Complicated Love

I held Brooke's tiny hand as we walked down the street. She had put her swimsuit cover back on and her red hair was wet and starting to frizz. But I thought she looked just as beautiful as she did every day.
"Ok Jimmy. You gonna tell me what all that was about?" she asked.
I wanted to tell her so bad how I felt but I didn't want to scare or lose her. If I lost her I never knew what I'd do. Besides, she had just said she wasn't looking for a relationship.
"No" I said. "I just wanted to get you all to myself."
I knew she wasn't going to give up but she did drop it, for now. She leaned her head against my arm and sighed. "I have missed you so much, Jimmy. Yes I missed all of you. But..."
Brooke stopped and stood in front of me. She looked up at me but I couldn't read her face in the dark.
"But what?" I said.
"You and I have always had a special bond...right?"
I nodded. She sighed and I cupped her face with my free hand. "What's going on, Duckie?"
"Thats another thing. You've been calling me Duckie since we were kids. Do you still-" she stopped and I could see she was struggling with her choice of words.
She started again. "Do you still see me as a kid? Like your sister? I turn twenty four next week. Am I not a woman now?"
I stared at her wide-eyed. She was asking if I saw her as a woman? Of course I did. I never saw her as a kid. Brooke was always the more mature of all of us.
"Brooke"
She looked up at me and I couldn't take it any longer. I leaned down and placed my lips against hers.
I heard her gasp but she didn't pull away. It was just a small gentle kiss but it was a kiss.
I pulled back and looked at her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me again. This time it was a lot more passionate and I tried to show her how much I loved her in that one kiss. I place my hands against her back and held her close to me.
She had grabbed my hair in the back and she moaned slightly. When we pulled away, we were both breathing hard. I leaned my head against hers.
"I love you, Brooke." I whispered.
She gasped and looked at me. We had told eachother "I love you" our whole lives but it had always been how friends or even siblings said it. This time it was different and she could tell.
Brooke took a step away from me and headed the way we had come with her arms wrapped around herself. I followed but I didn't touch her.
I was so stupid! Why had I done that? Now I had scared her and very possibly lost her.
When we got back to Matt's house, she got into her car and started it but left the door open. She just sat there and we looked at each other. For the first time, I couldn't tell what she was thinking.
"Brooke," I began.
"I'm going home." She said. "I'll see you later." Then she pulled the door shut and drove away.
I walked up to the house mentally kicking myself. I'm such a fucking moron!
I'll admit, when she talked about Drew I had gotten mad. I had never liked him. It might have been jealousy of seeing him get what I could never have. But when she had dumped him I had been so relieved. And now we know he wants her back. I had to tell her how I felt. I wasn't going to lose to him again. Not to that pompous asshole.
When I walked into the living room, I saw Brian, Zack and Johnny all sitting on the couch. They had all changed out of their trunks.
"Hey where's Brooke?" Johnny asked.
"She went home." I sat down in the armchair and placed my head in my hands.
"What did you do?" asked Brian.
"She was asking me if I saw her as a woman. I always have. Then I...I kissed her."
I heard all of them gasp. "What the fuck!" Zack said. "What did she do?"
I raised my head and saw all three of them looking at me. I sighed. "She kissed me back. Harder than I had kissed her. But after that I accidently let her know how I feel. Then she walked away and went home."
"Oh" was all any of them said.
Yeah. I had screwed up.