Am I too Lost to be Saved?

~Jimmy’s Point of View~

We were on our way to the hospital after a good maybe 15 to 20 minutes of having to whine incessantly at Heaven to get the fuck off of Johnny and go home. Brian was in the front seat, still a little buzzed after the sobering situation. I’d already filled him in and once that happened ”Uncle Bri” snapped through his drunken persona.

And me? I was pissed the fuck off. I felt like I could chew up of motherfucking tank and spit that bitch out like fucking pistol! But instead of beating the shit out of Johnny and Meghan, I was just sitting here, fuming like a Goddamn five year old. Annoying as shit, dude! I’ve never been one to hide or play down my feelings and just the mere knowing of that was making this car ride so much more intense for everyone, but there were bigger things than my anger at the moment; the baby of our group was having her baby and we needed to get there right now!

“Jim,” Meghan asked breaking the silence. “Where are you taking us?”
Man, I had realized just how angry I was with her until I fucking heard her voice!
“I’m taking you both to see Anna,” I growled, the venom in my voice practically stung my lips. From the corner of my eye I saw Brian flinch.
“WHAT,” both Johnny and Anna yelled together.
Meghan looked at me through the rearview mirror and shook her head, and Johnny grabbed for the door handle, making ready to bolt it when the street light turned red.

I growled viciously again, I swerved the car violently, successfully knocking him away from the door, and sped up taking the red light.
“Jimmy,” Brian yelled. “What the fuck, dude!”
“Fuck that,” I spat out. “You’re GOING to fucking see her, whether you fucking like it or not! You are going to fix this, and fix it quick as shit because I AM NOT going to fucking live with YOU, Meghan, not talking to your Goddamn sister, and YOU, Johnny, not speaking to your fucking girlfriend and hanging out with Heaven like nothing! So, you fucking SIT THERE and you do so quietly, you pair of fucking douchecanoes, because I am SO fucking tired of hearing your voices!”

I felt all eyes on me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the road. My hands were getting sore from how hard I was holding onto the steering wheel, I was calming down a bit until my phone started to ring out Val’s ringtone.

I snatched it up and answered with another growl. “Hello,” I spat.
“Whoa,” Val chuckled. “Everything good?”
“Oh, just peachy,” I sneered. “Daddy had a little talk with the kids…”
Val laughed. ‘Tell him to hurry the fuck up!’ Matt said in the background. I could hear Zacky talking to someone, and Michelle squealing like a school girl. ‘She’s already pushing the kid out!”
“Fuck,” I muttered. I stepped on the gas again, going yet another 5 miles over the speed limit.
Beside me, Brian tensed up.
“I’m guessing you heard,” Val laughed.
“Yeah, I heard ‘em,” I hissed. I hate that I was being cold, but I couldn’t help it. I was fucking angry! Val understood though, and she laughed it off.
“Is she okay,” Bri asked stiffly, getting worried.
I forced a smile and winked at him. “No,” I lied out loud to fuck with the two dipshits sitting in the back seat, but Brian caught on.
“Hurry up, Jimmy,” Val said quickly. “They said the baby’s already crowning!”
I made my last right turn, heading directly for the hospital. “I’m here dude, fuck,” I said forcefully into the phone, trying to mask the excitement building up in the pit of my stomach, but failing miserably. Next to me, Brian almost jumped out his seat. I hung up the phone, and sped up some more. It’s a good thing we were headed towards a hospital, ‘cause if I fucked up we’d need help quick!

“Jimmy,” Meghan’s voice shook. “What’s wrong with her? This isn’t the way to the apartment…”
Before I could answer, Johnny already had clue on where we were headed. “What happened Jimmy? Is she hurt,” Johnny yelled.
I just shook my head, parked in a random ass space all fucked up, and jumped out of the car. Brian and I tore off to the door with Johnny and Meghan hot on our heels. With every stride I took, my anger melted away, the excitement of meeting my new niece or nephew taking over my body.

We made it through the entrance and raced to the maternity ward, Syn burst through the doors to the waiting room where everyone else was and yelled, “Did she pop yet?!”

Don, the man who worked at the diner, Matt, Val, and Michelle laughed, but Zacky sat there with a pale face and tired eyes.
“Not yet,” a nurse said giggling. Fangirling, I think. Normally we’d do something for her, but right now we didn’t care. “She’s got one more good push to go, and her baby is out.”
“Do you know if it’s a boy or girl,” Michelle asked quickly.
The nurse smiled sweetly and nodded,”Ms. Santos asked us not to tell. She wants you all to see for yourselves.”
Val squealed and jumped up and down hugging Meghan, who had tears running down her face. I could see that she was really happy, but the guilt was there in her eyes. She hugged Val and went over to the old man, Don, who pulled her into his lap and let her cry into his chest.
I looked over to Johnny, who had the same guilt in his eyes, but his face was full of wonder. I clapped him on his shoulder to get his attention and nodded over to the nurse.
“Can I go in to see her,” he asked her. “I’m her boyfriend.”
“Uh, sure,” she said. “Come with me and I’ll give you some scrubs to change in.”
The nurse walked off and we all stared at Johnny while he stood there, stunned. Then after a second he took off running after her.

Let’s see how he works this out.




~Johnny’s Point of View~

I changed as fast as I possibly could and washed my hands like, 10 fucking times. I wanted to see Anna and the baby so badly. I wanted to apologize. I know that it’s my fault for stressing her out so much. It was really fucked up, but I just didn’t know what to do when she started over reacting like that. I was shocked when Heaven kissed me. Kind of disgusted. Well, a lot, but still. Even after I had come back after Anna and I fought, Heaven tried all her dumb shit, but I ignored her and kept talking about my beautiful Anna. I didn’t enjoy that shit one bit. I couldn’t. Especially after what she did to me the very last time I had seen her. But that was all in the past! I didn’t care anymore.

I walked out of the rest room, breathless. What would I walk into? Not the giving birth thing, I’m pretty sure that shit was going to be wicked as fuck, but in terms of Anna. Would she hate me? I do I hate me. A fucking shit load. But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she did, although I wouldn’t blame her.

The nurse that lead me over here grabbed my hand and pulled me to a room squealing like a kid, “Come on! The baby’s out! The baby’s out! Oh my gosh!”
Right when I walked through the door, Anna’s eyes met mine. My heart began to soar once I saw the blue blanket in her hands. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. This kid. This beautiful woman. All mine. They had to be. For as long as I could have them.

The doctor walked over to me, pulling his gloves and mask off, and patted my shoulder. “Congratulations to you and Ms. Santos, young man.”

I tried to thank him, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Anna. The man chuckled and walked out of the door just as the young nurse pushed me towards the bed. Next to the bed, Suzy, the lady from the diner, stood there cooing at the baby while rubbing Anna’s damp hair out of her face.
Suzy looked up at me and smiled. Then walked over to hug me, and walk out with the nurse that brought me in here.

“Anna-,“ I was about to apologize to her, but she cut me off:
“Johnny, just come here, baby,” she said, tears falling down her cheeks.
I went over to her quickly, and she scooted over in her bed so that I could lie down with her. As I got in, I wrapped my left arm around her to pull her close to me and my right arm went around hers so that I could touch the baby boy’s face.

****Note:(Right here, I want you to play John Legend's "All of Me," because it's perfect! Haha!)



Everything felt so light. Magical.
‘Our baby boy,’I couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

“Anna, you’re the only one for me…” I hadn’t even thought about it before it slipped out of my mouth, but my eyes never left the kid’s face.
I felt Anna press her lips to my jaw, to my cheek and once she kissed the corner of my mouth I turned my head to capture her lips.
“Never again,” I said into our kiss, pulling her closer to me. “Never again. I won’t ever leave you alone without reminding you how much I love you.”

I pulled away to look into her eyes. I stroked her cheek, and kissed her again.
“I love you Johnny,” she said. “I really do.”
“I love you too, Anna.” I kissed her again, and turned to kiss our baby’s forehead.

Just as our little moment seemed to quiet down, everyone filed in, gasping and smiling. Anna handed the baby over to me so that I could carry him for the first time, and Meghan almost tackled Anna with a hug, telling her how sorry she was for yelling at her and how worried she was.
As I held my baby boy, I couldn’t help but think about how much my life was about to change. Here I am, 23 years old, a musician with my brothers and best friends, with five albums out and a lot of fucking touring to do throughout our career, and now I’m going to have to slow down. I want to see this kid grow up. Teach him how to walk and talk, how to play baseball and football and basketball once he starts running. Teach all the instruments he can manage, sing to calm him down, read him bedtime stories, help him do his homework and give him advice on girls and get him ready for his first date… so much stuff…

I felt Anna’s fingers go through my hair and turned to look at her. We stared into each other’s eyes while she kept playing with my hair, and I couldn’t help, but feel so complete. Besides my best friends and music, this was all I needed. My gorgeous girlfriend, and our beautiful baby boy.

“Ezra,” Anna said suddenly. “Ezra Lewis San-“
“Seward,” I said quickly.
A great silence filled the room as everyone in the room stared at us both shocked, and I smiled at Anna as tears filled her eyes.

“W-what,” she asked.
“You heard me,” I laughed. “Ezra and Anna Seward.”
“Are you-“
“Yes I am,” I interrupted her again, the smile on my face growing.
“Really?” Anna started to laugh through her tears.
“Anna, marry m-“
“Yes!” She hugged me, and kissed me hard. Everyone laughed at us, Suzy hugged Don tightly, crying happy tears into his shoulder, while the other girls wiped theirs away, still giggling and taking pictures.

I looked back down to the kid that earned a special place in my heart so quickly just as he opened his eyes. Anna sighed softly as his eyes met hers and smiled. His hands stretched out and when her fingers met hers, he wrapped his around whatever he could take hold of. When he looked to me, I felt my breath catch in my throat. Tears filled my eyes.

“I’m gonna give you all I have, kid,” I chuckled. A few tears spilling down my cheeks. I moved down to kiss Ezra’s cheeks and whispered softly, “Look at your beautiful mom. I’m about to make her mine.”

“Alright,” Jimmy said, taking Ezra out of my hands. “Us first.” He cradled Ezra and nuzzled him with his nose, whispering things to him and smiling at him, kissing his cheeks. He sat down with Meghan and through her tears she did the same, kissing him and whispering things to him. They passed Ezra around, and I wrapped my arms around Anna, leaning back into the bed as she fell asleep.

To all the ups and downs. Everything that life has to throw at us. All the love I have the two most beautiful people I have now. Every single moment I’ve spent with them and have to look forward to.
Here’s to the greatest moment of my life so far… <3

Notes

Cuteness level: OVER 9000!!!