All I Ask Is... Why?

“Where…the hell…were you?” She breathed out in anger and I could see her eyes starting to glisten. She was trying to cry, but her voice was as cold as ice and solid as a rock.

I shrugged at her and walked over to the fridge to get a beer. “Went to a strip club with the guys. Doing all the things you had no problem doing last night.”

She spoke after taking a big drink. “What the hell does that mean Brian?”

“It means I went out with friends, like you did. Had a few drinks, like you did. And I made a ‘friend’, like you did. Do you still not see where I am going with this?” Sarcasm took over the question.

Her face tightened as she gulped down the rest of the glass of wine. Nodding a couple of times and fiddling with the glass in between her fingers. It took her a few good seconds until she finally looked at me. I knew what was coming next. She grabbed the glass and threw it at me with all her might, luckily I ducked in time for it to hit the fridge instead of me.

“You son of a bitch! I hate you! How could you do that to me?! How fucking dare you!” She got up and rushed to me, throwing anything and everything she could get in her grasp. When she reached me she started hitting me over and over again, screaming her lungs out. “YOU ARE MY HUSBAND! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

I was able to move to grab a hold of both of her wrists in a tight grip. “How dare I? How fucking dare I?! No, how fucking dare you Michelle! You left me a voicemail and picture mails of the guy you met last night fucking you! At least I had the decency to not call you or anything.” I let go of her wrists and start to walk away until she spoke again.

“I did that as a test you idiot!”

I stopped dead in my tracks as I took in her words. This made me even angrier. Why would she test me like that? Better question is, was she lying? I slowly turned around to look at her and she still had anger in her eyes, but she was crying at the same time. “I tested you last night to see if you really cared about me. I told my best friend and her husband that I wanted to put you to the test and they agreed to it! The pictures and the voicemail were all fake! You cheated on me!”

I didn’t know what else to do or say, neither one from me was going to make her nor myself feel any better for what I did last night. I really thought she cheated on me, but only to find out that it was a test the entire time. What really didn’t make sense to me though, was how she got both her friend and her friend’s husband to go along with this, and take pictures and leave a voicemail that were all what I thought to be too real to be fake. Without saying another word, I turned back around and headed upstairs to my bedroom, locking the door shut behind me.






Two weeks go by and Michelle has been staying with her mother the entire time, wouldn’t call or text me no more than once a day. I’ve spent all that time feeling guilty for having sex with Ashley twice when I met her. She did give me her number and I called her maybe three times while Michelle was away. Nothing sexual, I just needed someone –someone that Michelle didn’t know-- to talk to. She’s asked the same questions that popped into my mind on occasion. ‘What kind of couple would agree to that?’ ‘Why would she test you like that?’ ‘Are you sure she is telling the truth?’ All questions I couldn’t answer with for sure answers. She was a bit of help though, and she agreed to help me if I needed anyone to talk to. In a way, I’m actually glad I met her.

On the second Saturday of the two weeks she was gone, Michelle finally came back to the house. I was in the basement playing the guitar with my little sister McKenna when she walked in. We both looked at her and then back at each other before looking back to her once more. “Hey Michelle.” McKenna said with a small wave.

“Hey McKenna.” Michelle smiled sweetly at her before looking at me. “Um, McKenna, do you mind if Brian and I talk alone?”

McKenna shook her head before putting down her guitar and taking Pinkly back upstairs, shutting the door behind her. Michelle slowly made her way to the empty chair and sat down next to me. “Brian, while I was away, the idea of getting a divorce was running crazily through my mind. So much that I almost called you to tell you that I wanted one. But I also considered why you did what you did. I guess I can’t blame you for it, actually I probably would’ve done the same thing if I was in your shoes. And I am willing to work this out if you are.”

I couldn’t sink in her words for about a minute. I was waiting for the two words ‘I’m sorry’ to come out of her mouth just to let me know that she was being serious. But I guess these words will just have to do. The new tour is coming up in about a month and if she is going to continue being my wife, then we have to learn to trust each other. “I am willing to work this out too.” I sighed.

She smiled and moved in slowly to hug me. I hugged her back and for that moment, I was just happy to have her back home. In that moment, I actually saw the Michelle I fell in love with years ago. My only question now is, how long will this Michelle last?





Two Months Later…

“Brian! Let’s go out tonight since you are leaving tomorrow!” Michelle shouts from upstairs.

“Sounds good to me.” I say back.

For the past two months, things between Michelle and I have been great. She actually started to act more like my wife than my drill sergeant. She’s cooked for me and cleaned around the house. She has taken care of Pinkly and she even enrolled us into couple’s counseling. The doctors have told us that Michelle’s temper is an issue and it only gets worse every time she drinks and I’m not with her. We’ve taken the advice on spending more time together as a couple and it seems to be working… so far. Since then I’ve deleted Ashley’s number from my phone and never told Michelle about her, like she didn’t even exist. We don’t talk about that night at all for fear that we might fight again and everything goes back to the way it was.

Today the guys and I finished getting ready for the tour tomorrow with Deftones and Ghost B.C. and everyone was taking the rest of the day to spend with their significant other. So far, all Michelle and I have been doing was being lazy around the house, in separate rooms. We spent the rest of the daylight hours doing our own thing until around nine at night. Michelle was applying her last bit of makeup and I was waiting for her downstairs. She made plans for us to spend the evening with Valary and Matt while her parents watched River. Nobody knows about the therapy, hell not even Valary knows that we’ve been fighting, and that shocks the hell out of me.

“I’m ready!” Michelle calls. I could hear her heels clicking against the floor from upstairs as I gather my keys and wallet. She steps out with her hair curled to her shoulders, a tight black cocktail dress and black and red stiletto heels with her matching clutch. She looked beautiful.

“Wow.” Was the only word I managed to get out as I stared her up and down.

“You like it?” She smiled as she took the last step down and slowly twirled herself to show off her look.

I moved in quickly and kissed her with as much passion as I could manage. She smiled in the kiss and giggled a little. “I think we might need to come home early tonight.” I said seductively.

“Ooh, well then let’s hurry there so we can hurry back.” She laughed. We both raced to the car and met up with Valary and Matt at a club downtown.



Two and a half hours go by and we are all having a great time. Michelle and I danced together, she danced with Valary, Matt and I had a few drinks, and Michelle was sticking to just diet coke and water the entire time. Valary was already on her fourth drink and then the alcohol started talking. “Michelle! You’ve been sober all damn night! Have a fucking drink!” She shouts over the loud music. Matt and I were far away enough to where I couldn’t hear her, but close enough to know what she said just by reading her lips.

I could see Michelle shaking her head to Valary to deny the drink, and whatever Michelle was telling her, Val wasn’t buying it. She was determined to get Michelle drunk. I would have told Michelle that it was time to leave, but knowing Val, she would get very suspicious. “Michi don’t be such a little bitch! Have a fucking drink!” Val kept yelling. She then pulled Michelle to the bar and ordered both of them a mixed drink.

Michelle hesitated for the moment, but I saw that she shrugged it off and started taking sips of her drink. Wasn’t long before she gulped it down her throat and ordered two more. I knew we shouldn’t have come here tonight.

Notes