn’t to be. I don’t really know how much it hurt me to go through all that. All I know is that I don’t want to have a repeat of what happened. It killed me to be so out and out rejected by my parents. I don’t understand how they could be that way. I know they must have had a reason for why they did what they did, but I was always of the mind that they had done so out of necessity and not for any other reason.

The day they left me at the orphanage is still as vivid as if it were yesterday. It had been an unusually chilly October evening; Mom handed me over to the wards, bundled in a bright pink jacket and she had promised that if the situation got better, she’d come back for me. She had promised…

* * * * *

“Val…Val?”

I blink, realising that tears are dripping from my eyes onto the page of my journal. Matt’s hand is resting gently on my shoulder. I peek up at him. His anxious gaze is fixed on the words I’ve just been writing.

“You want to talk about it?” It’s actually a question. There’s no demand in his voice at all. I look down at the pages of my journal and blink slowly, wondering whether that’s what I really want to do.

He doesn’t press, just sits by me, his hand moving in circles over my back. I lean into his touch, breathing slowly. I’m not sure how long we’ve been sitting here for. We’re at home, by the way. It took a while, but I guess I calmed down enough for Matt to bring me home. We didn’t speak to anyone, I couldn’t look at Michelle… still too hurt, I guess. Me that is. I’m not sure how she feels about all this.

By no means do I blame her for what happened. It’s not like she knew how our parents would react to me being there. But, she knew they were going to be there, and part of me feels almost as if she was being disloyal to me in some form. I know she didn’t do it to cause me any problems, but it turned out that way and it hurts. It really hurts.

I close my eyes, relaxing as Matt continues to rub my back. His presence is comforting. Enough so that I feel calm, safe. Peeking at him with one eye, I gauge his mood. His face is smooth, quiet, his eyes the only part of him that reveals any of his emotions. He’s still anxious, and seems to be waiting for something. Me, I guess.

I lick my lips a little, before saying, “Mom promised to come back for me…”

Dropping my chin against my chest, my breath hitches in the back of my throat. The heartache that comes over me scares me a bit. I can still hear my mom’s voice in my head, echoing through the years. Can still hear what she said to me. The knowledge that perhaps she hadn’t really meant it hurts more than I want it to.

Matt sighs, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into him. I turn to snuggle into his chest, pressing my face against his shirt. He rocks me gently, nuzzling into my hair. We stay like that for a while, quiet, still. He murmurs sweet nothings into my ear; I relax at his words, smiling a little as he tells me how much he loves me and that he’ll always be here for me. The last I hang onto because it’s exactly what I need to hear. Having a constant in my life is something I’ve been missing, and it’s been a huge surprise, finding it in my master.

Squeezing me gently, Matt sits back just as his cell phone buzzes from the night stand. He grabs it off the stand, holding it up to his ear after pressing the answer button.

“’Lo? Oh, hey…sure, I can come round…just give me a few.”

I tilt my head at him. “Who’s that?”

Matt glances at me, mouthing, “Brian.” He nods and speaks into his phone. “Yep…okay. See you soon.”

Hanging up, he looks at me a tiny frown marring his features. His lips twitch a little as if he doesn’t really want to say what he is about to.

“I have to go back over to Syn’s. Something’s come up.”

I blink a little then nod, looking down to hide my disappointment. I was kind of looking forward to just settling down to spend time with him. Relaxing, and not having to think about anything. But, I guess whatever it is Brian wants is more important than anything I want or would like. Not that I’m going to complain. Can’t forget who wears the pants in this relationship. Hah.

Matt sighs, running his fingers through my hair. “You can come…or stay…whatever…”

I shake my head and murmur, “I’d rather stay here, if that’s okay with you?”

He smiles a little and brushes his thumb against my cheek as he replies, “Of course. I probably won’t be too long, anyway.”

I nod slightly. Matt squeezes my shoulder before getting up off the bed. He wanders over to the dresser to grab his keys then with a smile toward me, he leaves the room. I sit there and listen as he heads out, the familiar growl of his bike echoing through the house as he takes off.

Sighing, I flop back on the mattress and close my eyes for a few minutes. But, I can’t relax, so rolling over, and sliding off the bed, I get up and head out to find something to do with my time.

* * * * *

It’s been a few hours since Matt left and Bella is following me around the house as I do a little bit of dusting. Matt let her in, to keep me company he said. I’m sort of grateful for that, because it can get lonely here. Especially when it’s as quiet as it is now. I mean the building creaks and groans sometimes and I find that somewhat comforting. But, it’s weirdly silent right now. Apart from the ‘swish’ of the feather duster on the wall, which I’m just trailing along, not really doing anything with it, the house seems almost dead. Like the calm before a big storm.

That’s actually kind of a creepy thought.

I pause at one of the large windows that look out into the garden. Bella stands right next to me, her wet nose leaving condensation on the glass, as she breathes and pants in contentment. But then as I begin to move away, I notice her hackles go up slightly, and she gives a low rumbling growl in the back of her throat.

“What is it, Bella?”

I crouch down next to her, and run my fingers along the scruff of fur at the back of her neck. She responds with a soft whine, and lifts a paw to scratch at the window frame. Then she barks loudly. That scares me. She hardly ever barks. Matt reckons she’s the best guard dog ever, because she only ever makes a warning sound if there’s actually something worth barking at.

Right now that causes me to worry. I’m basically alone here, and I’m not really well-versed in self-defence. I can only hope that it’s just someone who’s accidentally come into the yard, or even just some random who Bella’s detected from a long distance.

Taking a deep breath, I force myself away from the window and head for the living room. Just as I set foot inside the room, I hear the chime of the doorbell. That sets Bella off, and my nerves just about feel ready to fray and collapse.

Grabbing the doorframe, I ponder the merit of ignoring it. But, the chiming is insistent as if someone has their finger jammed against the buzzer. I glance down at Bella; she’s crouching now, that deep rumble still going. She’s not happy. I swallow hard, gripping the duster tightly, the plastic moulding to my palm, which is becoming moist with sweat. I can’t stay here, though. I was brought up to be polite; I at least have to go look and see who is at the door.

Reaching down, I shake Bella by the scruff of her neck, more to calm myself than anything else. Then I head for the front door, barely shuffling along the corridor. The yellow lab stays right by my side, fur bristling, body tense.

When I get to the door, I peer through the peephole. Blinking, I recognise the person on the other side. It’s Robert…and he seems to be alone. He must catch me peeking, because he flashes a grin at me. I don’t know why, but his smile makes me even more wary than I was a second ago. But, that small part of me that has stuck with me ever since I was little wins out, as it usually does. Of course, I am really not sure what he’s doing here, outside Matt’s house, without Matt being around. And Matt has said for me not to answer the door…but, I just can’t help but feel that he wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t important.

And so, I go for the deadlock, twist it and swing the door open…

* * * * *

It’s dark. That’s the first thing I notice. Yes, I know, that’s an extremely cliché statement to make in this kind of situation, but screw that, it is dark. I shift in my spot to find I can’t move far; there’s something blocking my way. For a moment I wonder what it is, but then an insistent ache behind my eyes and the parched feeling in my throat draws my attention from that back to my body.

I wriggle about realising that my hands are tied behind my back. Moving too much pulls at my muscles. I go still for a moment, breathing out roughly. My mind is too fuzzy with whatever I was knocked out with to remember how I even got wherever the Hell I am. I take several deep breaths and swallow hard to try and get the saliva working, but all I manage to do is gag a little, and start coughing.

There’s a sudden banging and a voice, “Shut up in there!”

Robert…shit. That’s not good. Not that it’s good at all, anyway…but…whatever’s going on must have to do with the Guild. Oh, God…what if they found out about what Matt said on the radio… My breath hitches at that thought, and finally a spark of clarity hits me. Everything just comes back to me in a rush and a sob escapes me.

Robert grabbed me, that’s what happened…and there was someone else…stuck me with a needle…some kind of tranquiliser. And then everything went black. I definitely don’t remember what went on between then and now.

Rolling over a little, I figure out the thing blocking my way is a partition in a vehicle. The engine noise is obvious now as my mind clears. I twist around and press my ear against the barrier trying to hear what’s on the other side. There are voices speaking in a low rumble. I can’t understand what’s being said but I do recognise Robert’s stern tones.

I close my eyes tight as a shudder runs through my body.

This can’t be happening…after everything else…

Tears threaten as I lay there; a feeling of dread washing over me as I start wondering what’s going to happen. If it is the Guild all manner of things could happen, and if they’ve found out about how Matt feels about me, or worse how I feel about Matt…there’s only one thing that could possibly happen. And that’s just shitty all round.

Sniffing softly, I mentally kick myself. I should’ve gone with Matt to Brian’s…of all the times to turn him down and ask to be left at home… The tears fall then, wetting the carpeted floor beneath me, and I curl up as much as my bound wrists will allow without hurting too much.

I know I can’t blame myself for this…how was I to know this would happen? But a part of me wishes I was with Matt. Squeezing my eyes shut I try to feel his presence, imagining that he’s there with his arms around me, holding me, protecting me, telling me he loves me. My heart breaks at that last thought. The way things are going, and knowing the Guild, if it is a Guild thing…I may never get to hear that again.

My eyes snap open, and I force my mind to quit that line of thinking. Instead I start hoping that maybe someone saw what was going on, or maybe heard Bella barking. I mean, that dog has some lungs on her…when she really gets worked up she can drown out anything else with her bark. Yes, that’s some hope…someone had to have heard her… I vaguely remember her still barking as I was dragged away from the house…

Then again, Matt lives on a large block and sound doesn’t carry too far unless there’s a breeze blowing in the right direction.

Ugh, way to put a dampener on my hopes. I need to try and think positively, no matter what happens. Think of the best case scenario and hope for the best.

That’s all I can do now. That and pray that Matt will come looking for me.

Notes