I woke up to white walls and that familiar ‘too clean’ smell. I sat up from the small bed and looked around the room. I knew exactly where I was and that’s what scared me. I knew that Brian was hurt and that it was all my fault. I looked out my window that looked into the hospital and laughed. There, I saw four large men crammed onto a little couch outside my room. I could only imagine the faces on the people that walked by and saw all of them. I mean I’m not exaggerating when I say ‘large’ by any means.

I climbed out of bed and changed out of the robe that the hospital gives you and into the sweatpants and tank top that they provided. I walk outside my room to see all of the guys on top of each other all fast asleep/ I climbed onto the couch, and as I climbed over each person they slowly woke up, until I rested my head in Matt’s lap. He put his hand on my head a patted my head like a dog. I was comfortable being myself around them, and that was a good start since I decided that they were going to be my new family, as long as Brian was ok.

“How long was I asleep?” I closed my eyes, I really didn’t want to know. Matt gave a long pause before answering.

“About two days, The Doc said you had quite a shock, we all did.”

“I’m sorry this is all my fault.” I wanted to cry. God must hate me I thought or else he would just let me be happy.

“No Bree its not. One of Brian’s ex-girlfriends ex’s thought it was him on the bus, he wasn’t after you, he was after Brian. This is not your fault.”

“But I’m the one that called him to come to the bus, I basically gave him Brian on a silver platter.”

“Stop blaming yourself Bree, this is not your fault.” This time it wasn’t Matt. I opened my eyes to see who was talking to me.

“Dr. Brent, how’s Brian?” There was along pause before he took a deep breath.

“He is doing better. Surgery went well and they removed the bullets from his upper thigh and stomach. He may be a little sore, and walk with a slight limp for a couple weeks but he should be up and moving in a couple days.”

A sigh of relieve rushed over all five of us.

“Can I go see him?”

“No not right now.”

“Why not? You said he was fine, so why can’t I go see him?”

“You can’t see him because I am saying that he is not ready for visitors”

“Why!” I screamed

I was so pissed, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t see him if he was ok. I jumped off the couch and ran out of the hospital as fast as I could. I just kept running, I didn’t even know where I was going. I ran until I found an abandoned park in the middle of nowhere with rusted play equipment. I’m glad I found it too because just as I sat in the plastic tunnel it started down pouring. I brought my knees up to my chest and let my tears fall freely and soak into the sweatpants I was wearing.

As it got colder I started shivering. I wondered if the guys even wanted me back, or if they were just going to let me go, and never see me again. I sat there thinking, just thinking. Thinking about my life, Brian, lyrics, basically everything. I felt like time was moving so fast as I watched the sky change colors in front of me. I was looking at the sunset when a large shadow appeared from outside the tunnel.

“Matt?” it was more a statement than a question.

“Why are you here, how did you find me?” I asked tears filling up my eyes again. I was happy that they came for me. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.

“I’m here to bring you back to the hospital come on” he reached his hand out toward mine and I grabbed it and he pulled me out of the tunnel and back towards the bus where everyone else was.

We walked into the hospital I looked at the clock. I hadn’t even been gone for two hours.

“Don’t even think about doing that again” Matt and Dr. Brent said in unison.

“Now get back in that room and get some sleep. Your in shock Bree and you need your sleep. Your too emotional right now. Brian is going to be fine now go relax and get some sleep.

I took a deep breath then looked at the guys to see their faces all plastered with a worried expression.

“Ok” I said finally.

“Oh and I had the nurse set up four extra beds so you can all sleep in there. The room is large so there is plenty of room for everyone, that way you don’t have to cram on the couch again tonight.” Dr. Brent said before leaving the room so we could all get some sleep.

“YAY! Sleepover!” yelled Zacky.

We all laughed then gathered on the beds to get some sleep, but I couldn’t sleep, instead I wrote, and wrote, and came up with one of my best songs yet.

[i] The Next Morning[/i]

Dr. Brent was already in the room when I woke up around 10AM. He came to tell us that Brian was awake and that we could go see him, but he still might be groggy so we couldn’t be too loud. I was the only one up at the time so I decided to go first and then I would tell the guys when they woke up.

I slowly walked into the room to see Brian lying there with his eyes only half open and his body stuck with needles and tubes. It made me sick having to see him like this. I could feel fresh tears on the verge of falling, and a lump growing in my throat.

“Brian?” I whispered softly into the room.

There was no answer so I repeated it a little louder and still no answer. I moved farther into the room closer to him to see his eyes shut and his mouth slightly opened.

I walked quietly back to my room and grabbed my guitar and my new lyrics that I finished last night and went back to Brian’s room and shut the door. I grabbed a chair and placed it at the foot of his bed.

I ran my fingers across the cords and began to play, and soon after that the lyrics started:

[i] I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see[/i]

By the time the song was done I had tears streaming down my face again like the little emotional girl I was. I leaned into Brian and give him a kiss on the forehead. I turned around to leave when I felt him grip my wrist.

“Brian!” I yelled tears falling for joy and not despair. I fell to my knees with the tears still falling.

“I’m so happy your ok, I was so scared.”

“Bree calm down. I’m ok now I promise.”

I stood up, laying my head on his chest. He put his hand on my back and started rubbing small circles. I climbed into bed with him and before I knew it I was asleep.

When I woke up I was lying next to Brian, who was now needle and tube free, which made me feel better.

“Good morning sleepy head.” He said sitting up and getting off the bed.

I giggled as I noticed he was still wearing the hospital gown from when he got out of surgery, so I got a very unwanted view of Brian Haner’s ass, and if I was in fan girl mode I would have taken a picture, but I was in sleep mode so I just laughed.

“Hey Brian, nice ass.” I teased pointing at the back of the gown.

“Oh shit. Come on that’s not funny, cut me some slack I was just shot a couple of days ago you know!”

My smile turned into a frown as I looked down to the floor tears building up again.

“I’m sorry Bree, I didn’t mean it like that, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Its ok, I’m just glad that your ok. Now will you please go change, your ass isn’t good enough to keep flaunting it like that.” I laughed as I watched him walk slowly to the bathroom for dramatic effect.

He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to piss himself. He finally made it to the bathroom to change. Once I knew he was ok I found Dr. Brent so that we could get discharged.