I woke up to a half naked Brian Haner Jr. I almost scream when I opened my eyes to find him lightly snoring in my face. I shook him lightly trying to wake him up so I could move to the couch, but it didn’t work, he just turned over completely ignoring my efforts.

Now it was a life or death situation. This was making me extremely uncomfortable. I grabbed my water bottle at the end of the bunk and emptied its contents all over him.

That did the trick.

He shot up, smacking his head on the top of the bunk. I giggled but he didn’t feel the same way.

“What the fuck!” he yelled. He turned to look at me, then looked back at himself realizing that he was in just a pair of boxers. Then it hit him, and boy did it hit him hard.

“Oh Shit.”

“What the fuck are you doing in here Brian? Couldn’t you sleep on the couch just once?” I yelled. I mean he must have noticed me when he climbed in last night.

“I’m sorry I honestly didn’t notice you. I was exhausted after the show so I just stripped down and climbed in without thinking.”

“Fine, just let me out so I can go back to sleep on the couch.”

“No, its ok, I’ll go, you can sleep in here”

Now I felt bad for yelling at him. He really was a sweetheart, and I couldn’t help but forgive him.

“Are you sure Brian, I don’t have a problem sleeping on the couch, and this is your bunk.”

“Yea its fine, now you go back to sleep ok”

He grabs one of the spare blankets and makes his way over to the couch.

“Goodnight Bree.”

“Goodnight Brian.”

I was the last to wake up around 6 PM and the guys were getting ready for their last show in Chicago at 8PM. I called Dr. Brent to let him know that I was ok and that I would see him tomorrow. I did leave out a little detail about what happened with Brian earlier that afternoon. The question was simple but the answer, if I choose to say yes, could change my life forever.

[i]**Flashback**

“Night Brian.”

“Wait Bree I wanna ask you something.”

“Sure Brian what’s up?” I could tell he was trying to be serious so I knew that whatever he had to say was something that he had thought over very hard.

“ Ok now me and the guys have givin’ this some thought and we wanna know if you want to stay on tour and be our new merch girl/ band member.”

I was speechless. I just couldn’t believe that Avenged Sevenfold wanted me to stay with them. It seems like they care about me more than my parents ever did. I was so happy that I could finally fit in somewhere.

“Brian, oh my god, I don’t know. What would happen to me after the tour was over? Would I have to go back to my parents or will I have to live on my own. I doubt five guys want to live with one teenage girl.”

“I don’t know, we haven’t figured out all the minor details, but we do know that we want you to stay with us as long as possible. Your like the little sister none of us had.”

I smile. That was the first time that I knew of that my existence actually made someone happy. I wanted to cry, and for the first time they would be tears of happiness and not fear, but I didn’t I just smiled a wide smile. But that was later replaced with a yawn as sleep deprivation caught up with me.

“I’ll think about it ok Brian, but right now I’m exhausted and going back to sleep.”

I lay my head back on the pillow and almost instantly I was back asleep.

**End Flashback**[/i]

The bus was hectic as everyone was trying to get ready at once, and if you think five girls with only one shower is bad, well let me tell you five guys and one shower just may be worse.

I got out of the bunk knocking Johnny over who was only dressed in a towel around his waist. He stumbled around putting his hands up to stop his fall which meant he had to let go of the towel, which was now on the floor. I closed my eyes instantly, and waited for him to put the towel back on.

“Come on Guys!” I yelled “Cant you guys keep your clothes on for once. I’ve seen enough naked people to last me the next year.”

The all bust out in laughter, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. That was when I knew my answer, and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.

I got off the bus for some fresh air and some peace and quiet, which is hard to find with five guys around all the time. I called Dr. Brent to let him know what was going on. His opinion mattered a lot to me. He has been like a father to me over the past 5 months.

“…….and that was what happened, what do you think, is my decision right?”

“Bree whatever you decide is your choice. You are 18 now, you make your own decisions.”

“I know but I cant just forget my past, it’s a huge part of me and who I am.”

“True, but you cant let your past hold you back from your future, that’s more important Bree, think about the future. I agree with your decision and I trust you.”

“Ok thanks Dr. Brent.”

“No problem Bree, glad I could help. See you tomorrow for your discharge.”

“Yepps, I can’t wait to be ‘officially’ discharged.”

“Bye”

I turned around to face the bus. My mind was made up and there was nothing stopping me from doing it. I decided that I was going to wait until after the show to tell everyone. I knew I was going to put the cherry on top of a great show, and that alone made me smile.

The show was amazing. After I finished playing ‘Afterlife’ the crowd screamed and cheered. This time I wasn’t as nervous and I actually had fun playing tonight. I dove into the crowd which surprised everyone. They brought me back to the stage, and I got the guys back on for an encore. As they started the beginning cords for ‘Scream’ I walked backstage and got a bottle of water, and waited for them to finish.

They finished the song and then began to do solos. I sighed. I knew this encore was going to last forever. I went back to the bus and changed into a pair of Jimmy’s boxers and one of his t-shirts because he was the skinniest of them all so he was closest to my size. I sat on the couch with my notebook thinking of some new lyrics.

I put my ipod on and put the headphones around my neck, maybe listening to other music would help me and give me some inspiration. I started jotting down some random lines when I heard the door to the bus click open, I ignored it at first because I thought it was the guys, but when I didn’t hear their usual laughter I got scared. I shut off the lights and grabbed my cell phone and ran into the bathroom, and locked the door.

I dialed Matt’s number first, no answer.
Then I tried Johnny’s , again, no answer.
Then I called Brian, the phone didn’t even get to ring once before he answered it.

“Bree what’s up, where did you go? We miss you!”

“Brian, someone is on the bus.” I whispered.

“What did you say, I can’t hear you, can you say it again louder?”

“Brian, someone is on the bus.” I said it a little louder this time.

“Bree I still can’t hear you. It’s really loud inside the venue right now.”

“Someone is on the bus Brian!” this time I screamed it into the phone hoping he heard me, but even if he did the person who was on the bus heard me to.

They ran to the bathroom door shaking it trying to get it open.

“BRIAN HELP ME!” I screamed into the phone.

All I could think of was that Aiden had somehow broke out of jail and found out where I was. By now I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. I put my phone on the bathroom counter and walked into the shower and turned it all they way down so it was as cold as possible, and I just sat there. Soon I was numb. Not to long after I heard banging against the bus, police sirens, and gun shots.

I flinched as I heard all three shots ring in my ears. I unlocked the bathroom door and ran outside. I collapsed on my knees as soon as I saw Brian lying motionless on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Someone ran over to me, and I’m guessing it was Matt because when they cradled me into their chest it was big and hard. I started hyperventilating, and tears streamed down my face.

“He is ok Bree, calm down. Its not as bad as it looks, and the ambulance is on its way.” He whispered into my ear.

I was just numb, everything about me was now numb.

Reality hit as I realized that this was all my fault.

Again.