Chris pulled himself out of me, lying on his back and pulled me up to his heaving, naked chest. We were both panting heavily after spending almost 2 hours tangled in up in each other’s sweaty and flushed bodies. He kissed the top of my head, running his fingers through my tangled hair as he sighed in content.

I exhaled heavily as I drew imaginary circles on his chest, enjoying the feeling of his smooth, tanned skin. My mind came back to earlier today, Brian, Me, Making out and his god awful smirk. What was up with him?

Guilt was a feeling that I was experiencing big time now because I felt as if I had initiated a big part of the mouth to mouth with Brian today. Of course I had believed that was Chris but in the end it wasn’t and I hadn’t even told him about Brian kissing me a week ago. What would Chris do when he found out? I can’t handle what he would do if he found out but I wanted him to because I didn’t want him to be kept in the dark. In a way, the kiss… kisses didn’t feel wrong but then again it did, it was the wrong person and I betrayed the man I loved.

“What are you thinking ‘bout babe?” Chris pulled me out my thoughts as he ran his fingers through my damp hair. Now didn’t feel like the right time to say anything, especially after we just had sex but better now than later, right?

I turned my face upwards so that we were facing each other, in an awkward angle but it didn’t matter at the moment.

“Uhm… Look I…” I struggled with words.

“What is it?” he countered with a soft smile. I sighed as I propped myself up on one elbow, pulling the sheets a bit to cover my chest or I would freeze a bit.

“I’m just going straight out with it okay?” he nodded and I took a deep breath trying to prepare myself for Chris reaction as I spoke. “Brian kissed me a week ago and pretended to be drunk. Also today at the party he cornered me in the bathroom and did the same thing, I thought it was you but then I realized it wasn’t… I’m so sorry Chris. I, uh, I didn’t mean for it to happen okay?”

Chris smile faltered and his lips went into a straight line as his jaw clenched and his hands balling up into fists, he took deep breaths.

“And you’ve waited this long to tell me?” he said, his tone sounding a bit hurt but mainly pissed. I had actually never seen Chris angry or hurt previously but now I had to experience them both at the same time. This was pure hell but I would feel a whole lot better knowing that was off my guilty conscience.

“I’m sorry okay? I didn’t think much of it until today and I’ve wanted to tell you but I just…” I trailed off, not sure where I was going but I didn’t fail to notice Chris slipping out of bed and pulling on the black t-shirt that lay on the floor along with his jeans. He ran his hand through his hair to remove the sex hair and I had scotched over to the headboard, watching him.

He rushed out of the room and I followed behind him, with the sheet tightly wrapped around my naked body as I ran out of the bedroom.

“Chris?” no response as he kept his pace. “Babe, where are you going?”
I didn’t get a response as he grabbed the car keys from the table in the hallway and opened the front door. He glanced at me as he wiped his bottom lip with his thumb, looking at me as if he had something to say. Then he decided not to I realized as he shook his and walked out the door, closing the door with a slam.

What had I done?

What had Brian done?

This was all a mess and now Chris was probably hurt and angry, I had no idea to what extent he could cause any damage to himself or somebody else. The look in his blue eyes when I told him was shattering; I could see it and almost feel what he felt, the betrayal, hurt and ire.

My stomach turned at the thought of him, his face and just the emotions I saw just by looking at his face. A tear slid down on my right cheek and brushed it away with the edge of the sheet. I decided to take a shower to clean myself up after the sex and hopefully calm down a bit. It was easier to think about thing and actually figure out what I would do when I showered; it also helped me relax a great deal.

When I had showered I had only gotten clad in my black, underwear and my fuzzy gray robe along with my UGG-slippers. I had cried in the shower, I rarely cried but now it was because I was terrified that I had hurt Chris and that I couldn’t fix it. I was scared of losing him, he’s my wall; the one I lean on when I feel broken or just when I have a bad day. He’s the one who’s made it possible for me to go through with even meeting the Avenged guys again and as well as my career, the hectic scheme.

I wouldn’t know what I would do if I lost him. He was all I knew and all I needed, I believed. I practically lived for him and our love, not my job or my friends. I lived for my future, knowing that I could have one with Chris and actually have the picture perfect life so many people dream of. I had that opportunity and I didn’t want it to slip out of my hands even though a small part in me didn’t want the perfect life. It wanted that rocky relationship where you really couldn’t predict what was about to happen, where it was all about the excitement of not knowing what the other person in the relationship was going to do. All the surprises they would give and the way I would surprise that person. I couldn’t see that with Chris but I wanted him in my life, I loved him with all of my heart.

I ghostly walked over to the bed, almost like I wasn’t there. My eyes were red, puffy and sore but my tears would not stop running. My hair was a mess since I had not even bothered with brushing the tangles out after the shower but I just didn’t want to care. I wouldn’t care until Chris was back at home and we could talk this over.

Salty tears just kept welling and I sniffled, feeling more clogged up and stuffy in my nose. I could barely breathe with my erratic tempo and I knew I needed to calm down. Maybe this wasn’t such a big deal in general but I couldn’t stand the thought that I hurt Chris a man that had been nothing but good to me.

I was so exhausted from crying and sniffling so I ended up falling asleep in the bed, my head resting on Chris’s pillow taking in his musky scent. Chris came home a couple of hours later and slipped under the covers pulling me into him. I was almost asleep as he did so and he rubbed my back slowly.

“I’m sorry” I murmured quietly as I snuggled into his side, feeling even sleepier as his scent calmed me down.

He sighed. “Don’ worry, it wasn’t your fault. I love you.” He kissed the top of my head and I said ‘ I love you’ back to him but it came out almost inaudible so I doubted he heard me, since I was fast asleep before I knew if he did.