Help Me Fly

I was not ready for this. I want to go back to my home. I know he is there watching over me, he wont follow me to another state. Somehow I got trapped on an airplane, with two apparent bodyguards so I don't run. Not even a commercial airplane so I can scream for help, nope I am on a private jet. damn him. Speak of the devil, or think of him.

"Here, I got you a drink."

Taking a seat next to me on the couch that lined the widows, I was sitting with my side to the back so I could watch the clouds, hoping for a glance of my lost loved one. I had not talked since I found out my horrible fate. Three months ago.

"Please drink this." Staring at him with my best evil look I snatched the tiny cup out of his hands and downed it. Making a face, I had to get rid of it.

"No, swallow." He snatched my cup before I could spit it back. He gave me Whiskey. Not knowing that everyone on the tiny plane was watching me, I spit it out. Right in his face.

"Dammit Ivy!" Hearing a bellowing laugh next to me, I didn't need to look to know Jimmy was standing next to me.

"Syn, you know she wont drink. Just give her some time. Now begone with you."

Without another word of anger towards me, his baby sister, he stormed off.

"Now that was classic, Ivy." Jimmy plopped his lanky figure where my bro had been.

Looking at him, as if to ask what he wanted, I'm not just mute around my family, I truly have not spoken a word since I lost him. Whats the point?

"I know you don't want to talk to anyone, and I respect that. Your hurting and no amount of what any of us can do with make you better. It takes time, love." These guys were always like my brothers. They played at our wedding.

Nodding my head, I stretched me legs across his lap. Leaning my head against the soft cushions between the windows ready to sleep, again.

"Wake her up Jimmy!" I couldn't even growl at him. My voice just shut down. He wouldn't let me sleep a little?

"Let the girl sleep. She exhausted." Zacky, the voice of reason, sometimes.

"No, from what I have heard all she does is sleep. She quit her job, and stays in bed. Her dogs and cats got sent to our parents place so she wouldn't have to care for them." The traitor grumbled from his seat next to his girlfriend, Michelle.

"How about I get you a cup of soda? Would you drink it." Looking up at Zacky, I nodded.

"WHAT!! You'll take that, but you wont take whiskey??!! You love whiskey!!" I just made him mad. But I cannot drink, not now.

I hadn't realized that Michelle was looking at me closely, as if trying to read my mind. Making eye contact with her, she gasped softly.

"Move you big lug." She swatted his legs, walking over to me without a word she grabbed my hands and pulled me up. Not wanting to fight, she had a mean right hook, I let her drag me to the bathroom.

"Sit." Turning on the faucet, locking the door and turning on the fan to drown out our, well her voice, from the shadows of the people who had followed us here.

Sitting on the toilet lid, I looked up at her, waiting for her to ask. But she already knew.

"I know they are out there, so just shake your head."

Slowly moving my head in an up and down motion.

"Oh, Ivy. Sweetheart. Come here." Feeling her thin arms wrap around my shoulders. I cried, again. Besides sleep that's all I do.

I do not know how long we were in there, I know I had soaked her shirt sleeve, and that someone pounded on the door, or more like hit their head on it.

As we sat on the floor, my head still on her shoulder, I raised my hand and held up four fingers for her to see.

"That much?" She asked, noticing that someone outside the door had leaned down to the floor and had an ear at the crack to listen better.

Lifting up a booted foot, she kicked, hard.

"OW. Fuck that hurt." Poor Jimmy.

"Anyone know." I shook my head back and forth.

I wanted to tell him, but as I was leaving the doctors is the day I found out, is when I got the call. My parents or his mom, didn't even know. I couldn't even look at his family, I quit answering their calls, not that I couldn't talk, ignored their text messages. I deleted my email, facebook, twitter.

Looking up at Michelle, I had to tell my brother. I mouthed his name to her. Understanding what I need to do, she stood up, with a small smile on her face and opened the door.

"She wants to talk to you."

Leaving the small bathroom, as he walked in and took the same seat next to me. I leaned on his shoulder, and waited. He was bound to ask.

"What ever you want to say, I am not going to push you. I am sorry for yelling earlier."

Grabbing the small pad of paper in his hands, that everyone had grown accustomed to having when around me, I carefully wrote the words that I did not even want to admit myself.

I Am Pregnant.

Handing him the paper, I started to cry again.

"Are you sure?" Of course I am sure you big over grown child! I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to scream, but all that left my mouth was air.

Nodding my head, I held up four fingers again. He figured it out, just as Michelle had.

"He never knew did he?" I shook my head no. Holding his arms open I fell into his chest and cried. I was pregnant with my late husband baby and he never knew.

How could I raise this child that would look so much like him and me? A perminate heart break for life. Would I still be able to be a good mom, a single mom?

After what felt like hours, which was, a knock was heard on the door.

"What?"

"Were landing." That voice I had not heard in a while, Matt.

"Okay. Can you walk?"

Nodding and shrugging my head I stood up, but felt my legs give out, falling into my brothers chest I felt his arms grab me. Reaching over he unlocked the door and kicked it open as he lifted me up in his arms.

"Well hello there sunshine."

Looking up, I saw those hazel eyes stare at me. Matt ad Brian were the closest of the band, and growing up I truly felt like they were both my brothers, not just Brian.

Smiling at him softly, I laid my head back on Brian's shoulder. While he took me to my seat.

I am still not ready to be here. I do not want to be here.

Why am I here, and not in my house? In my bed?

Notes