October 7th, 2007

"I wonder if this baby has an off button" Brian grumbled as he rocked his screaming child backwards and forwards, wondering where the hell his wife had disappeared to. He knew that she'd been stressed out today, what with a heavy workload, and Brian announcing he was leaving for tour in two weeks.

He figured it would be nice to get away from the screaming for a while. Not that he didn't love Phoenix, hell he'd take a bullet for his precious little girl, but much like her Uncle Matt, she seemed to have lungs made of pure steel- meaning she could scream like a banshee and make everyone turn and listen to her. But unlike Shadows, she didn't know how to control it, and she couldn't express in words how she really felt.

"Hannah? I could use a little help up here!" Brian yelled out of the open door, but didn't hear any reply, so just carried on rocking his baby daughter. She was calming down now, reduced to little sobs and hiccups. He held her close, breathing in that baby smell that made him relax a little. It was better than any drug he'd ever been offered- or taken- just to know that she was safe in his arms, and he wasn't the one making her distressed.

"There we go Fee-Fee, sssh, good girl, sssh, it's OK Daddy's got you..." he whispered as Phoenix yawned and closed her bright blue eyes, a trait she'd inherited from her mother. Whenever he looked into her eyes, he saw his wife- the woman who made him happy. Brian gently laid Phoenix down in her crib, sighing in relief when she didn't start yelling again, just drifted off into sleep. He knew he'd be up in a few hours to comfort her again when she woke up crying, but he hoped tonight would be one of the nights where she slept all the way through.

Brian slipped down the stairs of his large house, calling out his wife's name, but still there was no reply. He walked through the kitchen to her studio, to see if she'd escaped into the realms of the white walls to find solace. She was an artist, and couldn't clean anything to save her life.

Mess was creative, she said. It inspired even the craziest of her projects.
But when Brian pushed open the door to her studio- it was empty.

All her supplies had gone, all her previous projects and works in progress, disappeared. It was now just a deserted white room- not even a single paintbrush left behind.
They were her most prized possessions- she couldn't have just gotten rid of them all could she?
He took a step inside, and his foot crushed on something. It was a piece of paper covered in scribbled writing- and when he picked it up- he saw his name scrawled on the front.

"Brian" it read, "I can't do this anymore. I don't mean to be a bad mother- but I can't cope with Phoenix anymore. You do such a better job than me- you deserve someone who can take care of a child without freaking out. Please don't try and find me- I'll be somewhere far away. I love you. Hannah xx"

Brian Haner never cried, he prided himself in that fact.

But it didn't stop him sinking to the floor, the crumpled up note in his hands, and letting tears trickle down his cheeks one by one.

*

December 24th, 2009

Christmas was Brian's favourite holiday now- he couldn't stand Halloween because it reminded him of his runaway wife. But he got to celebrate with his proper family, his three year old daughter Phoenix, and that was all that mattered. He could shower her with love and attention and all the presents she wanted that year, and he'd love her with no regrets.
Not even his wife.

"And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight- merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!" Brian read, closing the picture book in his hands and staring up at Phoenix. She was staring at him with wide eyes, the very ones that reminded him of Hannah, excited at what the next day would bring.
"Can we see Uncle Zacky tomorrow, Daddy? Pretty please?" she asked, and he sighed, putting the book back on the shelf.

Brian and Zacky's relationship was complicated. Brian had been in love with Zacky for two years now, ever since Hannah left him and Zacky had been the one who found him the next day curled up in a ball in the studio, Phoenix screaming from upstairs. He didn't say anything, because well Zack had a girlfriend, he had a daughter- and it would never have worked. Until a few weeks ago, when he'd cornered Zacky and told him how he felt. Zacky had looked extremely confused, and then run away, back to his girlfriend, probably.

"Maybe, sweetheart. Come on, under the covers. Santa's already on his way" he said, smiling when Phoenix dived under the covers excitedly. He switched out the main light, and knelt down to his daughter's height again.

"Will you give him my cookies, Daddy?"
"Sure I will, sweetheart. Goodnight kiss?"
Phoenix leant up and kissed Brian's cheek, wrapping her arms around his neck in a big hug. He liked this little moments with his daughter- ones only he got to have.
"I love you, Daddy"
"I love you too, sweetheart. Goodnight" he said, kissing her one last time and watching her crawl under the covers as he walked out.

He walked back down the stairs, taking his time when he heard the doorbell ring. He wasn't expecting anyone tonight, so it took him by surprise.
When he opened the door, he saw Zacky standing on his doorstep. He was shivering, and had a Santa hat on top of his messy hair, and in his hand, he held a sprig of mistletoe.
"Merry Christmas Brian" he whispered, before he pulled the other man next to him and attached their lips in a passionate kiss.

"What...I,I don't understand, Zacky...I..." Brian stuttered, but Zacky silenced him by pressing a finger against his lips.
"You don't have to understand. I thought about it, and I realised that Gena was my excuse to hide. You told me you loved me, well...I love you too Brian Haner" he said and this time it was Brian who pulled Zacky into a kiss, tightening his arms around his waist.

They were in California, so it wasn't going to snow in a million years, but he liked the idea of there being snow to fulfil this magical moment.
"Come on Zacky- come spend Christmas with us"

*
December 25th, 2012

"DADDY! PAPA! Wake up- it's Christmas!"

Brian groaned and rolled over, tightening his arms around his boyfriends waist. Phoenix could get so over-excitable on Christmas Morning- and Zacky didn't help by being just as excited.
Quickly, he rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, ready for the daughter shaped bombshell that was about to descend on the 'big bedroom' as she liked to call it.
"Come on Daddy- open those pretty green eyes" Brian teased as Zacky ran a hand through his hair and sat up, leaning against his boyfriend.

"Don't wanna" he mumbled, and Brian smiled. Sometimes it was like taking care of two children- but he didn't care. He'd rather have two people he loved than one. To Phoenix he was Papa, and Zacky was Daddy. He had a family, a boyfriend he adored and a beautiful five year old girl.
"Well you have to, babe. It's Christmas- you got Phoenix over-excited" he grinned and when Zacky opened his eyes, he leant down and kissed him softly.

"Merry Christmas Zee. I love you"
"I love you too Bri-bear" Zacky replied, managing to kiss his boyfriend one last time before Phoenix came running in, grabbing on his hand.
"Come on Daddy! Santa left us presents!" Phoenix cried, and the two men got out of bed, Zacky picking up the little girl and taking her downstairs, Brian close behind.

He loved them both so much- and seeing them together only made his heart swell that little bit more. As the two of them bounded into the living room, he saw there was a letter on the front table, his name written on the front. Spookily reminiscent of when Hannah had left him, he picked up the piece of paper and unfolded it, seeing the familiar script on the page.

"Brian, I know it's been a while. Tell Phoenix merry Christmas, and I love her. I heard about you and Zacky finally getting together- congratulations. You'll make an incredible couple. Life here is good- but I still think about you. I hope you're happy- just like me. Hannah xx P.S you still haven't changed the locks- I had a key."

Staring down at the letter for a moment, Brian smiled. He was getting better- getting over his wife leaving him. He had an incredible boyfriend, a beautiful daughter- and a life he was proud of creating. He stuffed the letter in the trash can and wandered into the living room, where Phoenix was sat in a sea of wrapping paper, Zacky watching her happily from the couch.
"Is everything OK?" he asked when Brian sat down beside him, fumbling around underneath the tree for the gift he got his boyfriend.
"Everything's fine, Zee. But I haven't given you your present yet"

From his pocket, he pulled out the small velvet box and knelt down in front of Zacky, a smile tainting his thin lips.
"Zacky James Baker- will you marry me?" he asked, watching as his boyfriend's mouth fell open a little in surprise. It was moment of terrifying silence before he nodded and launched himself at Brian.

"Brian- of course I'll marry you!" Zacky replied, watching Brian slide the gold band on his finger.

Best Christmas present ever.