Sometimes Our Saints Are Sinners (TVH sequel)

“Tell me what happened.” Zach asked again. I groaned and picked up my bowl of cereal from the table.
“For fuck’s sake, Zach, it’s nine in the morning. Let me eat my damn cheerios, will you?” I groaned as I headed towards my bathroom.
“Kid, tell me.” Zach whined. I threw my head back in anguish and stepped into the bathroom, immediately locking the door behind me. Zach jiggled the door before letting out an irritated growl. “Why?”
“Zachary James Baker let me eat my fucking breakfast in peace!” I screamed loudly as I sat down on my toilet. I began shoveling the small circles into my mouth, irritated that I had to eat my breakfast on the toilet because of my stupid almost-brother. Like for fuck’s sake, he couldn’t leave me alone for one second to eat my damned cheerios?
At the date last night, Brian got incredibly drunk, which prompted Kat to become incredibly drunk, which resulted in Zach and I having to bring them back to Kat’s hotel before they fucked each other in the backseat of my car. I technically got what I wanted since Brian got his fill of womanly touch without it having to be my touch, but that also came with a price. Besides the fact that Zach kept asking me what Brian had said to me when he pulled me away, it seemed like Brian was just sober enough to try to make me jealous. It didn’t work, other than making me nauseous, since all Brian talked about was how hot Kat was and what he was going to do to her later. I still couldn’t scrub the description out of my mind. Brian hadn’t returned home yet, but I feel like I won’t be able to look at him the same after last night. I did need to talk to him though, since I needed to figure out why he lashed out at me.
“Kid, just tell me. I’m your older brother and I demand you tell me what my best friend told you right now!” Zach slammed his fist against the door and the shock made me drop my cereal. Now I was pissed. I felt my face heat up and my ears twitch as I unlocked the door and ripped it open with so much force that it stopped Zach short of hitting the door again.
“You son of a bitch.” I barked furiously. Zach’s face turned into complete horror as I got close to him, my finger jabbing into his chest. “You couldn’t let me have one fucking minute to even figure out what the fuck happened last night and now my cheerios are all over the floor!”
“Kid, I’m—”
“Like you couldn’t give me one minute to eat my breakfast in peace?! Why is this so important to you?!”
“Kid, I—”
“What’s going on here?” A voice asked from the catwalk. I looked over to see Matt, Jimmy and Johnny all watching my chew Zach out for not leaving me alone. I let out a frustrated growl and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Nothing.” I said with a too sweet voice. All of them raised their eyebrows and I sighed deeply, a fake smile plastered on my face. “I was just telling Zach that he’s going to clean up the cheerios all over my floor, right Zacky?”
“Wha-” I elbowed him hard in the ribs and he coughed roughly. “Oh, yeah. Yeah I was just chasing her around and she was in the bathroom and I scared her. Just big brother stuff.”
“I’m going to go sit out by the pool.” I announced, shooting Zach a death glare before swiftly walking towards the exit. I took a big breath of the outside air and let the heat of anger run out of my body. I sighed, filling with sadness, and sat myself down at the bottom of the stairs. I watched two lady bugs crawl over each other for a few minutes before I heard the door open. I didn’t look back; I just listened as the person stepped cautiously down the stairs, stopping short of where I was. “You can sit if you want. But if you ask me what happened last night I will not be afraid to castrate you with a butter knife.”
“Threat received.” I was a little bit surprised that the voice belonged to Matt; since I was sure Zach would send Jimmy to come talk to me. I felt like everyone has made it almost impossible for Matt and me to have any alone time, but I understood why. I wanted to stay away from Matt; I wanted to forget all that we had and try to erase any leftover feelings before trying to start a friendship with him again. Yet, at the same time, all I wanted to do was go back to the good times—although it seemed like there were very few. After months of being away, I had truly seen how toxic we were; we seldom had anything more than a few weeks together where we were perfectly fine. Still, although I hid it well, deep within me I just wanted to fall asleep with him like we had the first night I met him. The night he stopped a whole concert just to save me from some sleaze. Where was that Matt?
“Sit.” I commanded in a quiet voice. He slid himself down next to me, our knees touching lightly. I could feel his gaze on me, but I chose not to return it as I just continued watching the two lady bugs.
“Do you see that?” It was silent for a moment, so I continued, “lady bugs live such a simple life. They eat bad bugs, they crawl over each other, they make babies, and then they die. It’s almost identical to human life, it seems, yet it must be so much simpler. Bugs don’t have feelings, I think. Feelings are a curse to human life.”
“Wow, that was deep… in a sort of disheartening way.” I cracked a smile and finally looked at him. His eyes were fixated on me, on my face. I smiled a little more, but I felt too melancholy to give him a full smile. He leaned his head on his hand and watched me with curiosity. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I mean… I don’t know why it matters so much to Zach what happened last night.” I gushed, feeling like I really needed to let out my feelings. “Brian pulled me aside and pretty much told me he was pissed that I called him a whore when I introduced him to Kat. But, I mean, I called her a slut and she didn’t care. She was proud. Usually Bri is so okay being called things like whore, so why now? Why is he hurt by me calling him a whore now?”
“Bri is something else, Kid.” Matt sighed. I looked over at him and he shrugged. “Like it’s like all of us. We all have our alter-egos. Vicious, vengeful, slutty. But it’s just kind of a cover, you know? It’s us on stage. Not us in real life.”
“I know, but I mean even in real life Brian gets around.” I sighed hopelessly. “I mean I feel bad that I called him a whore, but he… he took it too far. He completely embarrassed me.”
“How?” Matt asked. I sighed and shook my head. I felt Matt’s arm slide slowly around my waist; careful, as though he was afraid to touch me. Once his hand reached my hip I let myself lean into him. “So why does Zach care?”
“Exactly. Why does he care? He’s been bugging me all morning and a lot of last night, but I don’t get why he made me spill my cheerios over it.” I felt Matt’s chest collapse a little and I looked up at him, narrowing my eyes as I saw him trying not to smile. “Hey, I like my damn cheerios.”
“No judging.” Matt mused; smiling wide enough that his dimples came out. Dimples. His smile faded quickly though, mine following swiftly behind. “I mean maybe Zach is getting in your grill because that’s what big brothers do. They want to know everything that happened at every single moment in your life and they won’t leave you alone until they find out.”
“My brother Jake never did that.” I huffed, not believing that it was a big brother thing. I crinkled my face and looked at Matt. “And how would you know? You’re an only child.”
“Indeed I am, but I’ve seen it before. In high school all younger friends I had I would protect. I’m even kind of protective over Johnny, believe it or not.” Matt admitted. I sighed and rested my head on my shoulder. “I’m not saying Zach being on your ass this morning was right, but maybe you two need to go out and talk. Like go to a movie and just spend some time together or something.”
“I guess you’re right.” I mumbled quietly. Matt smiled and stood up; making it a point to make sure he didn’t step on my life lady bugs. He offered his hand to me and I took it, allowing him to help me. By my own will, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Matt rested his head on top my mine, his lips against my hair. I soaked up the feeling for only a few seconds before pulling away, not wanting to get myself into any more shit than I had already gotten myself into. I smiled a little and patted Matt’s arm before looking away from him. He looked almost upset that I had pulled away, but by this point I was used to disappointing men. Where was Sam when you needed him? “We should go in.”
“Yeah. We should.” Matt agreed. He ushered me to go first, so trudged up the stairs, trying not to think of how much shit I was in even though they hadn’t even been here for two weeks. Matt followed after me and we entered my apartment, where Jimmy and Zach were just finishing up cleaning my bathroom. Johnny came over and hugged me, catching on to my distraught.
“Kid.” Zach sighed as his eyes landed on me. He rushed over and pulled me into a strong hold, almost making it impossible for me to breathe. I let it happen, though, because I liked the feeling of being hugged. “I’m really sorry for being on your ass about last night. Please forgive me.”
“Its fine, Zach…” I whispered. He sighed and pulled away so he could look at me. “Let’s just like… go for a movie or something. I want to get out of the house. Just me and you.” Zach nodded and looked away, his green eyes full of dismay. I wanted to make Zacky believe that everything was okay, but I couldn’t. I didn’t feel okay. I felt like I was in a swirling hole of despair that was all too familiar to me. I didn’t think I’d feel like this after months of being apart from them. I had to stop it all; my on-again-off-again thing with Brian, my leftover feelings for Matt, all of it. If I forced it down and just acted as though they were my brothers than quite possibly everything would be okay. At least, I hoped it would.
“Well, let’s go ride the four-wheelers.” Jimmy said after a minute of awkward silence. Matt and Johnny nodded and promptly left, Jimmy hanging back for a second. He went over to me, kissed my forehead and touched his lips to my ears. “Let’s talk later, okay? You look like you’re going to throw up.” I nodded silently and he returned it before straightening up and pulling Zach into a Jimmy bear-hug.
“Jimmy, stop.” Zach whined, making me giggle.
“Sorry, Zacky, you’re just so cuddly.” With that, Jimmy skipped towards the door and exited my apartment. I smiled as I watched him run to the shop where the other two were waiting.
“So do you want to go to a movie or would you rather get ice cream?” I asked, looking back at Zach. He shrugged.
“Why not both?” I laughed and smiled.
“A brilliant idea. You, sir, should have been a scientist.” Zach chuckled and pulled me to him by my waist.
“I know I should have. But sadly, the boys needed a guitarist to make Brian sound better and I was the only one they could find.” Zach sighed sadly, although a grin covered his face.
“What a shame.” I mourned, nudging Zach a little. He gave me a toothy grin before we walked down the stairs and to my car. “By the way, you owe me some Cheerios, mate.”
“Mate?” Zach asked incredulously, snickers slipping through his lips. I laughed with him.
“I don’t know, I just felt that it should be a British sentence.” I retorted, sliding smoothly into the driver’s seat. We rolled the windows down and he plugged in his iPod, putting on some music.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, what did Brian say last night?” I smiled and rolled my eyes.
“So nosy, you are.” I sighed, glancing over at him. “He was just saying that I was rude for calling him a whore or something. I’m not quite sure.”
“Well I mean it is true.” Zach added. I laughed and nodded.
“Indeed it is, but he started saying something to me that he didn’t finish before walking in and it’s driving me nuts.” I admitted, my smile slowly creeping into a frown.
“He’ll tell you soon enough; you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.” Zach replied. I nodded, the happiness I felt beginning to slowly drain from me.
“Indeed I do…”

Notes