Matt’s eyes snapped open fixing on a point above his head. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he caught his breath. Rough sounding he tried to keep quiet so as not to wake Valary, who lay in gentle repose next to him. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, but that just made it worse; dark images flitted across the backs of his eyelids. He slitted them and clenched his jaw, hoping that would do something.

Dreams, again. Matt had had many of them. And they all somehow involved the one man who was no longer part of his life. Of his friends’ lives.

Jimmy Sullivan was a special man, in more ways than one. He had been the life of the party, a man of many talents. A drummer, a singer, a writer, an altogether fun-loving guy, Jimmy was the glue that kept the band together, the one who reminded them to enjoy every day as if it was the only thing that mattered; the one that kept Matt together.

He could remember the nights when he’d been at his wit’s end - over some piece of music, over his relationship, over any little insignificant thing – he’d call Jimmy and his best friend would know exactly what he needed. He was a freak of nature. Nothing was ever too tough for Jimmy to fix.

But then came the nightmares. Jimmy couldn’t fix those. Because Jimmy was no longer present…

“Matt?”

He groaned, and turned his head on his pillow to find his wife gazing anxiously at him. “Val, go back to sleep…”

She shook her head, lifting it up and frowning. “Nightmares again?”

Matt laid his right forearm over his eyes and sighed heavily, grunting in acknowledgement. Val shifted closer so she could wrap an arm around his lower torso, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. He lowered his arm a little so he could look at her. She met his eyes and smiled. He blinked slowly just taking in the sight of her laying there with him. Matt thought for a moment, not for the first time, how lucky he was to have her there with him. Then he shifted, lowering his arm more so he could hold onto her.

“Jimmy,” he murmured after a moment. Just his name, nothing else. Val cocked her head to the side, a quizzical expression appearing on her face.

“Jimmy?”

Matt nodded slowly as he brushed a lock of hair from her face. “Yeah, the nightmare was about…him.” His jaw tightened expression hardening.

Val nuzzled against his bare chest but made no comment as she sensed that he needed to take the time to get his thoughts out. Matthew Sanders wasn’t known for opening his heart to people, even those close to him, so for him to admit something was troubling him; it was a big thing.

“I…” Matt’s breath caught in the back of his throat and he coughed a little. “We were together at a gig. The whole band. Jimmy…he was at the drum kit.” He cleared his throat several times the soft swallowing sounds almost nervous. As if he were worried what she would think. Not wanting to come across as weak.

Val placed her hand on his chest where his heart was, and rubbed gently in a reassuring gesture. Matt’s lips twisted in a tight smile, but he found the courage to continue.

“Everything was fine, but then this dark cloud descended on us. It felt wrong. Evil.” Matt’s voice wavered then steadied as he continued. “It enveloped us so we couldn’t see each other…it felt like we were being sucked down through the floor.” He paused, lifting his left hand to rub at his eyes. Then he reached over to lay it over Val’s, enclosing her small hand in his larger one.

She tucked her cheek against his body as she absently traced her thumb along the bottom of the ink etched into his skin. He observed her motions for several moments before he went on in a quiet tone.

“The cloud evaporated after what felt like an eternity…and…” Matt coughed again, covering up the fact that he was beginning to choke up. He shut his eyes as he finished his voice cracking. “Jimmy was gone. He was gone, Val…just completely vanished. And…there was this feeling of utter despair.” He cut his words off hard as he rolled over onto his side, pulling her close so he could bury his face in her hair.

His large frame shuddered as he felt Val slide her arms around his waist and meld her whole length against his. She murmured against his skin, sweet words.

He trembled then whispered hoarsely against the top of her head, “Why him, Val? Why Jimmy?”

Somehow Val knew there was no answer she could give him. All she could do was buffer his pain, as she had been doing in the past weeks, months, since Jimmy’s death.

The whole band was hit hard by their best friend’s death. After all he’d been more than a friend; they were all more than friends. Brothers in arms were they, united in their love of music and of life. Losing Jimmy was almost a death knell for them as a band, and they didn’t know what the future would bring.

For Matt, though, the laconic drummer’s death brought one thing that he would never wish upon anyone. Nightmares. Dreams filled with darkness, despair and death; horrible images that left Matt feeling absolutely drained, and devoid of any ability to function the morning after. And Val was witness to what they did to her husband almost every night; he was a broken shell of his former self. But all she could do was listen, be there for him, and comfort him.

She slid a hand up to the back of his head and ran her fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck. He nuzzled into her hair, and inhaled her scent. Then Matt wrapped his big body around her smaller one, his breaths deepening as he held her. She tilted her head a little so she could smile at him. He rubbed the tip of his nose against the bare skin of her neck, inhaling deep.

He murmured low, “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She glanced up into his eyes, and smiled. “You’d be okay...” Matt sighed at her response, giving a small shake of his head. “No, really,” Val said, eyes serious. “You’d do okay. Just need time.”

Matt grimaced at her, then laid his head back against his pillow and closed his eyes. Val observed him for a moment, watching the many emotions pass across the taut features. After a moment, without opening his eyes, he turned to nuzzle into her again.

Val trailed the tips of her fingers from the back of his neck across the strong muscles of his shoulders, feeling the tension there; and then hooked her arm around his waist as she leaned into his chest. He moved again so she was resting on top of him, her dark hair like a halo, splayed over his inked breast. She turned her head and pressed her lips against his skin in a tender gesture. He ran his palm down the length of her spine, bringing it to rest at the small of her back.

She peered up his body meeting his gaze and smiled softly. The corners of Matt’s mouth twitched in a tiny smirk. Then he closed his eyes again and exhaled roughly as he finally began to relax beneath her. Val laid her cheek against his chest once more, skin against skin as she closed her own eyes, body going loose as she drifted in his arms.

They remained like that, settled in each other’s presence, knowing in the moment all they could do was rely on one another. Reassuring each other that they were real and present.