I Wait And Bleed
You Will Never Change!
The mystery man set me back on my feet and I turned around. Ivan! What the hell was he thinking?
"What the fuck do you think you're doing Ivan?" I said almost yelling.
"Why did that guy say you left for Wyoming? You've been here all this time and don't even want to see me."
"I told you why I don't want to be around you. You killed Zacky's sister! People who kill never change. You will never change! Now leave me the fuck alone!" I said yelling. He hung his head in front of me and I knew he was going to be angry with my words but I didn't care. I needed to tell him that. He could get mad all he fucking wants because people like him never ever change. I walked away from him and around to my friends. I stood there with a smile on my face like nothing ever happened.
"You sure did take a long piss." Heather commented laughing.
"Oh shut up. I would have been here sooner if it wasn't for Ivan."
"What? I thought you told him that you didn't want to see him ever again?"
"I did tell him Heather but he's just being a stubborn asshole. He didn't listen the first time I told him to leave me the hell alone but this time he got the fucking picture." I said smiling.
"Good because Damien, Luke, and Craig would kick his ass in a heartbeat."
"Ha ha I wouldn't doubt that for a second Nicole." I said laughing. We stood there watching as Avenged finished their sound check. They came off stage and we walked back to the dressing room. I sat there on the couch picking on my Fender and thinking about what I said to Ivan.
I mean I shouldn't feel bad about what I said. I mean people like him never do change. The gang was talking to the guys while I kept strumming a random tune. I set my guitar down and put the final touches on my look before it was time to preform.
"So what are we playing tonight?" Heather asked.
"I was thinking about some Disturbed songs."
"Shouldn't we be writing our own songs soon?" Nicole asked.
"Yeah we should be but I can't think of anything to write about."
"Alright. So what songs are we playing?" Heather asked again.
"When we get set up, I'll come on stage last while the lights are down and start playing the instrumental version of Remnants. Then we'll begin playing Asylum. The next song after that will be Warrior, Another Way To Die, The Animal, Crucified, My Child, Serpentine, Sacrifice and Innocence. If the crowd wants an Encore song then it will be Torn." I explained and they nodded. We sat there and practiced awhile while the other bands performed. It was now time for us to get backstage along with Avenged.
I was sad that this was our last performance but I was glad to be going back home. We were now backstage while Five Finger Death Punch was performing. Their songs were awesome and I couldn't help but stare at Ivan. He was such a good singer and everything but I didn't have any feelings for him like I thought I did. They finished and headed off the other side of the stage. The lights went off and the gang went and took their places. I strapped on my guitar and started playing Remnants. The crowd cheered when the spotlight came onto me as I walked center stage. I was at the end of Remnants and to the start of Asylum. Nicole beat the shit out of the drums as I ripped on the guitar and began to sing.
Dream
Release me
No remnants were ever found of it
Feeling the heart vile with every fake smile
Though no evidence was ever found
It never went away completely
I tried to welcome the unholy sound of it
Another day gone, another night's drawn
Dark forces pull me underground
That never went away completely
How can I feel this empty?
I will not recover this time
This loneliness is killing me
Will I never know peace of mind again?
I don't believe it, I can't achieve it
I think I know it's just another sign
That never went away completely
Terror is coursing in me (I can feel it inside of me, it's in diligent watch on everything)
Dreading the final moments where I have to dream and
(It's a silver hold on my belief, just waiting for the moment when I)
Feel you die
In asylum, I live a lie
Don't you know I'm in love with you and I wasn't ready
For asylum, relive a lie
To let go, now it's dragging me into your grave
Your asylum, forget the lie
Overcome by the feeling
That I won't get to join you in time
For the loneliness is killing me
Death's images are all around again
They're right behind me, they're gonna find me
Judge me for my mortal sin
That have enveloped me completely
I know I'll never know a peaceful night again
Afraid they'll hear me, they don't fear me
Punishment for me of a moral crime
The debt was never paid completely
Terror is coursing in me (I can feel it inside of me, it's in diligent watch on everything)
Dreading the final moments where I have to dream and
(It's a silver hold on my belief, just waiting for the moment when I)
Feel you die
In asylum, I live a lie
Don't you know I'm in love with you and I wasn't ready
For asylum, relive a lie
To let go, now it's dragging me into your grave
Your asylum, forget the lie
Overcome by the feeling
That I won't get to join you in time
For the loneliness is killing me
In the end there will be no suffering, more suffering
In the end you will find out everything, not anything
In the end you may question your belief, what belief?
In the end you will realize finally how you were saved
This has gone on too long
No more demonic dreams
Destroyer, come tonight
Because the memory is killing me
In asylum, I live a lie
I let go, now it's dragging me into your grave
Your asylum, relive a lie
Overcome by the feeling
That I won't get to join you in time (When not with you)
This world is not fulfilling me
Don't make me live in asylum, I live a lie
Don't want to live in asylum, I live a lie
Don't let me live in asylum, I live a lie
The song ended and the crowd was so loud.
"How are you guys tonight?" I said into the mic. The crowd cheered and I smiled.
"Great to see you all here tonight on the final day of the tour. I will miss all of you guys and we will hopefully be back next year. This next song is called Warrior." I said and they cheered. I began to play and sing once more. They were rocking out and it made me smile and get into the music and completely forget all about Ivan. It was the most amazing experience in my entire life. We played the next 7 songs until we were on our last one of the night.
"You guys are the best crowd we have ever performed for ever! We love you guys!" I said and the crowd went wild.
"Alright guys this last song is called Innocence." I said and began to play and sing again.
Who is innocent?
No one is innocent
Who is innocent?
Who is innocent?
No one is innocent
Who is innocent?
Who is innocent?
Is it relevant in the world today?
I shake my head in disbelief
The killer walks again, freed by evil men in their dark charade
This can't be happening
A mother's selfish pride, her child's homicide, can she be to blame?
The suited vultures circling
A father's cruelty, a murdered family, is the world insane?
Their defenders ready to embrace their lies with their devious smiles
Your corruption is like a cancer growing inside
You owe the world an apology
You've been taught all your life that truth is easy to hide
You'll face your judgment another day and suffer eternally
Who is innocent?
No one is innocent
Who is innocent?
Presumed innocent, justice fails again in the masquerade
A battered woman trembling
Her lover drunk again, when will the torture end in her web of shame?
Is death the only way?
A child victimized, the crime politicized for the counselor's gain
The rabid media congregates
His tortured memories, a pervert's fantasies, is the world insane?
The parasitic devastation seen on your TV screen
Your corruption is like a cancer growing inside
You owe the world an apology
You've been taught all your life that truth is easy to hide
You'll face your judgment another day and suffer eternally
False defender, burn forever
False defender, burn forever
Cold and spineless, have you no soul?
Wicked minded, out of control and guided
By their hunger they will find new ways to betray us
Your corruption is like a cancer growing inside
You owe the world an apology
You've been taught all your life that truth is easy to hide
You'll face your judgment another day and suffer eternally
Who is innocent?
Is it relevant in the world today?
I shake my head in disbelief
Presumed innocent, justice fails again in the masquerade
Has the whole world become insane?
The crowd was insane and it made me feel really good. I heard someone yell out encore and soon everyone joined in with the chant.
"You guys are getting exactly what you ask for. This encore song is called Torn." I said and they yelled to the top of their lungs. I knew some of the people out there tonight would not be speaking for a good long time.
I learned to fall today, didn't think it would kill you
To settle the debt I thought never would be paid
Found out I was wrong today, too weak to continue
One final defense to fall
Still unbroken
Now I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
We're gonna let it burn
Let it burn
Till the image fades away
Knew there was a price to pay
Didn't think it would thrill you
To witness the fallen one, shattered and ashamed
No I'm not the only one yearning to fulfill you
The unwilling to risk it all
Still uncertain
Now I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
We're gonna let it burn
Let it burn
Till the image fades away
YAAaahhhhaaaaaaaa!!
Now I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
That I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
We're gonna let it burn
Let it burn
Till the image fades away
We ended the song and I introduced Avenged Sevenfold and walked off the stage. We stayed in the back watching as they played. The crowd quieted down some after we left and I knew they would want us back next year. How awesome would it be to come next year with songs we have written ourselves? That would be awesome in my fucking book! The guys played the songs off of their new album and we all were rocking out backstage. They ended their current song.
"Hey Vengeance, Rave's band is so amazing and the fans surely do love them. I think we should give them a proper welcome what do you think?" Matt said.
"Hell yeah!"
"Rave and the band come on stage." Matt said looking at us and we walked on the stage. I stood beside Matt and he put his arm around me.
"The guys and I planned this for the last day of the tour. You guys have been so awesome and the fans love you guys to death. We would like to say: Welcome To The Family." Matt said and the guys began to play the song. The crowd went wild as Matt began to sing. We all danced and shit on stage and Matt handed me the Mic and I began to sing a part in the song.
Hey, I have to question
What's with the violent aggression?
Details blurry, lost him too early
Welcome to the family
Hey, why won't you listen?
Can't help the people you're missing
It's been done, a casualty rerun
Welcome to the family
I try and help you with the things
That can't be justified
I need to warn you
That there is no way to rationalize
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
You can't win this fight
In a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
The song ended and I hugged Matt, Brian, and then Zacky. I kissed his cheek and we walked off stage and back to the bus. I stayed outside and smoked a cigarette. I really needed one after playing all night. I threw my cigarette away as Brian came off the bus.
"Hey Brian." I said smiling.
"Raven! What's up girl!"
"Was smoking." I said smiling.
"Fun. You really rocked out there tonight."
"So did you. I mean I did hit some really good solos there." I said smugly and he laughed. I hit his arm and gave him a cigarette because I knew that's what he wanted just as much as I did.
"Thanks. I was actually about to go to the store and get some more. Do you need anything?"
"Yeah can you get me some smokes too?" I asked.
"Sure. Same kind as mine?"
"Yeah."
"Alright. I'll see you in a few." I smiled before walking back on the bus. I was so tired for I went to the back and laid down with the others. I wrapped myself in my Harley blanket and drifted off to sleep.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing Ivan?" I said almost yelling.
"Why did that guy say you left for Wyoming? You've been here all this time and don't even want to see me."
"I told you why I don't want to be around you. You killed Zacky's sister! People who kill never change. You will never change! Now leave me the fuck alone!" I said yelling. He hung his head in front of me and I knew he was going to be angry with my words but I didn't care. I needed to tell him that. He could get mad all he fucking wants because people like him never ever change. I walked away from him and around to my friends. I stood there with a smile on my face like nothing ever happened.
"You sure did take a long piss." Heather commented laughing.
"Oh shut up. I would have been here sooner if it wasn't for Ivan."
"What? I thought you told him that you didn't want to see him ever again?"
"I did tell him Heather but he's just being a stubborn asshole. He didn't listen the first time I told him to leave me the hell alone but this time he got the fucking picture." I said smiling.
"Good because Damien, Luke, and Craig would kick his ass in a heartbeat."
"Ha ha I wouldn't doubt that for a second Nicole." I said laughing. We stood there watching as Avenged finished their sound check. They came off stage and we walked back to the dressing room. I sat there on the couch picking on my Fender and thinking about what I said to Ivan.
I mean I shouldn't feel bad about what I said. I mean people like him never do change. The gang was talking to the guys while I kept strumming a random tune. I set my guitar down and put the final touches on my look before it was time to preform.
"So what are we playing tonight?" Heather asked.
"I was thinking about some Disturbed songs."
"Shouldn't we be writing our own songs soon?" Nicole asked.
"Yeah we should be but I can't think of anything to write about."
"Alright. So what songs are we playing?" Heather asked again.
"When we get set up, I'll come on stage last while the lights are down and start playing the instrumental version of Remnants. Then we'll begin playing Asylum. The next song after that will be Warrior, Another Way To Die, The Animal, Crucified, My Child, Serpentine, Sacrifice and Innocence. If the crowd wants an Encore song then it will be Torn." I explained and they nodded. We sat there and practiced awhile while the other bands performed. It was now time for us to get backstage along with Avenged.
I was sad that this was our last performance but I was glad to be going back home. We were now backstage while Five Finger Death Punch was performing. Their songs were awesome and I couldn't help but stare at Ivan. He was such a good singer and everything but I didn't have any feelings for him like I thought I did. They finished and headed off the other side of the stage. The lights went off and the gang went and took their places. I strapped on my guitar and started playing Remnants. The crowd cheered when the spotlight came onto me as I walked center stage. I was at the end of Remnants and to the start of Asylum. Nicole beat the shit out of the drums as I ripped on the guitar and began to sing.
Dream
Release me
No remnants were ever found of it
Feeling the heart vile with every fake smile
Though no evidence was ever found
It never went away completely
I tried to welcome the unholy sound of it
Another day gone, another night's drawn
Dark forces pull me underground
That never went away completely
How can I feel this empty?
I will not recover this time
This loneliness is killing me
Will I never know peace of mind again?
I don't believe it, I can't achieve it
I think I know it's just another sign
That never went away completely
Terror is coursing in me (I can feel it inside of me, it's in diligent watch on everything)
Dreading the final moments where I have to dream and
(It's a silver hold on my belief, just waiting for the moment when I)
Feel you die
In asylum, I live a lie
Don't you know I'm in love with you and I wasn't ready
For asylum, relive a lie
To let go, now it's dragging me into your grave
Your asylum, forget the lie
Overcome by the feeling
That I won't get to join you in time
For the loneliness is killing me
Death's images are all around again
They're right behind me, they're gonna find me
Judge me for my mortal sin
That have enveloped me completely
I know I'll never know a peaceful night again
Afraid they'll hear me, they don't fear me
Punishment for me of a moral crime
The debt was never paid completely
Terror is coursing in me (I can feel it inside of me, it's in diligent watch on everything)
Dreading the final moments where I have to dream and
(It's a silver hold on my belief, just waiting for the moment when I)
Feel you die
In asylum, I live a lie
Don't you know I'm in love with you and I wasn't ready
For asylum, relive a lie
To let go, now it's dragging me into your grave
Your asylum, forget the lie
Overcome by the feeling
That I won't get to join you in time
For the loneliness is killing me
In the end there will be no suffering, more suffering
In the end you will find out everything, not anything
In the end you may question your belief, what belief?
In the end you will realize finally how you were saved
This has gone on too long
No more demonic dreams
Destroyer, come tonight
Because the memory is killing me
In asylum, I live a lie
I let go, now it's dragging me into your grave
Your asylum, relive a lie
Overcome by the feeling
That I won't get to join you in time (When not with you)
This world is not fulfilling me
Don't make me live in asylum, I live a lie
Don't want to live in asylum, I live a lie
Don't let me live in asylum, I live a lie
The song ended and the crowd was so loud.
"How are you guys tonight?" I said into the mic. The crowd cheered and I smiled.
"Great to see you all here tonight on the final day of the tour. I will miss all of you guys and we will hopefully be back next year. This next song is called Warrior." I said and they cheered. I began to play and sing once more. They were rocking out and it made me smile and get into the music and completely forget all about Ivan. It was the most amazing experience in my entire life. We played the next 7 songs until we were on our last one of the night.
"You guys are the best crowd we have ever performed for ever! We love you guys!" I said and the crowd went wild.
"Alright guys this last song is called Innocence." I said and began to play and sing again.
Who is innocent?
No one is innocent
Who is innocent?
Who is innocent?
No one is innocent
Who is innocent?
Who is innocent?
Is it relevant in the world today?
I shake my head in disbelief
The killer walks again, freed by evil men in their dark charade
This can't be happening
A mother's selfish pride, her child's homicide, can she be to blame?
The suited vultures circling
A father's cruelty, a murdered family, is the world insane?
Their defenders ready to embrace their lies with their devious smiles
Your corruption is like a cancer growing inside
You owe the world an apology
You've been taught all your life that truth is easy to hide
You'll face your judgment another day and suffer eternally
Who is innocent?
No one is innocent
Who is innocent?
Presumed innocent, justice fails again in the masquerade
A battered woman trembling
Her lover drunk again, when will the torture end in her web of shame?
Is death the only way?
A child victimized, the crime politicized for the counselor's gain
The rabid media congregates
His tortured memories, a pervert's fantasies, is the world insane?
The parasitic devastation seen on your TV screen
Your corruption is like a cancer growing inside
You owe the world an apology
You've been taught all your life that truth is easy to hide
You'll face your judgment another day and suffer eternally
False defender, burn forever
False defender, burn forever
Cold and spineless, have you no soul?
Wicked minded, out of control and guided
By their hunger they will find new ways to betray us
Your corruption is like a cancer growing inside
You owe the world an apology
You've been taught all your life that truth is easy to hide
You'll face your judgment another day and suffer eternally
Who is innocent?
Is it relevant in the world today?
I shake my head in disbelief
Presumed innocent, justice fails again in the masquerade
Has the whole world become insane?
The crowd was insane and it made me feel really good. I heard someone yell out encore and soon everyone joined in with the chant.
"You guys are getting exactly what you ask for. This encore song is called Torn." I said and they yelled to the top of their lungs. I knew some of the people out there tonight would not be speaking for a good long time.
I learned to fall today, didn't think it would kill you
To settle the debt I thought never would be paid
Found out I was wrong today, too weak to continue
One final defense to fall
Still unbroken
Now I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
We're gonna let it burn
Let it burn
Till the image fades away
Knew there was a price to pay
Didn't think it would thrill you
To witness the fallen one, shattered and ashamed
No I'm not the only one yearning to fulfill you
The unwilling to risk it all
Still uncertain
Now I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
We're gonna let it burn
Let it burn
Till the image fades away
YAAaahhhhaaaaaaaa!!
Now I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
That I am torn, thought it was over this time
And we know there's still a fire inside
And we know, and we know
We're gonna let it burn
Let it burn
Till the image fades away
We ended the song and I introduced Avenged Sevenfold and walked off the stage. We stayed in the back watching as they played. The crowd quieted down some after we left and I knew they would want us back next year. How awesome would it be to come next year with songs we have written ourselves? That would be awesome in my fucking book! The guys played the songs off of their new album and we all were rocking out backstage. They ended their current song.
"Hey Vengeance, Rave's band is so amazing and the fans surely do love them. I think we should give them a proper welcome what do you think?" Matt said.
"Hell yeah!"
"Rave and the band come on stage." Matt said looking at us and we walked on the stage. I stood beside Matt and he put his arm around me.
"The guys and I planned this for the last day of the tour. You guys have been so awesome and the fans love you guys to death. We would like to say: Welcome To The Family." Matt said and the guys began to play the song. The crowd went wild as Matt began to sing. We all danced and shit on stage and Matt handed me the Mic and I began to sing a part in the song.
Hey, I have to question
What's with the violent aggression?
Details blurry, lost him too early
Welcome to the family
Hey, why won't you listen?
Can't help the people you're missing
It's been done, a casualty rerun
Welcome to the family
I try and help you with the things
That can't be justified
I need to warn you
That there is no way to rationalize
So have you figured it out now?
So have you figured it out?
You can't win this fight
In a way it seems
There's no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside
We all have answers to find
But you can't win this fight
The song ended and I hugged Matt, Brian, and then Zacky. I kissed his cheek and we walked off stage and back to the bus. I stayed outside and smoked a cigarette. I really needed one after playing all night. I threw my cigarette away as Brian came off the bus.
"Hey Brian." I said smiling.
"Raven! What's up girl!"
"Was smoking." I said smiling.
"Fun. You really rocked out there tonight."
"So did you. I mean I did hit some really good solos there." I said smugly and he laughed. I hit his arm and gave him a cigarette because I knew that's what he wanted just as much as I did.
"Thanks. I was actually about to go to the store and get some more. Do you need anything?"
"Yeah can you get me some smokes too?" I asked.
"Sure. Same kind as mine?"
"Yeah."
"Alright. I'll see you in a few." I smiled before walking back on the bus. I was so tired for I went to the back and laid down with the others. I wrapped myself in my Harley blanket and drifted off to sleep.
4/9/13