Brian's Letters To Matthew

Zacky sleeps peacefully until something starts with his nose.
*poke* *poke poke*
His nose twitches.
*poke* *poke*
Zacky finally opens an eye to see his younger brother, Mattie, is the culprit.
“Mattie…” Zacky mutters, “…stop.”
“But I’m bored,” Mattie replies.
“And I’m sleepy,” Zacky says before flipping over.

Jimmy is still asleep, snoring softly.
Mattie goes to the foot of the bed then climbs onto the bed, slipping between his brother and Jimmy.
“Mattie,” Zacky says in a sleepy groan, “What is your malfunction?”
“I said I’m bored,” Mattie repeats, “Besides Jimmy doesn’t mind.”
“Because he’s sleeping,” Zacky retorts then softly mutters, “Lucky bastard.”
“There’s nothing to do,” Mattie whines.
Zacky softly groans with frustration.
“Read me a story,” Mattie then gasps, “Read me the journal! Please? Please?”
“Mattie shhh,” Zacky places a finger to Mattie’s lips, “Let Jimmy sleep.”
“I’m awake,” Jimmy sleepily mutters, his eyes still closed.
“Read us at story,” Mattie then gasps, “Read me the journal! Please? Please?”
“Mattie shhh,” Zacky places a finger to Mattie’s lips, “Let Jimmy sleep.”
“I’m awake,” Jimmy mutters while his eyes remain closed.
“Read us the journal, please brother?” Mattie begs.
Zacky rolls his eyes, “Fine, then will you please be quiet?”
Mattie shrugs his shoulders, “We’ll see.”
Zacky rolls his eyes once again before reaching for the journal.
Mattie slightly bounces as Zacky opens it up, looking for where they left off.

------x------

Dear Matthew,

The day has come. It has hit me like a knock out punch. I remember crying out for Dad and Suzy. As we went to the hospital, I could feel the baby move. More than he’s ever before. Suzy told it was my body preparing for birthing.
Contractions weren’t so painful at first, more discomfort than anything. However I surely remember when that changed. The contraction felt like when my water broke. Then they came quicker and sharper. The nurse didn’t exactly make it more comfortable either, especially when checking the dilation.
When they told me I was ready, I got even more scared. I thought I’d be ready for this moment. I had nine months to prepare but I found out quickly find out that I wasn’t. Now wasn’t the time to focus on me, I had to focus on the baby.
The first push wasn’t the hardest but wasn’t the easiest. I could feel the baby. The second push was a different story. They told me the baby was crowning but they really didn’t need to tell me that. I knew.
I will admit, halfway through I wanted to quit. I wanted to be done. Thank goodness for Suzy. She held my hand and never left my side. Told me the pain is temporary. She kept my attention that soon enough, one more push, and there he is. I could hear our son and such a set of lungs on that kid.
But Suzy was wrong… the pain wasn’t temporary.
As I held our newborn baby, I cried with him. Cried happy that he came out so healthy and beautiful. Cried sad because he’ll soon be going to his new home.
Matthew, our son is so beautiful.
His eyes a shade of green.
The little hair he has is dark.
He loves being held, and dammit, I could hold him all day. When the door opens, I could of cried again but I didn’t. I had to be strong.
I was, it truly was, the hardest moment of my life. It was exactly easier when they let me pick the name

But… but… but…


“Zacky? You okay?”

Jimmy sees Zacky’s eyes wide, almost like they would pop out of his skull.
Mattie looks up as Zacky stands up from the bed.
“Big brother?”
Zacky slowly looks over to them, still in silence.
“What is it?” Jimmy starts getting seriously concerned.
“It… I…”
“Read us the rest Zacky.”

Zacky takes a shaky deep breath and clears his throat.

“But I know Maria and James will take good care of him. Our little Zachary James.”

Jimmy gets out of bed when he sees a tear roll down Zacky’s cheek. He walks over and takes the journal.
“He… he… Brian… he could be…”
Jimmy wraps his arms around Zacky. He then is able to get back some composure.

“Jimmy…”
“Yeah?”
“…we have to find him…”

Notes