I sank down in the sand and sighed loudly. To be completely honest, I hate my life. If you actually get to see my wrists you can see that I really do. Once I cut myself so deep that I ended up in the hospital for losing too much blood, I almost got my wish to die but no, faith or god whatever; Is not fair.
I hate the life I have and have had. Nothing ever seems to be fair, but for some reason I feel like I still should fight for the good. I’ll prove everyone wrong (whoever everyone is…?) .

I needed to clear my mind, I looked out at the waves reflecting the moonlight and thought about everything, well almost everything. There is just one thing I’ve been trying to repress so badly, that was probably the biggest reason towards why I want to die or wanted. I don’t even know anymore.

I started playing the song on my guitar so that it got tuned, when I hit the right notes I started singing my own song..

“I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years I started to tear up in my eyes, as I sang my heart out.
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me (Evanescence – My Immortal; Disclaimer; I do NOT own these lyrics)

As I sang the last part, I felt the sand behind me sink and turned around. ‘Crap, he heard me’ was the only thought that came up in my mind. Matt stood there with an ‘O’ expression on his face. That was it for me, I don’t care if he’s going to make fun of me, abuse me or whatever. I just got up and marched passed him.

“HEY!” I heard him shout but I just kept on walking. I kept walking really fast then suddenly I felt somebody pulling me back. It was Matt, ‘fuck’.

“Why the hell did you run away!?” he said almost sounding angry.

I took a step back and got out of his hold. He took a step towards me and I took a step back everytime he wanted to get closer.

“I didn’t know that… I didn’t know that you could sing so beautiful” he said and tried to put his hand on my shoulder and I immediately flinched away.

He looked at me confused and opened his mouth; “Are you scared of me?”

I looked down at my shoes expecting things I don’t expect. I felt his eyes burn through my head.
“I said, ARE YOU SCARED OF ME?” he repeated himself. The next thing I said took me a lot of courage knowing that I’d probably get so much crap for it.

“There isn’t exactly a reason to why I shouldn’t is there!” I spat, turned around and walked away fast.

Sunday passed around pretty quickly; I woke up late, did my homework and went to sleep early. I was just drained for some reason plus I couldn’t get Matt out of my head. How the hell could he have gone from a fucking idiot to nice just after he hears me sing? He annoys me and if he even thought for a second that I actually would wait for him, well then he is a bigger idiot and jerk than I thought!



I woke up feeling bright and happy, loving Monday is something many people find weird but that’s when I have the best classes in school. I have a 1 hour long class in music then I had P.E (I loved using my energy to get away from my frustrations; I don’t even care if it’s running. It just helps…) then lastly 2 free hours for extra points in school. I of course chose music for that, that’s when I get a chance at the piano in school since we don’t have one at home. I feel like I’m a lot better at piano than guitar but I always wait ‘til the other people that have the same class as me on the free period walks out. First of all, they always play outside and then, second of all… it’s Matt and his gang that ‘share’ that free period with me.

Yay, now I’m back to feeling like shit.

I got up, then dressed, did my make up and let my hair casually cover my back. The first class which was music went by pretty fast; I tried to write down the lyrics to my song that I sang yesterday. The only struggle I had was to come up with a name for the song, but that doesn’t really matter that much. All I intended to actually avoid was Matt and his crew, so I tried to get out from the classroom first instead of last. That plan worked! As I got to P.E I found out we would run through the woods nearby so I just ran all I could, I even ended up first. Since I was done first I changed clothes and rushed over to the music room. Nobody was here yet so I figured that I could play the song I played yesterday on the piano, it will make it better then.

I started playing and singing to the song, this time I really did put a lot more feel in to it, at least that’s how I felt. When I approached the second verse I thought I heard a sneeze so I turned around, no one was there. I restarted playing the song and there was one tone in my voice that I felt like I couldn’t reach. I got so frustrated so I just threw the lid on the piano and turned around.

There he was standing there looking at me, my eyes met his and I gazed away. I picked up my back pack and headed for the door, when he stood in front of the door.

“Where are you going?”

Notes

Going to post a lot of chapters so there's a couple of longer stories while this site is new =)