Fate Exposed

“Morgan” Matt snapped.

“What?” I asked turning to him. He looked utterly confused yet mad.

“Why are you forgiving him?” He looked straight into my eyes as he said those words. I shrugged my shoulders to which he replied, “Morgan, this is serious”

I shrugged my shoulders and kept quiet.

“Morgan,” Matt said again.

“Stop addressing me by my first name, we both know who you’re talking to” I snapped, “and I forgive him because he is family, we haven’t gotten along in the past but I rather forgive him so that I can move on with my life.” I could see Andrew nodding his head behind me.

“He almost killed you,” Matt whispered.

I shrugged my shoulders, thinking that being dead might be better than living this messed up life. I proceeded to walk towards the stairs and of the roof. I went back to my dorm room which looked liked a war scene. The sheets were thrown off the beds, a lamp was smashed, one of my posters was ripped and the curtains were pulled off of one of the windows. Josie was no where in sight, which I was thankful for. As I began picking up everything I could not help but cry because everything that was broken reminded me of how broken my life is.

When I had finished cleaning it was late and Matt wasn’t around, which shocked me. I felt bad for how I had snapped at him, my mind works differently than other people’s and I just wanted to end it once and for all with Andrew. I should have explained that to him but I didn’t think to do that in that moment. I decided that it would be best for me if I went to bed, and so I did.

I woke up to the blinding sun shining in my face since there was no curtain on my window anymore. I got up and got changed, when I checked my phone I noticed that there was six new messages, one from Matt and five from Brian, the one from Matt read;

Morgan, I’m sorry about what happened last night but I think it would be best if we went our seperate ways for a little while. It seems as though this is what you want. I didn’t want to do this like this but your room was locked when I tried to go in and you wouldn’t open it after I knocked for about a half an hour. I’m not sure if were breaking up, but I’m heading back to California for now, I have to do some more recording anyways. When you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen and regardless I’m always here for you.

I felt sick to my stomach as I read this message over and over again. I could not believe what I had done. I was so stupid. My hand was shaking and I continued to scroll through my messages, the ones from Brian read;

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND MATT HE JUST CALLED ME SAYING HE IS COMING HOME

MORGAN ANSWER, ARE YOU OKAY

Morgan I really hope your okay, I think Matt made a huge mistake and he’s going to hear about it from me as soon as he steps foot in california, I’m here if you need to talk.

Moooorgan?

Morgan, I hope you’re okay. Please text me back.

I barely processed what I was reading but I texted brian back telling him that I was alright and that maybe Matt and I did need a break from each other.

I took event as a time to move on, for now. As it was monday, I had a European History class at twelve o’clock. I decided to devote myself to my studies and decide what I wanted to do with my life, considering my major was still undeclared. European History was the only class I had today so I decided to go to Rowes Wharf to write in my journal. It was Decemeber, but today it was oddly warm and sunny outside. I grabbed my jacket and began walking through the busy streets of Boston. Ever since I was little, I had always loved Rowes Wharf, it has a huge archway with an american flag hanging from the arch. I found something peaceful in sitting by the ocean as well, whether it was at a harbor, a wharf or the beach, it was very meditative, which is what I needed right now.

When I arrived, I found a bench to sit on, pulled out a pen and attacked my journal.


Today. Where do I begin. How about I write about how life doesn’t make any sense and each day I finding myself becoming more and more nihilistic. How about I write about how I don’t want to be here anymore. The world wouldn’t miss me anyways, considering Matt left me, my parents aren’t here anymore and I have no one anyways. I honestly have writers block right now. Theres a tunnel behind me, here’s a poem. (AP English taught me so much about transitions and properly writing but it’s actually just bullshit because this is way more fun to read and satisfying, or is it not?)

the underground

dull light, pours through
the tube
the end, just visible
shadows embrace the walls
dark melts to light
light fades to dark

a pair of tracks intersecting
crossing each other
two paths, merging
into one

a sudden blur, barreling through
the tube
the destination, just visible
stations are new years
seconds become hours
hours become days

the train tracks run on
remaining as one
one, until the end
becomes a new beginning


I’m not sure if that poem even made any sense but whatever, no one’s going to read it anyways. I think life is all about beginnings and endings, but we don’t necessarily know when something is going to begin or when something is going to end. It just all meshes together and we have to determine when something ends or when something begins and then we can move on, but if you are among those who cannot determine that then you are in the same boat as me, that is sailing in the sea of incertitude heading for the island of dubiety.

My phone lit up next to me, which interrupted my train of thought; Brian was calling me.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Morgan! Are you okay,” Brian asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I guess.” I sighed.

“Really?” He asked doubtfully.

“I mean, I guess or maybe the whole thing hasn’t really hit me yet,” I explained.

“Well what are you doing right now? Are you okay?” Brian asked.

“I’m sitting on a wharf, writing in my journal. I’m okay.” I stated.

“That’s good” Brian sighed.

“I guess, I’m at peace with the situation for now, I know that Matt and I are going to work everything out but for now, it is better like this. I have to focus on my studies. He has to focus on his music. I think it’s going to be okay” I rambled.

“That’s basically what he said. Well, I will let you be, if you need anything don’t hesitate to call and don’t forget that regardless of me being like 2000 miles away I will not hesitate to get on a plane and come and see you” Brian said.

I laughed at him and said, “Okay bri, I love you, you’re a great friend”

“I know, I love you too Morgan” He said before he hung up.

I sat there looking out over the harbor, thinking, as the day grew old and eventually I had to make my way back to my dorm room.

Notes

holy shit I am sorry I haven't updated in like 4 months.
school has been hell for me.
absolute hell.
Im currently on spring break so I might update a couple more times before i head back to hell.
but I will try my best to update when I can. i actually promise that I will update whenever I can.

but this summer, you can expect a new fanfiction ;) and an end to this fanfiction :) which i am excited for!