“Relax, don’t panic. This has happened before, right?”

Blake nodded quickly at Zacky. Her eyes started to flood with tears. “But this is the first time I saw him slipping away. He told me he slipped away before but never in front of me. It was like he was fading. Fading into the air.”

Michelle stepped closer and pulled her into a hug. They all fell silent and thought hard about this.

“Did he tell you where he went the first time he was missing?” Arin suddenly asked.

“Yeah, he told me he went to his girlfriend.” Her heart dropped at the sound of the word coming out of his mouth.

“Leana! Of course! Of course he would go and find her.”

They all dispersed, trying to find keys, putting back instruments to their places, shoving off paperwork into bags and basically just getting ready to get out of the studio.

“No, you guys stay and practice. Let me bring her to Lea.” Michelle suddenly offered. The guys stood motionless for a bit. After a few of exchanged glances among each other, Matthew shrugged finally.

“Okay. Just, be careful, and if anything, let us know.” Matthew rubbed Blake’s shoulder and gave her a small smile. Brian went over to Michelle and rested his hand on the back of her neck.

“Don’t forget to call me.”

“I will, baby.”

They kissed briefly and Michelle walked out of the studio with Blake tailing behind. Zacky let his eyes trailed after them with his head tilted to the side, following Blake until she walked past the door. After both girls had gone from sight, Johnny slapped his shoulder suddenly.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Why were you at my house last night?”

Zacky, still rubbing his shoulder, ran his eyes away from Johnny. He pretended to look busy by unzipping his guitar bag and brought out his guitar from it.

“Damn it Zacky, don’t ignore me!”

“What are you guys fighting about?” Brian who was watching them bickered from the moment his wife had gone out, casually picked up his Schecter and went over to them.

“Zacky stalked us last night.”

“What? Stalk? I didn’t stalk! I was…stopping by.”

Brian smirked. He knew Zacky like the back of his palm. “Yeah, Z. Last night you were quite in a hurry. Leaving us at the bar after Johnny sent Blake home.”

Zacky plugged his guitar in and randomly played a rhythm from Unholy Confessions, which sounded loud, purposely to make them shut up. He felt his cheeks flushed, for having thoughts of jealousy over Blake and Johnny last night.

“Don’t be a dick, Zack!” Johnny shouted, demanding an answer from him.

Zacky continued to play loudly, until Matthew came up to them and yelled;

“We don’t have Unholy Confessions in our set list, so shut it! I’m discussing with Arin!”

Zacky pursed his lips and cut off the sound of his guitar. He had no choice but to turn and look at Johnny and Brian. They were still staring at him.

“Why are you guys looking at me like that?”

Johnny narrowed his eyes at him. “Zacky V…”

Zacky’s gaze fell on the floor and accidentally spotted his missing guitar pick. “Oh hey, look! My VU pick!” he bent down to reach for it.

“For God sake, Z. Do you have feelings for Blake or something?”

Zacky immediately stood up straight. His eyes widened and traveled wildly all over them.

“You do!”

“No I don’t!”

“Zacky, I know you since we were kids. You’re always avoiding question when you know the answer’s gonna be yes.”

Johnny rubbed his chin. “Yeah! Now that you’ve mentioned it. Remember the day after your first date with Tona? I asked, did you kissed her, you just turned on the TV volume. It was loud as fuck.”

Zacky’s face fell when he heard Tona’s name. Deep in his heart he still loved that woman, but he loved Jimmy more than anything. Now he wasn’t even sure. Jimmy and Blake were basically the same person for him. They were one, and united. And he couldn’t really decide if this feeling he had was for her or just for the sake of Jimmy.

“I dunno guys.” He sighed finally, and sat down on the couch. “I find her…attractive.”

Brian and Johnny looked at each other.

*******************************************************************************************************************************

“Come on, Lea…pick up! Pick up your phone!”

Hey, you’ve reached Leana, if anything, leave me your message and number for me to call back, okay? BEEP.

Michelle pressed the end button. She glanced at Blake who was gazing out the window beside her shortly before paying attention to the road again.

“Are you okay, Blake?”

Blake turned to her side. Michelle gasped loudly when she saw Blake was crying hard, her eyes already swollen and tears were running down her cheeks like waterfall.

“Blake! Why are you crying?!”

She sobbed hard. Michelle rummaged through her dashboard, looking for tissues while her eyes still on the road. When she found it, she handed them over to her. Blake took it with a shaking palm.

“What if he’s gone for real? He didn’t even say goodbye..”

Michelle smiled weakly at her. “I can feel that he’s not completely gone yet. As you said, this has happened before right?”

Blake nodded. “But that was before. He came back just in a day.”

“There you go. Maybe later after today he will show up again?”

“I hope so, Michelle.”

Michelle patted her thigh. Actually she felt chaos in her heart too. Jimmy didn’t say goodbye when he passed away, how could he ever had the chance to say goodbye now. If Jimmy was really gone, she didn’t know how the guys would really react to it. They will be even more devastated. Worse than when they were recording Nightmare. Because this time Jimmy was gone, twice.

She tried Leana’s number again. It rang for a moment when she finally picked up.

“Hello, Michelle?”

“Oh thank God Lea! Where are you?”

Blake shifted her gaze from Michelle towards the window again as the sound of their conversation started to roam away from her thoughts. She used to think that Jimmy was just a task that she had to do. Just helping a stranger, but now, just in seven days he had become a part of her boring and pathetic life. He brought colors into it, and when he faded into thin air like that, her life seemed to be black and white again.

“Good news, Blake. We don’t have to travel all the way to San Fran and gonna make me lose my job. She’s here. She’s – visiting.”

Blake turned to Michelle who just ended her phone dialogs and scanned if there were any police officers around.

“Visiting? She doesn’t live here? Who is she visiting?”

Michelle looked at her intently before watching the road back again.

“Jimmy’s grave.”

*******************************************************************************************************************************

For the first time ever, Jimmy felt at peace. He watched their tiny movements without thinking about anything despite his worry of Blake and the idea of his purpose in coming back. They slept in silence, yawning once in a while, opening their cute mouths until it made Jimmy smile.

People walked passed him, not noticing his presence. He got used to that so he didn’t pay much attention. He witnessed as the nurses attend to their needs, scribbled something on the pads, marking their incubators and so on. Jimmy had always adored kids and would love to have one of his own someday but life is unfair.

Finally he moved away from the gazing window at the pediatric room and headed to the nearest bench behind him. The hospital looked busy; there were sounds of heart monitors beeping, rustled noises from scrubs coming in and out, babies crying and announcements from the intercom blasted through the speakers every now and then.

Jimmy sat beside an elderly woman who returned his gaze once he set his eyes on her. Wait, she can see him?

“Hello there, young man.”

Jimmy froze and his jaw dropped. She looked definitely familiar.

“Don’t you remember me? I’m Blake’s great aunt Tessie.”

When Jimmy finally came to his senses, he excitedly pulled that woman into a hug.

“Oh yeah!! Now I remember! How are you doing? I mean, you can’t be sick, can you? I mean, of course, I know that! But anyway, what are you doing here? Wait, what am I doing here?”

Mrs Gideon laughed watching him frantic, and she learned that he was actually funny despite his rough tattooed look.
“I bet you’re wondering why you kept slipping away.”

Jimmy stopped talking to himself, and glanced at her with his eyes wide open.

“Well, yeah. I mean I used to slip away for a long time but I thought when I met Blake, I would – you know – be real for once.”

Mrs Gideon nodded her head while her gaze fell to the floor.

“Tell me, how many times have you gone since you met my great niece?”

“Two. Including this time.”

“I see. And do you ever find a way back while you’re with her?”

“A way back? What do you mean a way back? I just popped out of nowhere, right beside her.”

“Way back to the other side. A purpose of you being here.”

Jimmy thought of her memory that he invaded earlier. Or this morning. He’d lost track of time, but he swore he had just been here for only a few hours.

“I – saw her memories. I’ve been inside it.”

“And what did you see?”

“A memory of her childhood. Her brother was there. I don’t know her brother personally, but I know who he is.”

He paused for a minute before continuing.

“He’s dead.”

To Jimmy’s surprise, Mrs Gideon didn’t look shock at all. She was calm and collected, despite the breaking news of her great nephew being just as dead as they were.

“Do you think that was your purpose?”

Jimmy blinked at her. “I don’t even know.”

“The clock is ticking, young man.”

“What?”

“You don’t have much time. Piece by piece you’ll be fading away. Just like me. I want to stay forever beside my husband, Elmer but he’s getting older.”

Jimmy stuttered, speechless even. He glanced at his arm where half of his sleeve tattoos were gone.

“But I don’t wanna leave! There’s so much that I want to do! I wanna be with Blake!”

“You can’t stay. I tried to, believe me.”

Jimmy paused again. Longer this time. trying to contemplate this newly information inside his head.

“Will I go to hell after I’m done here?”

Mrs Gideon smiled. “That depends.”

After that she got up, and walked towards the pediatric gazing window. Jimmy followed behind her.

“Why are we here, Tessie?”

Mrs Gideon glanced at him, a smile never washed from her face.

“Look.”

Jimmy turned to her direction. A nurse came into the room, bringing a newborn in her arms. The baby cooed and reached its little fist up, crying but Jimmy didn’t hear anything.

“I served my purpose, young man. It’s time you do yours.”

He glanced quickly at her, not believing his ears. “What?”

“Once in a while you’ll get a reminder like this. They are telling you that the clock is ticking. You be good to Blake now. Take care of her.”

“But – but where are you going?”

“Goodbye, Jimmy.”

Right when the newborn stopped wailing and crying, Mrs Gideon faded away. Faded into nothingness. Leaving him confused and afraid at the same time.

Newborn life, replacing all of us. Changing this fable we live in.

He suddenly remembered a line from their song. There was a truth in that. He witnessed it today. They didn’t think of something like this when they wrote the song.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost.

It all started to make sense to him now. The hints and cues were all around him, even when he was alive and breathing. He was just too blind to see it.

He didn’t wanna leave, but he didn’t have much time either.

Notes