Final Words
1/1
Dear Jimmy,
What can I say that I haven't said before? I miss you man, I miss you a lot. I wake up everyday expecting you to call me, asking if I want to hang out or go grab a drink at Johnny's, but my phone never rings; when it does it's not you. It's still hard to get by without you here man, it's been four years since you've left and it feels like only yesterday we were sitting outside the Principle's office together talking about music. I have so much to say to you Jim, but I can't find the proper words. You're my brother and even though you're gone I know you're looking out for me up there. The guys and I are moving on...slowly. We think about you all the time, you left us with a lot of memories. I remember the time we all went down to Central Park and you ran away chasing that goose; you called it a Stallion Duck. God, I can still hear your laugh ringing in my ears from that day.
Why did you have to go? You left all of us, your friends, your family, your wife...me. Why did you leave me man? I feel so lost without you by my side. Four years and I'm still lost. The pain is strong and urges rise, but I'll see you when He lets me. I know you wouldn't approve of me coming to see you too soon. When that time comes I'll be on my way to live eternally with you man. I mean it and you can bet on it. Jimmy, I don't think you could have ever imagined the pain I would feel when you left. I know you didn't mean to hurt me or anyone for that matter, but sometimes I can't help, but to get so angry. I loved you so much man, so freaking much and now all I have are memories. Your memories are the best thing I have and I can tell you know that the fans have made me see that. Jimmy you don't understand how much of an impact your death has caused on not only me, but the fans as well. Kids are still coming to our concerts pouring their hearts out to us, crying as they share their memories of you from past tours.
Just the other day Matt and I went out for lunch and a young girl came up to us. She didn't ask for an autograph or anything like that. She stared at us and said, “Thank you”. She thanked us for writing So Far Away. Her mother had died a few months after you, around the time we released Nightmare. She heard the song and played it at her mother's funeral. She played a song that means so much to me and the guys at her mother's funeral Jimmy. My pain of losing my grandfather and you, it's something everyone can connect to. It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold, but that's the thing Jim; the beauty of it all- of life, that's what makes us who we are. Knowing that we can be ripped away at any moment makes us live life to its fullest and that's the truth. People die everyday and people feel the pain of that lose, but how many people learn from it? You taught me something without even trying to. We want our dear friends and family who died , here again to hug them. Have a last talk. A last kiss. A last I love you and that's what So Far Away is. My song is our last hug goodbye. Our last living memory of the friendship we shared for well over eighteen years.
I can remember the corner store a few blocks from the school, you know the one where we all use to hang out around after school as kids. The owner always had a smile on his face when we walked in and you got almost anything you wanted with that laugh of yours. We would sit out in front of that store for hours drinking soda and just hanging with the guys. Our bikes were the only way to get around back then, but we didn't care; we still went everywhere. Do you remember when we started up the band in high school? You wore that orange bathrobe, basketball shorts, white tube socks and your hair, oh man your hair was insane-all spiked up and blond. You terrorized everyone you saw, even Zacky. Even with all that you always had a smile on your face, well when you were with us, that is. The teachers hated us, we played too many pranks and got into too many fights, but we couldn't help it. We were young teenaged boys, what else could we have done? That's a stupid question to ask I guess, 'cause we did find other things to get into, like the time we all stayed outside the corner store and waited while you were inside stealing a six pack of beer for us to drink.
You always had your drumsticks with you, I can hardly remember a time when you didn't have them. You banged a tune out on everything, chairs, tables, light posts and walls. Drumming was in your blood, just like guitar is in mine. We're forever in each others' lives and you'll forever be in my heart man. You're my band mate, my best friend and more importantly, you're my brother. I question myself all the time asking myself how do I live without the ones I love?, but I know how to do it now I try to find a place in my mind where you can stay awake forever and it works. Every day with just one thought of you I get by. Jimmy I love you man, I really love you and I'll always love you.
Love,
Brian Haner Jr.
What can I say that I haven't said before? I miss you man, I miss you a lot. I wake up everyday expecting you to call me, asking if I want to hang out or go grab a drink at Johnny's, but my phone never rings; when it does it's not you. It's still hard to get by without you here man, it's been four years since you've left and it feels like only yesterday we were sitting outside the Principle's office together talking about music. I have so much to say to you Jim, but I can't find the proper words. You're my brother and even though you're gone I know you're looking out for me up there. The guys and I are moving on...slowly. We think about you all the time, you left us with a lot of memories. I remember the time we all went down to Central Park and you ran away chasing that goose; you called it a Stallion Duck. God, I can still hear your laugh ringing in my ears from that day.
Why did you have to go? You left all of us, your friends, your family, your wife...me. Why did you leave me man? I feel so lost without you by my side. Four years and I'm still lost. The pain is strong and urges rise, but I'll see you when He lets me. I know you wouldn't approve of me coming to see you too soon. When that time comes I'll be on my way to live eternally with you man. I mean it and you can bet on it. Jimmy, I don't think you could have ever imagined the pain I would feel when you left. I know you didn't mean to hurt me or anyone for that matter, but sometimes I can't help, but to get so angry. I loved you so much man, so freaking much and now all I have are memories. Your memories are the best thing I have and I can tell you know that the fans have made me see that. Jimmy you don't understand how much of an impact your death has caused on not only me, but the fans as well. Kids are still coming to our concerts pouring their hearts out to us, crying as they share their memories of you from past tours.
Just the other day Matt and I went out for lunch and a young girl came up to us. She didn't ask for an autograph or anything like that. She stared at us and said, “Thank you”. She thanked us for writing So Far Away. Her mother had died a few months after you, around the time we released Nightmare. She heard the song and played it at her mother's funeral. She played a song that means so much to me and the guys at her mother's funeral Jimmy. My pain of losing my grandfather and you, it's something everyone can connect to. It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold, but that's the thing Jim; the beauty of it all- of life, that's what makes us who we are. Knowing that we can be ripped away at any moment makes us live life to its fullest and that's the truth. People die everyday and people feel the pain of that lose, but how many people learn from it? You taught me something without even trying to. We want our dear friends and family who died , here again to hug them. Have a last talk. A last kiss. A last I love you and that's what So Far Away is. My song is our last hug goodbye. Our last living memory of the friendship we shared for well over eighteen years.
I can remember the corner store a few blocks from the school, you know the one where we all use to hang out around after school as kids. The owner always had a smile on his face when we walked in and you got almost anything you wanted with that laugh of yours. We would sit out in front of that store for hours drinking soda and just hanging with the guys. Our bikes were the only way to get around back then, but we didn't care; we still went everywhere. Do you remember when we started up the band in high school? You wore that orange bathrobe, basketball shorts, white tube socks and your hair, oh man your hair was insane-all spiked up and blond. You terrorized everyone you saw, even Zacky. Even with all that you always had a smile on your face, well when you were with us, that is. The teachers hated us, we played too many pranks and got into too many fights, but we couldn't help it. We were young teenaged boys, what else could we have done? That's a stupid question to ask I guess, 'cause we did find other things to get into, like the time we all stayed outside the corner store and waited while you were inside stealing a six pack of beer for us to drink.
You always had your drumsticks with you, I can hardly remember a time when you didn't have them. You banged a tune out on everything, chairs, tables, light posts and walls. Drumming was in your blood, just like guitar is in mine. We're forever in each others' lives and you'll forever be in my heart man. You're my band mate, my best friend and more importantly, you're my brother. I question myself all the time asking myself how do I live without the ones I love?, but I know how to do it now I try to find a place in my mind where you can stay awake forever and it works. Every day with just one thought of you I get by. Jimmy I love you man, I really love you and I'll always love you.
Love,
Brian Haner Jr.
