The Aviators

“Val! I’m home!”

The front door opens then shuts. I hear Matt’s heavy footsteps approaching our room. Glancing over at the clock, I register the time. It’s late. He obviously decided to go out for a drink with the guys before coming home. I bite my lip and shuffle about on the bed where I’ve basically been laying ever since he left earlier.

I’d managed to compose myself after I don’t know how long I spent crying. But, I no longer feel like tearing up, for now at least.

Matt appears in the doorway and frowns at me.

“What are you doing?”

Lifting my head, I meet his sharp look. Something’s got him on edge. I just hope he still isn’t stewing over our conversation. Or that he’s angry with me for some reason. I don’t think I could handle it if that were the case. He’s in a mood, though; so, answering him quick would probably be the best decision to make, right now.

“Um, nothing, Master. Just...laying here.”

Matt taps the fingers of his left hand against the wooden frame. His lips draw together in a thin lie, before relaxing a little. “You know what time it is?” His voice is toneless.

I nod and swing my legs off the bed, planting my feet on the floor. “Yes, Master. Uh...what do you feel like eating?”

His lips twitch and his gaze narrows. I tremble a little beneath his hard stare. But, I manage to keep composed, awaiting his answer. He gives a shake of his head.

“Don’t mind. As long as it’s edible.”

That could be anything at all. My heart starts racing. In my experience, when a master tells a slave he ‘doesn’t mind’ that, in actual fact, means the slave had better read her master’s mind and get him the only thing he really wants to eat and that she’d better not screw up or she’ll regret it, big time. That has been my experience in all other cases, with all my previous owners. The number of times I’ve been beaten because I couldn’t read my master’s mind...it’s almost criminal.

Therefore, hearing that from Matt is unsettling. He has never raised a hand to hit me or anything like that. Usually if he gets angry with me he relies on proximity and voice to acquire my submission and/or contrition. I mean, jeeze, look at the man, he just has to enter a room and scowl, and that’s enough to scare me.

Still, even after several months as his slave, he still manages to toss curve-balls into the mix and completely throw me off guard. Hopefully, he is nothing like my former owners in this regard, otherwise I’m in a bind. Because, I can never get it right.

Moving to the door, I hesitate. Matt’s standing such that he’s blocking my exit. The only way I’ll get past is if I push between his big body and the doorframe. That won’t be easy. He’s as solid as a brick wall. And, this close, I can see how tense he is. But, I also notice the worry lines on his forehead. It’s then that I realise he’s not angry. No, something is confusing him, and it has nothing to do with me.

Pausing, I lift my gaze to his, daring to meet his eyes. Normally, I would just mutter an ‘excuse me, Master’ and he would let me pass. But the expression on his face, it bothers me. I want to help ease him, if he’ll let me.

“Master?” I decide to take the plunge.

“Hmmm?” Matt lifts an eyebrow. I rub my hands over my arms.

“Is everything okay? You look worried?”

He folds his arms, shifting so the doorjamb is between his shoulder blades. Not that it makes it any easier for me to get past him, or anything. His posture screams ‘keep out of it’. I lower my eyes, hunching up my shoulders.

“I’m sorry; it’s none of my business. I’ll...uh, just go and get dinner ready...” I squeeze past him making sure I don’t meet his eyes, even as our bodies brush tight against each other. As I’m about to duck down the hall, Matt stops me, the tips of his fingers resting against my left forearm.

“Val.” His voice sounds raspier than usual.

I turn my eyes up to his slowly. He scrunches up his face, looking, for all the world, like a little boy who is contemplating the wonders of the universe. He wants to say something; I can see it in the light of his eyes, in the tightening of his lips. But he says nothing, just stares at me.

After a moment, a sigh escapes him and he jerks his chin down the hallway. “Go on. I’ll join you in a few.”

My lips part slightly, as if I have something to say, but then I seal them and head for the kitchen without another word.

* * * * *

“This is really good.”

I look up from the half-empty bowl of spaghetti that I’m absently dragging my fork around in. The metal tines tinkle against the porcelain bowl. Matt smiles at me a long strand of pasta dangling from his mouth. He looks comical, and I giggle a little. In response he flashes his signature dimpled grin, before slurping the spag into his mouth, the very end flicking and spraying a tiny bit of sauce over his top lip.

I laugh outright. He chuckles, swallowing. I see the muscles in his throat flexing as he does.

I flush and lower my eyes back to my bowl, murmuring in a low voice, “I’m glad you like it, Master...it’s the only thing I’m good at cooking.”

There’s quiet for a moment then Matt scoffs, “Yeah right. What was that rice dish you made the other night?”

My cheeks are really burning now. The only reason I can cook alright is because I used to snatch recipes from magazines lying around my former owners’ kitchens. Mainly Giovanni’s, though. For some reason he was actually quite a good cook. I think he might have been a chef in another life. I shake my head; I can’t really answer the question.

Matt sighs, but doesn’t press, which I’m grateful for. Sometimes, I just can’t find words, and I feel terrible if I can’t explain myself. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to mind and just let’s it slide.

I finish my pasta, keeping my gaze fixed on my food. I can hear Matt polishing off his share, his cutlery clinking as he rests them in his obviously empty bowl. He clears his throat several times. I look at him, head tilted. His brow creases as he leans back against his chair. The wood groans in protest as he settles his weight into the frame.

He’s preparing himself to say something; I see the thoughts moving in his eyes. Remaining silent, I wait. He’ll start talking when he’s ready. I mean, I am curious to know what he has to say, but I will never prompt him. It isn’t my place. And, it doesn’t really matter what it is he’s going to say, either.

I enjoy listening about his day, really. If it is that he’s going to talk about. Yes, part of me hopes that maybe he’ll broach the subject of our earlier conversation. But, that’s such a personal, intimate topic that it makes me a little uncomfortable, particularly because I don’t know how he feels about me. Like how he honestly feels. Because, as I keep mentioning, he does care...

“Met the new tech today.” Matt’s voice cuts off my contemplation. I note the casual tone. Though he’s frowning again, which can only mean something is bothering him. This has been evident ever since he came home.

“Yeah?”

Matt nods lips twisting. “Yeah, he’s interesting. I can’t figure him out though. The guys are into him. But, I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Guess I’ll get to know him better as we do the album record.”

He tightens his arms across his chest. Then he looks me directly in the eye. “I want you to meet him.” No explanation why, but I don’t expect one.

He continues. “Next time I go to Syn’s I’m taking you with me.” He smirks. “Need to get you out of the house. Shopping with your sister is one thing, but hanging with me and the boys somewhere other than here...you need to get used to that.”

He leans forward against the table and reaches over it for my left hand. He takes it gently in his own, enveloping it. I tremble at the warmth of his touch. His hand is huge next to my slender appendage. He could so easily break my bones, but he’s always so gentle with me.

I stare at the big veins standing out on the back of his hand. With a tentative touch, I trace my thumb along one; Matt shivers and shifts his grip, tightening it on mine.

“Val,” his voice is firm, “have you thought any about what I asked you before?”

I purse my lips at the change of topic, confusion settling in my mind. “What do you mean, Master?”

Matt breathes out, the sound rough. “Why do you think I bought you?”

I try to focus on him, but the question unsettles me. I couldn’t answer it before, and I don’t really think I can answer it. I’m not good at figuring out the motives of people. Passing strange, considering as a slave I should be good at that. Shaking my head hard, I tug at his hand. He doesn’t let go.

“Valary.”

“I don’t know!” I blurt out frustration obvious in the high pitched lift at the end. Matt raises his eyebrows at my outburst. I shiver and drop my forehead against the table and whisper in a hoarse undertone, “I don’t know, Master...I’m sorry...”

Matt grimaces, squeezing my hand, his touch tender. “Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for. If you don’t know, then you don’t know. I was just wondering.”

There’s something he’s not saying. His voice is tempered, careful, as if he’s refraining from telling me what he’s really thinking. But, I don’t mention my observation; I’m too embarrassed about my little outburst to even consider anything else.

Quiet falls around us, tense, and uncertain, both of us busy trying to think of some way to fill the silence. Matt keeps his hand around mine, stroking the pad of his thumb against the pulse point on my wrist. I observe the slow motion as if it’s the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen. Anything to not have to think about my emotions, or his.

Time passes, the patter of Bella’s claws on the outside porch, the breeze whistling through the branches of the trees, the waves on the shoreline, our soft breaths. There is nothing else between us, for now, just the calm.

I continue to watch as Matt rubs his thumb against my skin, in steady strokes. The sensation of the calloused pad sends soft tingles along my arm. The feeling is almost sensual, even though his action is extremely casual. But then again, maybe he wants something from me and is just building up to the asking. Hah. He doesn’t have to ask, he can just order me to bed, if he wants.

Peeking up at him, I try to decipher his expression. He catches my eye and the corners of his lips twitch into a tiny smile.

“Yes, Val?”

Eyes darting to the side, I glance at our empty bowls. “Uh...I should clean up.”

Matt sits back, finally releasing his grip, crossing his arms over his chest. “So you should.”

I start to stand up.

“Valary...uh...” He clears his throat, causing me to halt and look at him. “Michelle was asking about you.”

Wrinkling the bridge of my nose, I ask, “What did she say?”

Matt shakes his head, looking away from me. But, he does give me an answer. “She wanted to know why I didn’t bring you with me.”

I bite at my lip. “What did you tell her?”

Matt brings his eyes back to mine, his brow tight, and his eyes too bright. He doesn’t speak for a moment. I occupy myself by gathering the plates and heading for the sink to wash them. He remains at the table, leaning his elbows against the surface, obviously mulling over an answer. Either that or he’s not going to tell me and is just waiting for me to clear up.

Once I’m done I turn to look at him. He tilts his head to return my gaze.

“I lied to her.” Matt grimaces like he has a bad taste in his mouth. “It’s way too personal, it’s just...none of her business.”

“Oh.”

Lowering my eyes, I stand by the kitchen bench not sure what I should do now. Scraping on the floor signals that Matt is getting up from the table. He moves across the floor and stops in front of me. I lift my eyes up his length, stopping just before I reach his gaze.

Matt sighs, the sound causing my chest to tighten. “Well, I didn’t think you’d appreciate me telling her about our discussion.”

I manage a small smile at his statement. He’s right; I don’t really want anyone other than Matt knowing what goes on behind closed doors. I mean if we wanted everyone to know, we could just have these conversations when they’re around. But, considering we don’t...

“Thank you, Master.”

Matt smiles then rakes his fingers through his shaggy hair. “Right. It’s still early, so you can go write in your journal. I need to check my emails.”

I glance askance at him. He doesn’t usually need to tell me to write about my day. I’ve gotten into the habit of penning a few lines every night before we go to bed. He never tells me if he needs to check his mail, either. Something is off.

Well, maybe there’s nothing wrong, but something is occupying his mind that wasn’t before. Then considering he keeps asking me why I think he bought me, perhaps he’s trying to avoid telling me himself, and is deliberately making up excuses to not have to deal with the issue. With his emotions.

Nodding, I let him take hold of my elbow and steer me from the kitchen to our room. He releases his grasp motioning with a tilt of his head for me to go in. I step into the room, but look at him. Matt gives a slight shake of his head as if he is answering a question that I’ve not asked.

“Gimme a few.”

He turns and heads for the study. I, sighing, turn and go to the bed, retrieving my journal from Matt’s night stand. Settling on my place on the bed I open to the next blank page and begin writing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Okay, this is a little random, but. Y’know, Master, I always wondered why people liked having pets. All of my masters prior to you coming into my life had had animals in their households. Not including me of course. Yes, I know that sounds kind of crass, but I was barely treated any better than a dog in the majority of cases. I was used to it, though. But, I always envied the coveted position that their pets had.

There was this one guy, he had a poodle, pampered it no end, disgusting really. I mean, he treated it more like a woman than he did me. Strange person...but, hopefully I’m well shot of people like that...

Anyway, watching Bella today, made me think of all that. She kept me company today while you were out. Yeah, I let her inside; please don’t be pissed about that. I was lonely...and I think she was too. So, yeah...I let her in.

She was WHINING! Okay? I wasn’t going to put up with that. It was giving me a headache. I mean, I have to put up with a lot of things; it’s what I have to do, right? Well, okay...I don’t mind it since being with you, but with my previous owners, I had to ‘put up with it’. But, anyway, she sounded like a child who had been left alone by her parents...

Great. No, I’m not crying, Master. I don’t think I’ve cried about that, not since I was really little. I can’t ever remember being little.

Actually, that’s kind of a lie. Only kind of. I wouldn’t lie to you. I used to lie all the time. Saved my skin most times. Because most of my other...well they weren’t really very perceptive. Probably because they didn’t cared about me. Anyway, I do remember some things about when I was a kid. A very happy time, actually. I think I remember the feeling more than anything, being surrounded by people who cared...and loved me. Family, I guess. Friends, maybe.

You know, when Michelle and I went shopping the other day...she told me about when she first got with Brian. Said that was a happy time for her. Even though she said that you were always trying to thwart her chances of being with him, at the time. I didn’t get that. She told me it was because you were jealous of what they had. Not that it’s any of my business [I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot...] so don’t think I was prying into your personal life, or anything. It’s just I’ve never had anyone to talk to, about random shit like that. Like, like sisters should do, right?

I can’t talk about anything personal with her, though. You’ll be the first person I share anything with. Not just because you’re my Master or anything, but...I don’t really feel comfortable telling her, because I don’t know if she’d understand, or not. So, if I ever feel like telling about all the stuff that’s happened in my life, the good and the bad, you’ll be the first to hear about it. And probably the only person I’ll ever confide in...

I’m rambling here, aren’t I? I guess that’s because I don’t know how to deal with the way you’re acting around me. There. I said it. It bothers me, Master because it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. Which I know I haven’t, have I? I mean, let’s forget about the Guild and everything...this is about us, right? I mean sure, we can’t forget...forget them. But, maybe we could try sorting things out to make it easier.

Anyway, I don’t know what else to write, you’ll probably be finished reading emails now...and it’s getting really dark now. And I’m tired. Even though I didn’t really do anything tiring today. Did a bit of cleaning...things were a bit dusty. Made some lunch for you to take tomorrow...if you’re going to the studio...I guess after what you said at dinner you might be taking me too. But, I guess I’ll have to wait.

So, here is me signing off...

Notes