Ghouls

I woke up shaking, sweating. The room was cold and dark. Whimpering came from the side of the bed.

Hud.

He was stood beside me, whining and licking at the bloody wounds that littered my skin. I slowly picked myself up, leaning on my forearms, looking down at the sheets. My jaw hung open and tears stung my eyes as the patches of blood-red stains pooled where I was lead. Wincing, I dragged myself off the mattress, shushing my barking, leaping dog as my toes hit the frozen floor. Hudson shook in excitement; his entire body rocking as his tail wagged.

I picked some clothes out from my closet, (a deep, red, long-sleeved cotton shirt and dark grey sweatpants) and made my way towards the ensuite where I washed all the cuts I could find and bandaged the ones that continued to bleed.

Once I was done, I made my way out of the room and towards the kitchen, getting myself a bowl of cereal (despite it being the early hours of the morning) before finding my phone and going to the sofas to watch TV. I clicked the remote and turned on the screen, some mediocre US show I hadn’t heard of before played quietly. Rather than being upset or confused or angry about my dreams, above everything, I was tired. I sloppily ate the bowl of Froot Loops; often spilling the milk and getting it all over my chin and chest, too tired to clean myself off. The nightmares were becoming so regular that I rarely cared about them anymore; I often woke up bleeding or screaming. Now, unlike before, I’m more tired when I wake up than upset or distraught. Part of me thought it was wrong; I couldn’t understand how I could have such awful dreams and for them to cross into my reality and harm my body. I also didn’t understand how the wounds could heal so quickly; studying biology meant I am well aware that cuts as deep as these don’t disappear overnight.. yet they were. But rather than facing the problem, I ran away; just like always.

My eyes started to drift closed as my body began to shut down. My head began to nod as sleep engulfed my body...until there was vibrating and barking. My head shot up and my eyes widened as the half bowl of cereal jolted out of my hands and onto the floor. I grunted and cursed, rolling off of the sofa, patting Hud on the nose to shut him up as I grabbed my phone off the coffee table. Without checking the caller ID, I answered:

“What?” I grunted, rubbing my face to try and wake myself up.

“Whao, grumpy, what’s up with you?”

Brian.

“It’s 4 in the morning, you dickhead,” I grumbled.

“Oh, shit, sorry Lauren.. I completely forgot about the time difference..” his once cheery tone dropped to an apologetic one. I could see the smile fall from his wonderful face.

“It’s fine.. where abouts are you?” I asked, calming down and stroking Hudson’s head as I talked.

“Atlanta.. it’s about 7 and they’re making me get up, Lau, what am I gonna do?” He asked in desperation.

I chuckled, smiled even, at his reluctance to get up, “you made your bed, you gotta sleep in it, babe.”

“That’s what I wanna do!” He called, making us both chuckle.

“That’s not what I meant. You decided to be a rockstar, you gotta take the consequences,” I smiled.

“Yeah... I know... but us rockstars aren’t supposed to get up till noon!” He sighed, “it’s not even late morning! I shouldn’t have to get up..”

“You may not want to get up till noon every day, Bri, but being a star is a job and I’m sure there’s things you’ve got to do today that means you have to be up,” I slouched onto the sofa, Hud jumping up next to me. Light slowly began to flood the room as the sun gradually made its way over the horizon.

“Yeeah,” he sighed, “oh well.. lucky ole you have nothing to do today, right?”

“You make it seem like a good thing..” I huffed.

“Isn’t it?”

“No. No one’s here to chill with. You’re all in Atlanta,” I put emphasis on ‘Atlanta’ as if making a joke of how nice it must be for them all to be over there on the road together while I was stuck in my apartment in California.

He chuckled, “fair do’s.. only a few more days though and you’ll be here hanging with us,” I could sense his joy and excitement as he spoke of my arrival, making me warm inside, “take the dogs for some walks, enjoy some time alone before the madness begins!” he hollered, making me smile.

“Yeah.. that’s all I’ve got to do anyway; Mike won’t let me back to work so..” there was a small silence, “what did you call for anyway? Wakin’ me up!” I joked.

“I said I’m sorry, goddamn!” he chuckled, “and I don’t know, just wanted to see how you were;...I’ve missed you,” he admitted, making me blush, pulling my knees to my chin and biting my lip.

“Aww.. I’ve missed you too,” I blushed farther.

“Are you blushing?” he smiled.

“No.” I lied, making me go an even brighter shade of pink.

“Yeah you are,” he taunted.

“Am not!” I refused.

“You are. I can feel it. Sense it,” I could feel his grin in his voice.

“Stop, Bri, I’m not,” I giggled.

“Sure. Okay. If you say so,” he stopped.

I sighed, enjoying speaking to him; cheering me up after the day I’d had so far. He never failed to make me smile; it was one of my favourite things about being around him. Whenever I felt bad or ill or upset, just talking him.. just seeing him made it all go away, even if only for a short while.. I was happy with him.

“So, how are you doing?” he asked seriously.

“I’m okay.. bored and lonely but okay,” I half-lied; I wasn’t really okay; I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know enough to explain.

“Well, as I say, few more days and you’ll be with me!” he chuckled.

I smiled, “oh, goody..” I said with sarcasm, winding him up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he gasped, acting offended.

“You’re basic and boring,” I giggled.

“Is dat right?” he scorned.

“Yup.”

“You won’t be wanting to spend your time with.. uh.. mini me, then? If we’re that basic,” he threatened, referring to his nether regions, emphasising on the ‘that’.

I started to blush heavily again, “I didn’t say he was basic; just you,” I taunted.

“Well, he’s my best buddy and he’ll stick with me, K?”

“Sure. Say that again when he’s stood up on his own once I take my shirt off,” I joked.

“Ooooooo! Nice one, Smith, nice one,” he chuckled, “okay, well, sorry, Babe.. I gotta go; they’re calling me out for breakfast,” he sighed.

I sighed too, “okay.. have a good day,” I smiled.

“Yeah, you too.. see you in a few days.”

“Will do... say Hi to Cam and Jade and everyone for me,” I remembered.

“Yeah, sure.. everyone misses you a tonne; Cam’s counting down the days until your arrival,” I smiled.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you then,” I ensured.

We said our goodbye’s and hung up. A sudden wave of upset and loneliness washed over me as I got off the phone with Bri; I was never good at being alone. I was caught in a daze for what seemed like forever, thinking about Brian and the unexpected turn of events that have occurred since my arrival in Huntington Beach. Avenged, Zacky, Brian, the fights, the confusion, the job, the moving house, the nightmares, the demons, the past, the pain, but also the love, the friendship and everything that came with the Avenged Sevenfold family which I was slowly becoming a part of.

I seemed to find myself softly crying before barking brought me round; bringing myself out of my daydream. Hudson was barking at me. As I looked at him, he became more excited; his body rocking as he started to lead me to where he wanted me to go. We ended up against the wall beside the kitchen; where I hung his collar, lead, harness, and where I placed his food and water bowls, below the pegs, on the floor. Taking the hint, I filled up his tin with food and decided to take a shower.

I put my cereal bowl into the sink, crossed the living space and entered my bedroom at the other side of the apartment. I picked an new, black, cotton, long-sleeved shirt and made my way to the ensuite. I gradually began removing my clothes, being mindful of my already almost healed wounds. I then showered quickly and got dressed (despite the hot, Californian weather, it was still only 6AM and cool enough to wear long clothing to cover the cuts) , dried my hair, straightened it and went back to the main living area, after realising I had to change the bed sheets and putting the stained ones in the trash.

By the time I was done, Hud had long finished his food; clearly anticipating a walk. As I entered the room, he stopped playing with his toy on the rug and looked up at me intensively. I paused. I stared at him for what seemed like forever, until suddenly I began running towards his collar and lead. He instantly leapt from the floor and raced me. Laughing, I grabbed his walking gear, my keys, phone and purse and ran for the door, almost tripping over Hud’s huge size.

I then proceeded to race him down the flights and flights of stairs until we came to the entrance of the apartment block. Bending over to catch my breath, Hud sat patiently in front of me; allowing me to put his collar, harness and lead on.

As I walked out of the building, my phone buzzed in my pocket; yet again taking me from my thoughts. Taking it out of my pocket, I checked the screen on the phone to find a text from Cam:

C: Hey, dude, how’re you doing? X

I smiled, reading the text. I started to walk down the boardwalk and onto the beach as I replied:

L: I’m good. How’ve you been? How is everyone? X

As my feet touched the sand, I bent down to take of my shoes, taking Hud off his lead too. He bolted ahead, turning around and waiting for me to throw him a stick to chase – which I did. Before long, I got another text:

C: Yeah, everyone’s good, me included. : ) bri’s not stopped moaning and groaning and being ‘bored’.. although, he was particularly cheerier this morning.. something to do with you, perhaps??? ; ) X

L: Yes. He called. Nice to know someone misses me though, ay?! X

C: Everyone missed you, L, he’s just making it so obvious it’s getting annoying. It’s like he’s begging to talk about you; how he always huffs and groans whenever someone walks into the room, like he’s bored n just waiting for someone to spark up a conversation about you! >.< x

A grin spread from ear-to-ear as I read about Bri missing me, my eyes glued to my phone:

L: Awwwe, well, tell him I’ll be there soon; tell everyone I’ll be there soon.. by the sounds of it, they’ll rejoice in Bri being quiet! X

C: Yeah! We’ll put the flags out! Open the champagne! We don’t have to look after him anymore; YOU DO!! HA!! X

L: I sure will .. ‘look after’ him! ; ) X

I smirked.

C: Nice. Good to know, Lau. Lovely. I’ve gotta go, I’ll call you when I can X

L: Okay, love you, dude X

C: Love you too X

As my head lifted, it collided with what felt like a brick wall. My body flew to the floor as I heard barking and a figure hover over me.

“Lauren? Lauren?! You okay? Wake up, Kid, c’mon,” the man shook my shoulders. I recognised that voice.

My eyes drifted open as they saw the large, built man; Mike, “hey, Kiddo, you okay?”

He went to picking me up, taking my hand to pull me from the floor, “yeah, I’m good,” I smiled, holding my head and back in pain.
“Sure?” he looked at me, concern lining his face.

My arms went back to my sides, my hands tugging at my sleeves to cover the small scratches that still covered my palms and hands, “yeah.. what happened?”

“I was jogging along the jog path and you were looking down at your phone. Both our heads were down and I guess we just didn’t see each other,” he smiled vaguely.

“Aaaah.. oops,” I smiled, “sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine; it’s as much my fault as it is yours. How’ve you been holding up anyway? I would’ve come over to check on you if I didn’t think you were on holiday already.”

“Yeah, I’ve been okay; I was only discharged yesterday; they kept me in a little longer.. I’m flying to tour the day after tomorrow,” I nodded.

“Aaah, where are you meeting ‘em?” he asked, petting his pet rottweiler’s head.

“Chicago,” I nodded again.

“Aaaah, nice! Me and my wife were married in Chicago!” He reminisced.

“Aaoh, you’re married?” I hadn’t noticed a ring or any mention of a lady before now.

“Not anymore; divorced 6 years now,” he looked down at his dog, avoiding looking at me. I too looked down at Hud as I answered him.

“Sorry.. I didn’t even know you were married in the first place..”

“It’s fine, Lau; my motors are my Babies now,” he smiled at me; a glint of sorrow in his eyes.

My heart pinched, although chuckling lightly with him, reminding the promise I had made to myself when a good friend of mine’s parents divorced; I never wanted that to happen to me. There seemed so much pain caused on both parties, I never wanted that.

“Anyway,” I began changing the subject, “I didn’t know you jogged?”

“Yeah, I may be big and have a belly but a lot of it is gym work; weights and such.. you lift?” he asked.

“I used to but not so much anymore,” I admitted.

“Ahh, you should get back into it. I don’t want to seem forward or anything but you’re a good looking Kid, Lauren. Don’t waste it away,” he smiled, patting my shoulder before picking up his earbuds that were tucked into his sweaty shirt and putting them into his ears, “anyway, I’ve gotta go; got to open up shop in a few and I’ve gotta shower and feed Lexie first,” he informed me, passing around me slowly and calling to his dog.

“Lexie? A girl? I thought since you’re wife you’d be done with bitches?” I smiled, patting her head.

He laughed loudly, “yeeah.. she’s the only bitch left in my life. Her and my cars and bikes are all I need,” he smiled widely down at her.

“Aaaha, fair do’s.. well, I’ll see you soon,” I smiled.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a couple weeks.. see ya,” we waved as he continued jogging, Lex following.

For a short while, Hud followed them; clearly having made friends in Lexie. I called him back as I turned around and continued down the beach. Mike was becoming a lot like a Dad to me; he cared. I trusted him, unlike my own Dad. We used to be really close but after everything that happened, a huge wedge seemed to form between us; he didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust him. Numerous times Cam tried to talk us both round; us being the ‘three musketeers’ it tore him apart when me and Dad stopped talking. He still talks to Dad and they’re still really close; it’s just me my Dad doesn’t have any contact with. Part of that was my fault; I didn’t want either of my parents or any of my friends knowing how to contact me; they let me down. When I needed them most, they betrayed me and turned against me. I moved to Huntington to get away, and I was quickly forming a new, better friend and family unit. Mike was great; for 52, he’s seen an incredible amount. He’s given me better advise than anybody has; taught me a lot about family, about opportunities, about regrets, about living life to the max, about life in general.. not to mention teaching me a load about cars and bikes. But best of all, he was a good friend. We could laugh and joke just like me and my Dad used to, which only made my respect grown for him even more. There was no funny-business; after all, I saw him as a Dad and I’m sure he saw me more like a daughter. That and he was happy with his dog and his cars, while I had... Brian.

I smiled again as Brian found himself at the forefront of my mind, yet again. I wasn’t sure where I was standing with him; I wanted a relationship. I was scared; terrified, even.. but I wanted him. He made me feel safe and loved; something I just hadn’t had from anywhere else. But that also made me incredibly cautious; I was paranoid. Paranoid he really only wanted me for the sex. Part of me wanted to believe that he was true and loved me.. but due to my past, the other part doubted him, and that was the hardest part. I wanted to trust him with everything that I am, but the destruction of my past has caused me to deny any love there may be for me, from anyone; never mind Brian. I wanted to be loved; I wanted to let people in, but I couldn’t bear to be hurt again; not like before.

The rest of the day was filled with going to the store to buy food, stopping by at Mike’s garage to hang out with Harry, (much to Mike’s dismay; he wanted me to stay off until I was okay to work), going back home to watch TV and play video games with Hud. Hud sat with me on the couch, his head reaching my height due to his size. Whenever I went to eat a chip or take a drink, his eyes would be on me; his gaze fixed on the food. Every now and again, I would treat him; I would pause the chip halfway to my mouth and look at him sceptically. He would start drooling and his tail would drum against the leather before I chucked it to him, letting him catch it in his mouth. I missed hanging out with him like that; we used to do it 24/7 back in England; we was my best friend. Ever since we moved to Huntington I’d been so busy I’d forgotten to even walk him most nights. I felt terrible, it was such a dramatic change; he was probably distraught. Sat right there next to him, made a pact with him that I would try harder to be there for him; getting him to give me his paw to shake on it (I was so tired and so lonely I resorted to talking to him.. sometimes I believed he would understand; certain things I said would upset him and certain things would make him happy.) He was the oldest friend I had.

Soon enough, the world got dark and I fell asleep in front of the TV, led on Hudson. His face was in my lap while I leant down onto his back and cuddled him, snuggling into his familiar warmth.

Notes