Ghouls

The morning was warm and comfortable. I instantly melted into the familiar embrace of Brian, his forever huge arm lying lazily over my waist, his lips pressed lightly to my exposed shoulders as his soft breathing lightly tickled the skin while his legs lay tangled between my own. As my eyes started to adjust to the light, I could see more and more, though it was still pretty dark. Bri was fast asleep snoring and I didn’t want to wake him so let my eyes wander around the bunk, noticing little scratches and notches in the bed frame. I came back to lying on my side and looked straight on, able to see through a small gap in the curtain.

For a moment I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me; as I looked across the way and into the opposite bunk, I could’ve sworn I could see two, glowing red, eye-like dots staring at me. After rubbing my eyes, trying to get them to adjust I looked back at the bunk only to see the demon of my nightmares. His bright eyes, long snout and grinning teeth, licked clean by the long, thin, pick tongue that lay between his jaws. I couldn’t breathe. Locked in His cynical stare, I couldn’t look away. The whole world seemed to pause as He stared at me.. stared into me. I tried to reach behind me and whisper to try and wake Brian but something had hold of me. He had hold of me. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I definitely couldn’t scream. He slowly reached up behind the curtain, his vicious claws pushing at the material before gripping the end and pulling it away. He dropped his gaze, allowing me to close my eyes and regain my breathing, composing myself before opening my eyes again.

What I found was something possibly worse than what I had seen before. It was Jimmy. Jimmy was sat in the bunk opposite in his underwear, rubbing his tired face before leaping onto the bus floor and heading for the kitchen. Although my heart was beating faster, I tried desperately to compose myself once more. My eyes must have been playing tricks; Jimmy was in that bunk, surely.

I wiped my eyes of the tears and slowed my breathing, pulling up the duvet and slipping it under Brian’s arm to replace me, hoping not to disturb him. I slowly jumped out of bed and picked up Brian’s shirt from the floor, pulling it over my naked form and pulling on some pants before following the sound of a kettle and crashing mugs, finding Jimmy leaning up and getting himself one.

He turned around before near jumping out of his skin, making me flinch. “Jeez, Lau, you scared me; I thought I was the only early riser around here.” He muffled, rubbing his eyes before setting his mug on the counter and grabbing another one and offering it to me.

“Yeah, go on then.. what time is it?” I asked, rubbing my own eyes and watching him as he poured the milk and coffee into each mug before filling them with the water.

“It’s about 5AM,” he smiled as he handed me my mug.

“Jesus...” I wined, taking a sip of the warm drink.

“I know, most people don’t like being up this early,” Jim grimaced as he made his way past me and sat on the sofas.

“Yeah, I don’t; I like sleeping in,” I smiled, sitting on the sofa opposite.

“How come you’re up then?” he quizzed.

“Dunno really.. How come you’re up?” I asked.

“Well, I’ve always woken up early. I like the silence, the stillness; it gives me time to think,” he spoke, staring into his mug absentmindedly.

I crossed my legs, “what do you like thinking about?” I asked as I took another sip from my mug.

His face shot up, almost scared, or upset. “You know what I think about, Lauren. I don’t want this anymore. I love the guys but I don’t know what this feeling is inside me and I don’t want it. I’m scared. I need to get out,” he whispered, his face red and wet from the upset before we were interrupted.

“Hey guys,” Alice trudged in, rubbing her eyes, “this coffee just been made?” she asked, pointing at the counter.

“Yeah,” Jimmy called, completely composed and staring at his phone causing me wrinkle my face in bemusement; what the Hell was going on?

“Hey, Lau, you okay?” Alice asked, concerned, as she sat next to me and pat my shoulder, “you look upset.”

I quickly rubbed my eyes, realising I’d been crying. “Yeah, I’m fine.. I’ve just.. I gotta go,” I said quickly, standing up and leaving Alice and Jimmy. I raced to Brian’s bunk, picking up some clothes of mine, my phone and getting dressed.

“Lau, you can talk if yo-“ Alice began before I cut her off.

I shouted a ‘no, thanks,’ before opening the door to the bus and into the fresh, morning air. We’d started moving late last night after the show; we were now parked at some truck stop that looked over this gorgeous lake. I made my way to the edge of the lot, climbing over the wooden barrier and making my way down towards the water’s edge. There was an orange hue all around as the sun began to peak over the mountains on the opposite side of the lake, causing the ripples of water to sparkle in the new light. For the first time in a long while, I felt like I could genuinely breathe again. The crisp air filled my lungs completely and steadied my mind slightly. A chilly breeze pricked my skin, only to immediately be combated by the warm glow of the rising sun. I sat quietly, eyes closed, listening. Listening to the lapping of the light waves on the shore, birds in nearby trees, truckers politely chatting, though it wasn’t enough to silence my mind. It was when I’d just whispered to myself a ‘what the fuck’ as all my thoughts racked my brain that my phone began to ring. I lazily opened my eyes and looked down at my phone. It was Cam. Do I pick up? No. This was not the time to be yelled at.

In order to find more peace, I switched my phone to silent, stood up and worked my way further around the lake; past the trees and away from the truck stop, finding the most perfect little place next to the water. I lay down and drifted back into sleep.

Tranquillity didn’t last long, though; soon enough I was spooked out of sleep at the sound of twigs snapping behind me. I leapt up, laying on my elbows staring into the woods. Seeing nothing, I sighed and rummaged around the dirt to find my phone, only finding a gazillion missed calls and texts from just about everyone on that bus, mostly coming from Cam, Jade and Brian. As I was scrolling through the texts, someone was calling me again: Cameron. I picked up.

“Hey, where the fuck are you?!” Cam practically screamed, his crying evident in his voice.

“Calm your tits; I’m just round the corner. I just needed some space, I’m on my way back now,” I answered tiredly.

“Calm my tits?! Needed some space?!! Lauren, you’ve been gone for 6 hours, where the fuck have you been?” he asked, still panicking.

“Shit.. that long? I’m only down by the lake, I’ll be there in a second, calm down,” I answered, hanging up the phone on him.

I began making my way around the trees to the truck stop, climbing up the small hill, over the barriers and towards the bus where everyone stood watching me with both bemusement and relief. Cam came racing forwards, engulfing me in a hung around my neck, near suffocating me.

“Alright, Cam, calm down,” I told him, pressing my hands to his waist and pushing him away.

“You kidding? Lauren, you’ve been out in that dark forest on your own for 6 hours,” he told me, worried.

“Are you kidding? I was only led by the lake,” I told him, watching as his face fell from panicking worried to the kind of worried you are when you’re told something you really didn’t want to hear, which simultaneously panicked me.

“Lauren, I...” he started, getting choked up. “Lauren, there is no lake...” he said.

“Fuck off, it’s right over,” I started, turning around to see nothing but thick, dense, pine forests, “there...” I finished as Cam wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “No, Cam it was there, what the fuck?” I screamed, shaking him off me and pulling my fingers through my hair, what the Hell was this?

“Lauren, calm down, kiddo please,” Cam cried, trying to calm me from my screaming. My mind was racing a mile-a-minute, the pace causing my vision to blur and my co-ordination to fail.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I knew it was Brian that said, racing to my side to keep me steady and holding me against his chest. “I think we need to get you onto the bus,” he stared at Cameron, tension building.

Next thing I know, I’m surrounded by everyone staring at me worriedly. Well, everyone besides Brian; Bri looked angry. Angry at everyone, besides when he looked at me. He met my gaze and his expressions immediately softened.

“C’mon, Babe, come with me,” he stood from his seat, offering his hand and helping me up.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as he led me towards the back room, rocking slightly as the bus moved.

“Nothing, just want some time with just you,” he smiled weakly, allowing me to step into the room first.

“Bullshit, Haner, what’s going on?” I asked, sitting down and crossing my arms on the sofa.

He sighed heavily before tearing up lightly, “we’re just all really... really worried about you, Lauren,” he spoke softly, sitting next to me and guiding me into his chest. “What’s wrong, Baby, you can tell me,” he whispered, stroking stray hairs out of my face.

Now it was my turn to cry. All of a sudden a well of emotion and realisation bubbled inside me and was released through my tears and sobs. I was not okay.

“I don’t even know, Bri... the lake, the nightmares, the scars, the face.. Jimmy,” I cried into his shirt.

“Jimmy? What’s this got to do with Jimmy?” he asked worriedly.

“He’s not okay either, Bri, we’ve got to help him; he’s suicidal, I know he is,” I struggled to speak, looking up into his slightly disappointed, unbelieving face. The face of my parents.

“No, Baby, Jimmy isn’t... suicidal,” he stuttered, smiling lightly to try and ease the pain. I guess that was the difference between him and my parents; he cared.

“He is! He IS!” I insisted, pushing back into his shoulder.

“No, Baby, no...” he sobbed too, trying to calm me by stroking my hair, though it was useless. “Look, Lauren, we’re going to see if we can get you some he-“

“I don’t need help!” I screamed, “I need you to help Jimmy and.. and I need.. I need to just.. go home,” I shouted at him, making him jump a bit.

“Okay, Babe... okay..” he gave up, continuing to stroke my hair until I calmed down.

Before long, I’d reduced to simply sniffling, cuddling into Brian’s strong chest. Just as he was about to speak, the door to the backroom opened to reveal a red-faced Jade.

“Hey, everything okay?” she smiled, mainly looking at me, though Brain answered for me with a nod. “Good.. we’re going to stop for food soon, if you want some.”

“Okay, thanks,” Brian answered, stroking my arm. Jade left and he rested his chin on my head. “You want anything?” he asked.

“No,” I answered bluntly.

“Okay, well, I’m going to go and get a little something. You gonna be okay here?” he asked, looking at me worriedly.

“Yeah,” I huffed, letting him leave me on my own.

Soon enough, I heard everyone chatting, some even laughing, as the bus stopped and they all filed off to stuff their faces. I decided I’d check my Facebook. It had been months since I’d been on; I hadn’t really been on since I moved to Huntington. I opened it up to just a few messages, mostly for my boss and colleagues asking how I was; I left without warning. I didn’t exactly plan to come away, I just did. I did find one message from an old friend. It was last thing I expected from a friend like Luce; she wasn’t ever exactly the sentimental type.

Luce: Hey, Lau.. I know it’s been forever and I know we split on pretty bad terms.. but, dude, I miss you. I miss your madness. I just wish we could mend this mess.. friends?

I teared up a little, for the first time since moving to California, I was actually missing my old friends...until I looked at the ‘date sent.’ Over 6 months ago. Fab. I closed my messages only for my heart just to break a little more; there was a photo of Luce and all my old friends, alongside my replacement. A skinny brunette with perfect teeth and rack. Was I that shit? That easy to replace? I hoped not. From then on I was damn sure that I wasn’t going to let this go. This dark shit in my head? This was forever. I didn’t need psycho help; I needed to regain my composure. I needed to kill whatever this was inside my head. For good. If I didn’t, I was going to be replaced all over again by the best set of friends I had. This ended now.

Notes