All I Ask Is... Why?

"NO!" I screamed loud enough to where I could've made the entire neighborhood wake up from their early morning slumber. The time was four thirty in the morning and I was forced awake from yet another nightmare. I shot up in the upright position and began breathing heavily as my heart nearly exploded inside my chest. Tears began falling down my face like tiny waterfalls and I suddenly felt my hands shaking intensely.

Brian quickly sat up and turned on the small lamp next to his bedside. These nightmares have been occurring to me ever since Zacky and Mercedes left on their honeymoon six days ago. Brian scooted closer to me and wrapped one arm around my waist. "Eve, did you have another nightmare?" He asked worriedly.

I quickly nodded and buried my face on his shoulder, wrapping both of my arms around him tightly. "Oh Brian, it was awful!" I cried. "Zacky was calling me and telling me Mercedes was having the baby, and she died after giving birth." At this point, I am crying my heart out and the shakiness went from my hands to my entire body.

Brian held me as tight as he could and tried his best to comfort me. "Shh, it's alright baby. It's okay. It was just a bad dream." He cooed. "Zacky and Mercedes are fine and they will be home the day after tomorrow. Everything is going to be alright." He kissed the top of my head twice and that helped in comforting me, but I still wasn't completely settled down. I could tell that by me having nightmares for six nights straight was really starting to scare him a bit, and it was scaring me too. And I found it a bit odd that the only way I was able to go back to sleep comfortably for the rest of the morning was if Brian made love to me. We figured that out on the third night these nightmares have been happening. One of Brian's hands began to gently rub my back. "Let's try to get some sleep, okay?"

I look into his eyes and nod a little, although we both know that the only way I can go back to sleep is his physical love. "Brian, please." I whimpered. "Please, I don't want to wake up from another nightmare." Another tear fell down my face before he leaned in and kissed me softly. I guided him to take his position on top of me as he continued to kiss me until I was laying all the way back down. We spent the rest of the morning making love, and this time it felt different, it was more intense, more passionate than any other time we've had sex. He was very slow and gentle the entire time. He would stare into my eyes and kiss me so sweetly, and he was always so rough in the past even if it was just for a quickie. His passion and intensity made me orgasm more than once, finally I felt that Brian was actually making love to me instead of having rough sex. His hands caressing my body, touching all the right spots that made me moan his name. Each thrust sending waves of pleasure all through my body and the deeper he went, the more intense the pleasure became. By the time I hit the point of an ultimate orgasm, I screamed his name and he groaned mine. The entire lower half of my body was numb when he pulled out of me and held me in his arms. "I love you Brian." I whispered.

"I love you too Evelyn." He whispered back before we both fell in a deep sleep.



Later on the next day, Brian got a call from Matt to meet him at the studio to talk with the rest of the band on an upcoming tour. Meanwhile, Brian and I both agreed that I should talk to a professional about these nightmares, so I called and made an appointment with my old therapist, Dr. Lewis. Dr. Lewis has been a therapist for both me and Mercedes the entire time we lived in Huntington Beach and even kept in contact with her for about a year while we started our new lives in Dallas. Luckily for me she was able to see me right away, so after I cleaned up both myself and around the house, I made the drive all the way out to see her. When I arrived into her office, she greeted me with a big smile and warm hug. "Evelyn! It's so great to see you again. Congratulations to both you and your sister on making it to the big time. It's been so long."

I smiled and hugged her back. "It's been too long. I was worried you forgot all about us."
She chuckled a little. "I could never forget about you two." She then led me further into her private meeting office. "Please come in, have a seat." She smiled as she gestured over to the lounge chair in the middle of the room, next to her chair. "Would you like anything to drink or possibly some tissues?"

"No thank you." I said as I sat down and made myself comfortable on the lounge chair. This brings back so many memories as to when Mercedes and I used to make our weekly visits.

"So, how can I help you today?" She asked as she sat down on her chair and grabbed the notepad and pen that was on the small round table next to her. Placing on her reading glasses and positioned herself to write comfortably.

I sighed. "Well, for the past few days I've been having nightmares. And not just nightmares of monsters and other childish stuff. They would be more like nightmares that seemed real. And they would vary from time to time."

Dr. Lewis began taking notes and nodding slightly. "I see, now specifically, when did you start having these nightmares?"

"About six days ago, after Zacky and Mercedes left for their honeymoon."

She continued to nod and take notes. "Okay, tell me about the dreams you've been having. You say they vary from time to time. Do you remember any of them?"

"I do. Twice I've had dreams of my ex-fiance coming after me and attempting to kill me. Three times I've had dreams of Brian leaving me, and just last night I had a dream that Zacky and Mercedes were coming home early from their honeymoon because Mercedes was having her baby. Well she had the baby, but she died an hour later." My lip began to quiver at the memory of the nightmare.

"I see." She sighed as she continued writing. "I'm going to ask you some very personal questions, if that is okay with you. It's the only way I will be able to help you."

I nodded in agreement. "If it means it will help, then ask away."

"Alright. Well first off, would these nightmares appear every time you would go back to sleep?"

I shook my head slightly. "No. Well, they did for the first two days. But on the third day, Brian figured that maybe it would help me go back to sleep if we had sex."

"And how did that work?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the notepad.

"It worked fine. He would try to calm me down first, and then he would make love to me and it helped me go back to sleep peacefully." I smiled a little.

"Uh-huh." She took more notes and then began to look them over before focusing on me. "And let me ask you, has your ex-fiance ever harmed you in any way?" A sudden flash back to the night that he raped me in my own bedroom came back to me, a memory I have successfully managed to forget until now. I didn't realize how quiet I was until Dr. Lewis called my name for the fifth time, snapping me back into reality. "Evelyn? Honey? I need you to talk to me, okay? I promise that anything we say to one another will never leave this room unless you give me permission otherwise. In order for me to help you, I need you to be completely open and honest with me. Can you do that?"

I nodded quickly. "Yeah."

She smiled a small and comforting smile. "Okay. Now, has your ex-fiance ever harmed you at all?"

I nodded slightly. "He was the kind of guy that didn't show his dark side to me until after we got engaged. He would beat me, threaten me, and even raped me once. And it would be for no other reason than to get his fill for his sick and twisted fantasies."

"Did you ever tell anyone about his actions towards you?" She asked as she went back to taking notes.

"The only person that knows is Brian. Other than that, I never told anyone else."

"Hmm." She continued scribbling before going on. "I think the reason why you are having nightmares is because you are forcing yourself to forget all of the things he did to you. And as time goes on, you may have thought you completely forgot about those times, but somewhere in the back of your mind, it is still bothering you. Not of what happened between you two, but more of the fact that you never told anyone else other than Brian is what's truly bothering you. And it could also be that every once in a while you see or hear something that sort of reminds you of him, but you try to block it out and it's scaring you. My advice on this is to be honest with everyone you have held this from, and by everyone, I mean your family." She sighed a little before looking over her notes again. "And you've also mentioned that you and Brian have to have physical relations in order for you to get a good night sleep. Did this start when you started having nightmares of Brian leaving you?"

I guess it was sort of obvious. I nodded. "Yes it did. It was sort of the main reason as to why he even suggested the idea of us making love after the nightmares."

"I see. If you don't mind me asking, how did you and Brian meet?"

I sighed a little. "We met almost a year ago in Dallas. He was driving around the city with his friend and they came into the place that I was working in to look for a Halloween costume. We got to talking as I helped him look around and things just clicked between us. Before I knew it I was in his hotel room the next day and we were sleeping together for the first time. He was married to another woman at the time, but she was treating him badly."

She nodded slightly. "Okay." She then looked at my left hand and noticed my engagement ring. "And by the ring on your finger, I'm guessing you are engaged now?"

I looked at the ring with a smile and nodded. "Yes ma'am."

"Congratulations." She smiled before going back to the notepad. "Has Brian gone on a tour without you at all since you two have been together?"

"Yes."

"And while he's gone, do you ever feel any amount of insecurity?"

I hesitated to answer that one. I trust Brian with all that I have, but when he is gone on tour, there is a part of me that does feel a little insecure. "Sometimes."

"My guess is, your insecurity of him while he is away is another thing you try to forget about, but in the back of your mind it is still there. Considering how you two met, it sort of leaves you questioning him. Things like, "He cheated on his ex-wife with me, what makes me think he is not doing the same thing to me with another woman?" Am I wrong?"

"Well..." I tried my best to think otherwise, but she wasn't. "No."

"You're letting what happened to you in the past get the best of you, and that's not good. Past struggles lead to over insecurity and that could eventually cause a problem between you and Brian. Problems that could even destroy your relationship if you allow it. That may also have an effect on your dream about Mercedes. You and I both know she has been through a tough time in the past and you really worry about her when she gets involved in something serious. That it could badly harm her in any way. You're secretly under a lot of stress and what I suggest is to get involved in other activities when you have free time from your job to help you take out all of the hidden emotions you have inside. What I also suggest is you start communicating more with everyone about everything. Including the things that bother you the most or the things you try to forget. I promise you will start to feel better."

I nodded in agreement. "Okay. Thank you Dr. Lewis."



TWO WEEKS AND FOUR DAYS LATER...



"Guys..." Zacky says as he comes out of the room that he and Mercedes have been in for hours on end. A huge smile appeared on his face. "The baby is finally here!"

"Zacky is all grown up! Congratulations man." Matt chuckled and gave Zacky a hug.
Everyone including myself joined in on the hug and I immediately made my way over to the room, followed by Lacey, Kimberly, and Valary--who is now pregnant with her second child-. The doctors were still in the process of getting her and the baby cleaned up so we had to step out for a little while.

"Okay, you can come in now." A doctor finally announed after walking into the hallway with a smile on his face.

The girls and I walked in quietly to see Mercedes holding the baby girl in her arms. She looked at us with a smile on her face, even though she looked completely exhausted. "Hey guys." She whispered to us.

"Hey." We whispered back as we all made our way around her. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Tired as fuck, but I'm just happy to finally have my baby girl in my arms instead of in my belly." She laughed a little.

"I know how you feel. It's amazing once the pain of giving birth is over with." Valary smiled.

"Tell me about it." Mercedes responded, never taking her eyes off of the baby.

"So, did you and Zacky finally agree on a name?" Kimberly asked.

"We did actually. So ladies, meet the newest member of the family, Isabelle Justine Baker." She said smiling to all of us.

"What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl." Lacey smiled.

Just then, the guys came into the room and stood next to their partners as we all stared at the baby in aw. Zacky was the first to hold Isabelle and it was love at first sight all over again. We could all see in his face how happy he was to finally have the two ladies who mean the world to him in the same room. A bigger smile instantly appeared when Isabelle opened her eyes and let a smile escape her lips at the sight of her daddy for the first time. Everyone began taking pictures as they all took turns holding the baby. Brian and I were the last one to hold her because I wanted to get pictures of everyone holding her. When she went into Brian's arms, it was an instant uncle and niece connection. And when I held her, she fit in my arms like a glove. I stared into her eyes with a big smile on my face, she had Zacky's eyes. A small smile appeared on her lips and I felt my heart melt. Wasn't long after that a nurse came in and told us that visiting hours are over.

Brian and I were the last to leave Zacky, Mercedes and Isabelle to themselves, and when we did I suddenly became nervous. For the past few days, I have been hiding something from Brian that has been bothering me to tell him. I feared that if I told him then things could go either way in our relationship. "I'm happy for them. They finally have a family of their own." Brian said with the smile still on his face.

"Yeah, me too." I said quietly.

"Babe, is everything alright? You've been acting strange towards me for the past three days. Did I do something wrong?"

I quickly shook my head. "No. You didn't do anything wrong."

He stops dead in his tracks and holds me close to him, looking me dead in the eyes. "Will you please tell me what is going on? I'm worried. You've really shut me out and as your fiance, I believe I have a right to know."

I hated to see him like this. I guess it was time to take Dr. Lewis' advice and come clean. "Brian, I'm pregnant."

Notes

You guys really didn't believe that I would kill off Mercedes did you? It was a big debate, but I didn't want to make Zacky depressed so I figured I'd switch it up a bit. Anyway, enjoy deathbats! <3