Deadline

I walked onto the bus and walked straight to my bunk. Man was I tired. Another day over, another crowd satisfied. It makes me happy to know that I can bring people this much joy with my music. But as rewarding as this job is, it is soooo tiring. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I climbed into my bunk and got under the covers, kicking off my pants and shoes. The rest of the guys are outside signing autograph's and such, but I'm far too tired to even hold my eyes open for much longer, let alone stand out there for God know's how long signing peoples stuff. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I can't, unless someone like carries me out there, and stuff, whiiiich I don't see happening.

It's times like these when I'm alone that I start to think of her. Not of my wife, but of my once best friend.

God I miss her.

But I'm pretty sure she doesn't miss me. I mean she would have called by now, right? But she probably thinks the same thing about me too. The last time I talked to her was a couple years ago, and she had just finished school, maybe she's too busy with work or something to call? I mean I would understand.. I'm pretty busy myself. With touring and all, I mean I could call her, but I guess you could say I'm the stubborn type. Plus I dread the infamous "Why haven't you called?" line. I could obviously ask her the same, but I wouldn't hurt her like that.

I invited her to our wedding earlier this year, but never got a response. Maybe she didn't get it? That's what Everyone has been trying to tell me, but I for some reason feel like she's avoiding me. I mean I have no reason to believe that other than I haven't heard from her in forever.

Another thing is she only has my home phone number. I used to call my wife while I was on tour just to see if she had called, but her answer was always the same. No.

I eventually gave up on her ever calling me. But that doesn't mean I don't think about her. Although I never told her, I was madly in love with her. I wanted her to come on tour with me when we were first starting out, but she wouldn't have it. She wanted to go to school. And she did. She chose school over me, which I totally understand. NOW.

Back when I was a teenager, I thought she was being selfish. I didn't want to go back to school and I thought anyone who did was an idiot, which is why it surprised me when she chose to instead of going on tour with me. I never told her that though, I never told her any of my feelings for her. I mean yeah, we told eachother we loved eachother, but it was on more of a brother/sister term.

Not the way I loved her.

Excuse me, LOVE her.

Yeah, I still love her, and I would divorce my wife in a heartbeat if it meant that I could have her. But that'll never happen. Not a chance in hell.

I heard the door open and the guys walk in. I rolled over in my bunk and pretended to me asleep, I didn't really feel like dealing with them. Don't get me wrong, I love them with all my heart, but jeez, they sure can be a hand full.

Especially when they know something's bothering you.

They like to pry. And normally they can get it out of me, what's wrong I mean. So when something is bothering me I just try to lay low, and just not give them the chance to even realize something is wrong.

I keep telling myself that there's nothing bothering me. I have a beautiful wife, and the best fans ever... but I still feel incomplete. Maybe I'm going through a midlife crisis? I don't know, maybe it's nothing.

But something is eating away at me, and it has been for a couple days now. And for some reason, I feel like it has to do with her. I feel like something may have happened to her, or maybe she's hurt.. either way, I need to find out, and quick.

Before I lose my fucking mind.

Notes