Finally you broke out of your daze and spun on your heel, you needed a cigarette. And nice large shot of Jack. Maybe three. To wash out the taste in your mouth.

“What’s wrong Kales?” Jeph asked as you walked past in a huff.

He didn’t see.

But then again he wouldn’t. Despite everything, despite even dating you he was still Zacky’s friend. He had been his friend before he was dating you. He saw nothing. No one did.

“Kales where are you going?” Jeph shouted at your back as you mounted the first step onto his bus.

“Jack and nicotine,” you shouted back and leapt up the rest of the stairs.

Being in Joe Boxer shorts and a large t-shirt helped.

You heard Jeph start to follow but then heard Bert physically stop him from coming after you. You had to momentarily smile for a second. People always forgot that just because Bert was small that it didn’t mean he didn’t know how to use his body mass. If he wanted to not move, or someone not to move, he got what he wanted. He was a scrapper and one hell of an immovable force should he chose so. From time to time Bert really was your saving grace. Bert and Jimmy. Who’d of ever thought it, that down the road all these years that those two would be the ones always at your side?

“Well it’s always been Jimmy,” you said out loud to your mental question as you finished pouring your shot.

You picked up your shot glass that in all actuality was a rocks glass and consequently held a little over a double shots worth currently. You threw back your head and downed the shot of Jack Daniels. As the shot went down your throat your brain flashed quick memories through your mind’s eye.

They played as if without sound and while it was only a brief moment that they flashed it seemed to take much much longer. One was you and Zacky, little, building in a sand box with matching band aids on your knees and matching sneakers on your feet. The next was of you and Zacky laughing, sound muted, with a giant bowl of popcorn between you and gummy bears stuck to your noses as you tried to look cross eyed at them. The last one that you could discern was of the two of you lying side beside on the ground, heads bobbing to silent music as you did what looked like homework, even with the age difference between you. No Jimmy.

All of this passed silently within a few seconds and as the last image faded you felt your stomach churn.

“Oh god,” you bemoaned before turning and running towards the bathroom.

As you threw up all the contents of your stomach you felt hot tears on your face, from throwing up or from the memories you didn’t quite know.

“Where was Jimmy?” you asked softly as you laid your head gently on the closed toilet seat.

Jimmy hadn’t been in the flashes of memories, yet you knew he had always been there. But for some reason it was only Zacky. It made you try and remember what could have gone so wrong that you blocked out memories like that from your mind. You knew Zacky disgusted you, more than anything humanly possible, that seeing him made your stomach clench with hatred. But it had to be something some awful that your mind would subconsciously block out the fact Zacky had always been there. You knew he had been, that was part of the reason why what ever he had done had been just that bad.

You heard footsteps outside of the open bathroom door but didn’t bother to move. The guys had all seen you like this before, crouched next to the porcelain god, and you had seen them in the exact position as well. You felt better already from heaving but were too tired at the current moment to move. Tour was exhausting that was for sure. And the animosity surrounding it made it more so.

“God Kales, are you okay?” you heard Jimmy ask concerned from above you.

You cracked your eyes open barely enough to see his form through your lashes.

“Where were you growing up Jimmy?” you asked, not knowing why you asked the question but your mouth uttering it any way.

“I was always there Kales,” Jimmy said as he started to enter the bathroom’s small space.

“Zacky,” you uttered through clenched teeth, saying his name making your stomach dance violently.

“Ah I see. Kales I was always there growing up, but. But I’m guessing you’re remembering that it wasn’t always like this between you and I,” Jimmy said softly, a tone of something else hidden in his voice that you couldn’t quite discern.

You snapped your eyes completely open as you shot your best of all best friends a reproachful look as he knelt to brush hair off your face. Your look stopped his out stretched hand mid motion to push back your hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you said shortly.

“Tell you? Tell you what? You wanted me to remind you that it use to be you and Zacky against the world? That you two were always a pair? That it was you two the best of friends for so long and not us? What did you want from me Kales Mae?” Jimmy asked as he stood up, though no anger was present in his voice.

Just something akin to a mixture of sadness and confusion.

“What went wrong?” you asked as you stood yourself up as you felt your legs going to sleep on you from being crunched on the floor.

“I don’t really know Kales, that’s buried somewhere between the two of you,” Jimmy sighed as he moved to allow you room to move out of the bathroom.

“And that’s where it’ll stay if I have anything to do about it,” you growled, though the anger not aimed at Jimmy, never at Jimmy.

He was your saving grace, on so many occasions, none of your anger could ever be aimed towards him. Only one reserved the right for that much hatred. Only one.

“You can’t fight the past Kales,” Jimmy said to your back as you went to grab your things to shower and change before setting up for the days events.

“I can and I will. The past has no hold here other than the hatred that keeps me going,” you sighed, just loud enough for Jimmy to hear.

“You aren’t the only one included in this Kales. The past has more than one person it can beat down,” Jimmy supplied as you gathered the last of your shower things.

It helped that you kept some things on the Used bus, including a change of clothes for what ever reason they would be needed.

“The past can beat him to a bloody pulp for all I care. I’ll rejoice the day he’s nothing but a bloody mess on the ground,” you snapped as you went back into the bathroom.

You heard Jimmy sigh and then eventually leave the Used bus. You wondered briefly why Bert had allowed Jimmy on the bus but not Jeph. But you shook it off as you looked at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Tucking your green, black and white hair behind your ears you straightened your shoulders and lifted your head. Breathing deeply you brought yourself together and steeled your reserve. There was a long day ahead of you, it was an outdoor show, and there was no room for the past. Not today, not on the tour, not in your life, not ever.
-xXx-
“Ahh the tent is killing me! Save me!” Katie yelled out playfully as the tent once again collapsed partially and covered her standing in the middle.

Cherise had gone off with the other two merch team people to grab the rest of the merch stuff and had left you in charge of putting up the tent. And it had gone disasterous. Katie had walked past and seen you swearing at it and kicking one of the metal support poles and had stopped to help you out. And while it had gotten better with two people helping, especially with the mood Katie had brought to the whole venture, it still wasn’t going up. Hence Katie’s helpless position and she flailed in the middle of a collapsed black canvas tent. You burst out laughing but made no move to help her out, it was too funny at the moment. Her mood had done wonders for yours, regardless of the situation of the tent.

“What’s going on you half wit? Who’s that in there?” you heard your brother ask from behind you.

You almost laughed harder at his question, especially with the answer you were about to give.

“Katie’s in there being eaten alive by the horrible tent monster because we didn’t sacrifice twelve concert virgins to it before trying to raise it,” you laughed out as an answer.

“I’ll save you Katie,” Matt shouted knight like as he pounced on the tent.

You watched as Katie’s once flailing body stood rigid at his announcement. You burst out laughing again. It was too good, the two of them around one another.

Matt eventually got out a very rigid standing Katie and Syn had eventually joined and with their help you finally got the tent up. Cherise and the other two merch people arrived right as Syn was putting the last support lock in place as you, Matt and Katie held it steady. Cherise simply sighed and shook her head playfully at the sight of the guys helping you put it up. You shot her a grin and moved to help set up the rest of tables and racks before going for the actual merch. It had been ages since you had done an outside event and you were liking the idea of it, the grey clouds covering the sky didn’t look threatening and the weather channels had said there would be no rain in the area. And as long as you didn’t see Zacky you figured it would be a good day despite how it had started.

Notes

Ahhhh the horrible tent monster!

I have a lot of monsters if you haven't figured that out yet!