Animosity In The Ranks
Chapter 89
“Kales, Kales, Kales Mae,” Katie tsk-tsked as she shook her head.
“What is it Blue-dy locks?” you asked without even looking up from your sketch book in your lap.
“Blue-dy locks?” you heard Katie question as she sat down in a a camping chair beside you.
“Uh yeah, like Goldie Locks and the Three Bears? But while you do have blonde hair, it’s got a huge amount of blue. So hence, Blue-dy Locks,” you explained as you worked on shading a new tattoo design you had been working on for two days.
“Uh yeah, ohhhkay,” Katie drawled, giving you a raised eyebrow as you looked up at her and smiled.
“So what did you need?” you asked as you stuck the pencil you were using behind your right ear and took out the pen that was behind your left and went to inking the piece.
“Oh nothing really,” Katie replied with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Uh huh, sure. So why the condescending song of my name?” you asked with your own raised eyebrow.
“Oh that was because I passed someone coming out of your bus that A) didn’t belong on it normally and B) looked like he had been ridden hard and put away wet. What are you doing Kales!” Katie exasperated, throwing her hands up in the air.
“Anything with a penis that doesn’t belong in a band? And where did you learn the ridden hard and put away wet saying? And how the hell do you know what it even looks like?” you questioned with a shrill know it all edge to your voice.
“Oh shove off,” Katie gruffed.
“Oh shove off you say? Katie, Kaaatie. Don’t lie to me Katie. Hear, let’s solve this,” you replied evilly as you grab out your cell phone and hit the number two button on speed dial.
“Matt dearest I have a question for you,” you purred into your phone when you heard your brother pick up halfway through the first ring. Probably because you hadn’t called nor talked to him in a while. Well, more like since your break up with Jeph, but you pushed that from your mind as you heard your brother stutter on the other line.
“KALES!” Katie yelled in desperation, your name dragging out almost indefinitely as she lunged desperately for your phone.
You deftly threw up an elbow, blocking her frantic grappling arms and flailing hands with ease as you grinned at her as evilly as you could without exactly looking vicious.
“Uhh Kales?” you heard your brother asked confused from the other line.
You had almost forgotten about him as you enjoyed watching Katie’s hysterical plays at your phone. You figured he was even more confused as you were calling him from just two buses down.
“I was wondering about a certain terminology. How exactly would you describe the saying ‘ridden hard and put away wet’ ?” you asked innocently, causing your brother more than likely to raise his eyebrows on his side of the phone, as you smoothly clicked your phone into speaker mode and held it high out of Katie’s still desperate grasp.
“Uh. Well I guess I’d say that it means riding someone hard. Like an all night marathon of hot, nasty, bumping uglies action. Covering every end of the bus and maybe a little of the outdoors. And then after you have exhausted your partner you put them to the curb soaking wet with sex sweat and close the door behind them,” Matt explained, as if this was a common question you asked him all the time. Which on a regular basis, when you weren’t hating men you knew or were related to, was true.
“Bumping uglies?” Katie managed to shrill out once she had regained enough composure to at least speak.
“On my bus?” was all you managed to blurt out in shock after you regained enough composure to speak after laughing so hard as you watched Katie’s reaction change as Matt’s explanation continued to get worse and worse. This of course meant that the two of you both shrilled at your brother at the same time, forgetting that you had him on speaker phone.
“Katie?” Matt asked almost as shrilly as the two of you had questioned.
You snapped your head over at Katie, and watched as she did her best impression of a fish out of water. Then you snapped back towards your phone to glare at your brother, regardless of the fact that he couldn’t see you.
“Did that occur on my bus?” you scowled at Matt, calling the quiet bus your bus had become habit on this tour ever since you had split from Jeph.
“No,” Matt replied with a vocal shrug.
You let out of a sigh of relief.
“At least not this tour,” Matt’s voice came in sly over your Sidekick.
Your mouth dropped in utter shock and disgust, which apparently was enough to break Katie out of her daze because she broke out into a mad fit of giggles. You whipped your head around to glare at her, well as much as was possible in your current state of utter and complete shock. This caused Katie to break out into even more laughter, which by the sounds of it was almost in sync with your brothers coming out from your phone. You just sat there, doing your best impression of a statue until a shadow killed the natural light you had been using for your sketching, casting it’s blob form across you.
“Zacky’s record called. It wants it’s title back,” a voice scolded you from a lofty height.
You raised your head up to look at the ginormous blob, which turned out to be two very annoying people. At least at the moment.
“Yeah. Uh if you could leave some of my merch and roadie crew alive to do their job I’d love you forever,” the second, much shorter person retorted as they crossed their arms across their chest.
You couldn’t speak! Not a single word was even forming in your brain, you were still in shock over the disgustingly nasty information your brother had given you a minute ago. Jimmy and Bert’s comments on your recent record breaking rip storm through every roadie and crew member of the tour you could get your hands on didn’t even jump start your brain. But it must have hit a funny bone in both Katie and Matt because you swore the level of hysterical laughter went up a notch. And it wasn’t until you felt your phone being plucked from your hand that you were brought back to the here and now.
“Hey!” you protested loudly as you watched Katie sway off away from you with your phone attached to her ear, laughing into it as she doubled over in mirth giggling with your brother.
“The nerve!” you scoffed grouchily as you sulked into your camping chair, arms across your chest as if the world had slighted you in some huge way. Or run over your favorite Barbie. If you had ever owned such an atrocious item in the first place that is.
“Oh the nerve? The nerve you say? I’ll tell you about fucking nerve! Half my merch guys are walking bow legged!” Bert exclaimed loudly, grabbing your arm and hoisting you out of your chair as if you had personally done him wrong.
“What is it Blue-dy locks?” you asked without even looking up from your sketch book in your lap.
“Blue-dy locks?” you heard Katie question as she sat down in a a camping chair beside you.
“Uh yeah, like Goldie Locks and the Three Bears? But while you do have blonde hair, it’s got a huge amount of blue. So hence, Blue-dy Locks,” you explained as you worked on shading a new tattoo design you had been working on for two days.
“Uh yeah, ohhhkay,” Katie drawled, giving you a raised eyebrow as you looked up at her and smiled.
“So what did you need?” you asked as you stuck the pencil you were using behind your right ear and took out the pen that was behind your left and went to inking the piece.
“Oh nothing really,” Katie replied with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Uh huh, sure. So why the condescending song of my name?” you asked with your own raised eyebrow.
“Oh that was because I passed someone coming out of your bus that A) didn’t belong on it normally and B) looked like he had been ridden hard and put away wet. What are you doing Kales!” Katie exasperated, throwing her hands up in the air.
“Anything with a penis that doesn’t belong in a band? And where did you learn the ridden hard and put away wet saying? And how the hell do you know what it even looks like?” you questioned with a shrill know it all edge to your voice.
“Oh shove off,” Katie gruffed.
“Oh shove off you say? Katie, Kaaatie. Don’t lie to me Katie. Hear, let’s solve this,” you replied evilly as you grab out your cell phone and hit the number two button on speed dial.
“Matt dearest I have a question for you,” you purred into your phone when you heard your brother pick up halfway through the first ring. Probably because you hadn’t called nor talked to him in a while. Well, more like since your break up with Jeph, but you pushed that from your mind as you heard your brother stutter on the other line.
“KALES!” Katie yelled in desperation, your name dragging out almost indefinitely as she lunged desperately for your phone.
You deftly threw up an elbow, blocking her frantic grappling arms and flailing hands with ease as you grinned at her as evilly as you could without exactly looking vicious.
“Uhh Kales?” you heard your brother asked confused from the other line.
You had almost forgotten about him as you enjoyed watching Katie’s hysterical plays at your phone. You figured he was even more confused as you were calling him from just two buses down.
“I was wondering about a certain terminology. How exactly would you describe the saying ‘ridden hard and put away wet’ ?” you asked innocently, causing your brother more than likely to raise his eyebrows on his side of the phone, as you smoothly clicked your phone into speaker mode and held it high out of Katie’s still desperate grasp.
“Uh. Well I guess I’d say that it means riding someone hard. Like an all night marathon of hot, nasty, bumping uglies action. Covering every end of the bus and maybe a little of the outdoors. And then after you have exhausted your partner you put them to the curb soaking wet with sex sweat and close the door behind them,” Matt explained, as if this was a common question you asked him all the time. Which on a regular basis, when you weren’t hating men you knew or were related to, was true.
“Bumping uglies?” Katie managed to shrill out once she had regained enough composure to at least speak.
“On my bus?” was all you managed to blurt out in shock after you regained enough composure to speak after laughing so hard as you watched Katie’s reaction change as Matt’s explanation continued to get worse and worse. This of course meant that the two of you both shrilled at your brother at the same time, forgetting that you had him on speaker phone.
“Katie?” Matt asked almost as shrilly as the two of you had questioned.
You snapped your head over at Katie, and watched as she did her best impression of a fish out of water. Then you snapped back towards your phone to glare at your brother, regardless of the fact that he couldn’t see you.
“Did that occur on my bus?” you scowled at Matt, calling the quiet bus your bus had become habit on this tour ever since you had split from Jeph.
“No,” Matt replied with a vocal shrug.
You let out of a sigh of relief.
“At least not this tour,” Matt’s voice came in sly over your Sidekick.
Your mouth dropped in utter shock and disgust, which apparently was enough to break Katie out of her daze because she broke out into a mad fit of giggles. You whipped your head around to glare at her, well as much as was possible in your current state of utter and complete shock. This caused Katie to break out into even more laughter, which by the sounds of it was almost in sync with your brothers coming out from your phone. You just sat there, doing your best impression of a statue until a shadow killed the natural light you had been using for your sketching, casting it’s blob form across you.
“Zacky’s record called. It wants it’s title back,” a voice scolded you from a lofty height.
You raised your head up to look at the ginormous blob, which turned out to be two very annoying people. At least at the moment.
“Yeah. Uh if you could leave some of my merch and roadie crew alive to do their job I’d love you forever,” the second, much shorter person retorted as they crossed their arms across their chest.
You couldn’t speak! Not a single word was even forming in your brain, you were still in shock over the disgustingly nasty information your brother had given you a minute ago. Jimmy and Bert’s comments on your recent record breaking rip storm through every roadie and crew member of the tour you could get your hands on didn’t even jump start your brain. But it must have hit a funny bone in both Katie and Matt because you swore the level of hysterical laughter went up a notch. And it wasn’t until you felt your phone being plucked from your hand that you were brought back to the here and now.
“Hey!” you protested loudly as you watched Katie sway off away from you with your phone attached to her ear, laughing into it as she doubled over in mirth giggling with your brother.
“The nerve!” you scoffed grouchily as you sulked into your camping chair, arms across your chest as if the world had slighted you in some huge way. Or run over your favorite Barbie. If you had ever owned such an atrocious item in the first place that is.
“Oh the nerve? The nerve you say? I’ll tell you about fucking nerve! Half my merch guys are walking bow legged!” Bert exclaimed loudly, grabbing your arm and hoisting you out of your chair as if you had personally done him wrong.
Out of all the fanfics this is the one I've read through 3 times through all 108 chapters. This is one of the best Zacky fics I've read and I still hope it'll be continued one day ; v; a very good read for any Zacky fan.
5/3/18