Don't Let This Love Die
One of Two
I had no idea what we had become. I had no recognition of the initial incident but he showed me... countless times after.
His grasp on my bare waist held me to his tone chest like a magnet to another. My hands were laying over his, lightly rubbing each knuckle on his soft, yet calloused hands. The silver wedding band on his left ring finger glistened in the morning sunlight as his hand shifted to lace with my own.
"Morning, Beautiful." His thin lips grazed my ear as he mumbled the familiar words into it. I smiled a little, letting my head turn to look at him over my shoulder. Brian pressed his thin lips to my full ones and kissed me softly. I barely kissed him back, my lips hurt to pucker from the small cut that split it.
"I'm sorry." He whispered as he kissed the scabbed over line. I nodded, knowing if I disagreed I would more than likely have a black eye to match. Brian used to be the most loving and caring man I had known, that all changed when we said, "I do."
"Baby, please say something." His voice conveyed affection, yet Brian sounded like he was pleading with me.
"It's fine, Brian. I forgive you." My voice was faint, like a child in trouble. He smiled and kissed my lips again.
"I love you, Abigail."
"I love you too, Brian." I laid my head back down on the pillow we were sharing and closed my eyes. Sleep had come in short, spread out spurts last night for me and it seemed like it was going to be a long day. My eyelids felt heavy and I tried to fight it off, though my lack of sleep was getting the better of me.
"Sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." Where the last words I heard before I slipped into a dreamless sleep.
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Hours later I woke up in a cold, empty bed. I stretched my arms over my head and let a long, silent yawn escape my lips. Slowly my arms searched the bed for a warm body, despite knowing I wouldn't find one. It seemed as if he never was when I awoke. I curled up in the silk sheets, letting the softness surround me. My eyes drifted around the bed and room, landing on a small, white piece of folded paper that sat on my nightstand. M y name written in scribble. I reached over, letting the cool air hit my arm and brought the note to me. Silently, I unfolded the paper and read.
Abbi baby,
Matt and Jimmy called.
They need me in the studio.
I'll be home before 3.
I love you,
Brian
I folded the note back up and laid it down on the nightstand. Brian's excuse every time he had to leave, every single time, and knowing him he probably wouldn't be back until midnight and he would be wasted beyond belief. I let my body slide out of the king sized bed and to my closet. Grabbing a bra and panties, I headed to my master bathroom to shower.
I turned the water on and slipped into the shower - under the steaming stream of water. The hot water felt good on my back and shoulders; loosening the muscles that seemed so tense with stress and frustration. I let my mind wander as the water run over me for a good ten minutes. The memories of better times flooding my mind. My head shook back and forth a little, pushing the memories away before I started washing my body and hair.
Half-an-hour later I was standing in front of the mirror, looking my body over as I applied lotion to my skin, making it baby soft. I sighed as I saw the still forming bruise on my side. Brian had managed to hit me in the ribs before splitting my lip last night. It wasn't a nasty bruise, it was just a little black and blue.
"Babe?" I sighed softly as I pulled my black, satin robe on.
"In the bathroom." I called out towards the door, knowing he'd come in without asking what I was doing. I started brushing my hair out as he walked into the room so causally. He was holding something behind his back.
"I got you something." Brian pulled out a large bouquet of white and pink lilies from behind his back and I genuinely smiled. Lilies were my absolute favorite.
"Thank you, Brian. That was sweet of you." I laid my brush down and reached up on my tip toes. I pecked his lips softly, taking the flowers into my own hands.
Brian pecked my lips back just as soft before he grinned. "I love you."
"I love you too." I said honestly, looking him in those chocolaty brown eyes I fell so in love with. Brian smiled and cupped the base of my neck and cheek, the warm feeling sending good vibes through my body. I closed my eyes subconsciously and let my head lean into his hand. I should have been flinching from it, but the familiarity of the calluses on my cheek honestly felt good in this loving way. Brian chuckled softly, bringing me back into reality as his eyes bore into my green-hazel ones.
He whispered as he watched me, "You're precious, you know that?" He pulled me towards him gently and lowered his lips onto mine. His lips were careful and he tried not to put immense pressure on my split lip. I kissed him back instinctively, letting our lips mingle for a few minutes in a slow, almost believably passionate kiss. Brian was the first to pull back, his lips leaving me a little breathless. He smiled down at me and rubbed my cheek with his thumb lightly. I dropped unto the flats of my feet and smiled softly up at him.
"I have to go on tour starting in August." He said quietly. There was the kicker - he was leaving in two months. That's why he was being so sweet. I felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach.
"O-oh." Was all I could manage to say. I held back my tears and tucked some damp hair behind my ear. My eyes cast at the ground.
"It's only three months of touring and I'll be home before you know it." He said leaning against the bathroom sink. Brian acted like this was no big deal.
Already knowing the answer, I asked, "Are the girls going?" The girls always went, the guys hated leaving them at home. But Brian, no, he never wanted me there.
"Yes." He said as if it didn't matter.
"Oh." I looked down and turned back to the sink. I grabbed my brush and started brushing through the tangles in my long blonde hair again; my body facing the mirror.
"Why do you ask?" Just from the tone in his voice I could tell that Brian was more than curious.
I sighed softly, knowing my answer probably wasn't good enough. "I just wanted to know if I was going to have the girls around. That's all." But when the words left my mouth I felt like that was just me trying to satisify him. I was tired of being left at home. I turned my head to look at him, both hands on the counter. "Actually, since, yah know, you never want me on tour, I just wanted to know if I was going to have SOMEONE to talk to from three months." I had snapped a little, I could handle everything, but I couldn't handle being left alone at home.... again. I could tell from the shades of red that grew on Brian's neck and face that he was getting pissed.
He responded, "It's not that I don't want you there, it's just there's so many of us on the bus that I figured you wouldn't mind staying home."
"Can't someone else's girlfriend stay home? I'm your wife, Brian, or have you forgotten that? Shouldn't I get to see you perform at least once? Or get to see the country and world with you?!" My voice rose with almost every word that left my lips. This wasn't fair, I was one of the only constants in Brian's life and I still was not good enough for him. Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, letting me know that he was on the verge of hitting me. I didn't care.
"Abigail, just.... just drop it. I'm not taking you!" Brian yelled, making me flinched slightly. His hands had flown out to the sides, showing me that he was serious with his statement. His words were still ringing in my ears when he left the room and slammed the bedroom door closed on this way out. When I heard the door slam I let the brush fall into the sink and my hands rested on the edge of the counter. The tears I had been holding back for the past ten minutes finally cascaded down my pink cheeks. I closed my eyes as silent sobs raked through my small body. Did he honestly have no idea how badly he hurt me? Did he not know that I was miserable when he was away? Let alone with he was here?
We had been together for almost ten years, five of those years we were married for. Yet every tour he still left me at home, only to come back and abuse me some more. I didn't have the courage to leave, Brian was the only family I had left. Not once had Brian asked me to see a show since the wedding, and even if I asked for a ticket or a backstage pass to see him, he'd never get me one. Everyone thought I was this horrible wife and I honestly didn't think I had anyone anymore.
I did not realize just how loud my sobs were getting until I felt Brian place his hands on my waist and he turned me to face him. His eyes looked down at my face, almost like he was judging me.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He cooed, acting as if I was a six year old, and yet I felt more like he was mocking me.
"N-nothing." I sputtered out, trying to get out of his grip without hurting myself, but his grip only tightened. Brian sighed in aggravation and picked me up, carrying me bridal style to the bed and laying me down.
"Abigail, I know something's wrong. You never cry." 'Correction, you never me cry.' Brian wiped my tears away with his thumbs but there was no point, they were easily and quickly replaced with new ones.
"I-it's no-noth-ing, Brian." I cried, turning my back to him. I tired to hug my pillow to me, but Brian yanked it from my hands and made me face him again. His face held both anger yet the smallest trace of concern.
"Abigail, you're running from your problems, aren't you?" I shook my head, just wanting to be alone. "Then why are you crying?" His voice was harsher, like a parent scolding their child. Brian's hold on my arm was growing tighter.
I refused to answer him, I just punched him repeatedly in the pecs as hard as I could. He got the hint, I was pissed off at him. I was beyond upset. He let it happen though, knowing he'd just take it back out on me later that night.
After a few minutes my arms grew tired and Brian grabbed my hands, holding them in an iron grip that both hurt and told me to stop. I was exhausted and my eyes were red, sore, and swollen. My face was pressed into Brian's chest, my hands balling his shirt in my fists under his hands. Brian held me close by my hands, his lips touching my hair for the first time in God only know how long.
"Abbi, why are you so upset?" Brian let go of one of my hands and pulled my face up from his chest. He looked me in the eye. "I can't make it better if you won't tell me."
"Why are you being nice?" I countered, though I thought he hadn't heard me. Brian just looked at me, frustrated.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked annoyed.
"Brian do you not realize what you do to me?" I asked, finding my voice after a few moments. "You hit me when you're pissed off, or if I do something wrong around here. Or if you're just pissed off in general. You never let me do anything with anyone if it involves leaving. I don't have any friends because of you. I'm not allowed to see you for months at a time, not allowed to talk to you and you leave here with no intentions of coming back half the time." I yelled, sitting up and staring down at him. "This isn't a relationship anymore! You act like I'm supposed to be happy that this is how we've grown to be." My voice was cracking by the end of my rant and he looked at me with the most hurt and infuriated look I had ever seen. His face became blurry as more tears filled my eyes.
"You treat me like I'm the most unwanted person in your life. Fucking Michelle gets more respect and affection from you! I fucking hate this!" My tears made their way down my cheeks like rain drops down a window. My breathing was shaky and uneven. Brian just stared at me for the longest time, I swear it had to have been ten minutes before he just sat up and slid out of bed. I watched him, wanting a response out of him.
"Where are you going?" My voice was almost back to normal. Brian looked back at me and ran a hand through his messy black hair.
"I...I don't know." His brown eyes bore into my own green-hazel ones and I could see the tears he was holding back. Did he finally realize what he was doing was wrong? Brian moved back over to the bed, kissing the top of my head; hand on my cheek. "I'll be back later." Brian kissed my hair one more time and left his lips there for a good five seconds. His thumb stroked my cheek softly before he lifted his head and dropped his hand.
I looked up at him, my tears still falling down my cheeks slowly. He leaned back down and kissed me softly before leaving for God only knows how long. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to stay calm. I had a feeling that when he got back, that nothing would be the same.
His grasp on my bare waist held me to his tone chest like a magnet to another. My hands were laying over his, lightly rubbing each knuckle on his soft, yet calloused hands. The silver wedding band on his left ring finger glistened in the morning sunlight as his hand shifted to lace with my own.
"Morning, Beautiful." His thin lips grazed my ear as he mumbled the familiar words into it. I smiled a little, letting my head turn to look at him over my shoulder. Brian pressed his thin lips to my full ones and kissed me softly. I barely kissed him back, my lips hurt to pucker from the small cut that split it.
"I'm sorry." He whispered as he kissed the scabbed over line. I nodded, knowing if I disagreed I would more than likely have a black eye to match. Brian used to be the most loving and caring man I had known, that all changed when we said, "I do."
"Baby, please say something." His voice conveyed affection, yet Brian sounded like he was pleading with me.
"It's fine, Brian. I forgive you." My voice was faint, like a child in trouble. He smiled and kissed my lips again.
"I love you, Abigail."
"I love you too, Brian." I laid my head back down on the pillow we were sharing and closed my eyes. Sleep had come in short, spread out spurts last night for me and it seemed like it was going to be a long day. My eyelids felt heavy and I tried to fight it off, though my lack of sleep was getting the better of me.
"Sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." Where the last words I heard before I slipped into a dreamless sleep.
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Hours later I woke up in a cold, empty bed. I stretched my arms over my head and let a long, silent yawn escape my lips. Slowly my arms searched the bed for a warm body, despite knowing I wouldn't find one. It seemed as if he never was when I awoke. I curled up in the silk sheets, letting the softness surround me. My eyes drifted around the bed and room, landing on a small, white piece of folded paper that sat on my nightstand. M y name written in scribble. I reached over, letting the cool air hit my arm and brought the note to me. Silently, I unfolded the paper and read.
Abbi baby,
Matt and Jimmy called.
They need me in the studio.
I'll be home before 3.
I love you,
Brian
I folded the note back up and laid it down on the nightstand. Brian's excuse every time he had to leave, every single time, and knowing him he probably wouldn't be back until midnight and he would be wasted beyond belief. I let my body slide out of the king sized bed and to my closet. Grabbing a bra and panties, I headed to my master bathroom to shower.
I turned the water on and slipped into the shower - under the steaming stream of water. The hot water felt good on my back and shoulders; loosening the muscles that seemed so tense with stress and frustration. I let my mind wander as the water run over me for a good ten minutes. The memories of better times flooding my mind. My head shook back and forth a little, pushing the memories away before I started washing my body and hair.
Half-an-hour later I was standing in front of the mirror, looking my body over as I applied lotion to my skin, making it baby soft. I sighed as I saw the still forming bruise on my side. Brian had managed to hit me in the ribs before splitting my lip last night. It wasn't a nasty bruise, it was just a little black and blue.
"Babe?" I sighed softly as I pulled my black, satin robe on.
"In the bathroom." I called out towards the door, knowing he'd come in without asking what I was doing. I started brushing my hair out as he walked into the room so causally. He was holding something behind his back.
"I got you something." Brian pulled out a large bouquet of white and pink lilies from behind his back and I genuinely smiled. Lilies were my absolute favorite.
"Thank you, Brian. That was sweet of you." I laid my brush down and reached up on my tip toes. I pecked his lips softly, taking the flowers into my own hands.
Brian pecked my lips back just as soft before he grinned. "I love you."
"I love you too." I said honestly, looking him in those chocolaty brown eyes I fell so in love with. Brian smiled and cupped the base of my neck and cheek, the warm feeling sending good vibes through my body. I closed my eyes subconsciously and let my head lean into his hand. I should have been flinching from it, but the familiarity of the calluses on my cheek honestly felt good in this loving way. Brian chuckled softly, bringing me back into reality as his eyes bore into my green-hazel ones.
He whispered as he watched me, "You're precious, you know that?" He pulled me towards him gently and lowered his lips onto mine. His lips were careful and he tried not to put immense pressure on my split lip. I kissed him back instinctively, letting our lips mingle for a few minutes in a slow, almost believably passionate kiss. Brian was the first to pull back, his lips leaving me a little breathless. He smiled down at me and rubbed my cheek with his thumb lightly. I dropped unto the flats of my feet and smiled softly up at him.
"I have to go on tour starting in August." He said quietly. There was the kicker - he was leaving in two months. That's why he was being so sweet. I felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach.
"O-oh." Was all I could manage to say. I held back my tears and tucked some damp hair behind my ear. My eyes cast at the ground.
"It's only three months of touring and I'll be home before you know it." He said leaning against the bathroom sink. Brian acted like this was no big deal.
Already knowing the answer, I asked, "Are the girls going?" The girls always went, the guys hated leaving them at home. But Brian, no, he never wanted me there.
"Yes." He said as if it didn't matter.
"Oh." I looked down and turned back to the sink. I grabbed my brush and started brushing through the tangles in my long blonde hair again; my body facing the mirror.
"Why do you ask?" Just from the tone in his voice I could tell that Brian was more than curious.
I sighed softly, knowing my answer probably wasn't good enough. "I just wanted to know if I was going to have the girls around. That's all." But when the words left my mouth I felt like that was just me trying to satisify him. I was tired of being left at home. I turned my head to look at him, both hands on the counter. "Actually, since, yah know, you never want me on tour, I just wanted to know if I was going to have SOMEONE to talk to from three months." I had snapped a little, I could handle everything, but I couldn't handle being left alone at home.... again. I could tell from the shades of red that grew on Brian's neck and face that he was getting pissed.
He responded, "It's not that I don't want you there, it's just there's so many of us on the bus that I figured you wouldn't mind staying home."
"Can't someone else's girlfriend stay home? I'm your wife, Brian, or have you forgotten that? Shouldn't I get to see you perform at least once? Or get to see the country and world with you?!" My voice rose with almost every word that left my lips. This wasn't fair, I was one of the only constants in Brian's life and I still was not good enough for him. Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, letting me know that he was on the verge of hitting me. I didn't care.
"Abigail, just.... just drop it. I'm not taking you!" Brian yelled, making me flinched slightly. His hands had flown out to the sides, showing me that he was serious with his statement. His words were still ringing in my ears when he left the room and slammed the bedroom door closed on this way out. When I heard the door slam I let the brush fall into the sink and my hands rested on the edge of the counter. The tears I had been holding back for the past ten minutes finally cascaded down my pink cheeks. I closed my eyes as silent sobs raked through my small body. Did he honestly have no idea how badly he hurt me? Did he not know that I was miserable when he was away? Let alone with he was here?
We had been together for almost ten years, five of those years we were married for. Yet every tour he still left me at home, only to come back and abuse me some more. I didn't have the courage to leave, Brian was the only family I had left. Not once had Brian asked me to see a show since the wedding, and even if I asked for a ticket or a backstage pass to see him, he'd never get me one. Everyone thought I was this horrible wife and I honestly didn't think I had anyone anymore.
I did not realize just how loud my sobs were getting until I felt Brian place his hands on my waist and he turned me to face him. His eyes looked down at my face, almost like he was judging me.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He cooed, acting as if I was a six year old, and yet I felt more like he was mocking me.
"N-nothing." I sputtered out, trying to get out of his grip without hurting myself, but his grip only tightened. Brian sighed in aggravation and picked me up, carrying me bridal style to the bed and laying me down.
"Abigail, I know something's wrong. You never cry." 'Correction, you never me cry.' Brian wiped my tears away with his thumbs but there was no point, they were easily and quickly replaced with new ones.
"I-it's no-noth-ing, Brian." I cried, turning my back to him. I tired to hug my pillow to me, but Brian yanked it from my hands and made me face him again. His face held both anger yet the smallest trace of concern.
"Abigail, you're running from your problems, aren't you?" I shook my head, just wanting to be alone. "Then why are you crying?" His voice was harsher, like a parent scolding their child. Brian's hold on my arm was growing tighter.
I refused to answer him, I just punched him repeatedly in the pecs as hard as I could. He got the hint, I was pissed off at him. I was beyond upset. He let it happen though, knowing he'd just take it back out on me later that night.
After a few minutes my arms grew tired and Brian grabbed my hands, holding them in an iron grip that both hurt and told me to stop. I was exhausted and my eyes were red, sore, and swollen. My face was pressed into Brian's chest, my hands balling his shirt in my fists under his hands. Brian held me close by my hands, his lips touching my hair for the first time in God only know how long.
"Abbi, why are you so upset?" Brian let go of one of my hands and pulled my face up from his chest. He looked me in the eye. "I can't make it better if you won't tell me."
"Why are you being nice?" I countered, though I thought he hadn't heard me. Brian just looked at me, frustrated.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked annoyed.
"Brian do you not realize what you do to me?" I asked, finding my voice after a few moments. "You hit me when you're pissed off, or if I do something wrong around here. Or if you're just pissed off in general. You never let me do anything with anyone if it involves leaving. I don't have any friends because of you. I'm not allowed to see you for months at a time, not allowed to talk to you and you leave here with no intentions of coming back half the time." I yelled, sitting up and staring down at him. "This isn't a relationship anymore! You act like I'm supposed to be happy that this is how we've grown to be." My voice was cracking by the end of my rant and he looked at me with the most hurt and infuriated look I had ever seen. His face became blurry as more tears filled my eyes.
"You treat me like I'm the most unwanted person in your life. Fucking Michelle gets more respect and affection from you! I fucking hate this!" My tears made their way down my cheeks like rain drops down a window. My breathing was shaky and uneven. Brian just stared at me for the longest time, I swear it had to have been ten minutes before he just sat up and slid out of bed. I watched him, wanting a response out of him.
"Where are you going?" My voice was almost back to normal. Brian looked back at me and ran a hand through his messy black hair.
"I...I don't know." His brown eyes bore into my own green-hazel ones and I could see the tears he was holding back. Did he finally realize what he was doing was wrong? Brian moved back over to the bed, kissing the top of my head; hand on my cheek. "I'll be back later." Brian kissed my hair one more time and left his lips there for a good five seconds. His thumb stroked my cheek softly before he lifted his head and dropped his hand.
I looked up at him, my tears still falling down my cheeks slowly. He leaned back down and kissed me softly before leaving for God only knows how long. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to stay calm. I had a feeling that when he got back, that nothing would be the same.
Notes
Part one of two. I hope you guys like this.I wrote this as a oneshot on MIbba, but when I started to rewrite it for this site I decided to do it as a two-shot. Trying my hand at it. I would to hear what you guys think about it. :)
Abigial after shower [url=http://www.polyvore.com/abigail/set?id=26275929]outfit[/url]
Brian's [url=http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=26278437]outfit[/url]
6/19/13