I can still remember the first real meal I’d ever had in my life. It was when I was two years old. Mom stood at the kitchen stove stirring a huge pot of Carbonara sauce. I sat in my highchair, next to my twin, waiting for it to be ready. While I sat quietly, Michelle was banging her spoon against the side of her chair; she was always much more impatient than me. The youngest of our older brothers, he was three, was trying to tell her to stop, in that typical three-year-old manner. Yelling, basically.

Mom looked over and just smiled. Our other siblings were milling around her trying to put their fingers in the sauce while she wasn’t looking. At two, I didn’t really understand what was going on, all I understood was that I could smell something really tasty and I wanted it in my mouth. That sensation of having something fulfilling, and nourishing inside me was something I always held onto. At that age though, I had no real idea how important it was to me. It wasn’t until I was torn from my comfortable family life that I realised how much I’d taken it for granted.

Becoming a slave, set me on a whole different course, and other things became much more important to me. Self-preservation, surviving became foremost in my mind. Nothing else ever really mattered. Not the food I ate, or the clothes I wore. Not that I wore anything much with any of my previous owners.

Being here with Matt, though, is different again. And that brings me to the point I want to make now. I’m eating properly again. I’m still really slimmed down. But, I like to think I’m a lot more healthy with it. When I say I’m eating properly, I don’t mean I’m on some fandangled diet or anything like that. Unless of course you call it a ‘see-food’ diet.

I don’t think I’ve eaten such a variety of meals since I started to eat solid foods. Mexican, Chinese, BBQ, Italian, French, you name it. And then Matt went and added Japanese to the mix. I’m not so sure about the raw fish, sashimi, but everything else he ordered was, well to put it the way he did, ‘divine’. Now, that’s a ringing endorsement if there ever was one, and I know for a fact that if he offered to order Japanese again, I’d be the first to say yes. Oh, and my favourite was that dish with the battered vegetables and seafood...tempura? That’s what it was called, I think.

I was so full after the meal, last night, that I felt bloated. Matt had obviously felt the same way because once we were done, he’d collapsed on the sofa and stayed there until he decided it was time for bed. Surfing the sports’ channels he’d just held me next to him and murmured random comments about nothing much at all. We both just relaxed in each other’s company. I’m sure the guy from the Guild, Robert, would probably bust a nut if he had seen the way we were cuddled up like lovers.

Of course, I doubt Matt gives a shit anymore, not after what he was forced to do to me. After that, I don’t think the Guild could possibly do anything worse, short of taking me away from him. But, I’m confident Matt would fight tooth and nail to keep me with him if that ever occurred. They’d probably have to throw him in jail before he willingly relinquished me from his care. Actually, they’d have the right to do that...but, I’m hoping things never get that far.

Maybe we’ll be able to fool them into thinking that we’re following rules. After all, this whole him loving me thing... he didn’t say he wasinlove with me, just that he loved me. It’s not like he’s going to marry me or anything. That would be a huge fuck you to the establishment, but we couldn’t afford to go there. That would definitely be grounds for them to separate us and then...shit, I can’t believe I’m saying this... then terminating my life...

Yeah, that’s not a happy thought. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything of the sort out loud, or written it down as the case is, right now. I guess the words were just too final for me to ever think on, but the way things are going, if we get caught out that could be the outcome. And that terrifies me. It scares me if he leaves me alone for any length of time, actually. Those times when he went over to Zacky’s or Syn’s without me, I holed myself in our room because I feel safer in a confined space when I’m alone....

Right now, I’m not alone. We’re sitting in the kitchen, I’m at the bench with my journal, and Matt is at the table going through the bills. Jason Berry is here as well, fussing about in the kitchen. I think I’ve only ever mentioned him once or twice. But, he’s one of two brothers. The Berry’s have known the guys in the band for as long as Matt can remember. They all kind of grew up together at school and stuff.

Anyway, Jason is a friendly guy and if I ever encounter him he always has an open face and ready smile for me. Right now, he’s in the process of trying to find a power point; he’s holding an electric razor in his hands. Matt did decide to call him about his hair. First thing this morning, after breakfast, he rang him and told him to get his ass over here.

Shaking his head, Jason looks toward me. “Hey, Val? Are there any free points?”

I crane my neck over the bench, looking. “I think there’s one next to the kettle. Otherwise, you might have to use the one in the bathroom.”

Jason nods, poking his head behind the kettle. “Hah! You’re amazing!”

I flush red. Matt glances up from the bills. “Who’s amazing?” He catches my eye. “What’s he going on about?”

Ducking my face down, I don’t answer. Jason grins, holding up the razor. “Ready to lose your Goldilocks do?”

Matt’s eyes narrow, and he growls, “I do not look like Goldilocks.”

Jason gives my master a bored look. “I didn’t say you looked like Goldilocks, just your hair.”

“Whatever.” He pushes up off his chair and walks over to join his friend in the kitchen. Grabbing a stool on the way he gives me a look as he passes the bench. “Put that away and grab the dust pan.” He nods to my journal absently as he parks his ass on the stool, in front of his friend.

Shutting the pages of my journal, I do as he says, going to the pantry to see where the pan and brush are. Finding them, I come out just in time to hear the whir of the razor, and see Jason leaning over Matt’s bowed head. I stand there, watching as he quickly detaches the long locks of hair from Matt’s scalp, shearing it close to the skin. Once he’s done, Matt runs his palm over his skull a small smile pulling at his lips. It’s not quite as short as when I first met him, but it’s pretty close.

He glances at me; I go over, dropping to my knees next to him. Jason steps out of my way so I can brush up all the bits of hair. He leans against the bench, folding his arms. I keep brushing as the two men talk to each other. Their voices rumble above me; I listen as I clean up.

“So, Zacky told me about JD.”

Matt snorts. “What’d he tell you?”

“That he’s some kind of trouble.” Jason coughs. He smokes, not as much as some people I’ve met, but more than Matt. Which really isn’t saying anything because I’ve never seen Matt smoke. Jason goes on. “I had a look at that card he gave Val, and tried to search something for you.”

Matt shifts on the stool; I peek up at him. His brow is drawn tight. “Did you find anything?”

Jason shakes his head. “Not on either name. It’s like he doesn’t exist. At least in cyberspace.”

My master scowls. “What? You mean Denmore might not be his real name, either?” I tremble at that thought. But, it makes sense, if he does have anything to do with the Guild, giving out his real name could be counterproductive to what he does for them.

“It’s possible.” Jason shrugs. “Anyway, Zack says he’s gonna be at your dad’s place today...and he’s bringing a buddy, apparently.”

Matt nods. “Yeah, Brian mentioned that to me.”

I look down again, finishing with the brush and pan. Getting up, I go and dump the hair in the trash, and then, after putting the pan and brush away, I go to stand next to Matt. He smiles faintly at me, wrapping an arm around my waist, and drawing me close to him.

Jason smiles at the both of us then gets serious again. “Zacky seemed a little off about that. But, I said Matt and I would keep an eye on things. We can come and kick them out if anything goes wrong.”

Matt Berry is Jason’s twin brother. Lots of twins in the life of Avenged...well okay, only me and Chelle, and the Berry’s. But that’s more twins than lots of other people know in a lifetime.

My master chuckles. “I don’t doubt that.” He glances at the clock on the wall. “Well, thanks for the shave, dude. I think we gotta go soon.”

Jason also looks, nodding in agreement. “Yep, half an hour. See you down at your dad’s?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Matt gently eases me away, murmuring, “Go get ready.”

I bite my lip; I’m in no position to argue with him, but I really don’t want to go anywhere near that JD guy if I can help it. He must pick up on my apprehension, though, because he says in a low voice, “Michelle will be there. You two can hang out.”

Flushing, I try to hide my relief as I hurry out of the kitchen.

* * * * *

On the way over, I can sense this storm brewing. The tension in Matt’s body is increasing, the closer we get to his parents’ place. I can see it in the set of his shoulders, in the way his fingers are tight on the steering wheel. We’re taking his SUV, by the way, not the bike. Which I’m grateful for, because considering his mood, he’d be like to get into an accident on it. Much safer to be inside a vehicle than on top of one. Not by much, though. Usually, Matt’s really laidback when he’s driving, but with this added tension, his attitude toward the other drivers on the road is a lot coarser than normal.

“Fuckin’ Sunday drivers...” Matt growls, cursing at the vehicle he’s practically riding. I must point out, it’s not Sunday, by the way...

I can almost see the individual hairs of the driver in front of us. Who just so happens to notice us in his rear-view mirror. The guy rolls down his window and yells back obscenities at us.

Matt slides his own window down and flips the guy the bird. I hunch down in my seat, feeling a little embarrassed by his actions. Matt glances sideways at me, brow creasing a little. I look away, gazing out my window.

He sighs. “Sorry, I’m a little pissed.”

He squeezes the steering wheel. I feel kinda sorry for it; yes, I know it’s an inanimate object...but he’s practically strangling it. I shake my head softly. He doesn’t need to explain himself to me. I can’t control his moods. And, at any rate, I can probably figure out what’s got him so worked up. He’s obviously as happy about seeing JD as I am. Personally, I’d rather have my teeth pulled out than have to be anywhere near the guy.

Matt returns his gaze out the windscreen; the line of his jaw set hard. I settle back in my seat just allowing the hum of the tyres to lull me into a sense of comfort.

* * * * *

“Val! You’re here! Yay!”

I blink, just as Jimmy tugs my door open and literally drags me by the arm out of the car. He gives me no time to protest before he’s pulling me toward a small group of women who are standing outside the house. I recognise Michelle but the others are only vaguely familiar. I think I must’ve seen photos of them somewhere...maybe?

Before Jimmy can introduce them, though, Matt walks over and shakes his head.

“Jimmy, you shit. You’ll freak her out.”

Jimmy rolls his eyes. “She doesn’t seem freaked.”

“She has a name,” Michelle snaps, defensively.

I blurt out, “I have a voice.”

Jimmy cracks it, laughing so hard it sounds like he might burst. I just stare at him, not really sure how to react.

Michelle groans, but then glares at Matt. “You have some nerve suggesting Val will freak after what you did to her.”

Matt glares at my twin, but remains tight-lipped, not wanting to air our issues in front of the other women. Thankfully, none of them ask what my twin is going on about. Instead the one standing to her left, a short woman with bronze tinted skin and a huge grin that rivals Jimmy’s, steps toward me and introduces herself.

“Hey, I’m Leana.” She points at Jimmy who’s wandered off to wait for the other guys. “I’m attached to him.”

I smile softly, nodding. Then Leana points at the other two women. “This is Gena, Zacky’s girl.” A woman with platinum blonde hair and a soft smile, waves to me, a friendly spark in her eyes. I can tell why Zacky would like her; she seems classy, just perfect for someone as sophisticated as he is.

“And, this is Lacey, she’s with Johnny.” Leana indicates the final woman of the group.

Warm eyes take me in as Lacey smiles at me. “Nice to meet you, Val.”

I nod, feeling strangely shy. Matt who is still standing there, squeezes me around the waist. “Now that’s nice...you can stay with the girls. I gotta get to work.”

Peeking up at him, I nod. He smiles at the others, the expression faltering a little as his eyes flicker over Michelle then he walks away to the garage. I watch him for a moment but then Leana speaks up again.

“Right. Jimmy says we need to get you out for a girly day.” She flashes her pearly whites at me. I drag my eyes away from Matt’s retreating figure and look at the smaller woman.

“Girly day?” Michelle snorts.

Leana rolls her eyes. “Jimmy’s words. Not mine.”

I smile. Jimmy is kind of crazy like that. “So, uh...what’re we going to do?”

Lacey answers my question with a grin. “We’re going to a day spa. Get pampered and basically treated like queens for a few hours while the boys work.”

That sounds really good to me. But then anything sounds good to me, considering what my life has been. I just nod, happy to go along with any suggestion they make.

Michelle smiles stepping close and hooking an arm through mine. “It’ll be fun. Get our mind off things for awhile...”

Translation: Get my mind off the shit that I’ve just been through, with Matt and the Guild etcetera, etcetera. Sounds like a very good plan.

I nod at my twin, still feeling too shy to respond to the other girls. But, I’m sure they’ll cure me of that by the end of the day. I’m not sure how I feel about that, though.

I guess we’ll just have to see.

Notes