Brian's Point of View

I love this neighborhood. I can sit outside in backyard with a guitar and a notebook for hours and not have to worry about a picture finding its way online or in a magazine. Oh did I mention that I live on the beach. It's amazing to sit in my backyard and just stare out at the water. Staring out into the ocean is one of my favorite things to do, especially when I'm feeling lost in my own head. For some reason I can shut out all the noise that happens in my fucked up head here.

I've been living with Rosalie for a week and it's actually working out quite well. I feel like it was a good move on my part, we actually get along well together. I feel like I have a connection to reality now and I'm not just wallowing in my on head anymore. I've even slowed down on the drugs which is crazy to me. It's not that I made a concision decision to slow down or anything like that, its just that I've been spending a lot of time getting to know the woman who just moved into my house. Right? Or is there something I feel when I'm with her that is good? The fact that she has me even thinking these things is saying something. I'm so used to numbing myself with booze and drugs that I never stopped to think, 'What happens when you want to feel again? Can you just stop?'

I was pulled from my thoughts when Rose came and sat down next to me.

"Hey." I said with a smile.

"Hi, I'm not fucking up the vibes of your musical genius or anything am I?" She mused with a smile.

"No, not all. If anything your helping it." I said before I could stop myself.

"Oh and how am I doing that?" She said. Her smile was still present and I wanted to run wild with my new discovery of possible feelings but the rational portion of my mind got to my tongue before I could.

"You just help calm the noise that plagues my mind when I'm alone. It doesn't help me at all. It makes living hard but musical genius as you call it is close to impossible."

"I see. Well then it's good I moved in then, huh?" She said as she nudged my arm.

"Yeah it is." I said as a laid my guitar down next to me.

"Can I ask you question?" She asked.

"Sure."

"Why do you use? I mean, how did you end up like this?"

"Uh, I wasn't expecting that. You want honest answers?"

"Yeah, that's why I asked."

"Fair enough, I just want to numb myself. To not feel the pain."

She nodded in response and then said, "Your turn." I nodded before running through the list of questions for her I'd filled away in my head.

"Why did you care about me when you didn't even know me?"

"I didn't. I mean, I'm a fan of your band but besides from that I was willing and I am doing this for all the people that you have in your life that love you but can't reach you."

"But why?"

She sighed before answering. "Because I know how they feel."

"How?"

"I lost my brother to addiction. I tried to save him but you can't save someone who doesn't wanna be saved."

"Is that why you moved in here?"

"It's one of the reasons." She said as her cell phone went off.

"Beastie Boys, really."

"Fuck you." She said with a giggle as she pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Who is it?" I asked after seeing her expression go from happy to worrisome.

"Nobody." she said after pushing the 'Ignore' button.

If there's one thing I've learned about women it's when they try to play something off as nothing, it is usually huge.

Notes

Alright, I know it's been a while but I have a reason. I had an update written and it was a hell of a lot better than this but it was lost because I'm a dumbass and I pushed the wrong button and I'm an even bigger dumbass because I just typed 'the wrong number' instead of button. Anyway, I hope you like it.