I Wait And Bleed
Living With A Dying Man
My mom met the only father figure I've ever had when I was only a baby. Now me being 5 years old I seen something beginning to be wrong with my step-dad. I had just turned 5 and my step-dad had to start walking with a cane because he was in so much pain. This was only Christmas and I had an awful feeling in my gut that something was very bad wrong with him. I took a whole lot of pictures that Christmas just of my mom and step-dad. I needed something to remember him by. We all had a good time but when January hit my step-dad had a mass forming on his stomach near his liver and he never wanted to go get checked out. My mom and I had to beg him and aggravated him about getting it checked out a whole month and a half before he went.
It was now February 25, 2011 and my step-dad, Paul, had a doctors appointment. Mom and I stayed at home doing school work since she home schooled me. She didn't want me getting picked on during school but I still had friends oddly enough. My best friends names are Damien, Craig, Heather, Nicole, and Luke. I loved them all like my own family. My brother was somewhere fighting overseas. The house phone began to ring and I answered it to hear the voice of my step-dad.
"Hello?" I said rubbing my eyes from staring down at that damn work hurt my eyes and tired them.
"Raven? Where is your mother?"
"She's right here." I said and handed mom the phone and sat back down at the table to do my work. I watched as mom walked out of the room and went somewhere else. I kept writing down the problems. I was thinking to myself that I would 12 when I finish all this home school shit and be able to do whatever I want to do. I would have an education. I heard what sounded like running coming towards my door. I stood up and leaned against the door frame.
"What's going on mom?" I asked confused. She had a look of worry on her face.
"Paul is in the hospital. They did a blood count on him and he didn't have much blood on him to even do him. We need to go. Get your shoes on and quick." She said putting on her flip flops.
"Alright." I said and went back into my room and slipped on my Harley boots. I had enough of those damn things to last me a good 4 years. I came out of my room shutting the door behind me and we left the house. Mom locked the door as I went to crank the car for her.
I put my seat belt on and she got into the drivers seat and sped off down the road towards the hospital. We got there in record time and found his room thanks to a receptionist. Mom walked into the room and seen him laying there sleeping and I walked in soon after. I seen mom already sitting down beside him on the bed. I sat down on the chair closet to both of them. I looked at him and couldn't help but worry. Was I going to lose the only father I had? We stayed there until it was 10pm and we headed back home. I must have fell asleep on the way because all I remember was laying my head against the window and closing my eyes. The next morning mom woke me up with breakfast and we started our school work. We had school earlier and longer than other schools because I wanted it that way so I could finish by an early age. I was already half way through elementary school and if I was really going to a public school I would be going into Middle school next year.
I couldn't wait to be stopping all this hard work so I could relax. We even had class on the weekends but only from 6am to noon that was I could spend time with my friends. Today we did all the things we were supposed to do yesterday before we went to the hospital but I quickly caught on and we got ahead of schedule. It was now noon and I texted the gang and asked them to come over. They were over in a matter of seconds. I heard a knock at the door and got up and answer it.
"Hey gang!" I said happily. They walked in and straight to my room.
"So hows the guitar playing going?" Heather asked sitting down on my bed along with everyone else.
"Great. When I can find the time. I always play before bed. You guys want to hear some songs I've written?" I asked and they all nodded and smiled widely.
"Great! Maybe you can help with me with names for them too. I can write them but never find names for them." I said picking up my guitar.
"We will help you the best we can." Nicole and Craig said in unison and they looked at each other and did they crazy ass jinx shit. It was so funny.
"Go ahead and play Raven." Damien said as I positioned the guitar for my liking. I began to play the first song I ever wrote.
Are you lost in your lies?
Do you tell yourself I don't realize
Your crusade's a disguise?
Replaced freedom with fear
You trade money for lives
I'm aware of what you've done
No, no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
I see pain, I see need
I see liars and fiends
Abuse power with greed
I had hope, I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived
You will pay for what you've done!
No, no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced!
Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!
No, no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
No more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be erased!
The song ended and they all cheered. I couldn't help but blush.
"Aw she's blushing!" Heather teased. I sent her a shut the fuck up glare and she smiled innocently. I just shook my head.
"So do you guys got any ideas?" I asked and it was silent before Heather spoke up. She always good with song titles.
"How about No More Sorrow?" she said and I nodded. It did fit the song good.
"No More Sorrow it is. Thanks Heather." I said and hugged her tightly.
"No problem. What's the other songs you need help with?" Craig asked anxiously. I began to play and sing again.
It's all the same
Only the names will change
Everyday It seems we're wastin' away
Another place
Where the faces are so cold
I drive all night Just to get back home
I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted
Dead or alive
Wanted Dead or alive
Sometimes I sleep
Sometimes it's not for days
The people I meet
Always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're alone
All you do is think
I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
Wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
Ohh alright
Ohh
Oh I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
When I walk these streets
A loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps
'Cause I might not make it back
I've been everywhere (Ohh, yea)
Still I'm standin' tall
I've seen a million faces
And I've rocked them all
'Cause I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
I'm a cowboy
I got the night on my side
And I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
And I'm right (And I'm right)
Dead or alive
I still drive (I still drive)
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Mm dead or alive
Dead or alive
The song ended and the same thing happened again. The cheering, blushing, and again silence before Nicole spoke.
"How about Wanted?" she said.
"I like it but something is missing." I said and we all sat there and thought.
"How about Wanted Dead or Alive?" Damien said.
"Perfect! Damien you're a genius!" I said hugging him. I could tell he was smiling with his hug.
"Alright the last song and then we can write some more songs." I said and began playing and singing once more.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry
And don't worry
I'm not telling lies
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
The song ended and we immediately started thinking on titles. I was hoping this one wouldn't be too hard for them. After a minute suggestions were being thrown around.
"How about Love is Vengeance?" Nicole said. I didn't like it and we kept thinking.
"Mistreated?" Heather said and I didn't like that one either.
"How about Behind Blue Eyes?" Craig suggested and it immediately clicked with me and I smiled letting them know it was awesome. We continued thinking of songs to write but nothing was coming to mind. It was soon time for them to go home and me to shower and sleep.
I hate having to look in mom's room and see my step-dad not being there. I missed him but he's in the hospital getting better. Mom told me earlier that we would be going to the hospital sometime tomorrow after my classes and see him. Hopefully nothing bad is wrong with him.
It was now February 25, 2011 and my step-dad, Paul, had a doctors appointment. Mom and I stayed at home doing school work since she home schooled me. She didn't want me getting picked on during school but I still had friends oddly enough. My best friends names are Damien, Craig, Heather, Nicole, and Luke. I loved them all like my own family. My brother was somewhere fighting overseas. The house phone began to ring and I answered it to hear the voice of my step-dad.
"Hello?" I said rubbing my eyes from staring down at that damn work hurt my eyes and tired them.
"Raven? Where is your mother?"
"She's right here." I said and handed mom the phone and sat back down at the table to do my work. I watched as mom walked out of the room and went somewhere else. I kept writing down the problems. I was thinking to myself that I would 12 when I finish all this home school shit and be able to do whatever I want to do. I would have an education. I heard what sounded like running coming towards my door. I stood up and leaned against the door frame.
"What's going on mom?" I asked confused. She had a look of worry on her face.
"Paul is in the hospital. They did a blood count on him and he didn't have much blood on him to even do him. We need to go. Get your shoes on and quick." She said putting on her flip flops.
"Alright." I said and went back into my room and slipped on my Harley boots. I had enough of those damn things to last me a good 4 years. I came out of my room shutting the door behind me and we left the house. Mom locked the door as I went to crank the car for her.
I put my seat belt on and she got into the drivers seat and sped off down the road towards the hospital. We got there in record time and found his room thanks to a receptionist. Mom walked into the room and seen him laying there sleeping and I walked in soon after. I seen mom already sitting down beside him on the bed. I sat down on the chair closet to both of them. I looked at him and couldn't help but worry. Was I going to lose the only father I had? We stayed there until it was 10pm and we headed back home. I must have fell asleep on the way because all I remember was laying my head against the window and closing my eyes. The next morning mom woke me up with breakfast and we started our school work. We had school earlier and longer than other schools because I wanted it that way so I could finish by an early age. I was already half way through elementary school and if I was really going to a public school I would be going into Middle school next year.
I couldn't wait to be stopping all this hard work so I could relax. We even had class on the weekends but only from 6am to noon that was I could spend time with my friends. Today we did all the things we were supposed to do yesterday before we went to the hospital but I quickly caught on and we got ahead of schedule. It was now noon and I texted the gang and asked them to come over. They were over in a matter of seconds. I heard a knock at the door and got up and answer it.
"Hey gang!" I said happily. They walked in and straight to my room.
"So hows the guitar playing going?" Heather asked sitting down on my bed along with everyone else.
"Great. When I can find the time. I always play before bed. You guys want to hear some songs I've written?" I asked and they all nodded and smiled widely.
"Great! Maybe you can help with me with names for them too. I can write them but never find names for them." I said picking up my guitar.
"We will help you the best we can." Nicole and Craig said in unison and they looked at each other and did they crazy ass jinx shit. It was so funny.
"Go ahead and play Raven." Damien said as I positioned the guitar for my liking. I began to play the first song I ever wrote.
Are you lost in your lies?
Do you tell yourself I don't realize
Your crusade's a disguise?
Replaced freedom with fear
You trade money for lives
I'm aware of what you've done
No, no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
I see pain, I see need
I see liars and fiends
Abuse power with greed
I had hope, I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived
You will pay for what you've done!
No, no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced!
Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!
Thieves and hypocrites!
No, no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
No more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be erased!
The song ended and they all cheered. I couldn't help but blush.
"Aw she's blushing!" Heather teased. I sent her a shut the fuck up glare and she smiled innocently. I just shook my head.
"So do you guys got any ideas?" I asked and it was silent before Heather spoke up. She always good with song titles.
"How about No More Sorrow?" she said and I nodded. It did fit the song good.
"No More Sorrow it is. Thanks Heather." I said and hugged her tightly.
"No problem. What's the other songs you need help with?" Craig asked anxiously. I began to play and sing again.
It's all the same
Only the names will change
Everyday It seems we're wastin' away
Another place
Where the faces are so cold
I drive all night Just to get back home
I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted
Dead or alive
Wanted Dead or alive
Sometimes I sleep
Sometimes it's not for days
The people I meet
Always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're alone
All you do is think
I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
Wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
Ohh alright
Ohh
Oh I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
When I walk these streets
A loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps
'Cause I might not make it back
I've been everywhere (Ohh, yea)
Still I'm standin' tall
I've seen a million faces
And I've rocked them all
'Cause I'm a cowboy
On a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
I'm a cowboy
I got the night on my side
And I'm wanted (Wanted)
Dead or alive
And I'm right (And I'm right)
Dead or alive
I still drive (I still drive)
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Mm dead or alive
Dead or alive
The song ended and the same thing happened again. The cheering, blushing, and again silence before Nicole spoke.
"How about Wanted?" she said.
"I like it but something is missing." I said and we all sat there and thought.
"How about Wanted Dead or Alive?" Damien said.
"Perfect! Damien you're a genius!" I said hugging him. I could tell he was smiling with his hug.
"Alright the last song and then we can write some more songs." I said and began playing and singing once more.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To be mistreated
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry
And don't worry
I'm not telling lies
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
The song ended and we immediately started thinking on titles. I was hoping this one wouldn't be too hard for them. After a minute suggestions were being thrown around.
"How about Love is Vengeance?" Nicole said. I didn't like it and we kept thinking.
"Mistreated?" Heather said and I didn't like that one either.
"How about Behind Blue Eyes?" Craig suggested and it immediately clicked with me and I smiled letting them know it was awesome. We continued thinking of songs to write but nothing was coming to mind. It was soon time for them to go home and me to shower and sleep.
I hate having to look in mom's room and see my step-dad not being there. I missed him but he's in the hospital getting better. Mom told me earlier that we would be going to the hospital sometime tomorrow after my classes and see him. Hopefully nothing bad is wrong with him.
Notes
comments?This is another story that's being put over here from Mibba. I'm giving you guys the first 2 chapter free...you'll have to comment to get more.
4/9/13