Perfectly Reckless
Chapter 38
Avenged Sevenfold’s tour bus, Atlanta, 2013
“YOU ASSHOLE! MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH! HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU HAVE A KID BEHIND MY BACK?! AND SHE LOOKS ABOUT THE SAME AGE AS RIVER! RIVER, YOUR OWN SON! FUCK YOU MATT! FUCK YOU!”
Damn, I couldn’t do anything to prevent Val from throwing stuff at me. She was yelling, the whole bus froze seeing her. I caught a glimpse of my son in Michelle’s arm, crying loudly, on par with her mother’s voice.
“Val! Val! Shit, just listen to me first okay?!”
“I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE, MATT! YOU LYING FUCKTARD! I’M TAKING RIVER AWAY FROM YOU! YOU WILL NEVER GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN!”
“Woah woah, Val! Let’s not think too fast!” Brian barged in, suddenly standing in front of her who already grabbed River from her twin and ready to get out.
“MOVE, BRIAN.”
“Val, Matt has nothing to do with that kid. Believe me.”
“You think I’m going to believe that? Come up with a better explanation, Brian.”
“I swear to God, and in the name of my wife. That kid has NOTHING to do with Matt. She is Lzzy’s niece. Not their daughter!”
I stood behind Brian, letting him explained it all for me. I was getting tired of fighting with her. During our marriage years and even after we divorced. I never agreed on something with her except for sex.
Val stood stiffly in front of him, holding crying River in her arms. How much I missed that munchkin, I can’t even tell. But right now it doesn’t look like I’m able to go to him.
“Okay, Val? You believe me now?”
“What was she doing here with you then?” She asked, shouting at me.
“She’s…my girlfriend now.”
She dropped her jaw open and a few moments later she pushed Brian out of the way and glared at me.
“You went back to your old one night stand? You sick fuck.”
With that she went out of the bus, with my son.
~*.*~
Uproar Festival, Main Stage, 2013.
I watched blankly as Kevin handing over guitars to Zacky and Brian that I didn’t realize Arin was talking next to me. My mind was full of everything; what did Lzzy feel about meeting Val again? How can I get Val to forgive me and let me see River again? What have done wrong that I deserved all this?
Just a one cheating night.
Sometimes I wished I hadn’t met Lzzy at all so she wouldn’t be hurt by this. Sometimes I wished I stayed strong and patient with all the rants and yelling from Val. So that River wouldn’t have to watch his parents fought for over and over again.
“Matt? Dude?”
I blinked rapidly and looked up from the floor. Brian was standing in front of me, already wearing his guitar.
“Don’t worry, man. She’s still here. I asked Chelle to check up on them.”
I smiled bitterly at him. “Thanks man. For helping me.”
“Don’t be such a faggot. We’re friends for more than 15 fucking years. I know you like the back of my hand. If you really love Lzzy, you should fight for her. Don’t fucking let Val use you for her temper.”
I chuckled. “Damn, how do you stay happily married, man?”
He laughed and slapped my ass. I flinched eventhough I’m used to his habit.
“Lots of patience and lots of sex.”
I laughed and my mind immediately darted to Lzzy.
“Speak of the devil.” Brian said later. I turned around and saw the twins were walking towards us and River walked in the middle, holding Val’s hand.
“Hey baby. You’re ready?” Michelle greeted Brian and as they kissed, he winked at me. I watched them go before turning back to Val and my son.
The first thing I did when I was done regaining my composure was crouching down, eye to eye with River.
“Hey buddy. I missed you. Did you miss daddy?”
He nodded and pulled a sad face. Oh God, I can’t see him like this so I pulled him into a tight hug as we were watched by Val.
“I thought you don’t remember him anymore.”
“Enough, Val. Not here. Not in front of our son.”
She sucked her teeth and narrowed her eyes.
“You wanna see me on stage, buddy?”
“Yeah! Daddy you’re cool on stage!”
“Okay, go and ask uncle Jason for a headphone.”
He went running towards our roadie-family, Jason and I confronted Val.
“Look Val. We’re divorced. As of who I’m dating after we got divorce has nothing to do with you. Why are you being so mad about it?”
“It’s the fact that you still go to her even after all these years Matt. It shows how much of a shell you are during our marriage. Why did you marry me when you know she’s still in your head?”
That is a question I didn’t want to answer. But sooner or later I know I had to.
“I…don’t know how to repay you.”
“What? Repay me? For what?”
I took a long time to answer this.
“For being there with us. Watching us grow up to what we are now. For being you.”
She looked at me in disbelief. I saw her eyes started to get teary as she held them back. A few seconds later they dropped to her cheeks like a river.
“What…what makes you think…oh God, Matt…you don’t need to fucking repay me. I was there because I wanted to. I love you guys. You guys are like my family. Oh shit..”
She paced around me, back and forth, hand clasping on her mouth, trying hard not to cry.
“And you had to endure my alcoholic behavior because of that? Matt..oh Matt…I drink because of you! I can feel that your heart wasn’t with me when we were together. You’re not yourself anymore after we got married. And especially after Jimmy died. Matt, why didn’t you tell me this before?”
I pulled her into a hug out of instinct. She buried her face inside my chest and wrapped her arms around me. This is the Val I know. A girl so sweet, kind and helpful. I wish we could stay friends.
“I’m sorry Val, for putting you through three years of hell.”
She chuckled on my chest. “We got a little piece of heaven out of it.”
I laughed. “Yeah. We did.”
But then suddenly I saw a familiar face, looking at me with her eyes bulged so round, shocked as ever. Oh shit! Lzzy!
I quickly let Val go as I saw Lzzy was backing a few steps away from me until she was completely turned and ran away.
“Lzzy!” I chased her but damn, this backstage is full of people that I can’t outrun her. She went missing among the roadies and bands. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.
She didn’t pick up. Oh God, why do we have to deal with these things one after another?
“YOU ASSHOLE! MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH! HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU HAVE A KID BEHIND MY BACK?! AND SHE LOOKS ABOUT THE SAME AGE AS RIVER! RIVER, YOUR OWN SON! FUCK YOU MATT! FUCK YOU!”
Damn, I couldn’t do anything to prevent Val from throwing stuff at me. She was yelling, the whole bus froze seeing her. I caught a glimpse of my son in Michelle’s arm, crying loudly, on par with her mother’s voice.
“Val! Val! Shit, just listen to me first okay?!”
“I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE, MATT! YOU LYING FUCKTARD! I’M TAKING RIVER AWAY FROM YOU! YOU WILL NEVER GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN!”
“Woah woah, Val! Let’s not think too fast!” Brian barged in, suddenly standing in front of her who already grabbed River from her twin and ready to get out.
“MOVE, BRIAN.”
“Val, Matt has nothing to do with that kid. Believe me.”
“You think I’m going to believe that? Come up with a better explanation, Brian.”
“I swear to God, and in the name of my wife. That kid has NOTHING to do with Matt. She is Lzzy’s niece. Not their daughter!”
I stood behind Brian, letting him explained it all for me. I was getting tired of fighting with her. During our marriage years and even after we divorced. I never agreed on something with her except for sex.
Val stood stiffly in front of him, holding crying River in her arms. How much I missed that munchkin, I can’t even tell. But right now it doesn’t look like I’m able to go to him.
“Okay, Val? You believe me now?”
“What was she doing here with you then?” She asked, shouting at me.
“She’s…my girlfriend now.”
She dropped her jaw open and a few moments later she pushed Brian out of the way and glared at me.
“You went back to your old one night stand? You sick fuck.”
With that she went out of the bus, with my son.
~*.*~
Uproar Festival, Main Stage, 2013.
I watched blankly as Kevin handing over guitars to Zacky and Brian that I didn’t realize Arin was talking next to me. My mind was full of everything; what did Lzzy feel about meeting Val again? How can I get Val to forgive me and let me see River again? What have done wrong that I deserved all this?
Just a one cheating night.
Sometimes I wished I hadn’t met Lzzy at all so she wouldn’t be hurt by this. Sometimes I wished I stayed strong and patient with all the rants and yelling from Val. So that River wouldn’t have to watch his parents fought for over and over again.
“Matt? Dude?”
I blinked rapidly and looked up from the floor. Brian was standing in front of me, already wearing his guitar.
“Don’t worry, man. She’s still here. I asked Chelle to check up on them.”
I smiled bitterly at him. “Thanks man. For helping me.”
“Don’t be such a faggot. We’re friends for more than 15 fucking years. I know you like the back of my hand. If you really love Lzzy, you should fight for her. Don’t fucking let Val use you for her temper.”
I chuckled. “Damn, how do you stay happily married, man?”
He laughed and slapped my ass. I flinched eventhough I’m used to his habit.
“Lots of patience and lots of sex.”
I laughed and my mind immediately darted to Lzzy.
“Speak of the devil.” Brian said later. I turned around and saw the twins were walking towards us and River walked in the middle, holding Val’s hand.
“Hey baby. You’re ready?” Michelle greeted Brian and as they kissed, he winked at me. I watched them go before turning back to Val and my son.
The first thing I did when I was done regaining my composure was crouching down, eye to eye with River.
“Hey buddy. I missed you. Did you miss daddy?”
He nodded and pulled a sad face. Oh God, I can’t see him like this so I pulled him into a tight hug as we were watched by Val.
“I thought you don’t remember him anymore.”
“Enough, Val. Not here. Not in front of our son.”
She sucked her teeth and narrowed her eyes.
“You wanna see me on stage, buddy?”
“Yeah! Daddy you’re cool on stage!”
“Okay, go and ask uncle Jason for a headphone.”
He went running towards our roadie-family, Jason and I confronted Val.
“Look Val. We’re divorced. As of who I’m dating after we got divorce has nothing to do with you. Why are you being so mad about it?”
“It’s the fact that you still go to her even after all these years Matt. It shows how much of a shell you are during our marriage. Why did you marry me when you know she’s still in your head?”
That is a question I didn’t want to answer. But sooner or later I know I had to.
“I…don’t know how to repay you.”
“What? Repay me? For what?”
I took a long time to answer this.
“For being there with us. Watching us grow up to what we are now. For being you.”
She looked at me in disbelief. I saw her eyes started to get teary as she held them back. A few seconds later they dropped to her cheeks like a river.
“What…what makes you think…oh God, Matt…you don’t need to fucking repay me. I was there because I wanted to. I love you guys. You guys are like my family. Oh shit..”
She paced around me, back and forth, hand clasping on her mouth, trying hard not to cry.
“And you had to endure my alcoholic behavior because of that? Matt..oh Matt…I drink because of you! I can feel that your heart wasn’t with me when we were together. You’re not yourself anymore after we got married. And especially after Jimmy died. Matt, why didn’t you tell me this before?”
I pulled her into a hug out of instinct. She buried her face inside my chest and wrapped her arms around me. This is the Val I know. A girl so sweet, kind and helpful. I wish we could stay friends.
“I’m sorry Val, for putting you through three years of hell.”
She chuckled on my chest. “We got a little piece of heaven out of it.”
I laughed. “Yeah. We did.”
But then suddenly I saw a familiar face, looking at me with her eyes bulged so round, shocked as ever. Oh shit! Lzzy!
I quickly let Val go as I saw Lzzy was backing a few steps away from me until she was completely turned and ran away.
“Lzzy!” I chased her but damn, this backstage is full of people that I can’t outrun her. She went missing among the roadies and bands. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.
She didn’t pick up. Oh God, why do we have to deal with these things one after another?
Notes
A/N: dun dun dun LOL
@RyeBellamy
You're very welcome
7/29/18