Matthew pinched at the bridge of his nose as he sat with his head hanging down between his knees. The doc sat opposite him quietly scribbling on his notepad. They’d sat there for the past fifteen minutes, in silence. They were in the common room where the soldiers would chill when they were done with their duties for the day. No one was in there at this time of the day and so Matthew and Dr James had commandeered the space for their session.

The chair Matthew was seated on was a hard-backed leather piece that wasn’t the most comfortable furniture in the room. However, he chose to sit there, rather than the couch that was in the corner of the room because he felt he needed to. He needed to be uncomfortable so he could sort his emotions out. A strange way to be but he felt like he was drowning in his mind and he knew he had to deal with it.

“This fucking sucks.”

The doc lifted his head and raised an eyebrow slightly, but said nothing at Matthew’s sudden declaration.

Matt exhaled a harsh sound. “I can still see his eyes. Fuck…” He smeared a hand over his face.

“Matt Berry’s?”

“Yeah…I…shit…” Matthew was at a loss for words. His voice was stuck in the back of his throat and he couldn’t get passed it. He pressed the heel of his right hand into his eye sockets while squeezing his knee with the left.

The doc shifted slightly setting his pen down as he said, softly, “Want to talk me through it?”

Matt snorted, “Why? Because it might help?”

“You decide.”

Matthew sighed, leaning back on his seat as he stared up at the ceiling. The stark glow of fluorescent lights lit up his face, revealing how pale he looked. He grunted trying to come to term with his thoughts. After the anticipation from the previous night, this whole situation had brought him right back down into a hole and he really didn’t know how to deal with it. Talking about it probably would help, though…even if it was hard. Even if it were too soon…Even if it were something he wasn’t used to doing…

“I’m so fucking pissed,” Matthew muttered. “So…unnecessary.”

The doctor nodded, but didn’t interrupt giving him the space to say what needed to be said.

“He…just…” He shook his head angrily, “Fuck…I can’t believe he’d do that to me…ugh…I can’t.” He cut off abruptly and stood up. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this…need to get out of here.” Matt hated that he sounded so weak and uncertain, but the execution had screwed him over, and the fact that it had hit him so hard, so fast…it was too much. He needed to leave; he couldn’t contain himself in that space any longer. He couldn’t do what was unnatural for him. Why he’d thought this time would be any different, he had no clue.

The doc picked up on the vibes that the big male was putting off and got to his feet quickly.

“Matthew, you cannot leave the grounds, the General was quite explicit about that.”

Matt growled a wounded sound that came from deep within him. “Fuck that. He’ll have to cuff me to stop me from leaving.”

Dr James sighed heavily, “I’d be obligated to ensure that happens.”

He no more enjoyed the situation than the young man in front of him, but he had his orders. And when the General had approached him to counsel Shadows through the execution process he had been given direct command to not let the former T-One out of his sight once all was completed. If that meant restraining him in any form, then so be it.

Matthew groaned as he began to pace. “What if I want to see my wife?”

The doc blinked. It was rare for Matt to mention his life outside of The Creed. Hearing his question actually surprised him.

“Well, the General made no mention of her.”

Matthew looked up at him, eyes hard. “She’s working at the council. I can go there.”

Dr James’ brow furrowed and he tapped his pen against his chin. “Would you go direct?”

“Yeah, need to go see her.” He halted in the middle of the room, digging his fingers into his pockets. The doc sighed again looking to the door.

“Alright, I will go speak to the General. Stay here, okay?”

Matthew nodded, planting himself back on his chair. The doc left him there to find the General.

Fifteen minutes later, he was out of the Creed barracks on his bike the wind in his face as he sped down the main road toward the Council chambers. Of course, there had been conditions –be back in two hours, don’t talk to anyone, leave your phone on - but he’d ignored them letting the doc’s words float over him and blow away. He didn’t care about any of that. He just needed to clear his head and see his wife.

Valary…Valary… he needed her. In more ways than one. Before he imploded.

* * * * *

Phillipa practically jumped out of her skin as Matthew Sanders burst through the front doors a dark expression on his face a growl in his voice as he snapped at her.

“Where’s Valary?” The darkness in his tone worried the woman, but she knew better than to question the big male. She’d seen what had happened, everyone had. Matthew Berry was dead; the execution had been televised to the whole city. And, obviously, M Shadows was in a volatile state of mind.

“Office.” That was all she managed to get out as Matthew lurched for the corridor and disappeared without a backwards glance. She frowned as she heard a door open then a soft gasp of surprise before it slammed shut.

* * * * *

Valary gasped as Matthew pushed his big body against hers, holding her firmly against the edge of the desk. He didn’t give her a chance to speak, to ask him what he was doing there; he hooked his fingers into the waist of her pants and tugged them down in an impatient gesture. All the while, he was kissing her hungrily on the mouth. She moaned as she clutched at the material of his top, curling her fingers in it as she responded to the ferocity of his motions.

Matthew growled low, the sound rumbling from deep inside his chest. “Need you…” The first words he’d spoken since entering the office.

Val just managed a small whimper as he shoved a hand down the front of her panties, palming her firmly. She moved to him almost involuntarily, her body switched on almost instantly at the contact. He growled louder, pressing closer; she gasped as she felt the bulge in his pants. He was obviously aroused and the size of him amazed her, as it did every time. He wasn’t lying when he said he needed her that was for sure.

“Matt...” She wanted to protest, though part of her mind was oddly thinking that his timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Elliott had left for a meeting across town and it was only her and the secretary in this section of the council buildings…

He kissed her harder then, tilting her chin a little, licked and nibbled down her neck as he slid a finger inside her slick folds. She was already juicing a little at his ministrations. She tightened her hold on his top as he stroked her from inside. By now, coherent thought had all but fled from her mind as he manipulated her pleasure, bringing her to the edge.

“Matt…” his name almost a curse on her lips. His lips pulled back into a snarl as he sank a second finger inside her, twisting them to brush against her spot. She whined at him moving up to him as he nuzzled into her neck and sucked hard. There would be a mark, a hickey, proof positive that he had taken what was his.

As she started to peak, Matthew pulled his fingers out and lifted her up onto the desk, ignoring her mewled protest at the loss of contact.

“Need inside you,” Matthew’s voice was rough with lust as he unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants and boxers, revealing his growing arousal. Val swallowed hard staring at him. His lips twisted in a dark smirk as he gripped her hips and pulled her to the edge of the desk, tugging her underwear down her legs. She trembled as he pushed her knees apart and pressed between them, stroking his cock against her mound.

Matthew thumbed her clit, forcing a soft cry from her as he entered her, opening her to him. She grabbed onto the edge of the desk then changed her mind as she shifted her grip to Matt’s shoulders. The tension in them was massive; he was coiled so tight she felt that he would break.

“Matt?” This time his name was a question. He responded by sinking deep inside her as he groaned out loud. She clenched softly on him. Matthew closed his eyes and just held still within her core.

Val chewed on her bottom lip then gasped as he bucked firmly. He growled at her gasp then slowly began to move, his motions hard and deep. Val leaned her head back allowing herself to let go, and savour the moment as he drew her pleasure back toward that peak. Whatever questions she had would have to wait. All she had the energy to do now was feel; she felt all of him right to the core of her being, the heat building within her as he moved harder.

The desk creaked beneath them as he practically pounded her against it, his movements rough, almost brutal as he took her, controlled her, all his pent up frustrations roiling inside him as he pumped them into her. Val went with him, her own mind clicked onto his emotions, crying out as she rolled toward the edge.

“Matt!” She peaked with a cry, her body rocking beneath his as she tightened around him. He grunted and pumped through her release his own surging into her as he kept up the pace.

Val trembled as she came down from her high; Matthew groaned as he slowed down, head dipped down, breaths coming hard and fast. Silence settled between them; he still inside her, her clenching lightly. As the room stilled a soft hitch of breath filled the space between them. She blinked as another one came then another, and she frowned looking at her husband.

“Matt?”

He shuddered, his big shoulders moving slightly. She squeezed them, rubbing at his right one in a soothing gesture. His big body trembled and he groaned softly.

“Fuck, Val.” He swallowed hard. “Fuck…just fuck…” Another hitched breath which turned into a strangled sound, a sob. She slid her arms around his neck and leaned her cheek against his head. At her embrace, Matthew shivered and finally let go as another sob slipped from him. Something inside had broken as he leaned into her and wept.

Val rocked him and murmured sweet nothings into his ear as he cried. He felt so weak, but for once he didn’t care. He needed this release as much as the other. It was as if the sex had unlocked the part of him that had been sealed shut so tight since Luke’s death. Opened that part of his heart which hurt the most. It stung, but he needed it. And Val, the saint that she was, just held him through it all.

Matthew breathed deeply and finally managed to find a semblance of composure as he pulled back from her. He readjusted her clothing then moved away to pick up his clothes. She tilted her head at him as he got dressed again and then planted himself on the chair in front of the desk. His face was open, eyes still shimmering with tears that had yet to be spilled.

“Val…you okay? I was kinda rough with you,” his voice was husky. She shook her head at him, smiling a little at the fact that after all that he still had the wherewithal to ask whether she was alright. She was sore and knew she probably wouldn’t handle going through that again, not at that intensity at least. But, she understood the why behind it so she wasn’t going to complain about it.

“I’m okay, love. Are you?”

Matthew heaved a sigh. “I will be…just…” his voice trailed off, his breaths finally steadying. She nodded; no explanation was needed. They both knew it would take time. He sighed again, smearing his hands over his face. “He was so brave, Val…braver than me…”

Valary shivered and murmured, “You don’t have to talk about it…” She didn’t know if she could stand to hear it; Matt Berry had been her friend too. But, her husband seemed suddenly to have found the nerve he required to speak it out.

“I’m not telling the doc any of this. Shit’s not his business.” Matthew laughed, sadly. “But…I know I have to get it out. Probably never talk about it after this…” Val nodded to him and slid off the desk and sat at his feet, leaning back so she could look up at him.

He gently ran his fingers through her hair as he spoke softly. “He calmed me…insisted the General stand outside the room…so grateful to him for that,” Matt harshly cleared his throat. “Held my eyes when I…when I shot him…fuck, Val…he deserves a fucking medal. He told me he didn’t blame me for this…and that…that…” Matthew choked on his words and dropped his head again. Val reached up to stroke a palm over his jaw.

He took strength from her touch and whispered, “Said that he thought I was doing the right thing.”

“The right thing?” Valary tilted her head as he fingers lingered on his cheek. He gave her a look, lips twitched into a slight smile.

“You know.”

She sighed and nodded, “About that…”

He caught hold of her hand and squeezed it. “I’m truly sorry, Val. I was going to tell you.”

Val shook her head and leaned her head against his thigh. “It doesn’t matter now. You’ve been punished enough…”

Matthew closed his eyes at her statement; hadn’t he just. Punished, yet not deterred.

Now, more so than ever, he was determined to go through with what he had planned. And, now he had another reason to do so. In memory of Luke’s passion for rock music and now also for Matt Berry, a friend who should not have died: He would fight for what was right, no matter the cost. And with the love of his life by his side…he felt nothing was impossible.