Owl
You, with your words like knives, and swords, and weapons that you use against me.
Flashback.
The sickening smell of smoke filled my nose causing me to scrunch up my nose as I walked into the garage my hands stuck in my pockets. My eyeliner was smudged and my eyes were red and puffy from crying but I didn’t care as I walked towards my car. Brian and his friends were standing in front of it, leaning on the hood of the car. I clenched my jaw and ignored their stares as I pulled my hand out of my pocket to unlock the driver’s door.
“Where are you going?” Brian asked, brow cocked.
I can’t believe he was acting like nothing even happened. I slipped into my car and slammed the door, shoving the key in the ignition. I could feel the tears flood my vision again, but I shook them off and pressed the button for the automatic garage door, waiting for it to open. Brian and his friends watched as I peeled out of the garage, and sped off down the street. I could vaguely hear Brian yell out my name before I peeled out of the drive way, telling me to stop.
I lifted one hand from the wheel, running it through my bangs pushing them back. I drove out of the city, down a dirt path just off the highway. It felt like hours before I got to my spot; the place where Brian and his family found me. I was just a little kid then, asking for my mommy and daddy when the pulled up. It was supposed to just be a family camping trip, but instead they spent it in the police station and the hospital with me. Instead of asking for my parents, Brian’s mom, Ms. Haner just adopted me into the family legally because they couldn’t find my real parents.
I put the car in park and I shoved the door open, feeling restless. I wanted to scream, to punch everything in my sight. Most of all, I wanted to hate Brian and his friends, but I knew deep down that I couldn’t. They were like my older brothers; no matter what they did, no matter how many guys they chased away, I’d still love them. Their close knit group/families were the only thing I had that kept me alive.
I put my hand over my mouth, in attempt to stop myself from screaming, forcing out a strangled moan of frustration. The tears dripped down my face like a waterfall, and I felt myself slowly crumble to a ball on the grass. I wish they knew just how much it hurt to see another guy leave me because of them, I wish they knew how much it killed me inside, but they didn’t and that’s what would always keep the fire blazing on those bridges they try to walk across.
It seemed like I was a pig being devoured by a pack of wolves.
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I was still laying on the grass. It was cold, and I was shivering violently. I sat up and rubbed my head, running my fingers through my copper red hair. I slowly forced myself to stand, hearing my knees and my back crack as I stretched. I glanced around and quietly made my way to my car; I slipped into my already open door and I closed it, rubbing my arms at the cold air in my car. I felt empty, like I cried my soul away. At this point, I knew that I couldn’t stay with the Haners anymore. I sighed and licked my cracked lips, turning my ignition back on, and I started my long, slow drive home.
When I got back, I tried my best to sneak in without catching anyone’s attention. However, it seemed that Brian and his friends had taken over the living room- the only way to get to my bedroom. They were scattered everywhere, and it was dark. I gulped a lump down and prepped myself for what was to come if I woke one of them up, Brian would probably scream at me, call me stupid and he’d hide his relief behind anger. As I tiptoed my way through the living room, a light flicked on and I jumped, turning my head to see my mom standing there(Ms. Haner), a look of relief washing over her face.
“Oh Pepper.” She ignored the groans and moans of the boys and she moved hurriedly towards me, wrapping me in a tight hug.
I hugged her back and ignored the emotionless stare of a half asleep Brian.
“Where have you been? You had us all worried sick!” She exclaimed, pulling away and checking me for any damage.
“I went to the camp site…” I whispered.
“What the fuck Pepper…” Brian grumbled, standing.
I ignored him, keeping my stare on the ground. I expected him to get angry, but no matter how many times I told myself he didn’t mean any harm when he was mad at me, it still scared me.
“Do you not think about other people? A call would have been nice, Jesus, you’re so fucking stupid.” He glared.
“If I called, you guys would have came.” I muttered.
“And?” He snapped, “Are we not allowed to care about you?”
“I wanted to be alone. Having you guys come would defeat that purpose.” I grinded my teeth to stop myself from snapping back at him.
“You know what Pepper? You’re so god damn selfish. You don’t care what anyone thinks; you do what you fucking want! You don’t even realize it hurts people and I, for one, won’t sit around and watch my mother worry about some stupid adopted kid!” He yelled.
“Brian Elwin Haner Jr. you went too far!” His mom yelled.
I blinked, fighting back the tears that started to cloud my vision. Brian stormed off to his room, being followed by Matt, while everyone else stood awkwardly staring at me. I wiped my eyes and walked away, going to my room.
The next couple months, Brian never said a word to me. He didn’t get involved when I brought a guy home- It was exactly what I wanted except for the not talking part. In those couple months, I got a job and started to save up for university. My graduation came closer, Mom tried to get me to go prom dress shopping, but I told her that I didn’t want to go to prom. The day finally came, and I broke the news that I applied for University in Europe and I was just waiting for my scholar ship to be accepted, it broke her heart, but she understood why I would want to get away, Brian wasn’t exactly the best person to have on your shit list. Matt, Jimmy, Johnny and Zacky barely uttered a word to me now that Brian and I weren’t talking. The fire had completely destroyed the bridge, and there was nothing left.
I got my acceptance letter weeks later. Before I left, I heard Brian arguing with Mom about his childish behavior towards me. He said he was glad I was leaving; he told her that I didn’t belong in their family anymore. Later that week, I was gone, hopped on the first plane to Leiden University.
The sickening smell of smoke filled my nose causing me to scrunch up my nose as I walked into the garage my hands stuck in my pockets. My eyeliner was smudged and my eyes were red and puffy from crying but I didn’t care as I walked towards my car. Brian and his friends were standing in front of it, leaning on the hood of the car. I clenched my jaw and ignored their stares as I pulled my hand out of my pocket to unlock the driver’s door.
“Where are you going?” Brian asked, brow cocked.
I can’t believe he was acting like nothing even happened. I slipped into my car and slammed the door, shoving the key in the ignition. I could feel the tears flood my vision again, but I shook them off and pressed the button for the automatic garage door, waiting for it to open. Brian and his friends watched as I peeled out of the garage, and sped off down the street. I could vaguely hear Brian yell out my name before I peeled out of the drive way, telling me to stop.
I lifted one hand from the wheel, running it through my bangs pushing them back. I drove out of the city, down a dirt path just off the highway. It felt like hours before I got to my spot; the place where Brian and his family found me. I was just a little kid then, asking for my mommy and daddy when the pulled up. It was supposed to just be a family camping trip, but instead they spent it in the police station and the hospital with me. Instead of asking for my parents, Brian’s mom, Ms. Haner just adopted me into the family legally because they couldn’t find my real parents.
I put the car in park and I shoved the door open, feeling restless. I wanted to scream, to punch everything in my sight. Most of all, I wanted to hate Brian and his friends, but I knew deep down that I couldn’t. They were like my older brothers; no matter what they did, no matter how many guys they chased away, I’d still love them. Their close knit group/families were the only thing I had that kept me alive.
I put my hand over my mouth, in attempt to stop myself from screaming, forcing out a strangled moan of frustration. The tears dripped down my face like a waterfall, and I felt myself slowly crumble to a ball on the grass. I wish they knew just how much it hurt to see another guy leave me because of them, I wish they knew how much it killed me inside, but they didn’t and that’s what would always keep the fire blazing on those bridges they try to walk across.
It seemed like I was a pig being devoured by a pack of wolves.
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I was still laying on the grass. It was cold, and I was shivering violently. I sat up and rubbed my head, running my fingers through my copper red hair. I slowly forced myself to stand, hearing my knees and my back crack as I stretched. I glanced around and quietly made my way to my car; I slipped into my already open door and I closed it, rubbing my arms at the cold air in my car. I felt empty, like I cried my soul away. At this point, I knew that I couldn’t stay with the Haners anymore. I sighed and licked my cracked lips, turning my ignition back on, and I started my long, slow drive home.
When I got back, I tried my best to sneak in without catching anyone’s attention. However, it seemed that Brian and his friends had taken over the living room- the only way to get to my bedroom. They were scattered everywhere, and it was dark. I gulped a lump down and prepped myself for what was to come if I woke one of them up, Brian would probably scream at me, call me stupid and he’d hide his relief behind anger. As I tiptoed my way through the living room, a light flicked on and I jumped, turning my head to see my mom standing there(Ms. Haner), a look of relief washing over her face.
“Oh Pepper.” She ignored the groans and moans of the boys and she moved hurriedly towards me, wrapping me in a tight hug.
I hugged her back and ignored the emotionless stare of a half asleep Brian.
“Where have you been? You had us all worried sick!” She exclaimed, pulling away and checking me for any damage.
“I went to the camp site…” I whispered.
“What the fuck Pepper…” Brian grumbled, standing.
I ignored him, keeping my stare on the ground. I expected him to get angry, but no matter how many times I told myself he didn’t mean any harm when he was mad at me, it still scared me.
“Do you not think about other people? A call would have been nice, Jesus, you’re so fucking stupid.” He glared.
“If I called, you guys would have came.” I muttered.
“And?” He snapped, “Are we not allowed to care about you?”
“I wanted to be alone. Having you guys come would defeat that purpose.” I grinded my teeth to stop myself from snapping back at him.
“You know what Pepper? You’re so god damn selfish. You don’t care what anyone thinks; you do what you fucking want! You don’t even realize it hurts people and I, for one, won’t sit around and watch my mother worry about some stupid adopted kid!” He yelled.
“Brian Elwin Haner Jr. you went too far!” His mom yelled.
I blinked, fighting back the tears that started to cloud my vision. Brian stormed off to his room, being followed by Matt, while everyone else stood awkwardly staring at me. I wiped my eyes and walked away, going to my room.
The next couple months, Brian never said a word to me. He didn’t get involved when I brought a guy home- It was exactly what I wanted except for the not talking part. In those couple months, I got a job and started to save up for university. My graduation came closer, Mom tried to get me to go prom dress shopping, but I told her that I didn’t want to go to prom. The day finally came, and I broke the news that I applied for University in Europe and I was just waiting for my scholar ship to be accepted, it broke her heart, but she understood why I would want to get away, Brian wasn’t exactly the best person to have on your shit list. Matt, Jimmy, Johnny and Zacky barely uttered a word to me now that Brian and I weren’t talking. The fire had completely destroyed the bridge, and there was nothing left.
I got my acceptance letter weeks later. Before I left, I heard Brian arguing with Mom about his childish behavior towards me. He said he was glad I was leaving; he told her that I didn’t belong in their family anymore. Later that week, I was gone, hopped on the first plane to Leiden University.
Notes
More of an insight on why Pepper and Brian aren't having the usual happy family reuinion. Uh, and just to clear some fog, Pepper never used to smoke. She got into it more after Brian stopped talking to her but I didn't put that in...I'm tired, forgive the shittiness of this chapter...
Critique?
- Anchor ;
3/15/13